* Posts by Tim

130 publicly visible posts • joined 17 Apr 2008


What on earth do you think you are doing, Darling?


Well, duhh!

What are you saying? that we pay too much tax? that in order to ensure Fred the Shred gets his 700K a year for a job well done, we all suffer more than we should? And they give you a soap box for this blindingly obvious point of view?

Here are some facts

People who earn money will ALWAYS fund those that don't. People who earn very little money have FAR LESS spare money, so any taxes will always hit them hard. People who have "paid their dues" should get some kind of break over "lazy scoungers", and the RICH are usually so at the expense of everyone else. The governement take tax from almost everywhere, so the money i am taxed on earning, then gets taxed by me spending it as well.

Did the chancellor rectify the system to make it fairer?


Apple double takes on shaken babies

Jobs Halo

Stop knocking Apple!

They are supposed to be the way we do things, or have you not been paying attention.

Steve Jobs, gawd bless him, has shown us that top-of-the-range electronics can be every bit as important as everyday "Joe Sixpack" goods. Make it look good, make it work right, then charge the suckers as much as possible.

A similar tactic was employed by one A M Suger during the Eighties..... Build em cheap, pile em high and flog em off to the gullible fools who think that the nice new video they have now will still work in 13 months time.

So if Apple say Shaking babies is OK, then it must be fine.

I have said all i need now. i am off to slaughter a goat at my steve jobs shrine......

Pirate Bay judge and pro-copyright lobbyist accused of bias


legal obligation

do swedish judges not have to legally declare any interest in the case they are handling then? even if it can be shown there is no conflict, surely they must still announce it.

or am i one of those fools who thinks the government should be seen to be doing the righ things??

HP packing workers seal bosses in conference room



That HP workers are more efficient at boxing up their managers than their products! I bet they left loads of space and packing foam in the boardroom though.

UK dons dunce hat on copyright law


It doesn't matter

Given that we are not allowed to take pictures in a public place when that place includes policemen, sensitive locations listed on an unreleased database etc. Any dissent is then dealt with by a baton charge to the legs/back by a masked Goon of the Met.

In order to take pictures of these areas, you need a black car with google down the side.

so if the public cannot make copyrighted works, we shouldnt be so selfish as to assume we have any rights at all! Are you with me George Orwell?

IPCC U-turn on Tomlinson CCTV

Black Helicopters

Bunch of thugs

No CCTV? Is that a coincidence? or did the officer have a good look around for cameras before whacking said innocent bystander.

I bet they knew there was none on the tube as well before making swiss cheese out of brazillian electrician.

I dont care if they have a uniform, most of the Met seem to be thugs looking for a fight.

....Wait, there is a knock at the door...

BMW opens up to haptic car doors


completely pointless invention?

BMW doors never clonk into anything as there is ample room to open any car door when parked in a conveniently empty disabled space. There is also no need to open any doors when barreling down the hard shoulder past 3 miles of tailback.

I would prefer a haptic indicator stalk, but i dont think that any bmw has ever been fitted with the indicator cost option (in my experience).

White wine stains your teeth too


I want to be a scientist.....

And make blindingly obvious statements.

If you want white teeth, use whitening toothpaste.....

Can i propose that if you want to survive a fall from an aircraft, you should use a parachute? Where is my research grant? I will test the effects of a cow being pushed out of an aircraft with a parachute, and a "control" cow, which can only use methods available to a regular cow (flapping of hooves and using its soft udders to break the fall). I will conduct these experiments from 12000 feet so as not to endanger the crew with hypoxia, obviously.

I will then publish the results, based on survivability and claim my place in science. I may even get a nobel prize out of it!

Moderatrix quits El Reg: Latest


Sad Orwellian and mysoginistic references?

So if Ms Bee stays, does this mean i have to reduce my knee-jerk rants to considered witticisms?

I am absolutley not standing for it, and will tell my girl so as soon as the rubber solution sets and the patch is once again airtight.

(Mine is the one with the clever IT related geek strapline on it!)

Budvar beats Anheuser-Busch in latest Budweiser battle


They cant use Pißwasser either.

unless they can prove that their beer is actually more Piß that water, which is probably easy to do!

Knee X-ray biometrics plan to fight spoofing


Xrays? erm no thanks, i want children.

I have a great idea, why dont we implant a metal serial code into every human, then just zap 'em with x rays to see who they are. Brilliant and only slightly more orwellian than this ridiculous idea!

Regular travellers will have cancerous knees in no time, and i dont like the thought of xrays that near the "frank and beans".

PGP email marketing gaffe creates message storm


@ Jon Callas.....

Maybe you should change the company name to PPP (Piss poor privacy), then your customers couldn't complain.

Gizza job fella! My marketing skills are outstanding.....

"Trouble getting your name known? Sick of the pay-per-click advert costs? Use PPP, and then everyone will know your business!"

Mine's the one with the CV in the pocket.

Police union leader calls for 'killer games' sales ban

Black Helicopters

And there were no killing sprees BEFORE GTA IV?

Get a grip Herr Rozzer.... Surely the urge to play the game is fed from the violent tendancy, not the other way around. And here's a MASSIVE clue. If there are NO GUNS, then NOBODY CAN SHOOT EACH OTHER! Can he explain how massacres have been happening for decades without these here convenient games?

Is this fella suggesting that anyone who plays these games has the tendancy to go crazy ape bonkers and slaughter everyone in sight? to quote on of the smarter of "america's next top models"..... Oh no you di'ent!

Helicopter. cos then you can gun' em all down from the air , BWAHAHAHA!

O2, Vodafone in cabinet bunk-up


Media jump the gun, guilty of sensationalism.

Hardly a new thing this, but shame on el reg for assuming that suddenly, everyone has the same coverage as everyone else. Its is one of the main selling points of a network.

The hard thing about cellsite placement is permission and then basic infrastructure. If you can just stick a transmitter on an existing pylon with power, then that is so much easier, and that is now what the two companies have done. Not mega radical, but a financial win for all parties concerned.

Minister admits thought crime is on the agenda


Thought Punishment.

If thinking things can be construed as a crime, would the punishment be to watch MTV's "my super sweet sixteen"? I dont think you would be able to be sexually aroused by a young'un ever again.

That said, you would start thinking "how can i kill these spoilt little brats in the most horrioble fashion?" so maybe that aint the answer either.

No its no good. The only thing they cant get you on is stuff that stays in your own head.

Obesity witchhunt is a 'moral panic' - sense out of Texas


Tax Me! Tax Me!

I didnt realise it before but i think i am doing things which are bad for me, but which only attract regular amounts of tax.

I drive, not walk. This is only taxed a small amount..... Oh, hang on, wait a minute, no....Its Taxed through the bloody roof!

I drink alcohol, which only has 15% vat on it now. .... Hang on, No it also has MASSIVE amounts of DUTY as well

I eat thick sliced white bread. This seems to have escaped the massive tax harpees thus far, but is still well over a quid a loaf.

i watch too much television, but at least i dont need to pay for that......, Nope wrong again....VAT on the telly i bought, licence fee and sky charges (with VAT).

I play computer games (yes the ones that attract VAT).

If i SMOKED, then this would also be TAXED TO THE HILT,

So, stop banging on about how bad for me everything is. If i didnt do any of it, you ministers wouldnt have your fat country pads and massive expense accounts.

Scientology spokesman confirms Xenu story

Black Helicopters


So the history of religion is a secret? is that so they can milk their poor saps for every penny?

Lets get things right. L Ron Hubbard was a fiction writer, and not a very good one either, which is why his writings make no sense (and therefore attract the looney element).

According to the Scientology lot, I have these problems. I like to think i dont, and i am more than happy with my existence, without resorting to listening to religious waffle of any kind.

I am now just waiting for mssr cruise and travola to kick my door down and give me a damn good auditing.....

Science-boosting thickie questionnaire backfires


dinosaur=terrible lizard=crocodile

Dinosaurs were "terrible lizards" and the crocodile would have qualified for dinosaur status had it died out, but it didnt, so we call it a crocodile, rather than "crocosaurus".

So to me, just because we name something a dinosaur or not, we are living at the same time as one of the most successful now!

That survey was a "crocoshitus"!

'WALL-E' robot grunt obeys military hand signals

Thumb Up

One problem....

If a marine can halt it by raising an arm, surely an insurgent can do the same?

Thumbs up because the fonz would want a robot like that!

Apple ogles location-based iPhone ads

Jobs Horns

Location based Bittorrent anyone?

Can i store the details for later retrieval when i am perusing the many torrent trackers to allow me to download said items for free (assuming of course that said tunes are free of copyright and legitimate)?

Apple seem to only invent new ways to part us with our money. Can't they just get a patent that says "money extraction system by manipulation of the population via various Media, and by dubious trade practices and hardware lockdowns"?

Inside the world's greatest TV remote


@wize....i understand that, but read my post

If you are in a pub i would love to see you turn the telly off when the footy is in full swing. The remote may stop the telly, but it sure as hell wont pull glass out of your face or broken teeth off the floor, and it wont stop the landlord kicking you out for annoying his punters.

Likewise HMV, who would be less than impressed with your antics.

So if you hate telly that much, dont sit next to one in the pub (like, Duh!), and dont worry about them showing films on the tellies in HMV, unless you are there for a couple of hours!

As i say, the market is small to say the least and if you have 20 quid to spend on a gadget that is only as useful as the couple of minutes of peace it gets you before you get your head kicked in, then i guess it shows that your education was completely wasted.

On the other hand, it would be a good laugh to try it down the old Trafford Arms during any MANYEW match, i can hear it now.....

"gor blimey, would you Adam and Eve it? the Auntie Nelly had gone Pete Tong. That's put me right off me jewwied eews."


What EXACTLY is the point of this?

I understand some people do not like TV, but i am guessing that this device will only ever see use by pranksters. It may just make publicly available TVs use a sheilded sensor to prevent operation from outside a set area, with anyone within that area found with the device being banned for life from said premises.

Seems to be an invention waiting for a market.

Italians boffins prove plausibility of spam-javelin spam


So we are good to "unspam" those mails then?

I am sure that their research was well founded, but i would have thought that an average 47 year old man would have had to get himself into a "guaranteed" position before exposing his "9 inches of love length". Otherwise he is just flashing and the offended young ladies would then call the rozzers to the scene.

And since when did spam actually try and sell stuff? most of it seems to be for data harvesting or back door virus downloading (pardon the pun).

Israelis develop 'safe' plutonium: good for power, bad for weapons


@ Rich.... Wrong terminology!

I assume you mean Actinoid.... Actinide is so 20th century!

Black Helicopters

Aren't they forgetting a MASSIVE problem?

Sure, Plutonium or uranium laced with americium may not be able to acheive critical mass and result in a nuclear or atomic explosion, but you can bet your sweet hiney that it is highly radioactive and poisonous, so would make an idea fuel for a crude Dirty Bomb.

They may have the tech to do that now, but need the fuel for their reactors, but selling them the stuff in any quantity means the can chuck as much of it back on the top of scuds as they feel fit!

US cops called to McDonalds menu cock-up


Sounds like fraud to me.

If a company offers a product and accepts payment for said product, and then refuses hand over aforementioned product, one is entitled to a refund of the purchase price. Refusal to relinquish said monies, despite claiming a sale to be final, would then constitute fraud, under the premise that money was obtained with no intention to fulfil the agreed contract.

At least that is my understanding of fraud law. Now if it was in Blighty, the offending 10peice would have been substituted for a filet-o-fish followed by a 2 hour wait, which would still be shorter than the time it would take for the rozzers to show up!

Penguin as its the closest to a chicken!

Ryanair may charge cattle to use the bog

Black Helicopters

I love ryanair!

They are the only company who can steal a greedy fat cat's thunder with an even more audacious bid at greed. Maybe Fred the Shred can now afford to go to the traps on a ryanair flight, but average joe will simply piss their knickers (and i dont mean laugh heartily)!

Helicopters, because they may be cheaper to pee in.

Music industry's Irish ISP shakedown letter leaked

Black Helicopters

Interpretation....IRMA is responsible....

If they want to uphold section 40, then IRMA must provide the URL of EVERY alleged infringement, and ONLY those URLs can then be blocked. Blocking an entire domain based on a single source of copyright infringement, when that domain has not also been served with notice of EVERY URL that infringes will cause IRMA's or the ISP's actions to become Actionable in a court of law. Clearly IRMA cannot force an ISP to break the law by enforcing a block on a legitimate site without any evidence. It should also be noted that should the allege that a singe URL is breaching copyright when it isn't then defamation can also be levelled at IRMA by the host site's owners. For instance, if i host a file called Thriller.mp3, they cannot serve notice to remove the file unless they actually listen to it. It may be my own recording of a song i wrote called thriller. Same goes for any fake torrent. They cant be served either!

IRMA cannot blanket ban any site without a court order stating that the entire site is illegal.

Also, it will simple force the website owners to relocate to a different site and use a different URL.

Home Office plans to force CCTV on shops and pubs



While i appreciate your sentiments, the premise of your argument is wrong in entirety. Almost all alcohol selling sites have CCTV, but i guarantee not all, and i also guarantee the most still use the crappy slow vhs type that doesnt actually do much good.

Even if ALL sites had CCTV, you then force them to adhere to 60 days, which in the case of the crappy vhs mongers, means having 60 tapes stacked up, dated and securely locked away, with NO chance for any loss of data.

PROVING who the person buying alcohol is based on camera evidence is also then completely pointless as we all know how flimsy this evidence is (if anyone has tried to prosecute vandals filmed from their own cameras will know), This evidence miraculously becomes inadmissible or not enough for the CPS to do anything with.

Add to all this the lack of security with Chip and PIN, which i DO NOT want filmed.

All in all, the innocent should have nothing to fear, but that is now at the expense of the shopowner being saddled with the responsibility to police themselves, rather than that job belonging to the erm......police!

Now as others have mentioned, if everything is above board with the government, why cannot we see their dealings? National security? National disgrace morelike!


Can they force me to show my face?

What if my religion means i cannot show my face, but am compelled to down several flagons of spesh a week? surely they cannot breach my human rights in such an egregious manner!

Google's DoubleClick spreads malicious ads (again)


I block doubleclick (and google ads)

Like one of the above posters, i block everything from doubleclick and google ads at my router. I dont do it because of potential malware, i do it because the adverts give the wife ideas and i can't afford her to join any more bingo sites!

Microsoft U-turns on overpaid redundo packages

Gates Horns

Pardon my BA$IC error.....

I of course meant to say.... Make EVEN MORE profit than last year......

Schoolboy error!

Gates Horns

M$ $hoot$ $elf in foot.

How very microsoft to completely fail in the common sense department. Seems to be the norm these days.....

Make MASSIVE profits

COMPLAIN that these profits are SLIGHTLY less than they were last year

SACK HUNDREDS of staff, who get paid the LEAST in the company

COCK UP their redundancy payments because you have SACKED THE MOST CAPABLE payrol clerk


U-TURN when gets bad press


Joker must retire, insist Heath Ledger fans


Erm...No? Does that mean we have to ban gay cowboys?

Some people eh?

US Navy SEALs buy twin-screen laptops, refuse Vista


Battery life?

Like battery life in a laptop wasnt bad enough, what sort of runtime will two screens give? i doubt the seals will get one decent game of spider solitaire out of it before they need to infiltrate a bogey's house looking for a power point!

Brits 'a bunch of yellow bastards', says irate Yank


I'm gonna git me a gook!

Yeeeee haw! Ah got mah gurn, an am gonna shoot me some charlie ass.........

i assume i am correct in my pronunciation, but please give constructive critisism, as i was never, nor will i ever be involved in a pointless war against communism.....

Miliband refuses to release torture documents

Black Helicopters

Threat to National Security?

How will anyone knowing about the torture affect the security of the nation, other than to prevent mass rioting when they find out their government is every bit as bad as the so-called "axis of evil" they wish to destroy?

Wait a minute....... Damn! I have answered my own question.....duh!

Doner kebabs: Death wrapped in pitta bread


Where can i get a job like this?

"Wanted: Scentists to state the bleedin' obvious when talking about kebabs, Must keep straight face when banging on about how fatty they are and why anyone who has been on a "leo sayer" would care that kebabs are bad for you"

UK donates Leo Sayer to Oz

IT Angle

Cockney Rhyming Slang.....

Does this mean we will need to adopt a more UK-Centric way of referring to an all day drinking bender?

User-generated reviews - blessing or bull?


pinch of salt!

Like anything, take peoples comments with a pinch of salt. Most reviews dont actually describe the product, but merely people interaction with it. Think the I-phone. Everyone raves about it until it comes to text messaging, where they suddenly become strangely quiet. Why? Because they dont like it, but never use the function.

Personally i find it strange that a belkin employee NEEDED to write reviews, as their stuff is pretty good anyway, just a bit over priced.

Obama gets to keep his BlackBerry


Track the president's location?

Like the convoy of 20 armoured vehicles with flashing lights isnt enough to give it away?

"Have you found the president?"

"Yes, Mr Bin Ladin sir, We have located him via his blackberry. He is at 1600 Pennsylvania avenue and has been there all day!"

"Good work Cecil, have a camel"

Obama: 1m electric cars on US roads by 2015, please


Imperial Gallons.....

are bigger than US gallons, so an Imperial MPG reading would have to be 177.6+.....

US woman says Ubuntu can't access internet


Typical Dell "save"

I guess she didnt want linux (at the risk of being attacked, not everybody hates Windows), but the firstline support probably got a commision for making sure she didnt send it back. Shame she is too feckless to think for herself, as some of the above point out. Just go into college with the notebook and show them the issues. Also, get onto the ISP or just buy a gateway which works.

I know lots of people who would have the exact same response as this woman, and they probably make up 75% of the populace. Some people think "the crazy frog" is cleverest thing ever invented.

First case of sleep emailing documented


or it can just make you forgetful/embarrassed.

I dont think we should take this as evidence, given the fact that she has a history of insomnia (meaning it is quite possible she wasnt asleep, but that the copious mind bending drugs made her forget she was awake).

she probably isnt dyslexic either, as that is impossible according to a certain MP.

'Sonic boom' golf club may 'damage hearing'

IT Angle

Why right ear? is his stance and swing wrong?

Seeing as you should look directly at the ball when hitting it, should he not have suffered the hearing loss in both ears?

Seems the doctors know more about bullpoo than golf!

Is golf club engineering enough of an IT angle?

US sues to break up military and space kit acquisition


I thought "the land of the free" was just that

Clearly they are not as free as they would have you believe. Now if only their smart bombs were unreliable, blighty's finest would not be on the receiving end so often!

Tesla takes Top Gear test to task


Pinch of salt!

I take what Jezza and his cronies say with a pinch of salt. The Tesla is clearly a stepchange in electric vehicles, but it cant be perfect. any car that needs to be recharged for hours when fully run down will always limit what you can do with it. The tesla is fast accellerating, but heavy, and the time around the track shows this.

The "fuse failure" is a problem, as this should not happen. And why WERE there two cars?

I wont be buying a tesla, but not because of the review given by Clarkson. Its because i dont want to spend a hundred grand on a car that saves me a few grand in petrol per year.

Western Digital WD TV HDD-to-HDTV adaptor


i'll stick with my ps3.

its better..... though a tad pricier....

Nintendo whacked with $5m Wii strap lawsuit


the PS3 doesnt have a strap on its sixaxis.

And i am a complete retard who throws my controller at my plasma. I also think its a good idea to let go of it so hard that it breaks the telly. I think i will sue sony because i am a bit of a biff. Who's with me? (by joining me you agree to be viewed as a similar retard).

PS3's Home to debut tomorrow


i tried it and am now bored.

I dont want to talk to strangers and if i want to talk to my mates, i will do the decent thing and go down the pub.