* Posts by John Imrie

145 publicly visible posts • joined 12 Apr 2007


Phorm woos browsers with personalised web

John Imrie

How to realy annoy BT

BT have an affiliate program at http://www2.bt.com/static/i/btretail/consumer/affiliates/ so if you find your self on any of their affiliates web sites, drop the affiliate a note explaining why you will be advising all you friends and colleges not to use that affiliate.

Nothing can change policy faster than a bunch of annoyed affiliates.

Irish politicos try to cut off call girls' mobiles

John Imrie

Quick fix for traficking

1) Licence brothels

2) Make it a criminal offence to run an unlicensed brothel, with an unlimited fine, but minimum 1 years gross takings from the enterprise and a minimum of 10 years, maximum life imprisonment for the owner(s) of the brothel.

3) Do NOT make it illegal to visit an unlicensed brothel.

4) Divide up 50% of the fine amongst all those who reported the brothel to the police.

5) Do NOT deport the prostitutes.

6) On no account let the Daily Wail know you are planning on doing this until the day *AFTER* the election.

Firefox users flip out over sneak MS add-on

John Imrie


Lets just extend your logic a bit shall we.

According yo you it would be OK for an update to Open Office to silently patch MS Word so that ODF was the default document type and disable the mechanism to change the default to any other file type.

That would be just as stupid.

Safe signals in Perl

John Imrie


Signals in Perl because

1) You never know when your children finish $SIG{CHLD}

2) The system on the other end of the pipe closes unexpectedly $SIG{PIPE}

3) Some one hits ^C $SIG{INT}

4) Your daemons config file has just been updated $SIG{HUP}

5) The OS asks your program to terminate $SIG{TERM}

In all these cases you may want to do something unusual or different or as

simple as updating a counter.

Vatican vetos 'dot god' domain

John Imrie
Paris Hilton


Is that our beloved icon, the one in Texas or the one in France :-)

Small biz still struggling for funding as RBS flounders

John Imrie

@Tom Paine

Why would the debts be called back? They are assets and can be sold of to pay back the banks loans and, if there is any money left, its share holders.

John Imrie


Wouldn't it have been cheaper to let RBS fail and protect the depositors to 100%. Then some one could have bought the useful bits as a going concern and left the crap behind.

Instead of which we seam to have bought a bank with so much crap it's about to post the biggest loss in UK Corporate history. And we are also left insuring the banks against further losses.

Go Icon because no one can stop this madness.

Microsoft trades goodwill for TomTom Linux satisfaction

John Imrie

@Roger Heathcote

Re; US Patent 5579517 "Common Name Space for Long and Short Filenames" November 26, 1996.

I think your novelty score is to low. No one in their right mind would have come up with M$'s brain dead way of 'fixing' FAT-16

PS http://money.cnn.com/news/newsfeeds/articles/djf500/200902260425DOWJONESDJONLINE000552_FORTUNE5.htm

TomTom Rejects Microsoft's Patent Infringement Claims :-)

Hacker pokes new hole in secure sockets layer

John Imrie

@Adam Foxton

"Just turn on encryption for everything. Make it easy for people to do this.

Is there some huge technological barrier that prevents this? Or a better way of validating that the page is still encrypted?"

Yes. You can't use Virtual Hosts with SSL, so every Encrypted site needs its own IP address.

MS puts up $250K bounty for Conficker author

John Imrie

So you are a bot farm manager

And you are worried about betrayal by your colleges. Well M$ has just announced the minimum take per college you need in order to keep them all loyal.

Thanks M$

Jacqui Smith ecstatically ignores more scientific advice

John Imrie
Thumb Up

@Sarah Bee

Would you please come and stand as an MP in my Constituency, as you seam to be able to do the following

1) Keep your head when the flames rise.

2) Talk sense where the Politicians talk bollocks

3) Keep us, El Reg's loyal readership, in line

I'll even stump up the deposit.

Sarah Bee for PM

Kaspersky: no personal information lifted during web hack

John Imrie

This is why outsourcing ...

your code also means outsourcing your security.

Asking the lowest bidder to code up a new part of your web site may look good on this quarter's balance sheet. However next quarter, when you have to explain why all your users credit cards are owned by a gang in Nigeria, it may not look so good.

Pirate flag as that's who owns your web site now.

Jacqui Smith cracks down on gangs via computers, closets

John Imrie

Belonging to a gang

I used to belong to a gang.

We had 'colours'

I would carry a knife to and from meetings.

We where taught how to use axes and other weapons.

We would 'invade' other gangs territories.

We where taught how to set fire to things.

It was called 'The Scouts'

I wonder what happened to them.

Govt uses Obscenity Law to stuff up cartoon sex loophole

John Imrie

Re: Olimpics Logo

It only counts as depraved if you can get your rocks of to it.


|- "n

I'll leave it to your own filthy minds to work out what the image is

UK.gov 'to create anti-net piracy agency'

John Imrie


So what you are asking for is freenet over WiFi, yes?

Brit porn filter censors 13 years of net history

John Imrie
Black Helicopters

1984 any one?

He who controls the present, controls the past. He who controls the past, controls the future.

National Safety Council seeks total* cell-phone driving ban

John Imrie

Transcript of call

... and get someone to tell those Government busybodies that driving and using a hands free mobile phone does not impair you're <unintelligible shout followed by sound of collision>

Microsoft disables automatic IE 8 downloads

John Imrie
Gates Horns

IE7 sites that will not work with IE8

Include almost every medium/large corporations Intranet. Especially those built around Shairpoint and other MS technology.

That's the real problem here not 'web' sites

Vogue model sues Google over 'defamatory' blog

John Imrie

That quote in full

"This is libelous, it's defamatory and you shouldn't just get away with this."

And by responding in this fashion we have elevated our client from an obscure Canadian model to a world wide brand hence increasing our cut of the damages we can now expect.

Health minister promises Rate-My-Doc! service

John Imrie

@Richard Porter Re: The GP-Factor

In your case I'd register the GP as Imaginary :-)

Hum if you square an Imaginary GP do you get a real one

Home Office death list 'stops ID fraud'

John Imrie

Officially dead

Just think of all the benefits of being officially dead.

You no longer pay any taxes.

You can not be arrested.

You can eat where you want and claim that the food is a religious offering so you don't have to pay.

You could annoy Richard Dawkins by phoning him up and claiming he talks to dead people.

The only downside I can see is your gf/bf being arrested for Necrophilia

Ofcom rules on Clarkson strumpet gag

John Imrie

BBC grows backbone

There's hope yet in the world.

Any way I thought there where only two reasons to watch Top Gear

1) To be offended by Clarkson

2) Watch the producers try and kill Richard Hammond.

I believe there is an other presenter but for some reason my mind drops into a stupor when he appears and I can't remember his name.

Reg readers in the dark over extreme porn

John Imrie

Borders currently sell

Battle Royal http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/images/1591823153/ref=dp_image_0/280-4763913-1215000?ie=UTF8&n=266239&s=books

I wonder if they will continue to do so after Jan 9th

Entire class fails IT exam by submitting in Word format

John Imrie


BeeeEEEEeeeEEEp BEEEEEEeeeeeeEEEEEEP! BeeeeEEEE.......

Brit ISPs censor Wikipedia over 'child porn' album cover

John Imrie

Romeo and Juliet

We must ban this sick and deprived play immediately. It is obvious to even the most casual reader that Juliet is only 13 years old and as such should never be the attention of the perverted and licentious, he spends the early part of the play joking about sex, Romeo.

Why oh Why ...

I'm sorry I must have been channeling the Daily Mail. I'll get my coat.

Aussie convicted over Simpsons sex pics

John Imrie
Black Helicopters

I think David Atenbrough may have a problem

If you can get arrested for cartoon underage sex what about all those nature programs showing Gorillas mating. I'm sure that they where under the age of consent ant have far more 'personality' than Bart and Liesa

Armed anti-paedophile cops swoop on video site uploader

John Imrie

Who needs cec

I'm just trying to warn all the uploaders and moderators to be very careful of what is posted and approved when it comes to children; no one needs to go through this crap over something that is so petty.

Lego terrorist threatens democracy

John Imrie

Am I the only one

looking at that image and thinking Eccentrica Gallumbits

Tories release MP office raid footage

John Imrie
Black Helicopters

@ Anonymous Coward Posted Wednesday 3rd December 2008 13:45 GMT

Speaker Martin's Statement to the House claims that the police did not have a search warrant and nor did they inform the Sargent at Arms that she could demand one.

Also the raid on the House of Commons took place at 7am.

Why 7am of all times, was this to ensure that non of the House officials would be sufficiently awake to realise what was going on?

Grand Theft Auto IV PC debut gets SecuROM sideshow

John Imrie

I wonder if this will run under Wine

Then I don't need to worry about un-installing this DRM crap, or it infecting any other game. Just delete the wine directory for the game.

Lords told to listen to science on cannabis

John Imrie

@Anonymous Coward Posted Tuesday 25th November 2008 11:49 GMT

try legalising Cocaine or Heroin in the UK and see how quickly the US government phones up).

We could threaten to do this, as I'm sure those nice Americans would rather see our National debt reduced than us legalising Cocaine or Heroin.

I wonder how much it's worth to them for us to keep these drugs illegal.

Law firm argues links to its website abuse its trademarks

John Imrie

I'm waiting for this as the next headline

Major law firm REDACTED successfully wipes it's self from the net.

Or possibly

Jones Day sues every one who has ever made a web site for linking to a site that link to a site that is in a chain of sites that links to Jones Day's web site.

Boffin because it looks like a dim light bulb if you squint enough, and these layers are defiantly dim light bulbs when it comes to the Internet

Main BBC channels to be broadcast live via web

John Imrie

From the TV licencing web page

What is a TV Licence needed for?

To use any TV equipment such as a TV set, digital box, video or DVD recorder, computer or mobile phone to watch or record TV programmes as they are being shown on television.

But a computer with out a TV card does not need a licence so why do I need a licence to get a video feed from the Net. I have a feeling that the Law may need changing for this.

Most biometric checks will bypass ID database

John Imrie

As those who can type faster than me have said

Wasn't the whole point of this that you would check with the central database. Now all I need to do to get my fake ID is clone someone else's with an RFID reader and map their details onto a bare card containing my biometric details.

Mines the one with the I'm Sparticus ID card in the Pocket.

Magazine faces legal action for bowing to legal action

John Imrie

Private Eye

Nice to see you guys read Private Eye, then it's only fair, as I have seen stores here that have turned up in the next edition of the Eye

UK health records should not be flogged off

John Imrie

If this guy dosn't get his way

How long until Insurance companies are allowed to trawl the data.

Tens of thousands of kids need to be protected from ContactPoint users

John Imrie

I Don't have children but

If I did I would call mine

;delete from names

Just to see what happens every time someone had to look them up

John Imrie
Black Helicopters

If you can shield a childs info

Surly that should be the default option.

Any way once this goes on line the Government will have a last know address for everyone under 16 in the country, and as kids seam to be staying at home longer these days it won't be long before the Government will have a list of current addresses for most of the 17 - 18 year old's in the country.

By the way what happens to your data once you do become an adult?

BOFH: The paperless cafeteria

John Imrie

Transuranic heavy metals may not be used where there is life'

That brings back memories of Joanna Lumly.

Not to mention proper kids TV.

Judge says tech-addled jurors undermine justice

John Imrie

Igor Judge

Are you now going to tell me he has a penchant for brain surgery as well?

UK's 'secure' child protection database will be open to one million

John Imrie
Dead Vulture

What will happen is

Some other child won't get picked up by the system and access to the database will be expanded to include more people, its usage will become easier and security will go out the window.

Finally some novice case worker will leave their laptop on a train with the access to the wifi enabled VPN open to the system for all to access.

The tomb stone marks the last resting place of personal privacy.

Company That Can't Be Named slams critics

John Imrie

How do content providers get paid for this?

When I was a young 'un the internet hat this concept of sharing. content providers did not expect to get payed, they hoped to get read.

Oh well I guess that commie pinko liberal thinking went the way of free market capitalism.

Buffer overflow bug bites Linux wireless component

John Imrie

@ Chronos

Ok so I was being a tad sarcastic. And I accept that this is a bug in a Linux component.

But if you want to run Linux on your lap top/palm top get one that works or complain to the vendor trying to sell you it.

John Imrie

This is why ...

You should use native Linux drivers or tell the Hardware manufactures you won't buy from them.

US stocks up on semi-automatic rifles

John Imrie

A well regulated Militia, being necessary...

to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

I wonder what the NRA would say if Obama forced every one who owns a gun to give up their Sunday's to train in the Militia?

The Independent gets the wrong end of Jacqui's gIMP

John Imrie

The Independent

This used to be a good news paper, now it seams more and more like the Daily Mail, so I'm not surprised they might want to buy It.

An Ex Indie reader

MPs decry Heathrow T5 fiasco

John Imrie


"should not have absorbed the continuing building delays by compromising the time needed to complete the full testing and familiarisation process as planned".

Oh look, because of time overruns the training was skimped. Well at least we know that in IT this *never* happens

Dawkins' atheist ad campaign hits fundraising target

John Imrie

What happened to

the Flying Spaghetti Monster, all praise to his noodley appendages.

I wonder if we could start a campaign to raise awareness of Pasterfariasm

Holy f**k, Microsoft covers up ‘undesired’ words

John Imrie

It's not entirely clear where Microsoft's interest in this technology lies


You mean that MS have no reasion to turn my speach from 'Linux is grate' to 'Linux grates'

The netbook newbie's guide to Linux

John Imrie
Thumb Up

Spaces in usernames and passwords

If you have a space in your username or password you can do one of the following

1) put a \ before each and every space

sudo mount -t cifs -o user=bid\ mead,pass=whatever // /mnt/mountpoint

2) put the paramater inside ' characters

sudo mount -t cifs -o 'user=bid mead,pass=whatever' // /mnt/mountpoint

Thumbs up for a good beginners guide though