* Posts by Richard

160 publicly visible posts • joined 18 Apr 2008


Egyptian cuts off todger to spite his face dad



That is most certainly a decision he will come to regret.

US firm says handheld puke ray is ready to go



Does this cause seizures? If so, it could still be fatal.

Fans decry tennis gal's breast-slash plan


What a waste it would be.

If she has a boyfriend, I'm sure you'll find his name on the petition.

Beeb names new Who companion


2 out of 4

That means two out of four of the Doc's assistants will have been something other than complete chavvy scum. Excellent.

Summer debut for Judge Dredd computer smart-rifle



Shame it looks like a cheap sci-fi show prop.

Boffin builds better display from... a cuttlefish



I think you mean Cephalopoda.



You're right, a Cephalopoda is a kind of mollusc.

Petard, mine, I'm hoisted.

USAF raygun boffins clocking planet-buster asteroid threats

Paris Hilton

Hate to ask

What exactly is the point of knowing if a civilisation collapsing or even mass extinction meteor is heading our way, if we have absolutely no way of diverting it.

The only situation where this project will earn its pay, will be one where currency, government funding comities etc. are going to quickly become irrelevant.

Best to just go back to watching idiots stick fireworks in themselves on YouTube.

Isle of Man KKK burns cross on Facebook


Isle of man indeed!

I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure.

Brown finally wins something



If they won't pay attention to a reasonable request like the RNLI's petition, then they'll never even consider this crack-pot one. Even if I happen to agree with it.

MEPs get the fear over nanotechnology


Cock of the poppiest variety

Grey goo is nonsense! My dad once showed an MP around his lab. After the tour the guy turns to him and says "Remind me, what is an atom again?". Bloody classical studying pillocks!

Spleen vented... get back to work.

ASBO woman cuffed over raucous rumpy-pumpy


@ 2nd AC

She's 48 remember. Are you sure you want to stand by that statement, having not seen a picture of the accused?

London gym floors hoodies with Chav Fighting classes


Boob Aerobics?

You intrigue me. I would like to know more about this Boob Aerobics.

Do you per chance have any example video footage of this activity? I feel it would deserve close examination.

Swine flu apocalypse: Batten down the hatches


It'll never reach Madagascar

I expect its one and only port to shut down any second.

Darling points at silver lining, floats investment in broadband


2 percent increase?

Can't you see we need addictive substances to numb the pain?

Pizza-polluting YouTube plonkers soil Domino's


Stick to kebabs

At least they're supposed to be filth

Wolverine leak claims first victim?

Paris Hilton


That's really all I can say. It's like people posting videos of themselves speeding on YouTube. Check and mate sucker.

PS3 players prefer gaming to bonking


32 percent?

32% of those in relationships. What percentage of the 1130 people fell into that category.


Humanity Against the Reporting to Readers of Useless and Misleading Percentages, Honestly


Women's lust for shopping linked to periods


@Colin Millar

That's nothing. My old uni spent years on research to work out why men get sleepier after sex than women. In the end they concluded that it was because they use more energy and get tired.

B. Obvious et al.

Budvar beats Anheuser-Busch in latest Budweiser battle



Clearly you're not a beer drinker. That's your IT angle right there.

City IT workers brace for anarchist attack


Should be fun

If observed from a safe distance.

French 3M workers barricade boss in office


From behind a wardrobe

"Rousselet told Reuters from behind the wardrobe"

When I read that I couldn't help but hear it in my head in a muffled voice.

Minister admits thought crime is on the agenda

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It's just a new kind of herasy

and they are a new kind of inquisition.

Please, there are no witches and paedophiles are very rare. Lets stop this madness.

London stab murder rate entirely normal, says top stats prof



Yes. Acceptable? No.

Still, wha'yagonnado?

US woman attacks missus with sperm-filled syringe

Paris Hilton

I know this is an over simplification but...

Why didn't she just impregnate herself? OK, not with her brother's juice, for down that road oversized foreheads and webbed toes lie, but she could have just gone to a clinic.

There sure are some crazy people from Lesbos.

Lights out, Britons told - we're running out of power


It's going to be like living the 70s

Except we don't have as good music

Doc-in-chief targets 'passive drinking' with price hike


Bugger off!

If I want to buy a bottle of Sainsbury's finest Bulgarian Merlot to quaff of a weekend, I don't want to be spending more than £4. So bugger off and let me be.

Also, how can taxes be used to apply a minimum? Could they apply a sliding tax scale, depending on the current cost of a product? Or would they just apply an additional fixed amount to the existing price? If so, spirits would cost the earth.

Sadville transports shaggers to porncentration camp

Paris Hilton


One continent of furries, flying penises etc. and anyone who actually enjoys second life.

The old continent for the hundred or so misguided, overenthusiastic academics who want to be down with the kids and give their lectures using these cool new web 2.0 thingys (while actually sitting comfortably in their office drinking tea).

Vulcan appeal in emergency tin-rattling



Signed the e-petition, for all the good it will do.

'World's Worst Banker' joins Lads from Lagos



So that's where the bastard's been hiding! Get'im Bergerac!

Multi-sense VR helmet in development


Not for the games industry

I've spent far to much time creeping around sewers to want one of these for gaming.

Obviously it'll be a good few years before that is even considered anyway.

UK censors revolt against 'pornalone' ordeal



"viewing pornographic content alone will increase the chances of being sexually aroused by the material"

I would think that was the point.

I can't help but be reminded of the funniest joke in the world, from Monty Python.

In order to weaponise it for use against the Germans, each translator could only work on one word each. One guy saw two words and was hospitalised.

By making the poor censors watch the whole thing alone, they could be seriously hurt.

Earthworm blamed for laptop crash



"Taylor, 45, from Yeovil, Somerset, reckons one of his two pet cats brought the invertebrate inside from his garden."

If he owns a cat, he deserves to have his laptop melt.

NASA CO2 scan satellite launch fails

Thumb Down


I'm sure I'm not the only person who posted a comment in your last article on the launch, saying that this had happened, which haven't shown up in said article. Admit it, you were on your lunch break and didn't want to look stupid.

Spaceborne-forces planners meet with orbital joyride firms

Black Helicopters


This would probably work quite well for mobilising reinforcements to friendly, possibly besieged airfields quickly, rather than doing some kind of 'hot-drop' (this is all getting very sci-fi).

Boffins to unveil gesture-controlled 3D TV

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Button based remotes are good enough for me thanks.

Microsoft asks laid-off staff to refund overpaid redundo cash


Stuff um

My initial reaction would be "stuff um!", but are they actually obliged to pay it back? They're not under contact any more.

Nudie subterranean rat protein could arrest human ageing

Thumb Up


If having to remain naked and live underground is the price we must pay to look fabulous, so be it!

Grifters punt 'get rich quick' scams at Facebook users



"[...]using Facebook to lend credibility to [anything at all]"?

I think not

Watchdog mauls billboard sex ads



As they said, that's the real reason the ASA pulled it. You're not allowed to advertise prescription drugs in this country. I'm pretty sure there are other restrictions on drug advertisements anyway, as we just don't see the pharma TV adverts you get in the US.

Sub-prang panic: Calm down, it happens all the time


How I learned to stop panicking about nuclear submarine accidents...

And love the bomb.

Pilots boycott gov ID cards



Indeed. What a magical world she must live in. It's clearly not this one.

Large Hadron Timewaster


Oh sure

Oh sure, the LHC may help physicist gain a greater understanding of this magnificent and massively complex system, we call the universe. Sure they may even discover some answers to the fundamental questions; when? where? how? (and possibly even) why? Sure, such deep curiosity is probably the greatest thing we humans can claim as truly _ours_; extension of natural mammal inquisitiveness it may be, we've managed to make it an art. But...

Will it help me pay for my fuel bills, rent, grumble-mag subscription fees, pop-tarts etc?

Sigh... time to get back to work, huddled over my desk, bashing the keys with my palms. Look how far we've come.

California to get 'space age' three-wheel EV

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Sorry, James May has already shown us the future of the car. It looks exactly like a normal car, performs like a normal car, costs about the same as a normal car, fills up like a normal car (albeit with hydrogen), and is made by Honda. It's going to be the next best thing, because it's just as good as the old best thing. Nuff said.

Windows 7 'upgrade' doesn't mark XP spot

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Possibly. Cheeky sods!

Still, I'd probably opt for a clean install anyway, since I'll be starting with a clean slate. Not really a good option for those managing a large network, having adopted a "We don't need no stinkin' Vista" attitude though.

You're barcoded: The sneaky under-25 route to compulsory ID


@Mac Phreak

Alas, this is not the case, even though I personally agree with much of your sentiments. You see, shops, bars, clubs etc. have every right to refuse you service for anything that isn't a directly covered by discrimination laws e.g. no buying booze here, you're black, no drinking here, you're a woman, no dancing here, you're gay etc. are all a no-no, but applying your own age restrictions is A-OK.

Sat scope discovers Earthlike 'sauna world'



"Super heated" water i.e. gaseous.

Also, the boiling point, melting point, triple point etc. of any substance, including water, is effected by conditions such as pressure. In a high pressure environment the boiling point of water will be higher. If the planet has a dense enough atmosphere (unlikely considering this as a small rocky one and not a big gassy one), the water may be held at very high temperatures without vaporising.

...and so ends the lesson.

Force 1800 superhurricanes snapped on far-off world


'These images are not artists' impressions'

No, but they are simulated.

The A-Team flies into Hollywood


Thanks Hollywood.

Now I feel sick.

Universal thaws out The Thing



If that kid from the new Indiana Jones is involved in any way, I'm going to kill myself.

Others may die also.