* Posts by JP Sistenich

47 posts • joined 8 May 2008

Corduroy cuffed, banged up for teaching while drunk

JP Sistenich

"Minor conviction"

That would bar her from teaching again?

Avatar kills Taiwanese man

JP Sistenich


Yes. It is a Taiwanese paper.

Neat two-motor soft-top first victim of GM Saab sale?

JP Sistenich

Are they serious at all?

During the whole automotive industry crash, all the American firms pledged to develop leccy cars and change the way they're operating. (I think GM had the great homepage slogan "This isn't a bailout for failure, but an investment for success!", all in green.) Now the banks are in hot water and the attention has shifted, first Crysler and now GM have mothballed their eCar projects.


When will these guys realise that innovation is required, and they need to move with the times! Their business model is flawed, no that's not right, I mean FUBAR, and they need to SORT THEIR SH!T OUT! They can complain about imports, unions, and a recession all they like, but if they build crap that noone wants to drive, guzzling a gazillion litres a mile, they're going to go bust no matter what.

*breathe in* *breathe out*

Think I'm done here...

Steel-woven wallet pledges to keep RFID credit cards safe

JP Sistenich


They're selling in the US, but advertising with a big, thick €200 note.

Surely they have a European outlet then?

Apple passes Nokia, scares Nintendo

JP Sistenich

@ AC 10:34 "minus the phone"

Er... Oh, what the hell, I'll bite: iTouch?

I don't have an iPhone, but I know playing games on my iPod drains the battery life like no tomorrow. There's a huge difference between drining the battery dead on a pure gaming & music device, and killing your PHONE to while the time away. Until that's sorted, the iPhone won't be a real challenger to portable gaming as the game-time is much more limited.

Wikipedia kills legendary journalist

JP Sistenich
Dead Vulture

Power to the Reg!

El Reg has made a difference in the world!

Well, on Wikipedia.


Cops collar Russian punting dog dressed as lamb

JP Sistenich

Lamb as Poodles

That's why he had to sell dog, all the lambs had gone to Japan!

Self-replicating machine replicates

JP Sistenich
Black Helicopters


Surely RotM tag?!?

US parkies in 'burrow-buster' marmot detonation campaign

JP Sistenich

Reminds me of the time...

when they tried to blow up that whale.


BMW opens up to haptic car doors

JP Sistenich


When the electronics board in the BMW fries, you can sit safely in your car, waiting for the repair man to turn up!

Police union leader calls for 'killer games' sales ban

JP Sistenich


What's more likely: That violent video games cause people to want to cause violence; or that violent people are drawn towards playing violent video games?

The Galleria Kaufhof have done the right thing to show the absurdity of this proposal: If depicting violence causes violence, then the films have to go. Half the TV shows must go off air: CSI, Law & Order, The Bill, Eastenders, Hollyoaks, House. All contain some form of violence.

This is once again the state attempting to rectify the wrongs of neglient parenting by over-reacting.


Ryanair may charge cattle to use the bog

JP Sistenich

Another reason not to fly Ryanair

It's false economy! Flying from Butt-F-Nowhere airport to BFN airport that you have to get to and from, paying for baggage, paying for food, and now paying for going to the toilet! Charging you twice for drinking!

The problem they might have as well is that, as Ryanair are so obviously penny-pinching, passengers can become (even more) tight. As in peeing into bottles. So instead of reducing the cleaning of the toilets, all Ryanair flights will just stink of piss. Niiice...

As for stopping counter check-ins, what is one to do when Ryanair cancels (yet another) flight and one is rebooked? (As has happened to me, twice in the same day, but let's not go there...)

Pirate Bay prosecutors get jiggy with charge sheet - again

JP Sistenich

Since when were Torrents illegal?

“provide the ability to others to upload and store torrent files to the service”

Er... Surely the actual torrents themselves are not illegal? There's no copyrighted materials there!

So it's now illegal to upload and store links? Uh-oh...

I'd be interested in seeing how they're going to paint this as illegal...

MP wants Welsh text on ID cards

JP Sistenich

Fine and well to have Welsh on the cards...

But why French??

Police pursue crime suspect by Wii avatar

JP Sistenich

Thank you for your help, Moep...

Your 100 Nintendo Stars will be credited to your account shortly.

Virtual compensation for virtual information.

The one with the Wii-mote in the pocket please.

Sony's 11in OLED finally lands in Europe

JP Sistenich
Black Helicopters

For once it doesn't pay

to live on the continent...

€4758,81 for us over here! With the current exchange rate, I could fly over to London, stay weekend at the Ritz, and still make it back with change!

Helicopter, because it would be cheaper to have it air-dropped.

Ubuntu's Shuttleworth praises Windows 7, welcomes fight

JP Sistenich


CLEAN fight? With Microsoft?



JP Sistenich

Are we really stooping so low...

...as to quoting HEAT magazine in El Reg now?!?

<-- for obvious reasons...

US lawmaker wants health warnings on video games

JP Sistenich


And why don't we get similar warnings on films? I'm sure a kid that watches lots of violent movies is also likely to have "diminished reactions" to real-life violence.

GFY, Baca.

Pirates, because they have diminished reactions to violence.

German card leak delivered by microfilm

JP Sistenich

No currency into GBP?

Though with the Great British Krona trading at near 1:1 with the Euro, I suppose most Reg readers could probably do the conversion themselves...

The one with pockets full of Zim Dollars, please...

UK e-tailers scurry to scrap dodgy Heavy Metal covers

JP Sistenich

Nirvana Album?

Are they going to change the cover to Nevermind as well then? Ban that?


North Korea photoshops stroke from Kim Jong Il

JP Sistenich
Black Helicopters

BBC have a different reason

The BBC have blown up the pic to spot pixel differences!


And it's strange that the two next to him have REALLY baggy trousers, and everyone else seems nicely straight and ironed!

Kim Jong Il:"Do you have any idea how f**king busy I am? "

I'm so Ronley...

Renault looks to wee-hued windows to cut car power draw

JP Sistenich

Traffic lights?

How are you meant to notice a red light with yellow-tinted windows?

STOP! As you won't be able to see it.

Taiwanese firm to sue over armed raid at IFA

JP Sistenich

Suspect timing

The timing of the complaints do seem to inflict as much humiliation and disruption as possible, rather than to actually enforce a patent.

Sue the socks of them!

Ivan O'Toole? That's nothing, snorts Hugh Jass

JP Sistenich

Best Name Competition?

I thought that was already won by Batman bin Suparman a while back.


Photo of Singaporean ID to prove.

The red cape with the black, pointy-eared cowl please...

Google cedes Belgium to Germany

JP Sistenich

It's not just Germany

I think you'll find that the entire Benelux region has been annexed by the New Danish People's Republic too!

As well as Austria. The map also appears to have suffered the same problem as the original Euro reference book and Wales has been lost to the sea. Not to mention Scicilly appears to have developed a land-bridge to the continent too...

The one with a spinning globe in the pocket please...

Vodafone says termination rate clampdown would hit the poor

JP Sistenich
Dead Vulture

@ Oliver Jones

"I made it very clear to friends and family that I do NOT call mobile numbers unless there is a dire emergency. Messages for me to call back on a mobile number (unless it is business-related) are ignored."

Well, aren't you a selfish ba*d. You expect people to call you on your mobile, while refusing to call anyone else on theirs. You remind me of people that refuse to answer ID withheld, and then withhold their own.

I can do it for my convenience, but sod you for mine too.

Houston, we have a virus

JP Sistenich
Paris Hilton

@How did it get there...

It was the Chinese spy! HE accidentally transfered the virus when stealing all the designs to the anti-grav unit Nasa has been developing...

Teens admit to Grand Theft Auto-inspired petrol bombfest

JP Sistenich

They should be dealt with GTA-style...

If they're going to claim they learnt to do it from GTA, they should expect to be dealt with the same way. Get more than a "3 star" rating, which I would assume would be the fire-bombing of their 3rd or 4th car, and the police would turn up and riddle them with bullets.

What did they expect? That's what happens in the game. Then they could reload from the last save-point...

Flame icon, for obvious reasons.

Hull falls off the internet

JP Sistenich

Engineers worked throughout Saturday night and Sunday 10 August to ensure service was stable.

Translation: We had to work the weekend! Sympathy please!

Well, if you didn't fsck it up in the first place, you wouldn't have had to!


Sovereign immunity blocks DMCA suit against Air Force

JP Sistenich
Black Helicopters

Could he sue...

the company that reverse-engineered his program? Surely they's profitting from infringing on his IP, even it is only at the behest of the Air Force?

Cancer doctor cites 'early' data on cell phone danger

JP Sistenich
Thumb Up

What about hand-cancer?

When most people are using their mobiles, they're HOLDING the phone. In fact, whether they're texting, calling or surfing, they have to HOLD their phones.

Where are the studies that over-usage of mobiles causes cancer in the hands?


Thumbs Up, because it's useful for texting.

El Reg net closes on Street View fleet

JP Sistenich


Could you turn up multiple times on the Google Streetview if you're jogging alongside the GoogleCam? Or is it going too quickly? Cycling along?

Someone's got to do it...

Rogers chucks (small) bone to Canuck Jesus Phoners

JP Sistenich
Dead Vulture

Screaming for VoIP?

For $30 a month and data only, isn't that just SCREAMING for people to unlock the phone and make it a VoIP phone?

Shooting themselves in the foot, non?

File system killer Reiser rejected 3-year sentence

JP Sistenich


How can you justify an appeal when you've LED THE POLICE TO THE BODY?!?

"No, Gov'nor, I didn't actually kill my wife. I could just feel where her restless spirit was in the woods."

The court process is to ensure that the innocent are not unjustly punished. When someone pleads guilty, there should be no WAY the punishment should be dropped on "technicalities". (Other than perhaps the guilty plea being beaten out of the defendant.) Pleading guilty after having been found guilty is just trying to wriggle out of taking full responsibility for your own actions.

3 calls foul on T-Mobile price promise

JP Sistenich
Thumb Down

Not right at all!

For 30 quid, with the 3 service the customer could get the 27 quid free minutes, PLUS another 3 quids worth of minutes on billed rates. That would then be 400+ more minutes than the T-Mobile deal.


Scareware runs amok on PlayStation site

JP Sistenich

@AC & Chizo

I, personally, am quite happy with my Wii.

Boffins invent 42GB DVD

JP Sistenich

Has anyone thought about applying this to BluRay?

Sorry, just thought I'd throw that in...

The question surely should be how do you make a DVD RW out of this? Would be a bit silly if you had all this potential for storage, and then could only use it for pre-fab...

Mini-Me sues online celebrity muckraker over 'stolen' sex tape

JP Sistenich

@ Steven R: Even worse...

Mini-Me in Paris...

Xbox 360 owners tougher than PS3 fans - survey

JP Sistenich
Paris Hilton

Re: Spelling problem...

Surely it's just "Real MEN don't cry"?

And surely those age ranges are about 20 years too high?!?

As clued in as Paris...

Enraged devil dog lover locks on to Reg photo team

JP Sistenich


Why are Cheese and Onion crisps ALWAYS the ones used in any media representation? There are SO many more flavours out there, not to mention Salt and Vinegar being the best flavour ever! Cheese and Onion is DISGUSTING, I wouldn't even feed it to my BABY, let alone my Staffy!

My disappointment in El Reg spreading the falsehood of the dominance of C&O flavoured crisps is disgraceful, and I shall be cancelling my subscription forthwith. Chris Williams should be taken out, peeled, sliced, grilled, and turned into whatever flavour anyone chooses, as long as it's not C&O!

Mine's the green one with all the crumbs...

Croydon devil dog execution: Exclusive photo

JP Sistenich
Thumb Up

Absolut (tm)


Now you just need to bottle it to last the WHOLE weekend!

US woman sues over exploding thong

JP Sistenich
Paris Hilton

Just one question...

How, erm, "large" was the lady in question?

As in, was the V-string being forced into more of a T-string when the accident occurred?

Paris, because...

AMD's new Firestream chip tops 1 teraflop

JP Sistenich
Paris Hilton


Cloud computing would surely require us to be able to have faster connections than 512k/s for 18 hours a day...

Paris, because we could all benefit if she shared her processing power...

Bloke finds illegal immigrants living in loft

JP Sistenich


They read the story about that Japanese woman and tried to one-up her by having a whole family...

'Loitering Munition' prowler-bomb in Welsh test

JP Sistenich


"I'd rather work in an arms plant than be, for example, a politician or a lawyer, or work for BT. At least my customers would know exactly where they stood with my products and services."

What, miles and miles away, with munitions hanging over their heads and one click away from oblivion?

Bournemouth floats UK's first 100Mbps sewer broadband network

JP Sistenich

Fibre in their diets?

At least this should help Bournemouth keep (data flow) regular then...

The one with the hard hat and gas mask please...


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