* Posts by Haku

1902 publicly visible posts • joined 13 Apr 2007

Ten... fantasy gadgets you wish you owned

Haku

Video rental

I'll never forget a time many years ago (before the days of DVD and vhs rental was king) when a friend phoned up the local video rental store wanting to hire Flash Gordon for their kids birthday party and the person at the store asked them wether they wanted to rent the first or second film.

Good job there's no Flash Gordon 2 or the birthday party would have been a real eye opener...

Elite coder readies £15 programming gadget for schools

Haku

Uncanny

I also grew up in the 80s, started on the ZX81, then Specturm, then BBC Micro (still got my Master Compact in a drawer and Elite for it), then Turbo Pascal, then AmosPro, then I got distracted by the internet in the mid 90s...

I got back into programming a couple of years ago with the PIC based PICAXE microcontrollers because I also have an electronics passion, they're a cinch to program in BASIC and quite powerful chips for all sorts of projects, cheap and easy to wire up and a lot of fun.

UK.gov would pay to have benefit claimants' tattoos erased

Haku
Coat

But...

what if the job offer they get is to become a tattoo artist?

Calling all readers: Want some new icons?

Haku

Get Off My Lawn!!!

is a needed icon for everyone who remembers when all this was just fields and the yoof of today are just a bunch of ungreatful little bastards who never had it so good

*mutter* *mumble* *grumble*

Haku

Pot & Kettle

for hilighting hypocracy, and:

Ninja - it could be an animated icon; stays blank for most of the time and then suddenly a ninja zooms by

Haku

No Shit Sherlock

or Captian Obvious icon please, for replying to articles or other people's posts who state the bleeding obvious.

Also a "Low Flying Chairs" icon for when Microsoft are pissed off at something, perhaps.

MythBusters: Savage and Hyneman detonate truthiness

Haku

@The Mighty Spang

You're wrong, you must be thinking of one of these 'science' shows:

"Brainiac: Science Abuse" - UK idiocy

"Smash Lab" - US idiocy

"It's Effin' Science" - US fuckwittery of the highest order

However there was another really good sciency type show that unfortunately didn't last long, "Prototype This".

Oh and if you like watching things in slow-mo, "Time Warp" has some quite fascinating video footage even if some of the stuff they do is fairly stupid and one of the presenters appears to be from another planet.

Teens who listen to music a lot are at high risk of depression

Haku

Lies, damned lies and statistics.

All I have to say is: Correlation does not imply causation.

Microsoft files monopoly complaint against Google

Haku
Coat

New signs to be posted on roads leading to Microsoft head office:

WARNING: LOW FLYING CHAIRS

George Lucas 'very happy' with 3D Phantom Menace

Haku

@Annihilator

From what I've been reading, George Lucas hates the theatrical cuts of the original trilogy and the Blu-Ray release will be the special editions with more alterations to fit episodes 1-3.

I want the original theatrical cuts in HD, not the piss-poor low resolution non-anamorphic letterboxed DVD releases (which were simply taken from the old laserdisc masters) he begrudginly gave loyal fans.

Haku
FAIL

May the farce be with you...

All that money/time spent on trying to polish a turd when they could have spent it on polishing their diamonds:

The original theatrical trilogy.

Why the bloody hell aren't they available in full HD?

UK cyclists hit by fraud after online purchase at website

Haku

'nailing the frauster'

Many years ago when I had a Barclaycard I started getting fraudulent transactions on it from America, immediately phoned Barclays when I discovered this to cancel the card but they practically refused, saying if they gave me a new card the any transactions put on the old card's number would automatically transfer to the new one, WTF?!

The fraudulent transactions continued to appear, Barclays told me to just notify them whenever it happened, I just wanted the card & account cancelled but they kept on telling me to report the fraudulent transactions presumably they wanted to catch the 'bad guys' but it didn't make me feel any better being the bait.

FIVE MONTHS it took to get them to finally cancel the card, I did receive all the money back but the time it took to cancel it was quite OTT, and this was the year when they had Stephen Fry in their adverts saying how Barclaycard was safe to use online... and the week it was finally cancelled the other two people in the house received Barclaycard pens and invitations to sign up to Barclaycard.

Needless to say, I've not signed up to another credit card from any bank since.

App Store not invited to web's date with destiny

Haku
Coat

IT BURP

I like web pages, I also like apps, but which is better?

There's only one way to find out...

FIGHT!!!!

(cue Steve Jobs and Tim Berners Lee dressed as Tron characters throwing frisbees at each other)

Haku

@AC 12th March 2011 01:59 GMT

"I've seen too many web devs say things like "I know this isn't what the users asked for, or what they need, but they'll love it when they see it"."

So very very true, it irks me when I see perfectly good and usable websites get an overhaul or more features added because they think the end user will thank them for it - whereas all that added shit just gets in the way of using the site.

It's like the web masters feel they have to keep evolving the site(s) they're paid to maintain or they won't get paid anymore, thus we get 'improvements' that most end users don't actually want. eBay is perhaps the biggest culprit, I've seen it evolve massively over the past decade of regularly using it and most of the 'advances' they've done to the site are bitched and moaned about relentlessly by users (me most certainly included) but sadly I can't remember any 'improvement' that's been reversed because the end users don't like it.

Mobile apps, like you say, have limitations on the amount of stuff they can cram on the screen and features they can impliment, this can be a good thing like the early days of computing when you had severe ram & CPU speed limitations so you have to get really creative - the web has become bloated by too many people becoming lazy, I hope the app creation mentality makes it's way more onto the web because so many sites could do with some simplification to make them more usable.

Dim Brits think TARDIS IS REAL

Haku

Of course time travel is real!

Hasn't anyone else seen that factual BBC documentary called "Frequently Asked Questions About Time Travel"?

Hollywood eyes Blade Runner replicants

Haku

Soldier

On that note, the film "Soldier" fits into the Blade Runner world, Kurt Russel's character was in the Tannhauser Gate battle.

Haku
Flame

Dear Hollywood execs,

Fuck off.

Yours sincerely, every sci-fi movie fan that has existed including those yet to be born.

Ten... fantasy swords you wish you owned

Haku
Happy

Star Wars Force FX Lightsabers

I own 3 of these; original Luke ep VI which is the only one of the range lit by EL paper, Luke ep IV and Darth ep IV.

I don't mind admitting I'm a complete geek when it comes to these things, and I can't swordfight to save my life but they're just too cool, when I show people them they are also similarly impressed with the look, weight, sounds and the glow of the blades.

iPad 2 launch could be delayed by two months, analyst says

Haku
Unhappy

El Reg hypnotised by The Great Big Apple Machine

For the 2nd time this month we see a speculative article about the same non-existant Apple product, this can only mean El Reg have been hypnotised by The Great Big Apple Machine and feel they have to pander to Apple and their Gollum* followers in order to get people to come to the site.

C'mon Reg, snap out of it, you're better than this.

* referring to their collective "my precioussssss" type response to anything new and shiny from Apple

Death by 30% cut: Apple app tax must change

Haku

Apple is like Marmite

Either you love it or you hate it.

Does anyone else find it amusing that whenever there's an article which can put Apple in a negative light, the number of downvotes for people bashing Apple and also the people defending Apple appears to be higher than average for comments on a news piece, wether the posts are straight out ranting or have pure unrefutable facts.

It seems there's always some very avid Apple fans that take offence to anything slightly negative about their beloved brand and will click the downvote button at the drop of a hat. So no wonder El Reg gave us angel & devil Jobs' icons!

Haku

"At least Apple are putting the choice back in the hands of the consumer"

So so many fart apps to choose from...

Inventor of the Workmate dies

Haku

Today's 'workmate'

We have a very old Workmate that cost quite a lot at the time, but it's proved to be one of the best DIY buys ever, still going strong today even with many accidental saw cuts in the wood. Got another one a couple of years back, can't remember if it was an official one or not, but the build quality of it was shite - the frame turned out to be quite weak and one of the pieces of wood snapped! Cost-cutting manufacturer had used chipboard instead of plywood... instant refund on that one!

Storm brews over Chinese synchronised goldfish

Haku
Coat

Robotic fish

Aside from magnets, the only other logical explanation is that they're mechanical, they showcased a robot goldfish on BBC2 many years ago on that documentary series Red Dwarf...

FOSS maven says $29 'Freedom Box' will kill Facebook

Haku

ZZZzzzzzz

Wake me when he's got a real product to promote instead of a bunch of ideas and pipedreams.

iPad TWO: What, already?

Haku

Re: yes, where is the news?

I would expect this kind of 'article' from an average blog site just fishing for page hits & ad revenue, but The Register is not an average blog site which is why I return almost daily, please don't sink to those levels.

Haku
Dead Vulture

yes, where is the news?

"What we still don't know is when the iPad 2 will appear on the shelves, how much it will cost or what functionality Apple is keeping back for the big bang launch."

Translated: "iPad 2 is coming and we haven't got a fucking clue what the details are, except the iPad 2 is coming and we're just posting any old shit about Apple products to get page views and banner clicks."

In other words, you're posting speculation for the sake of posting speculation.

NIce journalistic integrity there...

Anonymous pwns security firm that probed its membership

Haku

You don't turn up to a gun fight with a knife

...unless you're Ninja.

(I have selected the Ninja icon, but you can't see it)

In defence of Comic Sans

Haku
Boffin

Hold a hand over your left eye and read the letters, starting at the top line:

http://www.haku.co.uk/b3ta/ComicSansEyeChart.gif

Chinese 'repurpose' Top Gun footage

Haku
Coat

Chinese knock-offs

Next you'll be telling me they didn't actually go into space!

Yuppie cellphone-style iPhone case comes to Blighty

Haku

Bananaphone

http://www.cellfoam.com/ - iPhone sized phones are too big though

P.S. Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring bananaphone! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YQ4j-MBnLQo

Next smartphone tech? Predator style thermal cameras

Haku

IR cameras

I've always wanted a thermal imaging camera but when you'd be incredibly lucky to get one for as low as £1000 it's not likely I'll own one, but I have played with IR and CCD/CMOS cameras, don't bother with cheapie CMOS cameas, a b/w CCD unit is one of the best (and easily available cheaply) ways of getting night vision with a bunch of IR LEDs for illumination.

I do have a 1st gen image intensifier night vision monocular which is a nice toy but it's bulky, heavy and cumbersome to use for any real length of time which is why one day I'll turn a pair of LCD video glasses into night vision goggles with a decent camera + IR LED illumination.

This article's title was a bit misleading, I was hoping they'd already created a miniature thermal camera sensor, then maybe the overall prices of thermal cameras could come down to something a bit more realistic.

Overloaded drug-smuggling pigeon nabbed by Colombian cops

Haku

Dastardly and Mutley must've been drug addicts

Why else would they have gone to such extremes to stop the pigeon?

Shocked mum muzzles foul-mouthed toy mutt

Haku
Coat

Disability awareness

They could always re-package it as Terry The Tourettes Terrier.

Yorks cops bust Bradford guinea pig farm

Haku

There's a war being fought...

...and the people on drugs are winning it.

/Bill Hicks

Haku

Sunbathing

Having owned guineapigs as a kid, I can tell you they love the heat, in the winter quite often at least one of them would lie flat down in front of the gas heater just inches away from the flames.

Runaway hydroponic fungus attacks real-world Starship Voyager

Haku

Space, the final front room...

These are the voyages of enterprising stoners, their continuing mission to explore strange new strains, to seek out new lights and new cultivations, to boldy grow where so many have grown before.

*cue strange wailing music; Dead Can Dance, FSOL, Deep Forest, William Orbit or some such*

Becks offloads Posh Porsche on eBay

Haku

murdered out? old hat

The police cars in the original 1986 RoboCop film were painted flat black:

http://www.hollywood-diecast.com/robocop%20taurus.jpg

Microsoft invents touch-sensitive mouse

Haku
Stop

Call me old fashioned

but I generally like my buttons on keyboards and mice (and tv's!), along with scroll wheels, to be tactile and responsive - I dislike trying to type on touchscreens, I'm touch typing this on a physical keyboard but I don't believe I would be able to type nearly as fast and easy on a touchscreen keyboard as they're a bit of an oxymoron, you have to look where your fingers are to type and make sure you're not making any mistakes.

SWAT team besieges Illinois school in 'butt dialling' incident

Haku

hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut

hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut hut

(don't tell me I'm the only one who when reading the article pictured that scene near the end of The Blues Brothers?)

ESA releases splendid new space-'scope pic of Andromeda

Haku
Coat

Is that what I think it is?!

Lister: What do you think it is?

Cat: An orange whirly thing in space!

Lister: It's a time hole. That's where they are. We're going in.

Cat: Are you crazy We can't go in there!

Lister: Why not?

Cat: Orange, with this suit?

Doctor Who and the Stig become public speakers

Haku

Indeedy

Just like the proposed "Talking Stig Doll", you pull the string on the back and no sound comes out...

Doctor Who to marry Doctor Who's daughter

Haku
Coat

Offspring

If they have a child, will they call it Ouroboros (or Lister)?

Mine's the leather one with the Starbug keys in the pocket.

Haku

<title>

And the honeymoon ended 3 weeks ago.

Called 999 recently? They've got your number

Haku
FAIL

Sometimes I despair at the human race

Especially when reading stories like this:

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-kent-11908583

Calling 999 because someone stole your snowman? using teaspoons for arms and pound coins for the eyes?

Please El Reg Webmaster, can we have an Idiocracy icon, maybe the Brawndo logo (it's got electrolytes!)

Microwaved hard disc, run-over PC and other data disasters

Haku

Magnets

I'll always remember a teacher at school telling us about his son saying:

"Look dad, these discs are magnetic!" and proceeded to show dad how he can pick up 5.25" floppies with a magnet...

Worthless iPhone 'Wikileaks App' removed from Apple Store

Haku
Coat

They'll waste their money on anything, those iDevice owners

Speaking of which, I've almost finished my iDevice solar panel app, simply run the app (which shows a picture of a solar panel), put the device in the sun and now you can smugly tell everyone around you that you're charging your unit using free energy.

It's not actually for iDevice owners, it's laughing therapy tool for everyone else.

BAA accused of banning passengers from filming travel chaos

Haku

Big corporations trying to stop bad press?

Shirley you can't be serious.

Asus Eee PC 1015PEM

Haku

Agreed

I still use a couple of Eee 900's, one as a video playback machine on an external monitor (main screen is smashed) controlled through VNC and a 2nd which is my carry-everywhere machine.

10 inch notebooks are too big to be portable for my needs, I find the keyboards on the 700/900 machines ideal sized and the SSD wins over spinning discs hands down, with how I treat my Eee's (they're a lot more rugged than you think) a traditional HD would have died eons ago.

R.I.P. availability of cheap 9" SSD netbooks.

This year's comedy Xmas No. 1 contender: Silent song 4'33"

Haku
Coat

I've already bought lots of copies of it over the years

under its previous name, Blank Tape.

Councils 'spend shedloads on CCTV'

Haku

Too true

I guess they're too busy searching through the high-street CCTV footage for clips to show on those 'funny' camera shows of drunk people acting....drunk, and complete numpties ignoring traffic signs: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_Cw0QJU8ro