Posts by Colin Brett

Hitchhikers' Guide was WRONG, Earth is not in a galactic backwater

As a H2G2 Fan ...

I've seen so many quotes from the books in these comments that surely we can come up with a new story? There have been 6 books so far (I haven't read And Another Thing). Shouldn't we commentards be working on the 7th?

Colin

Re: "...beaming out of faraway clouds of water and alcohol."

"This story doesn't need a punch-line."

No. It needs a punch bowl for all that alcohol and unidentifiable bits of fruit.

Time to go ...

Doctor Who? 12th incarnation sought after Matt Smith quits

Re: Pertwee

I've had this conversation before, in a pub after several beers.

If you want a gritty, "gets sh1t done" Doctor, I elect Philip Glenister (aka Gene Hunt). Despite the mass hilarity which ensued, the idea coincides with an older, tougher Doctor with fewer "emo" issues.

Also: the Tardis could become an Audi Quattro.

<<< Mine's the flame-retardant one.

Colin

Snoopers' charter rests in shallow grave - likely to rise again

NAT, routers etc

Commenters above have mentioned that NAT, routers and other kit make identification by IP address difficult, if not impossible, and not "beyond reasonable doubt" in a court. These commenters are technically correct (the best kind of correct).

But what happens next?

Maybe the government will push for IPv6 rollout? Then everyone can have their own IP address, which would be required to make your mobile, smartphone, desktop, laptop or tablet connect to the internet. Then the police and intelligence services will know who sent the messages (unless the alleged sender can prove their device was stolen or otherwise compromised).

Is that a helicopter I hear?

Apple fanbois' accidental bonking ruled too obvious by watchdog

In the words of a very wise geranium ...

"Oh no. Not again."

Colin

BOFH: My HELPDESK HELL - lies, phones lines and statistics

Lies, damned lies and statistics

Says it all, really.

Oh BTW. Why didn't the episode end with Kzzzerrrt?

Colin

Starlight-sifting boffins can now spot ALIEN LIFE LIGHT YEARS AWAY

Re: Anything we can do

" "where the hell are they?"

A few thousand light years away, on average (give or take a few thousand orders of magnitude). "

Or camped out on the planet Rupert, watching us.

Colin

Thumb icon, for the Hitchhikers Guide.

Project 1640

Sounds a bit sinister in a non-descript way. Like Projects Paperclip, Grudge and Blue Book. I know the names don't describe the projects' purpose (because that would give the game away to anyone attempting to spy on said projects) but "Project 1640" sounds like they know more than they are telling.

Or am I just being paranoid? :-)

Colin

Where's my tinfoil hat? In that coat there, thanks!

BRITAIN MUST DECLARE WAR on Cervinaean menace

From Steven Wright

"I love defenceless animals, specially in a good gravy."

Colin

Fire to roast them over, obviously.

Carrie Fisher dusts off THAT bikini for Star Wars VII

I read the book ...

"All fleeing the law and killing people left and right."

In Lucas' original novel (if that's not too flattering a description) of Star Wars, the introduction is in the Journal of the Whills and appended by Senator Leia Organa. It says

"They were in the wrong place at the wrong time. Naturally, they became heroes."

MMeier, I understand with what you say. Take a 20 year old farm boy, give him a gun and he'll happily shoot (what he perceives as) the bad guys, then blow up their space station home (presumably killing thousands of other bad guys) without showing a shred of guilt.

Strange morals they have in a galaxy, far far away.

Colin

Ouch!

"Considering that there hasn't been a star wars movie in 30 years (snort), I'm looking forward to the revival."

Claws in, kitten. Or Rancor monster, Wampa or whatever.

I'd like to say you were wrong but, sadly, you're not.

Colin

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back ...

... with Carrie Fisher as a nun.

Also, isn't she in one of the Scream franchise as a "down and out actress working in the props department" taking the mickey out of how fame does your head in?

Colin

Icon because Carrie Fisher still has IT :-)

@Gavin

"Weirdly I'd forgotten how good looking Carrie Fisher was back in the day"

I hadn't forgotten. Ever. I remember the real and only Star Wars (Episode IV) back when I was 9 and still think ... Wow!

Colin

Strategic SIEGE ROBOTS defeated by 'heavily intoxicated' man, 62

Re: "Dangerous Ordnance"

A "phased plasma rifle in the 40-watt range", perhaps?

Colin

Larry Ellison buys airline

Beer country @TeeCee

"ISTR a quote that said something like in order to be considered a country you needed your own beer and your own airline."

I've seen this quote attributed to Frank Zappa, which runs something like:

"You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline - it helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer." --Frank Zappa

Colin

British games company says it owns the idea of space marines

I'll probably get flamed for this but ...

Will the Hitler's mob return and sue Lucasfilm for use of the term "stormtrooper" in Star Wars?

Oh, sorry. Disney have already bought Lucasfilm.

Boffins find 17,425,170-digit prime number

Re: Why are we paying for this research?

"that's funny, 39 certainly used to be prime. I wonder when it changed."

It changed just after they discovered the number 13, I believe.

Colin

You thought watching cat videos was harmless fun? Think AGAIN

Wasn't there a story like this last summer?

Oh ... here it is:

http://www.theregister.co.uk/2012/08/09/kittycam_discovers_killer_cats/

This garnered 286 comments, many of which I read first time round and many of which are similar to those on this thread.

Now I have to go. I have a cat to worship in an hour.

Colin

Three years since his Sun gobble, what hath Ellison wrought?

What if the governments had refused the takeover?

The article says:

"... is that Sun took a huge wonking write-off while the Oracle deal was pending, shedding nearly 6,000 workers and writing off the value of some acquisitions. This was done to gussy up Sun's books before the company was to be absorbed by Oracle, should the governments of the world approve the acquisition."

So what would have happened to Sun if the governments had refused the takeover? Would it have died (whether slowly or in a blaze of disgrace)? Or would it have emerged leaner and meaner, rebranded itself (as Moon Macrosystems) and thrown itself back into the fray?

I'm not a business analyst - just a sysadmin that built most of his career on Sun/Solaris - so I'm intrigued to know if a "new Sun" could have emerged from the ashes of the old.

Colin

PS: Where's the "inquiring minds want to know" icon?

The 30-year-old prank that became the first computer virus

Re: LOL - I remember when Brain made it to the BBc news...

It is possible for a human to get infected with a computer virus. This explains why I get royally sick of the sight of them on a Friday afternoon, just before pub o'clock!

Colin

NASA reveals secrets of Curiosity’s selfies

Re: Not good enough

"For pity's sake. Given Neil Armstrong managed to see JFK through a sniper scope from the moon well enough to shoot him dead, I think we should be able to easily see Curiosity from Earth using a simple pair of binocular. Yet we can't. Explain that!!"

That must have been one heck of a shot! Not only over the 240,000 miles from Moon to Earth but also six years back in time. Truly, Armstrong was a hero!

Colin

Hero Playmonaut lost at sea as SPEARS ditches in Channel

He's of Irish descent

"You mean you killed a playmobil man in this ill-advised so-called experiment and didn't even have the decency to give him a NAME?"

Playm O'naut

Simples!

Colin

NASA: THE TRUTH about the END OF THE WORLD on 21 Dec

"What looks black and void out there could be a giant dark matter planet or star."

The problem with space, your basic space colour, is, it's black. So how are you supposed to see it?

Holly

Re: Please get your facts right.

"5) The Mayans prophecy was the end of the 5th Sun, with a sun being a cycle of life on this planet. Many people see this change as being entering an age of enlightenment, the age of Aquarius, where people grow in their spirituality and get closer to the Source of life."

The end of the Fifth World and start of the Sixth. Of course, the team at FASA said it would happen on December 24th 2011, when the great dragon Ryumyo was seen over Mount Fuji.

Mine's the one with the Shadowrun RPG in the pocket.

Colin

Girlfriend 'tried to MURDER ME with her AMPLE BREASTS'

Re: One for our German speakers

From Google Translate:

"Schatz Ich wollte deinen Tod zu sein so angenehm wie möglich"

Colin

Star Wars VII: The Disney Movie signs Toy Story III script genius

Re: @ AC - Somewhat Off Topic

"According to the ghastly train-wreck which is Star Wars canon, ..."

Have you ever read any 40K novels?

Colin

Top IT bods bail out of new Universal Credit online dole system

Re: Keep It Simple?

"One day, they might adapt and build modular components that exchange data sensibly - then they can build, test and upgrade components in manageable chunks ... unless maybe those in charge get nice post-screwup jobs out of screwing up at enormous cost to us? Nah, that couldn't happen, surely..."

I wish you were right, James 100.I agree with you. But you speak far too much common sense, so the Government, the mandarins and the "consultants" who get the cheques signed will never hear a word you say.

Hence the Unhappy icon.

Colin

Re: Black Mesa ...

"Therefore the British combat spaceplane (codenamed X-Viper-Wing) and/or the governments fleet of laser equipped sharks are (pun intended) swimming in cash but undoubtedly years behind schedule ... Maybe."

Incorrect. The sharks are well funded and are simply awaiting immunity to fresh water. Then they will swim into your house and zap your donkey.

Well said

I up-voted sugarbear and Lee Dowling because they got there first and said all that's needed (I've been in the pub so no harm no foul on my behalf).

Colin

Beer icon because that's it!

Widow lost savings in Facebook stock, sues all concerned for $1.9m

Re: The stock market is a bad idea

"This is why I am never going to invest in the stock market. My money is better kept safe in my bank."

And your bank plays the stock market, gambles your money, and gives you interest on your savings if they roll box-cars.

Colin

Re: Lost her nest-egg?

"She is now looking to get 1.9 m (let's say 1.2 after legal fees and her lawyers cut) so over twice as much as she invested, ..."

I think this should read

"She is now looking to get 0.2 m (after legal fees and her lawyers cut of 1.7m) so over twice as much as she invested, ..."

Or am I being cynical?

Colin

A history of personal computing in 20 objects part 1

Or fingers?

Dry martini, shaken not stirred: Cracking the physics of Bond's martini

Re: Chemists you ain't

"Esters form from carboxylic acids (including but not limited to acetic, butyric, formic etc.) and alcohols (or glycols)."

Should that not read

"Esters form from carboxylic acids (including but not limited to ethanoic, butanoic, methanoic etc.) and alcohols (or glycols)."

Colin

PS: I once had a very detailed discussion - in a pub, of course - that water should get the drinker twice as drunk as ethanol. After all, the difference between ethane (which just burns) and ethanol is a single OH group. The difference between water and ethanol is the C2H5 ethyle group. Essentially, water has two OH groups, instead of just one, so why doesn't it get you twice as drunk?

Beer icon, of course, because it was beer that led to the discussion in the first place!

How do I get a job like this?

Dear Noel Jackson,

Are you looking for an apprentice? I have relevant credentials and I'm a Geordie to boot. Available for interview in any bar, so long as you get the first round in.

Colin

LARGEST BELCH EVER SEEN devastates gassy GIANT Saturn

Re: I think that

"possibly the bugblatter beast of trawl."

Traal.

Colin

Jimmy Savile ringtones still selling like hot cakes on iTunes

" ... "C*nt calling" at number three."

"I'd buy that for a dollar!" Then I'd set it as a group ring tone for calls from solicitors, social workers, estate agents ... [Insert your least favourite species here].

Colin

Better luck next time Blofeld! Five Bond plot myths busted

Re: distance

"But on the whole the best way of killing somebody with a laser still remains dropping it on their head."

I thought it was to mount it on a shark.

Colin

James Bond doesn't do CGI: Inside 007's amazing real-world action

Then there are the mammoth sets

As mentioned in the article, there's the 007 sound stage at Pinewood (or is it Elstree?). This has been used for many Bond movies, not just Spy Who Loved Me. I'm almost certain it was used as the Nazi submarine base in Raiders of the Lost Ark. Not to mention crashing a tube train through one (as described in Skyfall).

I always wondered how the builders, carpenters, electricians et.al felt when they saw all their hard work being blown to hell-and-gone at the end of the movie. Any comments from these craftsmen?

Colin

FISH IN SPAAACE: New 'nauts and piscine pals head for Xmas on ISS

Why the apostrophe?

"The latest crew of 'nauts are on their way to join their crewmates on the International Space Station"

Why use the term " 'nauts" ? I understand the apostrophe indicates missing letters in the regular expression (i.e. astro , cosmo or taiko) but surely El Reg should honour IT wildcards and use an asterisk "*"? Then the expression could be read as "star-nauts" which seems more fitting.

Colin

PS: What does "naut" mean? Is it "sailor", "crew", "hand"? I ask merely for information.

It's time to go ...

Re: LEO hanky/panky

"I know NASA officially denied it, but is it not possible that some intimate moments occured either on ISS or in Shuttle missions particuarly with the husband/wife nauts that flew some time ago."

Bond got there first with Dr Holly Goodchild in Moonraker. Or was it Goodhead? I can't remember completely but I do recall Q said

"I think he's attempting re-entry."

Colin

Now pay attention, 007: James Bond's Q re-booted

As John Cleese said

"Ah, the famous 007 wit. Or at least half of it."

Bring back R!

Colin

Miniature Baumgartner jumps from 128,000ft

Outstanding

Makes me wonder what Gerry Anderson and the SuperMarionation team could do.

Colin

British car parks start reading number plates

Re: Confuse the system

"I've often wondered whether it's possible with one of these places to drive in, park, cover number plates, drive out, remove cover from number plates, park somewhere else with plenty of people/CCTV to see your car, drive back to the first car park, cover number plates, enter, uncover number plates, drive out."

Covering number plates? That's like sooooo 1950s! Surely revolving number plates (valid in all countries) would be a better solution.

Mine's the one with the Walther PPK in the pocket!

Colin

Vote NOW for the vilest Bond villain

Baron Samedi FTW!

Most of the other chief villains are obsessed psychos with massive personal wealth and an ego to go with it. This is their major failing: they will lose when their ego goes out of control and they start making mistakes (like telling Bond their plan when they should have just put a bullet in him from the start).

That's why I voted for Baron Samedi, the loa Lord of the Graves. Bond might beat all the rest but can even 007 beat Death himself?

Colin

Skull icon because that would be his symbol!

PS: Others have called for the poll to be split into villains and henchmen. I propose two more polls: "Best Bond Movie Quotes" (hero or villain) and, of course, Best Bond Girl (preferably with 8x10 glossies :-) )

Boffins baffled: HUGE EYEBALL washes up on Florida beach

R'lyeh

I thought "dead Cthulhu lies dreaming" beneath the Pacific? Florida seems an awfully long way for the eye to drift. Unless it went through the Panama Canal.

Nuke icon because the Great C can survive the blast!

Colin

Register SPB hacks mull chopping off feet

Re: Yes please...

"The Spanish will be thankful to you. ;-)"

Que?

Colin

Re: Fond of Fahrenheit

Use Kelvin

Colin

Re: The Spirit of compromise ...

"... would be to adopt c.g.s. units, which are almost as archaic and illogical as Imperial, while at the same time being just as metric as SI.

What could possibly go wrong?"

As posted by AdamT ... we wouldn't just miss Mars, we'd hit Jupiter!

Colin

Re: penalty for non-compliance

"Metric martyrs should be made to sit Victorian applied maths exams, with poundals and bushels and British Thermal Units and all the other ridiculous ones that I can't remember."

In the US, however, wouldn't this be "cruel and unusual punishment" and against the Constitution?

Colin

Target Silicon Valley: Why A View to a Kill actually made sense

Re: Todays target...

"That's the problem with Bond villains - they try to scale up before they've actually created any reasonable mayhem in the first place. Fort Knox, Silicon Valley, global media, a satellite that reflects the Sun ..."

Goldfinger's plan for Fort Knox should have worked. His plan was to irradiate America's gold and render it worthless. Then his own treasure chest triples in value. Seems a plan to me but then, I'm not a banker!

Colin