Posts by Colin Brett

PFY vs Bearded 80s Netscape Bore: BOFH

Re: I always thought

There's always Lotus Notes :-)

Beer because it's Friday.

Does Britain really need a space port?

Africa

" ... but in general it's safe to say that if the human race starts to build spaceports that are actually ports - termini through which serious amounts of people and payload move - in the near future, they are likely to be near the Equator, not in Britain."

Maybe that's why China is so interested in investing in Africa:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/05/11/mugabe_praises_chinese_tech_investment/

Maybe the UK space sector (the £1Bn part, not Sky) should be investigating development in Commonwealth countries? They don't have to be in Africa, either. Jamaica, Belize and Trinidad and Tobago aren't that far from French Guyana. Granted these countries aren't massive in terms of area, so huge runways for Skylons to use might be a problem.

Or am I missing something?

Colin

Go icon because we need "to boldly go" (or "go boldly") and get the human race off this rock.

UK man to spend year in the clink for Facebook account hack

Re: Deterrent?

"Back to mugging pensioners for fun then."

Only when they're asleep in their own beds.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-birmingham-18104862

Spawn of Satan beacuse that's what these <expletive deleted> are. Grrrrr.

Colin

Button batteries burn kids from inside

That explains a lot ...

"Eight percent of battery-related incidents lead to surgery to remove the shiny little power source, which kids apparently swallow because they resemble sweets and look appealingly shiny."

So that's what happened to my iPod Nano!

Colin

US gov boffins achieve speeds faster than light

Re: Ok, but...

"Apologies to Douglas Pratchett and Terry Adams"

Why apologise? You are merely "standing on the shoulders of Giants"!

Colin

'Attitudes to robot sex will change'

Re: Long time coming

Paul Macauley wrote about it more recently. Something about genetically engineered "dolls", robo-hookers in Fairyland or something. Then, of course, Gibson alluded to it in Neuromancer: Molly, a real human, had an electronic cut-out circuit that made her go through pre-programmed routines for a john.

Does art imitate life or the other way round?

You know something? I'm starting to get really weirded-out by this sort of stuff. Hence the icon. I think I need more of it.

Colin

Life on Mars found – in 1976

Soup

But I thought the Soup Dragon was on that little asteroid with bin lids covering the craters?

No Clangers icon, so I'll have to use the alien.

Colin

Google shows off Project Glass augmented reality specs

Call 999 (or 911)

Yes. And they won't be able to see you as they'll be concentrating on the display and not the road. The ambulance chasers will be going after Google rather than the driver.

BTW - wasn't this sort of thing in William Gibson's Virtual Light? (And probably many others before him.)

Colin

UK net super-snooping clashes with Euro privacy law - expert

It was this bit that got me ...

"Earlier this year the Commission reported that its concerns had been addressed after RIPA was amended to state that it is now generally only legal to intrude on private communications if you have a warrant or both the sender and recipient of information have given consent, even if it is done unintentionally."

Unintentional consent? Like when a user clicks OK on a pop-up window but doesn't read the small print first? Or, even if they do read the small print, they still have to click OK to visit the site.

Now that's worrying.

Colin

Star's guts turned INSIDE OUT in supernova mega-blast

Re: So any explanation offered...

"The evidence (fron observations of Betelgeuse) is that stars about to explode get pretty warty!"

So this is what a great collapsing Hrung disaster looks like.

Colin

Apple drops 'thermonuclear' patent bombshell

Publish and be damned

I suggest we let this story go viral and see how many others pick it up and run with it.

Links on FB, Twitter, Linked In ...

Spawn of Satan because it's Apple, right?

Colin

Quitting your job? Here's how not to do it

Re: One day...

I noticed another Hitchhiker reference:

"Notice Periods

Just because they are usually enforceable, doesn’t mean you have to work them. If your manager is smart he will know that a motivated employee for six weeks is vastly more useful than a strag who grudgingly puts in face time for three months and given that discontent is contagious he doesn’t want others following you."

strag = non-hitchiker , or in this case, soon-to-be-non-employee.

Colin

100 EARTH-LIKE PLANETS orbit stars WITHIN 30 LIGHT-YEARS!

With all respect to the late, great Douglas Adams.

"At that moment we all obtain a clear insight into the meaning of the universe."

At which point it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable.

Colin

Belching cattle apocalypse menace sniffed in cowpats

Examining it?

"Gill has been working together with the aptly-named Dr Ian Bull on a method of determining cattle methane emissions by examining their poo. "

Quickly! Call Gillian McKeith!

Yanks officially recognise the word 'boffin'

Why is boffin an insult?

"So while the title Boffin (or a Geek) would apply to me and my friends, I would never think to use it, because there is an element of at best derision and at times, its used for outright unkind malevolent sarcasm. "

Geek isn't, as described here:

http://catb.org/~esr/jargon/html/G/geek.html

Which says (among other things):

"A person who has chosen concentration rather than conformity; one who pursues skill (especially technical skill) and imagination, not mainstream social acceptance."

and

"Correspondingly, there are now ‘geek pride’ festivals (the implied reference to ‘gay pride’ is not accidental)."

Danish embassy issues MARMITE WAFFLE

Where did that icon come from?

It's not on the list I see below.

NASA 'deep space' ship: Humans beyond orbit by 2020?

Eben?

Don't you mean Dentrassi?

Colin

"This is certainly a long way off."

Picture 3's caption is definitely a long way off. It looks like they're orbiting Tatooine!

Alien Icon because we don't have a Hutt.

Colin

Engineering student cracks major riddle of the universe

"Good news everyone ..."

@Err

"Not dark matter. Electrons."

That's because everyone knows that dark matter is Nibbler-poop shaped like D12s.

Mine's the one with the Planet Express logo on the back

Colin

Northants cops blow up suspicious school play prop

Previously on 24 ...

" ... this incidents has resulted in the use of extensive resources, including police, fire and rescue, ambulance, regional Counter Terrorism Unit, emergency planning, and Highways."

Northants plod has its own CTU? Call Jack Bauer!

Colin

Grenade ... obviously

Las Vegas EMC Confidential

LA Confidential

Great quotes from a great book. Thanks.

Revealed: Secret security plan should Kate leave Wills at the altar

@code monkey

"Compared to this lot, even the Fritzls look sane"

If you go back through the family tree far enough, you might even find they're related!

ARM jingling with cash as its chips get everywhere

Jabber-slablets = smartphones ?

Is this a new entry in El Reg's jargon lexicon? Or did I miss something?

Colin

ICT classes in school should be binned – IT biz body

Nice report

Short and to the point and I quite agree with its conclusions. I note with interest the members of the Intellect Group (HP, Intel UK, Oracle UK, MS, Accenture, Logica, LinuxIT to name a few). These companies should at least know what IT is all about and want to recruit the best and brightest, rather than the "I can do spreadsheets me" ICT experts the UK school system churns out. They don't want to spend all the money retraining these people.

The question is: can Intellect Group get anyone with real influence to read it and change the curriculum?

Somewhat off topic, though. As the father of a 7 year old, you could easily take Intellect's report and global search-and-replace ICT with just about any subject area to accurately describe the education system in the UK.

Colin

Icon says it all: Where's the IT angle? Because it's definitely NOT in the UK school system.

Modern-day ninja in epic battle with riot police, robot

Playmobil or it never happened!

As above

The best sci-fi film never made: Also-rans take a bow

Future Rocky movies ...

"I remember seeing a reference to Rocky XXXII in one film- can't recall what it was. I wouldn't bet against seeing that released one day, even if Stallone is dead and decaying."

I think it was Airplane 2.

Colin

Google to close pre-YouTube Video service

As the late, lamented Sun said ...

"The network is the computer"

Cloud is just a fluffy marketing term for all the client/server, SaaS, IaaS and PaaS technologies we've seen over the years. It's something that managers and accountants can "get" without being terrified by the tech-speak.

It's Web2.0 hype with a fancy management GUI on top.

It's getting hot in here. I feel the flames getting closer, so mine's the flame retardant jacket.

Colin

So, what's the best sci-fi film never made?

RE: Stormbringer movie

This has been in the works for ages. Check out some of the forums at Moorcock's Miscellany

http://www.multiverse.org

Colin

Star Wars 7 8 and 9

But they must improve on 4, 5, and 6 and bury 1, 2 and 3 in an unmarked grave during the opening sequence.

Colin

Terminator will have to do as it looks a bit like c3po. Can we have an evil Lucas icon, please?

George Lucas 'very happy' with 3D Phantom Menace

Why oh why ...

... can't George Lucas use some of his vast wealth to make episodes 7, 8 and 9? Rehashing the same movies over and over again is a WOMBAT (waste of money brains and time).

Colin

Libya fighting shows just how idiotic the Defence Review was

RE: Archie the Albatross

"Just in case you were wondering, no, I don't think Lewis Page is always 100% right but he's usually 94% right and that's good enough.

I speak as one who, like Lewis, (same service but a generation earlier) has been there, done that and have the scars & medals to prove it.

Our service personnel deserve better but continue to deliver, despite the efforts of politicians, civil servants and Very Senior Officers (who should know better)."

Good for you! I agree wholeheartedly, even though I lacked the guts to wear a uniform.

I think some of some of Mr Page's more emotive articles come from just these sorts of experiences. He's been there, done it and is now watching some of his brothers (and sisters) in arms fighting and dying; their overpriced substandard kit; the outrageous business dealings of BAE; the senior MoD officers who are scheming to preserve their little empires. And he's thinking "there but for the grace of God go I".

I think the only problem he has is getting someone who signs the cheques for the procurement deals to listen! Keep it up, Lewis.

Colin

BOFH: In distributed denial

RE: "It's working fine for me"

Ah yes. The standard, sub-standard user support answer. "Works for me, guv." Usually followed by "So. What have you changed then?"

Colin

Bloke with hammer fixes London's Olympic clock

Disappointed!

I had expected a Playmobil reconstruction.

Avon and Somerset police launch online crime tracker

This is the Apple Plod

Thwoppa! Thwoppa! Thwoppa!

SWAT team abseils down from the chopper and proceeds to kick your door in.

"Alright sonny! You've deliberately and with malice aforethought used the letter i (lower case) in front of another word. We've got you bang to rights on the charge of taking the p*ss out of Chief Constable Jobs."

BOFH: This buck's for you

Or ...

"This sounds suspiciously like our new Company Handbook."

Could be the ex-German defence minister's PhD thesis or Gadaffi's son's LSE thesis.

Wales calls on ICANN to unleash .cymru

Too long?

What about the .museum TLD?

Anyway, why can't the Cayman Islands sell their .cym domains to Welsh organisations, in the same way that the Tuvalu Islands flog .tv to media companies? They'd make some cash then.

Colin

PlayStation hacker defiantly posts 'bible' following police raid

OtherOS wasn't critical for me

The thing that annoyed me the most was when Sony dropped the ability to play PS2 games on the POS3. Do any of the hacks out there allow this?

It's official: Nokia bets on Microsoft for smartphones

Great shame

I've been happy with Nokia phones for years. It now looks like the one in my pocket will be the last Nokia device I'll ever buy. Time to start checking on good deals for Android phones.

Jackson's Hobbit movies back on track

Galadriel is a (slim) possibility

Depending on how the writers weave the backstory, it would be possible for Galadriel to make an appearance.

In the Hobbit, after the interlude at Beorn's house, the team split up with Gandalf at the entrance to Mirkwood. Gandalf heads south on business of his own but I believe he is heading to join the White Council (including Lady G) to drive the Necromancer (Sauron in disguise) from Dol Guldur.

Colin

Official: PhD in 'Essential Oils' or 'Natural Toiletries' = 'a Scientist'

And Jasper Carrott can say it as well

"What is a homeopath? Sounds like a gay axe murderer."

UK proximity payments by phone this summer

How much?

@despairing citizen

"But hay the police will not bother with a ?15 theft, even if it does occur 1m times per year in the country."

@crowley

"When I can search the transactions to find out every time oligarch X or minister Y paid to take a shit at Paddington station, I may be more inclined to agree"

£15 to take a dump at Paddington? I know the economy is in the sh1tter but that's ridiculous!

End of the line for ID cards

Must have been a big passport

"On a side note, I once travelled to Amsterdam and back on my girlfriend's passport. They didn't even look at it..."

How did you do it? Rig up an A-frame and convert it into a hang-glider?

Inquiring minds need to know.

Harder to read = easier to recall

I remember the Banda printouts

TeeCee missed a point:

Third, getting high as a kite on the smell if the handouts were recently printed.

Like ink from a marker pen!

Smiley face because that's the sort of grin you get after a double lesson sniffing the handouts.

Disappearing filth leads to dropped charges in extreme smut case

Geordie speaking

I'm a Geordie, born and raised, and even I despair when I see stories like this. I thought Northumbria plods were quite good? At least they caught that Moat character (whose last words were "Divvent tayze us man!")

At least we're better than the Bristol plod who, according to the headlines: "Jo police turn to Facebook". Using Facebook for a criminal investigation? Surely the headline should have read "Jo police f*cking clueless".

Colin

Microsoft 'maintenance' blocks Hotmail

Let's rule the world!

" ... with the best will in the world, and as someone who *doesn't* actually believe that Microsoft employ cackling idiot-villains in an attempt to submerge the world in a quagmire of deliberately faulty software(*), ... "

Wasn't this tried by Jonathan Pryce in one of the Bond movies?

Doctor Who to marry Doctor Who's daughter

Given the level of inbreeding ...

... I can only surmise that Galifrey is a small village in the middle of Norfolk.

I'm going.

Facebook bigger than Jesus online in 2010

Combinations of face + book

"Four variations of the term 'facebook' were among the top 10 terms and accounted for 3.48 per cent of searches overall."

What were they? These spring to mind: facebook, bookface, "face book" (with a space)

Or, getting silly now: "face palm" "f*ck face" "ass book".

Sacked health care BOFH jailed for revenge hack

Is someone missing a decimal point here?

The article says:

"Damages were initially estimated at $17,000. However, a Florida court last week

ordered her to pay restitution of $17,243.01 as well as spending three years on

probation (supervised release) following her release."

That's a decimal point after the 17,243, so the total damages are seventeen thousand, two-hundred and forty three dollars and one US cent.

Oracle claims trademark on Hudson open source

New name?

Hudson was the name of the butler in Upstairs Downstairs. May I suggest the fork be named Crichton or even Kryten?

NASA to make MAJOR ALIENS REVELATION this week

I think it was

"I seem to be having tremendous problems with my lifestyle ..."