* Posts by Codge

77 publicly visible posts • joined 3 May 2008


Hedge fund suitor denies Novell asset sale rumors


I'll miss it if it goes...

In the days of yore, it was not unusual for my old firm's many customers Netware servers to go a year between reboots.

And that was only because we had to rip them out of the cabs to blow the crud out for their annual preventive maintenance visit.

Abends, the Netware version of a Blue screen, were virtually unheard of, and always caused by a hardware fault / failure. Frequently the Adaptec SCSI controllers.

When we started switching to NT and Win2K servers, they usually needed power cycling once a month.

Some improvement!

Come back Netware, all is forgiven!

Doctors tell government to stop the health records roll-out

Big Brother


The practice manager at my surgery was most surprised that I asked to be excluded from the SCR.

I had to send a signed letter to opt out.

Good to see the BMA standing up for us patients.

Patchy Windows patching leaves users insecure


@ Big-nosed Pengie

"Security" lipstick.

Well played Sir!

Obviously Penguin...

Almost 2,500 firms breached in ongoing hack attack


@Daniel B



The Dirty one...

Transformers MacBooks, robots in disguise


Mine's better than his!

My three year old Dell has been flying ever since I installed Ubuntu!

Ten of the best... iPhone beaters



A heart attack and patches have made it easy for me to give up the evil weed! Just the occasional "pipe" now.

Good luck.

eBay scuffles with Skype founders



Well, who'd a thunk it?

eBay not properly reading the small print on a contract.

Ha fucking ha!

"Karma" is the word that springs to mind.

Apple races developer to censor smut



Most of the porn I have seen^H^H^H^H heard about involves images of penetration of some description, not just a glimpse of a funbag or two!

Censorship of the worst kind

Double + Fail.

Wikiland gets Euro data center



Do rivers run uphill to the sea in Holland?

How else can it be next to a river AND below sea level?


Windows 7’s XP Mode — Virtually worth the effort

Thumb Up

@ bazza

Thank you.

That sums it up completely.

London gym floors hoodies with Chav Fighting classes


@ greenmantle

The Thompson submachine gun (Tommy Gun) is an American submachine gun, invented by John T. Thompson in 1919.

The SMG you are referring to is probably the Sten gun.



Windows 7: MS plays a Jedi mind trick on netbook owners


@ John Gait

I call Godwin's law.

Nice try! LOL.

NetBSD, Mandriva get shiny new releases


http://wiki.mandriva.com/en/ overloaded...

Error 503 Service Unavailable

Service Unavailable

Guru Meditation:

XID: 247454540

It's all your fault.

Torture case against Boeing subsidiary resuscitated


@ Miami Mike

I think a career in the US diplomatic service beckons... Sheesh, where do they find them?


> Thanks to your war on Tourists, we in the UK have recently been flooded out with 1000's of kilos of very inexpensive but high quality Afghani hashish.

It's certainly high quality, but not "Inexpensive". £100 an ounce down here! Nice to have a change from Rocky though. Reminds me of when the Ruskies invaded. Thanks George / Barack. ;o)

NASA micro-satellite eyes space bacteria



He's obviously

a) Catholic

b) Foreign

c) Fucked up

Blame the Nazi Pope. Or any previous incumbents.

All religion is Bollocks. Except maybe Budhism. But that's more a way of life...

Swedish factory fined $3,000 for robot attack


Serves him right!

It should have interlocks at least. If not he should have locked off the isolator and kept the key on his person.

Bloody amateur. Almost a Darwin award winner.....

Should have pressed it!

ASBO woman cuffed over raucous rumpy-pumpy


@ Graham Marsden

Holy shit, I was expecting comfy chairs.

No no, not the comfy chair!


@ Where's the beef?

Looks like her "beef curtains" have been well and truly pulled back. Camel toe it aint!

Gotta love the bare walls and plastic "bedside cabinets". What a boudoir...

Treble bagger if you ask me! One each, and one by the door for when plod next come a calling.

What's this stuff on my coat?

Intel says new PCs will cost you nothing


Let me correct that for you Mr. Crooke.

"It's great to see my employer's sponsored surveys coming out now that show that one of the best ways to make a PC environment more secure is to buy new PCs."

Meantime, In the real world, surveys show that *nix computers are more secure. No matter how old they are.

The best way to keep a PC secure is to unplug the RJ45 round the back, remove the floppy/CD drive, and disable USB in BIOS. That'll stop the fsckers!

Should be a good opportunity to splash out on some nice cheap 3 yr old PC's for conversion to Umbongo. Bring it on!

Pork industry in 'swine flu' tag beef


Pork sword?

> There is no danger from eating pork.

Thank fsck for that. I've just had pork chops for tea.

And pork sword is back on the menu for 'er indoors...

The "stab" proof one.

US declares 'public health emergency' over swine flu


Re: Not as bad as "Man flu"

What's worse, is it has crossed species.....


Runs for cover as Ms Bee reaches for her 12 bore.

The one with pellet holes.

'Miracle' bra saves Detroit woman from robber's bullet

IT Angle

Saved by her bra? No, the window!

> The woman's daughter said her mother's minor injuries were mainly from the broken glass.

So the neighbour, at a distance of probably >20Metres was actually injured by the flying glass.

I wonder if the bullet had any kinetic energy left when it eventually hit her? If it hit her at all...

What was the TIT angle?

Website terms unenforceable due to unlimited right to amend


@ amanfromMars

I think you should go for a bit of a lie down.

Your comment made complete sense to me. What's more, I agreed with it.

Beam me up Scotty.

New England wrestles porn law schizophrenia



> Basically, rigid adherence to the Law causes difficulties (not least the fact that the majority of the UK adult population are probably guilty of committing an indecent assault at some point in their lives: its called "petting"). Over-codification of the law can create the same result.

The majority of the UK adult population (eg.+18), are kiddy fiddlers or people guilty of sexual assault?

Says who?

This has to be the biggest sack of cack I have yet to read... ever!

How much did this report cost? And to what end?


Pirate Bay guilty verdict: Now what?

Black Helicopters

Double plus ungood?

> This verdict is vindication of our belief to pursue the infringers through the court and not hold intermediates such as internet service providers responsible for the actions of third parties.

By that logic, The Pirate Bay are an intermediary shurely? Thereby not responsible for the actions of third parties.

?petard. own, his, by, Hoist

Winch me up Scotty. Things are about to get nasty!

BOFH: Grand Theft Auto


@AC 15:22

You had plenty of warning.

The title reads BOFH....

'Soon soldiers will have 3 tiny choppers in their pocket'

Black Helicopters

@Alex Wilson

> how the hell would you protect someone from one of these?

Speed < 20mph

12 bore and a skeet cartridge! Piece of piss at that speed...


Need you ask?

Jamaica cracks down on 'daggering' after broken todger upswing


@ Looking for a (s)word

> Or is there a kind of antiviagra one could take?

Try drawing a mental image of our beloved second home secretary, that should do the trick!

McAfee: Save the planet - use a spam filter



> McAfee's study recalls a January survey that suggests two Google searches take up a similar energy consumption as does boiling a kettle.

Hmmm... 2Kw/hr kettle, say 5 mins to boil = 166W

My laptop will run for nearly three hours on that amount of power! What are Google running on? Coal and steam?

Oh wait, the report is from a firm flogging anti-spam software. What a surprise!

Move along please. Nothing to see here. Move along now.

Tux. Just 'coz.

Phorm director advises UK.gov broadband minister


Amazon is a start...

Now all we need is the other big players to do the same, (BBC, fleaBay, MS, Wikipedia,) etc and they might finally get the message and Phuck off.

Burn, you bastards, BURN!

Brussels to sue UK over Phorm failures


Another EU law they should enforce... But don't!

Off topic I know, but there is another piece of EU legislation that the British government choose to ignore.

EU rules state that all items bought new in Europe should come with a two year warranty. Try getting any shop to comply with that!


of 25 May 1999

See: http://eur-lex.europa.eu/LexUriServ/LexUriServ.do?uri=CELEX:31999L0044:EN:NOT

Bastards, one and all...

Microsoft conjures imaginary 'Apple Tax'


I call MS sponsored FUD!

Well, who'd a thunk it? He doesn't mention the Microsoft tax at all...

Let me help you with the Gnu / Linux version.

Any of the PCs mentioned in the MS piece, but without OS pre-installed.

Apps / AV / Office suite / OS $0.00

I'll take one of those please.

Penguin. The cute one with the "Umbongo" CD under its stubby little wing.

Spies hacked US electrical grid, says WSJ

Black Helicopters

They must be mad!

> Because security on the systems is not regulated in the US, protection of key infrastructure is left in the hands of the industry.

From my past experience of SCADA at a certain globally owned fizzy pop factory, and knowledge of IT in general, any numpty who connects a SCADA network to teh intarwebs, or authorises it to happen in the first place, should be taken out and shot!

What did they think would happen? Hackers, crackers and foreign governments / commercial interests would ignore them because they were "On God's side".

Wall Street Journal. Specialist subject. "The bleedin' obvious!"

Torches out, Portaloos at the ready chaps.

The Russians / Chinese / Norks / Iranians / Taleban / Al Quaeda / etc. etc. are coming.

Acer debuts thin and light notebooks for the masses


@ What What? Wot?


> 1,752W each year – equivalent to a 15W bulb lit for 116 days.


1,752W / 15W/Hour = 16.8 HOURS

Cor... That will save me 20p a year!

Boffin's obviously need not apply to El Reg...


@ Me. FAIL

116.8 HOURS! Doh!

Typo, and too quick on the Post comment button....

Walks off in a huff, mumbling profanities.........

Brown pledges to make Britain's drivers greener


@ Tony Smith, Editor, Reg Hardware

What about the 100% arseholes who drive in the middle (overtaking) lane, on an empty motorway, causing me to move from the left to outside lane to pass them.


And don't get me started on mobile phone use, map reading, or make-up application whilst driving.


SQL Server 2008 SP1 washes ashore


Hahahahahaha cough

>Microsoft is introducing 80 per cent fewer changes to customer configurations compared to previous SQL Server Service Pack releases,” said the company.

Keep your fsckin' hands off MY configuration. I'm the one who does that!

>SP1 comes loaded with Slipstream to help sys admins install the product with the latest service pack in what MS described as a “single instance”, even though reboots are still required during the process.

Reboots! It's a fsckin' Database FFS!

I give up.

Secret European project to battle online jihad

Black Helicopters

What's the point?

Onion router, Bit-Torrent and a private tracker!

Now try stopping them.


What's that noise? Oh fsck! I'll come quietly...

Realtors charged with Glengarry Glen Ross-style rival hack

Black Helicopters

One rule for them, another for us?

> The three property-floggers were released on bail after being charged with misdemeanor hacking charges, local paper The Richmond County Daily Journal reports.

And yet the guy who "Hacked" Sarah Palin's Yahoo account is being hung out to dry for what amounts to the same thing!

Double standards methinks!

Plus ca change, plus c'est la meme chose......

Report: Legalising drugs would save UK plc huge packet


@ Tax away

> Current street price is £10 for a 1/8th of an ounce,

Not round here it isn't. More like £25..

Could I have your dealer's number? :D

Microsoft's Live Search to morph into Bing?


I think some one may have beaten them to it!

Silver Spring Mineral Water Company here in Folkestone, Kent, have been making a fizzy drink called Bing for donkeys years.

I think I may well drop them a line to let them know... Tee Hee!

Fight fight fight.

Tories fear legal dodge over comms überdatabase



@ dephormation


@ someone


@ My unelected Prime minister / Home secretary


That is all.

Lloyd-Webber calls for clampdown on ISPs


@ Destroy all monsters


This species has amused itself to death!

Brilliant album by good ole Roger. Probably his best, although they're all worth a listen...

I have it on vinyl and CD. Now you've reminded me, I think I'll nip off to isohunt and grab the MP3. I'll be fucked if I'm gonna buy it for a third time.

ALW. Ferret faced little twat, if ever I saw one. FOAD.

Texas senator wants to ban Vista purchases


@ Rich Turner. Sorry. I was out of order.

First things first.

I got in from work at 8PM, thanks to yet another Windows "problem". Cold dinner syndrome!

I then proceeded to get pissed, and a little stoned.

I then saw the words Windows and Vista. The cause of my late working. I then saw you defending Vista.

I saw red!

I was bang out of order by calling you a tosser. You may well be a thoroughly nice chap! Sorry for that. I was the tosser...

However, although your words about optimising your Vista setup are valid, they miss the point somewhat.

Most Linux installs are secure and fast, straight out of the box. No MSCONFIG, no deleting crud from your Start up folder, no REGEDIT crap. NO version of Ms Windows is, from my experience, either of those! And that experience started at IBM-DOS 3.3 and Windows 3.0. Trust me on this, I've been in "Computering" for quite a while...

To the various "AC" posters. Ubuntu Linux certainly is "Ready for the desktop". I have installed it on nearly 300 "Home" PCs in the last nine months, and I have only ever had support calls from TWO users, One is as thick as pig shit, the other is an M.O.D. Plod. Need I say more!!! Those users range in age from 7 (my niece), to 75 (my Mum). With all steps in between. And no, they are not all family members. Most of these ordinary (L)users were amazed at how fast their computers ran after I installed Linux, after the drudgery of booting, and running XP or Vista.

There should be NO NEED to re-install the OS every year, because it has slowed to a crawl.

Umbongo, currently at 8.04 on this lappy,was upgraded from 7.04 to 7.10. It's still Fast as Fuck!

@ Poster who quoted re-training costs.

And what about the re-training costs involved with MS Vista. Loads of stuff has moved, or had it's name changed!

My 3 year old Dell Laptop (dual boot, obviously), takes over six minutes to finish loading XP.

It boots Umbongo in about 1 and a half. I can power up, login, send a mail or two, and shut it down, in less time than XP takes to load. Gnome is so easy to use, you really don't need a brain. It's just obvious, after about 10 minutes of "training"!

So, after all is said and done, All versions of MS Windows are a steaming pile of dingo's kidneys, Linux, of virtually any flavour, is superior in "almost" every way!!!

@AC's. If you won't show your name,or at least a "Handle", when you pass comment on ANYTHING, you snivelling wankers, then just eat Tux shit, then FOAD!

G'night all! Tux WILL rule.......... One day! ;oD


@ Rich Turner

I smell the blood of an MS troll !!!

It's shit and you know it is.

Wake up and smell the Penguin shit, you tosser!

FFS. Why do they let them loose around here?

Moderatrix quits El Reg: Latest

Thumb Up

@ I just have to say

Absolute classic!


Brilliant. This is why I keep coming back here for more!



Blob strop?

OK. We should have seen it for what it was.

1} Women with rampant hormones should be barred from positions of power. Always! It's just NOT RIGHT!!!

2} See 1} above...

Grape oil and cinnamon massage?

Yes, I know, I'm going already...

BOFH: Defiling the profile


Friday already?

It's been a few weeks, but worth the wait!

Cheers Simon!

Michigan man jailed for humping car wash vacuum



Savage, who has apparently agreed to undergo drug counselling, rather brilliantly concluded: "It's been horrible. I've been keeping my nose clean and staying out of trouble."

Should have bought a Dyson, and fucked it in the privacy of his own home.

What was he on at the time, I wonder?

BMW driver follows satnav to edge of cliff


@ Rotacyclic

>I've used both, maps, satnav, an hand written instructions sellotaped to the dash board.

Both implies two not three options, fail.

> There is no doubt that satnav is easier and it is safer to use.

Safer than having a mental route plan, involving reading signs?

>Once the satnav has been programmed, it doesn't need to be touched again, unless planning >a new route, so the argument that satnav is dangerous because people keep fiddling with it, >shouldn't hold any water.

I never said it did.

>All you need do is occasionally look down at the next instruction icon to ensure you turn the >right way or come off at the right exit on the roundabout.

Right exit as "advised" by the twat-nav? Fail 2

>I challenge anyone to prove that using paper maps is safer.

I challenge you to prove that it isn't!