Posts by John Imrie

Hoon: Not building überdatabase would be terrorist licence to kill

The biggest civil liberty of all is not to be killed by a terrorist

Er, not really.

The biggest civil liberty of all is not to be killed by a cop,

McCain begs for YouTube DMCA takedown immunity

I *WANT* polititions to get an exceptio to the DMCA ...

Then I can start my own political party and post what the hell I want :-)

Ambulance Service not patient enough for Vista

You are all missing the point

Tthe question you should be asking is why Camwood's Press release adding another large instutituionto the growing ranks of Vister users so wrong. And how many 'provisional studies' have been spun into Vista success stories.

Get snapping for Freedom

An anti-protest

How about every one turns up at parliament square with a placard saying 'this is not a mass protest, I came here on my own'

McCain laptop theft sparks conspiracy theories

This sensitive data ...

was encrypted right. I mean it was on a laptop, something that could easily be carried, so as they are campaigning to be the leader of a technically astute nation, one at war on at least 2 different founts, they did know how to keep the data secure.

Yeah right, and I'm the Archduke Ferdinand

Mine the one with the new laptop, bought from that shady character in the pub, in the pocket.

Airline industry refuses to be ID card guinea pig

Industrial Relations

It's nice to see that the government is striving towards grater industrial harmony. They have managed to get management and the unions working together. Pity its against the government it's self

Happy Icon as no ID card makes me happy.

Cisco.com suffers lower case t breakdown

Missing 't'

o all he oher people who wro commens wih ou ''s i's no big and i's no clever

BitTorrent crackdown cops fail to pay music copyright fees

Look at this the other way.

I wonder if what reason the police come up with not to pay their sub will be useful against the PRS by others.

Becta green lights open source software in schools, at last

Sirius Corporation

Thanks now I can't get the 'share and enjoy' song from HHGTTG out of my head.

Feds search Palin hack suspect's flat

@Hud Dunlap

Of cause there's is a reason to execute a search warrant like its a raid on a terrorist camp.

1) Gets the cops overtime payments.

2) Keeps the plebs in fear.

What's the cost of global warming?

Nigel Lawson should know better Chaos hit him on Black Wensday

He points out that in reality, climate change is gradual, and therefore easy to adapt to, and argues that non-directed market driven adaptation as crises occur is the by far the most logical and economical approach.

This does not match with the scientific data. Ice cores from Greenland have shown that average temperature increases of 5C can occur in as little as 1 to 3 years. If this happened you could say good buy to the Greenland ice sheet and with it low lying cities such as New Orliens, Los Angeles, New York and London

Are today's developers more creative?

Real programmers ...

use echo <machine code goes here> > <executable name>

Noel Edmonds defies BBC's jackbooted enforcers

Couldent risist ... Sorry

There is no IT angle to this story. What is it doing here? I am removing The Register from my bookmarks. Please cancel my subscription. I am also dissatisfied with today's weather. Please make the weather the way I like it. Goodbye

Oz pub slammed over 'No Undie Sundie'

Sex descrimination.

I bet if I whipped of my undies It wouldn't be a $50 drinks voucher I'd be getting.

HP measuring up necks of global EDS staff?

Staff or management.

If it was the plonkers the ran EDS getting the chop I'd have no problems. Looks like its the grunts though.

Plus ca change

London stock market floored by computer glitch

Big win for Microsoft

From the Microsoft get the facts page for the LSE at http://www.microsoft.com/uk/getthefacts/lse.mspx

The London Stock Exchange needed a scalable, reliable, high-performance ...

Looks like they failed on all all three accounts then.

Where the IT icon, because thats what the traders where asking this morning.

I was a government guinea pig, and all I got was this lousy t-shirt

Viva Gattaca

Nuf said

UK.gov child data-sharing scheme delayed (again)

@By Mark

About 150 of us tried it during the first march after the Iraqi war started.

We where met at Westminster bridge by a phalanx of police dressed in riot gear and brandishing what appeared to be some sort of semi automatic sub machine gun.

The Serious Organised Crime and Police Act

Does this stop you joining an already existing protest. If not I'm for joining that bloke protesting the Iraqi war.

BCS to review NHS IT for Tories

A solution

Store all patient records local to the GPs surgery.

Allow access over an encrypted VPN from other GP's, Hospitals etc.

Give hand held devices / laptops to Paramedics etc that communicate to the system over the current 2 way radio system. Note make sure this data is encrypted.

When a patient is admitted to a hospital the hospital can query/update the distributed database on each of the GP's systems.

When a patient moves there records can be transfered to the new GPs system.

Gag order lifted for students who hacked subway card

@Mick Sheppard

Er, The Students Did try and report this to MBTA.

They where asked to come to a meeting at the MBTA HQ.

Now a company interested in patching the hole would have had a couple of their teckies at he the meeting. MBTA provided lawyers and the local plod.

UK.gov misses deadline on EU Phorm probe

The Europien Commission ...

Are a bunch of self serving time wasters who *still* can't get their accounts signed of due to fraud.

And they are the *GOOD* guys in this.

What does that say about our Government.

No Icon because El Reg seams to have missed out on the boot stamping on your face forever one.

Lies, damned lies and government statistics

How to force car drivers to drive carefully

1) Get rid of ALL speed cameras

2) Ban seat belts

3) Remove the Air Bag from the steering wheal

4) Attach a large metal cone to the steering wheal with the pointy bit aimed at the drivers chest.

See how carefully drivers now drive.

Divorce for shouty YouTube wife

@Hollerith

An island for cretins.

Humm I'm sure I saw a documentary about such a place recently.

It was called Castaway I think.

Court slaps UK BitTorrenters with landmark damages award

@alistair millington

Yes, but you have to buy *Vista*

Northrop scoops DARPA mindreader-helmet threat visor cash

Methinks ...

The people at DARPA have been playing Haze to much.

US bars ID refuseniks from planes - but not ID losers

You are all worng.

GWB is in fact a closet Green. Obviously he can't come out and say this out right, his election was paid for by the Oil companies after all. However he is managing to make air travel so odious that no one in their right mind will fly. This will have the knock on affect of reducing airplane emissions, saving us from global warming.

German government approves plod-spyware law

Tux ...

Caus, I bet all the Trojans are written for windows :-)

Ofcom slaps MTV with £255k fine

-ing MTV

The sort of -ing idiots that MTV want to watch their -ing shows would think that any -ing sentence that doesn't contain the word - must have been said by some -ing poncey intellectual who wants his -ing head kicked in.

John, aged -ing 6 (mentally)

Organised crime law crushes animal rights duo

Overthrow the Government.

Does the title make me a terrorist.

What if I write 'Overthrow the Government' again.

And whilst I agree that there are things Animal Rights campaigners do that are obnoxious and disgusting, calling them Terrorists is not the answer.

We all ready had harassment and anti stalking laws so why do we need a new one just to protect animal labs.

A quarter of UK adults to go on child protection database

Band from a Job for being 'weird'

OK this is not so good for us Geeks, however I do see a plus side.

Any one who wants to be a Politician is defiantly weird. Therefor this should instantly ban all MP's and potential MP's as children visit the House of Commons

Cybercrooks plant phishing scam on crime reduction website

2 points

1) I doubt that the attackers cared that it was a government site that they hacked. They where just looking for any site with an exploitable SQL vector.

2) Haven't the Numpties that write these sites heard of SQL prepared statements.

IT Icon because it's obvious that the the government web infrastructure is developed by people who haven't heard of IT

Microsoft seeds HP PCs with Live Search

"uninstall windows and install Linux"

I tried that. It said "I'm sorry Dave I can't do that".

Funny my names not Dave.

uninstall windows and install Linux

I just tried it for real now.

There is some very heavy filtering going on with that result set :-)

Heathrow T5 security tackles Transformers t-shirt threat

The Sun missed a publicity stunt here.

They should have turned up at T5 with a bevy of page 3 girls all waring the same teeshirt, when ordered to remove them ...

Oh hell you get the picture.

Moody's computer 'bug' caused over-optimistic credit ratings

Excel

I wonder if they where using MS Excel to do the modeling. I hear that it has a few problems with its financial functions. See http://www.robweir.com/blog/2008/05/fractured-yearfrac-and-discounted-disc.html

Teen battles City of London cops over anti-Scientology placard

Text of the Act.

"any writing, sign or other visible representation which is threatening, abusive or insulting, within the hearing or sight of a person likely to be caused harassment, alarm or distress thereby"

Well thats nicely vague.

I feel threatened by the visible representation of the Cult of Scientology in the form of its HQ. It causes me alarm even though I don't live in London. I wonder If I can get PC Knacker to close it down.

Thumbs down, for Scientology, not El reg.

Billg bigs up SharePoint and Touch Wall

Microsofts ultimate goal

It looks like we have finally discovered Microsoft's ultimate goal.

There will be no use for programmers in any company except M$. As you don't need programmers when Sharepoint 'eliminates the time delay and cost of getting things done.'

This will be to the PHB's delight as they will no longer be told by their IT staff that they are making stupid purchasing decisions as they won't have any IT staff.

Oh well remind me to short the first Fortune 1000 Company that installs this stuff.

Windows XP SP3 blame game begins

Contact Microsoft Customer Support

My one and only attempt at contacting Microsoft support had me first on hold for 2 hours and then got me to scan disk my hard drive. A task taking over 4 hours on that particular drive before they would even try to help diagnose my problem.

The fact that I am now a happy Linux user is driectly due to the lack of support the support line gave.

UK.gov solves pensioner crisis by wiring them up to the net

£41bn by 2041

How many Iraq Wars is that?

PS can we make an Iraq War the Reg unit of Government spending.

Stop icon because, well we all do eventually.

School crossing guards join CCTV panlollycon

This is the wrong approch

What you should be doing is sharpening the edge of the 'lolly pop' then any one who drives past can get to hear the scratch mark on their shiny 4x4 as the edge is brought into contact with the side of said vehicle.

Should the driver become enraged and attempt to remonstrate with the lolly pop person the the edge of the lolly pop can be brought into contact with the driver.

Slashdot website down

In other news

30/04/2008 is most productive day in IT this year.

Thank God El Reg is still up.

ASA raps Paddy Power over gambling dwarf ad

Did the ASA ...

just tell Paddy Power to pull the add because they think short men are ugly, and the only way a short person could passably be surrounded by beautiful women is because of the size of his wad.

Microsoft soothes Vista pain with Bossploitation flick

I was going to post ...

something witty and original, but I seam to have lost the will to live

Pirate Bay offers uncensored, ad-backed blog hole

Down with the Government

Am I still allowed to say down with the .... humm what's that thwak thwak noise in the background.

Terror on an Olympian scale

Spot the diffrence

'The public should be kept permanently aware of the level of threat faced by the UK of terrorist attacks.'

Patrick Mercer

'I want this country to realize that we stand on the edge of oblivion. I want everyone to remember *why* they need us! '

Chancellor Sutler in V for Vendetta

Courts slam Blair's 'abject surrender' to Saudi prince

@steve

As the other positions have been filled, I'll do the tea

FCC builds giant text spam engine for terror warnings

Invaision plans

1 get a job as a cleaner at the offices of this place

2 add a key logger to the network cables while everyone is out and I'm cleaning.

3 report a missing child

4 wait for alert to go out

5 remove key logger

6 use user name and password recorded to trigger alert.

7 move in to Washington DC and take over.

Grand Fenwick Forever.

'Patricia Hewitt' donates £6m to charity

O come on

This can't be genuine.

The English and understanding of the brief is far to god for an MP

Transcript disappears minister's 'hack-proof' ID register claim

BB

He who controls the past controls the future. He who controls the present controls the past.

Double plus good memory hole.