* Posts by Shady

380 posts • joined 11 Apr 2008


Pair accused of turning photos into vids to crack tax dept facial recognition system in China


Re: Simple, easy implementation

That’s desperately optimistic. I fully expect them to produce an app that shows a mugshot alongside a phrase such as “I haz had vaxxxine, innit”

The Daily Fail will be first to break the story of how easily hackers can fake the app using Microsoft Paint. Microsoft will of course be monstered for selling a tool like Paint, which allows hardened crims to fake Vaccine Passports, the proceeds of which, an exclusive investigation can reveal, are used to fund human trafficking using hacked e-scooters

You only need pen and paper to fool this OpenAI computer vision code. Just write down what you want it to see


Perfect crime

Rob a bank whilst wearing a t-shirt with the name of your b*****d boss printed on it

Loiter nearby and wait for the rozzers

Smile like a Bond villain and enjoy the proceeds

UK tax dept's IT savings created 'significant risk', technical debt as it faces difficult conversation with Chancellor


Maybe they could get some contractors in to sort it out?

Contractors of the UK, collectively: Fuck You

Who watches the watchers? Samsung does so it can fling ads at owners of its smart TVs


Samsung can F**K RIGHT OFF

I had a few banner ads some years ago, overlaid on top of the TV picture. At the time I was willing to believe it was an isolated incident, a test gone wrong etc, but it was shortly after I’d setup the smart hub.

Promptly reset back to defaults and removed network access.

Still a great TV - in dumb mode, but that’s all I ever wanted. A DUMB TV. A panel to attach to my Xbox and Virgin media TiVo (and apart from advertising actual TV programs in the TV guide, never had any issues there).

This smart TV stuff is irritating - they can’t (yet) replace my STB, they can’t play my Xbox or PS games (without the console) so they’re intrusive and pointless, slow and the UI is usually shit. Just give me a dumb panel, that has the same picture / sound quality, the same aesthetics, and at a lower price point as the smart equivalent, seeing as I won’t be paying for the additional electronics

Someone made an AI that predicted gender from email addresses, usernames. It went about as well as expected


100% foolproof gender identification method

Ask the punter

VMware to stop describing hardware as ‘male’ and ‘female’ in new terminology guide


Kill the orphans!

I once wrote a method that tracked and removed orphaned workflow tasks.

Understandably, I called it KillAllTheOrphans()

I was mildly annoyed when the local Code Nazi renamed it in a later commit to TidyWorkflow()

Linux kernel coders propose inclusive terminology coding guidelines, note: 'Arguments about why people should not be offended do not scale'


Re: Words matter...

“Though I'm not quite sure why "sanity check" is considered pejorative by any group.”

Perhaps people with mental health problems world consider it offensive. I would not (I have ASD and ADHD and know someone who is bipolar, they wouldn’t find offensive either, although I know that doesn’t speak for all those afflicted)

Regardless, Sanity Check should be banned for one very good reason. In my experience, everyone who uses it in every day language is a complete and utter cnut.

Couple wrongly arrested over Gatwick Airport drone debacle score £200k payout from cops


£300 per hour, rounded up to the nearest hour.

5-10 minutes of work per day.....

Someone got so fed up with GE fridge DRM – yes, fridge DRM – they made a whole website on how to bypass it


Next great idea

Very surprised HP haven’t yet started selling printers that recognise only the chemical signature, or invisible to the naked eye micro dots, or a RFID thread woven into their paper, so that they’ll only print on HP branded paper.

Counting the minutes until another commenter points to a link or patent that says this is on the way....

What do you call megabucks Microsoft? No really, it's not a joke. El Reg needs you


Re: Bork! Bork! Bork!

The Bork Collective? As a Trekkie this works for me

Browse mode: We're not goofing off on the Sidebar of Shame and online shopping sites, says UK's Ministry of Defence

Paris Hilton

.... excluding search engines ...

PornHub is a search engine?!

Secret-sharing app Whisper shared secrets like last known location and actual password tokens in exposed database


Without Whisper....

.... what will the Daily Mail do for features?

Microsoft pushes out fresh version of '90s throwback PowerToys suite with plenty of fixes – and one nasty bug


Re: "Make it look like Windows 7"

+1 for DOpus - I’ve been (willingly) paying for updates since I first installed it on my Miggy 1200

Train-knackering software design blunder discovered after lightning sparked Thameslink megadelay


Re: Tell me about it

You have my sincerest sympathies.

I decamped to do a six month contract in Peterborough a few years back. The place was so dull I drove over to Milton Keynes in the evenings just to find something to do.

Late $440m Christmas present for HP: Judge triples damages windfall from Quanta in CD-ROM drive price-fix showdown


Next week

Dell sues IBM for overcharging on 386’s....

Elon Musk gets thumbs up from jury for use of 'pedo guy' in cave diver defamation lawsuit


Re: Surprised

He got sued in his own backyard by a grumpy looking brit who dared question one of their gods.

The result was never in doubt

Red Dead Redemption 2 on PC: Howdy buck do you get a solid 60FPS in Rockstar's masterpiece?


Re: easy pickings

> In a month... it has crashed once and bugged out on launch twice – which for PC land isn't awful.

I've got an XBone - and that thing crashes more often than my PC does. Often, infuriatingly, when just watching Amazon Video or Netflix through it.

You Look Like a Thing and I Love You: A quirky investigation into why AI does not always work


Re: It's not AI...

Not limited to AI.

Wife: Should I wear black or blue leggings?

Me: Black

Wife: Why those ones? Do you like them more?

Me: Dunno. Just do

Close the windows, it's coming through the walls: Copper Cthulu invades Dabbsy's living room


I am so jealous of you right now. Not being sarky. I'm actually green with envy.

I haven't done a decent home audio wiring project since, as a teenager, I drilled about a million holes in my parents walls whilst they were on holiday :(

Halfords invents radio signals that don't travel at the speed of light


Re: There must be a few MPs ...

Get Brexit done! A hard Brexit will improve Digitalizational Analogousuously Broadspreading far beyond that of Europe!

ZTE Nubia Z20: It's £499. It's a great phone. Buy it. Or don't. We don't care


Half price

Could I have one with one screen and one fingerprint reader for £249.50? Ta lots

How to lose a UK contractor in 10 days: Make them commit after upcoming IR35 tax upheaval, apparently


Yawn, the "20% trope" of the Daily Fail reader

A contractor invoicing 100K a year is paying total taxes closer to 35-40%, once ALL company and personal taxation is taken into account.



Re: Some are considering moving to another employer

"The vast majority of IT contractors are in fact either employed or self-employed"

All Boolean values are either true or false.

Margin mugs: A bank paid how much for a 2m Ethernet cable? WTF!


Re: Not just business

I've got a "bag for life" bursting at the seams with ethernet, disk drive, kettle, micro USB cables and jiffy bags full of screws that didn't quite make it into a PC build.

At these levels of mark up, that bag is probably worth more than the new beemer on my neighbour's driveway.

First they came for 'face' and I did not speak out because I... have no face? Then they came for 'book'


I've trademarked whitespace


Do you want fr-AI-s with that appy-meal? McDonald's gobbles machine-learning biz for human-free Drive Thrus



"transcribing orders to help employees decipher customer requests if staff had trouble hearing what was said". Hahahaha! Have they ever used Alexa?

I want a burger.

Sorry, we don't sell boogers

A burger! With fries!

Our boogers don't come with flies

SpaceX didn't move sat out of impending smash doom because it 'didn't see ESA's messages'



You move out of MY WAY.

But for an optional fee, you can equip your satellite with our Almost-Hands-Free AutoSpacePilot, and then you wouldn't need to ask! Would you? Huh?

Seriously - this is YOUR fault, and you're all a bunch of *****.



Fancy buying a compact and bijou cardboard box home in a San Francisco alley? This $2.5m Android bounty will get you nearly there


Re: easy pickings

If you encode "Z3r0d!ium" with a salt of c1a, 3DES encrypt, MD5 the result then use RSA256 on the output, the first three letters are NSA. Coincidence? I think not....

Our hero returns home £500 richer thanks to senior dev's appalling security hygiene


Password hygiene

I worked for a small biz where network admin was everybody's responsibility. After a couple of backup woes, they made one of the developers assume full responsibility of the network.

A month later, sick of fielding password resets, he enforced everyone having the same password - the name of the company.

I went back there as a contractor, some ten years after I'd left - and my username and password, with full rights, logged me in at the first attempt.

How they're still in business I'll never know.

Cyberlaw wonks squint at NotPetya insurance smackdown: Should 'war exclusion' clauses apply to network hacks?


Re: Its Zuric.....

A good few years ago a mate was getting into photography in a big way and spent loads of money on cameras and gear.

He called his insurance company (on the phone) and added "valuable items in transit" cover.

When his car was broken into and his gear stolen the insurance co. refused the claim - because he couldn't prove he was transporting his high value items to or from a safety deposit box, as specified in the small print.

How does UK.gov fsck up IT projects? Let us count the ways


Re: CoD

A few years ago I was contracting for a firm creating an application for an NHS body.

Somehow the NHS body had managed to wangle clauses into the contract that said if the firm made a mistake, it had to be fixed at the firm's expense. However, if the NHS body made a mistake, it had to be fixed at the firm's expense.

The people at the NHS body were spectacularly useless - they didn't know about the clauses and actually thought their jobs were on the line, as NHS england was threatening to close this body if the project failed - and they were still unable to deliver the simplest of requirements until after deadlines were missed or beta versions were delivered. And we are really taking basic stuff - what role of person would be responsible for progressing a document through a workflow, for example.

The firm eventually pulled the plug, after losing about £5m and being no longer able to predict clawing any losses back. Chump change I know, but big money for a smaller firm.

And the guys at the NHS body are still there, and they fucked up the next attempt to get their project implemented, too.

The point being, when the gov body has this power over the firm creating the deliverable, they will fuck it up anyway.

Baffling tale of Apple shops' 'non-facial' 'facial recognition', a stolen ID, and a $1bn lawsuit after a wrongful arrest


re: The one whodunnit is the culprit

The one who smelt it, dealt it.

The one that said the rhyme, did the crime........

Sorry, just started reminiscing about my yoof.

It's alive! Hands on with Microsoft's Chromium Edge browser


Windows 11......

Ubuntu with a Fluent Design skin?

Ex-Mozilla CTO: US border cops demanded I unlock my phone, laptop at SF airport – and I'm an American citizen


"Gal, now employed by Apple...."

"You're detaining me wrong..."

Aussie engineer accuses 'serial farter' supervisor of bullying, seeks $1.8m redress



Buttnote, surely.

Don't strike a match! >>>

Blighty's most trusted brand? Yeah, you wish, judge tells Post Office in Horizon IT system ruling


My local postoffice closed and was re-situated in the convenience store a couple of hundred yards up the road.

It's open, including the PO counter, from 7am to 9pm. I don't use it often but it's handy if I need to call in on the way to / from work, as the "old" postoffice was strictly a 9-5 affair.

How many Reg columnists does it take to turn off a lightbulb?



I was a contractor working on an NHS portal about 10 years ago.

One of the junior devs turned to me and asked "Shall I try to update my local database or start again from scratch?"

"Take off and nuke it from orbit" I replied "It's the only way to be sure"


"Take off and nuke it from orbit, it's the only way to be sure!"

"WTF are you talking about, Adrian?"

At this point, virtually the entire office rounded on the poor lad and meme-bombed him with quotes, ending with "Aliens is arguably the best sci-fi action film ever made"

30 seconds of googling, and he let rip an utterly contemptuous snort, followed with "I wasn't even *born* when this PoS came out..."

Gawd, I feel old.

Facebook blames 'server config change' for 14-hour outage. Someone run that through the universal liar translator


Re: Facebook was down?

"Did you give them a quote?"

Such as "f*** off, you clueless cretin" ?

Small Brit firms beg for 'light touch' as only half are ready for digital tax reforms due next month


Re: Sombody in there understands something about Free Software...

Well, accountants will need to recoup some income once all the contractors are forced inside IR35 and into using umbrellas from April 2020...

That marketing email database that exposed 809 million contact records? Maybe make that two-BILLION-plus?


Re: easy pickings

If it uses Flat files, XML, JSON, YAML, Redis, Mongo, SQL Server, MySQL, MariaDB, C#, PHP, Perl, Ruby, Cobol, Visual Basic, BrainFuck or MSX Basic, and it runs on ARM, AMD or Intel Hardware, under Suse, RedHat, FreeBSD, RiscOS, AmigaOS, ReactOS or Qnix, on Laptops, Raspberry PI's, Atari ST's, Blades, Dell Power Edges or Sinclair calculators, hosted behind Dynamic DNS at home or co-located, then it qualifies as being Cloud, Enterprise and AI.

At least according to some of the marketing types I've had to work with.

UK banking was struck by one IT fail every day for most of 2018


Re: IT Failure?

Hanlon's razor almost definitely applies here

Amazon triples profit to $11.2bn, pays ZERO DOLLARS in corp tax – instead we pay it $129m


Re: "That makes me smart"

Dividend taxation was introduced to punish small businesses and one man bands (contractors) who had the temerity to play, quite legally, within the existing tax rules.

The aim was to get those legitimately outside of IR35 to pay a similar amount of tax as those inside, seeing as they'd failed (up to this point) to score any significant IR35 victories. It was a grudge tax.

Army had 'naive' approach to Capita's £1.3bn recruiting IT contract, MPs told



Indeed.com? JobServe? Surely one of these would be willing to sell a re-skinned site?

Is there a "half-joking" icon available?

Thanks to UK peers, coming to a laptop near you in 2019: Age checks for online smut


...they do not deal with overseas providers...

Forget about VPN's, differing methods of delivery or obfuscation - surely this statement alone, assuming that (finger in the air) 99.99% of all porn accessed in the UK is hosted overseas - renders this ridiculous 'thing' (it's barely meets the requirements to be called a plan) infeasible?

Someone must have explained to some minister, at least one minister, that one can view webpages served from a computer in a different country?

What a meth: Woman held for 3 months after cops mistake candy floss for hard drugs


It might not have been underneath the "floor", afterall, what's underneath the floor of car is the road.

More likely this was found in the spare wheel well, or under a carpet, or if an older car, wedged into a seam underneath a seat, which by very loose definition any cop could say was "hidden under the floor", and which any non-pedant would probably agree.

Have you got kids? And a car? If so, how thoroughly do you clean your car? I've only got the one son, just short of his 12th birthday currently. I traded in a 3 year old Volvo V40 just a couple of months ago. I emptied it every week of junk, I valeted it myself thoroughly every few weeks, and got the local guys to valet it even more thoroughly every few months, but you would not believe the amount of shit one can find beneath almost any loose fitting flap or fairing.

A few years ago I traded in a car (coincidentally, also a Volvo), and though it was almost ready for the scrapper, I valeted it myself, and then also had the local guys valet it for me too, to remove any "evidence". A few weeks later I started getting hounded by the guy who'd bought it at auction and blamed me for buying a car with a faulty clutch. He'd got my number from a torn scrap of MOT invoice that must've been buried so far inside the car I assume he'd had to strip the car down to component parts to find it.

The point is, cars, even when well looked after and regularly cleaned, are black holes for any crap that enters them, especially if you have kids.

Talk in Trump's tweets tells whether tale is true: Code can mostly spot Prez lies from wording


Right or wrong, truth or lie, fact or fiction....

... it's all pure, unadulterated bollocks.

What the #!/%* is that rogue Raspberry Pi doing plugged into my company's server room, sysadmin despairs


Re: easy pickings

I left a small IT company about ten years ago, and went back about three years ago for a short term contract.

My email (username) and password still worked. Worse still, the network manager at the time had enforced the use of the company name as password because he was fed up of dealing with reset / forgotten password attempts by the peasants.

Behold, the world's most popular programming language – and it is...wait, er, YAML?!?


.docx is the most popular and robust programming language

It's used to configure and control Human Runtime Containers, and is capable of advanced instruction including loops and subroutines.

A completed .docx full of rambling flowery prose (the technical term is called "Bullshit") is called either a "Memo" or "Press Release". It is important to name Subroutines using Buzzwords to avoid Namespace Collisions with actual meaningful human language.

It has the advantage that a Human Runtime Container can parse even badly written code within a .docx, but there is a danger that a badly formatted .docx created by a C level human operative may cause the Human Runtime Container to suffer a Bullshit Overflow Exception.

Can your rival fix it as fast? turns out to be ten-million-dollar question for plucky support guy


Re: recompense?

It was a small box. And it was probably an unwanted box from the previous Christmas.


Re: recompense?

This is (in part) what drove me away from being a permie - I was never responsible for an 8 figure order, but certainly helped to win high 6, maybe even an occasional 7 figure deals on a regular basis, as illustrated:

Sales Eloi would often come along and say "I want to demo this (absolutely fucking stupid idea, but looks flash) to a potential client next week - have it ready by then".

"Not possible" we would say.

"But I've already promised the potential client (and I've already told the CEO* you've volunteered)" said expensively dressed Sales Eloi before shooting off in his delivery-mileage M5, to wine and dine said customer at a nearby Michelin-starred restaurant whilst us Developer Morlocks would put in yet another 10-15 hours of unpaid overtime, only to be rewarded with a shared box of Quality Street whilst Sales Eloi booked yet another 5* holiday to Monaco / Mauritius / Miami with his forthcoming commission.

*The CEO was extremely KPI driven, so Eloi's, as net-contributors to company coffers were a valuable asset and deserving of their rewards, but Morlocks, as a pure expense, were a drain and only barely tolerated.



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