Posts by Richard Claunch

BOFH: Hammer time!

Oh Yeah!

Been there and done that! Turned the machine on and just a BZZZT from the power supply! Opened the case (with required hunting dog and search party for screws) only to find that many, many, MANY generations of mice had resided in the case. The mouse urine had eaten the tracks of the mother board, curling the traces so the protesting noise from the supply was quite natural!

The good side is that the owner did pay for the hospital visit for broad spectrum antibiotics, plague vaccine and the complete sterilization of my office! NEVER AGAIN!

Seagate loses $3bn in a year

The title is misleading!

This is a sign of the 21st century! In actuality Seagate did not lose $3B! They failed to make the additional $3B PROJECTED by their financial forecast! Of course by saying "We didn't meet our forecast", they won't qualify for any bail-out loans!

25-30 years ago corporations did not have a position called Chief Financial Officer (CFO). The position was called Comptroller or head accountant. Technology and computers gave rise to the EVIL spreadsheet where accountants could play "what if" games with the financials, thus providing the push to include them in the coroporate management structure with a "Chief" title.

Business plans are issued on these "what ifs" and they never account for the social dynamics of human interaction. So last July Seagate issued a glorious forcast stating that Seagate would make $12.89B in revenue for the fiscal year. Now 12 months later, the sad truth is they only made $9.08B in revenues. The $3.09B shortfall wasn't LOST, it just wasn't achieved!

I am getting a little disgusted with all the reporting of how companies losing billions but continue to stay in business! In reality these companies are making a profit, just not the expected profit! Its the REPORTING in the media that sensationalizes the shortfall into a loss.

Next time how about the truth where is hurts:

Seagate Fumbles in Reaching Financial GOAL!

Today Seagate reported that it failed to reach the annual financial forcast of $12.89B in revenues. Financial reporting showed that projections were missed by $3.09B due to worlwide economic slowdowns, mis-management or just missing the boat and failing to make products people really wanted!

Stop pandering to the corporate world and tell it like it really is!

Designer touts 'super sight' sunglasses

One of 3 things wrong with this picture!

1) The idiot who photo-shopped it didn't realise he used a jpeg of a street in England and placed the car and cyclist on the "American" side of the road (stupid!).

2) The idiot who photo-shopped it knew he used a jpeg of a street in England but was too drunk to realize he placed the car and cyclist on the "American" side of the road (stupid!)

3) the idiot who used the jpeg of a street in England which caught both a car and cyclist too drunk to realize they both were on the "American" side of the road (that rates a 3X STUPID!)

My name really is Ivan O'Toole, admits Ivan O'Toole

Here are a couple more!

I went to school with a guy named Mike Penix, and you can guess his school nickname!

For many years the District Attorney in our county was Buddy Phallus!

Anatomy of a malware scam

Well DONE!!!

I was very impressed by the depth of this article. It appears the generic hackers are becoming more sophisticated. Those screen shots blew me away!!!

The usual stilted English and grammar errors were not present except in a few areas, too few to matter. This article actually scared the hell out of me!!

Thanks again for wonderful work!!

Plods say it's OK for them give out your DNA

A Slippery Slope Indeed!!!

DNA is taken for ANYONE arrested, guilty or innocent. All the particulars of the individual are recorded into this database. The database was approved as an 'essential' crime reducing function. It all sounds very practical.

The DNA is taken regardless of guilt so that it can be compared to unidentified sames taken from crime screnes. You get nicked for drunk and disorderly and the comparison shows that you also have a penchant for armed robbery/murder/rapes/etc. Criminal off the street. Everybody applaudes! Great Job!

Yes they 'force' the sample so that the comparison can be made against all the unidentified crime samples. It doesn't make sense to wait for a guilty verdit for the arresting crime to take the sample and then re-try you for database matching crimes! It's a Catch-22 for law enforcement. They need the sample up front. Once your in the system, don't commit a crime except while wearing a full body condom or you run the risk of being identified.

Now the ominous part here is that the database is no longer restricted to law enforcement! Do they really expect us to believe that an 'error' will never occur and the 'santized' database supplied to corporations will NEVER contain restricted data (name, address, etc)? Just look at the number to total screw-ups in data handling over the past 12 months! Laptops left behind, CDs missing, Blackberries gone astray! If it can happen, it WILL happen!

The scary side of all of this is eugenics! The researchers find that everyone with Pattern AB are hard working but docile people who do what they are told. Pattern AC are people who are hard working but devoutly individualistic and resist authority. Which group will the government cater to and which one goes to the 're-education' camps?

A bit far fetched I know, but if reseach companies can use the database for any purpose, how long before they are commisioned to create a eugenics database to permit the government to 'better' serve it's people?

THX-1138, you have been found guilty of subversion to the natural order and will be liquidated!

Bus-spotting paedo terror bust: Shock CCTV image

Brilliant!!!

I love your "re-enactment" of these multiple stories! However....... I noticed that the dog, which you claim was sharing crisps with the child in the stroller, has a somewhat...er..unusual position.

Does the new anti-indecent act in the U.K. carry any sort of informer's reward? Dog humping child might be construed as indecent!!!!

Great stuff guys!!

BT and Siemens slammed over prisoner call rates

Think about IT!

Pretty soon most of you will be serving 10 years in the slammer for sending that "I'm HOT for YOU Babe!" text to the wrong cell number! You'll piss and moan that you were innocent and rage against the unfair costs of just talking to your familiy AND lawyer trying to get you out and the rest of us will just say, "You did the CRIME, suffer the consequences!"

British pilot makes first supersonic stealth jumpjet flight

Doesn't this sound FAMILIAR!!!

What is it with big business today? Let's spend more and get less! This jet program is suspiciously similar to VISTA!!! Billions spent in development with only marginal gains for the result!

LET THE FLAME WAR BEGIN!!!!

US gov may forbid BAE Eurofighter sale to Saudis

Slow down and THINK!!!

First off, HAPPY 10th Birthday El Reg!!! Been a long time reader of all your articles. May you celebrate 90 more!

Most of the commenters need to slow down and think! If they believe that the US. Government can't do anything about the sale....think again! A stated fact in many of the BAE articles is how much of the work is done outside of the U.K., a good portion in the USA. I can predict (based on previous history) what the USG will do. If BAE thumbs their noses at the injunction, the USG will say absolutely nothing... to BAE.

What WILL happen is an edict will be sent forth to ALL US companies on the GAO (U.S. Government Accounting Office) list, stating that until further notice, any company on the list (or it's' sub-contractors) will be banned from receiving ANY US government contract if they are found to be engaging in commerce with BAE.This is the old 'stop what you are doing or I'll shoot your dog!' technique.

It was very effective in punishing Toshiba back in the early 1980s when Toshiba sold computerized 5 axis milling systems to the Soviets and enabled them to silence their submarine propellors. A few hundred million to Toshiba eliminated a couple of billion spent on US Navy sonar development and put thousands of sailors (both US and UK) in danger.

Back then the edict was zero Toshiba involvement to ANY USG contractor or their sub-contractors! And until it was rescinded, it STUCK!

Face it, the world is changing for us all! Lessons have been learned the hard way about being lose with technology (remember that in the early 30s Germany got the basic idea and plans for the Stuka right here in the US). I personally wouldn't sell the Saudis a Sopwith Camel, but that is not how our global ecomony works anymore! Kruschev was wrong when he said Russia would sell us the rope to hang ourselves with! Companies like WalMart or BAE will build it in China and then make the sale first!

If you don't like the situation as it stands then it's up to you to begin a popular movement to change the status quo ( it worked for us in the later 1700s). Either be a part of the positive change, or shut up and stay in your armchairs on the sidelines of life!

Please fell free to flame/roast/incinerate the uppity Yank!