* Posts by Charles Osborne

58 publicly visible posts • joined 30 Apr 2008


Radioactive hybrid terror pigs have made themselves a home in Fukushima's exclusion zone

Charles Osborne

Been there, seen that.


This headline will, in part, cost pepper-spraying University of California, Davis $175k

Charles Osborne

Sub-optimal cops hurt everyone

Even here in Snuggly-soft Portland, Oregon, the few bad cops don't understand their jobs. They endanger the majority good cops because trogs can't tell the diff. (And it's not too safe if you have a big mouth, either.)


CISA blowup: 'Web giants sharing private info isn't about security – it's state surveillance'

Charles Osborne

The Constitution?

Perhaps someone would remind Mr. Burr about the "equal protection" clause before he starts withholding information about threats against those on his enemies list.

Silly Google's Photos app labelled black people as gorillas

Charles Osborne

Re: Question?

Software Quality Uh...ssurance And Test?

Your metadata and the cost of collecting it belong on your phone and internet bill

Charles Osborne

Up here in 'Murica...

the telcos were given blanket immunity from lawsuits. I believe they will be polite to their benefactors.

Reg Lectures serve up Net Terrors, Rare Earths, and Ancient Tech

Charles Osborne

This side of the pond might like to watch

(It's good to watch.)

And even pay.

(It's good to pay.)

BBC Trust candidate defends licence fee, says evaders are CRIMINALS

Charles Osborne

Re: The BBC Brain Trust should consider...

Add another potential viewer/subscriber in the state of Oregon.

Retiring Reg hack explains how bass playing = tech reporting

Charles Osborne


Yes, thanks for all the words. And the mental images they generated. And the laughs and the occasional rising bile. And the dirty looks from my boss reading El Reg at the office.

All the best!

Cold War spy aircraft CRASHED Los Angeles' air traffic control

Charles Osborne

Re: 'forgot that airspace is 3D'

It's twooo, it's TWOOO!

Those NSA 'reforms' in full: El Reg translates US Prez Obama's pledges

Charles Osborne

I have no representative government

When the DNI lies to my Senator in an open session of Congress and, when exposed, laughs and goes on his way unchastened much less unpunished, I no longer live under a representative government.

Boeing bent over for new probe as 787 batteries vent fluid, start to MELT

Charles Osborne

Yea! Boeing "fixed" the problem!

Well, the problem of the aircraft filling with some sort of aerosol from a malfunctioning battery.

What about the root cause of the electro-chemical anomaly? Feh -- if you want to play with roots go hire a gardener. I wonder if I will live long enough to see engineers rise up and smite their stupid overlords? Naaaah.

Spock-style gadget can SMELL my PEE! Weird gizmos of CES 2014

Charles Osborne

The Scanadu Scout looks as if it might double as a urinal cake...

RSA comes out swinging at claims it took NSA's $10m to backdoor crypto

Charles Osborne

And all the color printer manufacturers just decided one day to print identifying information on every single print issuing from their machines. Coincidence? Would have to be otherwise it would be a violation of some anti-trust law. (The yellow ink cartel?)

Remember, when folks accuse you of being a conspiracy buff, politely answer in the affirmative and ask them, "Are you a coincidence buff?" (HT to Daniel Sheehan)

One-minute Koch-blocking earns attacker two years, massive fine

Charles Osborne

Here come da' Judge;

Great example of judicial misconduct: If I say your girlfriend's haircut is ugly then I have to pay for her week-long spa visit and coiffure upgrade? Feh!

Oh, shoppin’ HELL: I’m in the supermarket of the DAMNED

Charles Osborne

I also refuse to use 'em

When prompted to leave a long line, where a fleshie will eventually cash me out, to go to the underused "self-serve" zone I usually loudly ask, " How much of a discount will I get for taking away the jobs of these [theatrical sweeping of arm] cashiers?"

If I'm feeling extra cranky, I'll add in my stage whisper to the other patrons, "Are any of you coming to my place of employment to take my job?"

IBM axes nearly THREE THOUSAND staffers in North America - union

Charles Osborne

Re: Remind me...

"... what does IBM do? I've forgotten...." They are merely a croupier at the great casino of Wall Street. Their job is to take the EPS number pulled from the mind of a Bolivian marching powder besotted weasel and contort the operation of what is left of the corporation to meet that figure. Customers? Employees? Naaah, it is a game of financial Twister for the entertainment of the uber-rich who no longer need the money but use their "wealth" as a way of keeping score. After all, how many Lambo's and MIGs can a guy own? FEH!

Brit boffins build projectile-vomiting robot to kill norovirus

Charles Osborne

First mention of Mister Creosote...

...comes from this side of the pond? Gawd I'm old.

Cisco sets ex-CIA spook to hunt down leaking staffer

Charles Osborne

Mr. Quinn has been brainwashed -- he needed to be "re-tasked" to perform his chores skillfully and unquestioningly by his former employer. Cisco was kind enough to higher a disabled veteran. I have no qualms with Mr. Quinn or his distorted version of the PTSD that hobbles so many soldiers who served their nation. I have a big problem with the senior leadership at Cisco who know not how to support nor to control their managers.

And Cisco does not "put food" on anyone's tables -- the employees earn every penny they get.

Microsoft promises Metro developers 'fame and fortune'

Charles Osborne

...and what Pollyannas come up with these names?

They're just begging for "Generation Crap" to become their de facto handle.

Bot imitates bat for better flight

Charles Osborne
Paris Hilton


Silicone membrane, despite the caption in the source material.

Paris? You need ask?

WTF is... Li-Fi?

Charles Osborne

What's the speed of light again, boys?

Can you say "multipath" from those modulated photons bouncing around the room? Gigahertz? I think not -- do the maths. Line of sight (such as inside a fiber waveguide) is super, but the splatter from your modulated desk lamp won't get you much bandwidth.

Boffins develop nanoscale vacuum tube running at .46 THz

Charles Osborne

Google "Mean Free Path" if you't know

... what the value is at STP; Chances are very good that the electrons will bump into something.

Smoke-belching flash drive self-destructs on command

Charles Osborne

Hayden and the others are correct

Rank amateur use of the Photoshop "smudge" tool.

Inventor flames Reg, HP in memristor brouhaha

Charles Osborne

Thanks Cameron...

... that is what I was trying to envisage. To bracket the device it is somewhere between a Turing machine and Russian "Memory Water." As Arthur C. Clarke said, "Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

(Let the peer-reviewed journals decide -- we're here for the tussle.)

Charles Osborne

If old snakes squeak...

...apply old snake oil!

With due deference to Stan Ovshinsky, who has been tilling this field before these young pups were born, can someone reveal the mechanical analogue of the memristor? Resistor, inductor, capacitor can be simulated with drag, mass, spring and the memristor is...what? This puffery reminds me of the ancient claims of a new mechanism: the Rolamite!

If anyone deserves credit in this field it would be Stan and Iris.

(BTW, I am a cranky old coot, and have always been one. When one accepts Thévenin's theorem one must wonder who this Norton guy was, and why he gained any street cred for stating the clearly obvious under the concept of duality. )

Martians lived underground, say Oz boffins

Charles Osborne

So, Nigel Kneal was right...

About the grasshoppers living underground and using tube stations. Must have felt quite homey to them.

(Mine's the one with the optic-encephalograph in the pocket.)

Baby-kissers battle over what to do with White Spaces

Charles Osborne
Thumb Down

Not the best blurb Reg, not the best

C'mon you can do much better and usually do. Reprinting talking points from political hacks and grifters is not informative, only regurgitive.

0.5mm2 ARM chip offers 5X energy efficiency, jacks up performance

Charles Osborne

I'm not amazed the get the heat out of it...

...I'm amazed they can get the signals connections in and out of it. Realllly tiny solder balls? 20 micron bond wires?

Printable transistors usher in 'internet of things'

Charles Osborne

...wha..HUH! Is it still the 1960s?

Printable transistors?! Quick, wake up Stan Ovshinsky and tell him that the are finally printing transistors. Just as he promised. In 1964.

9/11: The day we lost our privacy and power

Charles Osborne
Big Brother

Thinking is hard

People don't vacation by going to a museum where they have to use their brain. They go to Disneyworld where stuff is poured into the skull by smiling workers. Fox News predigests all you need to know. Faith is so much easier than logic.

The slippery slope was traversed long ago: The Advertorial blurred the ethical lines and Infotainment erased it.

The Dark Ages have returned and it is blindingly bright.

Why modern music sounds rubbish

Charles Osborne


Back the campus radio station the GM insisted that the Amplimax (or whatever it was called) was to always be active so we could "get out a good strong signal." Yeah, classical music compressed and leveled. No crispness, just a dull roar. Idjits that can't even count to eleven.

Student suspended for posting random satire on YouTube

Charles Osborne

I'm a cranky old white guy...

...but I got more than a few snorts and chortles from the young gent's videos. (The timing on the WmHCJrPhD insert was perfect -- Fire on, Jack!)

IAEA: Handling of Fukushima has been exemplary

Charles Osborne

Is someone proffering some investor bait here?

"on another note, the greentards throw all the guilt on nuclear power, while they actually should on their own governments for not promoting more safety and better waste management *almost all the radioactive waste could be rendered non-radioactive with a bit of research."

No wonder the USA abandoned the Yucca Mountain waste repository! All we need it just a bit more research....

Shhh! HP's cloud is called, er, Scalene

Charles Osborne

Heard in the (American) deep south:

"Scalene, you tramp, I'se heerd you been foolin' 'round with my cousin Buford!"

HP uncloaks wristwatch 'aggregation point'

Charles Osborne

Carly's dumbth seems to have rubbed off.

Let me grab my HP-01 from my pocket -- At least it showed some class.

Top CEOs agree: US is down the crapper

Charles Osborne

Still with the Supply-Side voodoo?

What, Neutron Jack, Jr. can't depress salaries quickly enough?

And when we Yanks say "education" we mean "training." Not well-rounded, well-read with in-depth knowledge, but well trained in using the latest tools. Classical language, literature -- you know, the stuff you folks on the other side of the pond think (thought?) important -- not so important here.

Sorry, but the education system over here is rotting because teachers can't live on the salaries. Industry is collapsing because the most-recent-quarterly-profit hucksters have gutted the production infrastructure. And young people see how the industry values its workers.

Are these generalizations? Yes. Not every business whores itself to Wall Street, but the lion's share is going to the pigs. And these leaders are correct: it is not sustainable. They should know as they are the ones pushing it into the sea.

PARIS concocts commemorative cocktail

Charles Osborne

One small sip for man...

...one giant gulp for mankind. Or a coma, but I repeat myself.

Well blended, El Reg!

BOFH: Robot wars

Charles Osborne

Now we know the real STUXNET targets.

But was it from our boys, the robot manufacturer... or a third team from the Postal service tired of "active" packages?

I hope I left my mains lockouts / chain armor in my coat.

Spandau Ballet get the Tourette's karaoke treatment

Charles Osborne
Thumb Up

I knew a NASA engineer...

...who had a mild case -- but just the facial tics and the occasional upper body twitch. The only profanity he uttered was the day he was reading a newspaper, tic'd and tore it in half, clean down the middle. And who amongst us wouldn't have! It's a tough condition to have even with a great sense of self...and humor.

Inmate-frying microwave pain blaster turret installed in US jail

Charles Osborne

You sure it's not "Yum!"

They're just saying "Yow" because they are enjoying the fresh microwave popcorn.

Bear and Monkey smack Apple with patent suit

Charles Osborne

Mr. Bear himself does not step on '730

"...6,335,730's essentially identical description of less-important objects being shrunken and more-important objects being emphasized ...."

Mr. Bear and his "contributions" have been emphasized far more than his allotted 15-minutes of fame as a non-contributer to advancing the state-of-the-art. His patents teach nothing unique nor reveal any bleedin' non-obvious ideas... and should tossed. Mr. Bear himself may follow.

(the bullhorn for the flea/drawbridge joke allusion)

Ridley Scott talks up 'nasty' Alien prequel

Charles Osborne

"...even Marty is doing 3D."


Raging Alien...Taxi Alien...Goodaliens....

(OK, I'll go sit in the corner now.)

Google eyes hypegasm fuel cells for 'whole data center'

Charles Osborne

Runs on Windows! er, with windows

If it can "use solar energy" must have windows where mirrors can direct sunlight into it. Unless they are thinking that a solar plant can use electricity to break down water into hydrogen and then....

Don't you Brits have as saying about hauling coal to Newcastle? Feh! Not many squeaky snakes around here.

Proto-mammals survived ancient global warming in Antarctica

Charles Osborne


Your mean a.NOM.NOM.NOM.odonts?

MS store staff in spontaneous electric boogie

Charles Osborne

Aren't you glad we split 255 years ago?

And you have the big pond keeping us safely at a distance!

(If I promise to spell "colour" properly, may I please repatriate? I'll try to like my beer warm, too.)

Intel touts NAND-killer breakthrough

Charles Osborne

A half a century and...

Since the sixties, Stan's phase change amorphous memories have always been "just around the corner from full production."

The guy is good and ya' have to hand it to him: He's been right for half a century. Always just around the corner.

Machine rebellion begins: Killer robot destroyed by US jet

Charles Osborne

It was time to wipedown the screen anyway

...sickened of reaping hapless fleshies like corn....

Well wordsmithed. Thank you.

El Reg space paper plane christened Vulture 1

Charles Osborne


Association for the Protection of Rural Scotland?

Apple says jailbroken iPhones endanger cell towers

Charles Osborne

I must be old...really old:

No one here has mentioned The Carterphone Decision yet.

Mine's the one with my old Western Electric 1001A DAA in the pocket

Startup crafts DVD-Rs for the 31st century

Charles Osborne

What? No environmentalist jokes...

...about carbon sequestration? Feh!

(Mine's the one with the pocket full of sooty bits.)