* Posts by Ash

993 publicly visible posts • joined 11 Apr 2007

Child porn suspect ordered to decrypt own hard drive

Ash

@ZM

Clearly, you are not a lawyer! That's not an insult.

Unless the words are there, in black letter, it doesn't count. Conjecture doesn't get you very far in Law. You can argue that because safe combinations are in memory, and passwords are only in memory, that passwords are covered, but it's not clear cut.

Bootleggers jump on 'complete' Windows 7

Ash

"Lack the official activation key..."

Whay, like Windows xp did with Genuine Advantage?

I hate to be the one to tell you, but Microsoft sent out instructions to disable the notification to volume licenst customers who got stung with false identification of unlicensed keys. I'm willing to bet that they're on the web somewhere.

BT reprograms biz customers as hotspots

Ash
Go

This is a *GOOD* thing!

You have carte blanche from BT for being not culpable for the data being sent and received over your BT connection now. You are immune to prosecution.

BT altered your hardware to offer open access. They are responsible.

N.B. Not a lawyer. Someone who is; Comments?

Microsoft: Vista desktop key to life fulfillment

Ash
Joke

What does my desktop say about me?

C:\> |

IBM bricking Seagate SATA disks

Ash
Thumb Down

Not bricked.

Brick = large paper paperweight.

Swap the controller, retrieve data. Not something for a user, or even a tech, but data recovery people will certainly be able to get it working again.

El Reg suffers identity crisis

Ash

Missing option

Tech tabloid (Me.)

Seriously. You're "The Nerd's Daily Mirror."

Hollywood to totally recall Total Recall

Ash
Stop

Get your ass to Mars!

We can put the Hollywood execs outside of the dome.

IT admin stole students' nude Facebook pics, cops say

Ash
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@Charles King

Interesting. Why doesn't the story mention this?

Bad form, Reg.

Ash

@Duh (Anon. Hero)

Underage? Where does it say that? These are university students, 18+. That's the legal age in the UK for posing nude in a provocative manner, but i'm not sure about the US.

As for being fired, he should take the university to court. He's not been found guilty of any crime, and charging somebody is, afaik, common practice in situations like this. Garden leave is the worst he should have received.

iPhoney nano found, tested in Asia

Ash
Joke

Important question unanswered!

UK availability?

Texting peer gets prison

Ash
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12 weeks?

I was on a jury where a couple of lads were found guilty of GBH with intent. They got 28 months.

How, in the name of all that is fair and just, does somebody get 12 WEEKS, 6 points, and a *£500* fine for causing DEATH by dangerous driving?

Oh yeah, he's a Peer.

Samsung unsheathes screaming phone

Ash
IT Angle

100dB where?

When placed against the cochlea? My headphones + MP3 player leave me with difficulty having a conversation after walking to the pub playing some Turisas at full tilt.

Pull them out of my ear, though, and I may as well have shoved the whole lot down the bog.

Good idea if it works, though. My mum would love one of these.

Anti-mafia cops want Skype tapping

Ash
Thumb Down

Won't work. At all.

They'll just shift communications onto a more secure infrastructure, for instance onion-routing or darknet-style networks. At that point, breach of the local machine is the only way to gain access to the communication in a useful period of time. If you have local access, however, something tells me that installing audio capture software will be WELL down the list of priorities.

Google's email service goes down

Ash
Joke

Issue identified, resolution impossible

Some prankster sent a link to a Google search to a friend, who then clicked it. It was at this point that GMail servers gound to a halt at the quantity of data being pushed at them by Google. Link in full below:

*DO NOT CLICK!*

http://www.google.co.uk/search?q=google

*DO NOT CLICK!*

Virgin Media boosts bottom tier broadband

Ash
Thumb Up

Sounds good to me!

On the 2Mb plan right now, getting consistent 2Mb speeds. I always hit the cap, but don't really care as iPlayer still streams in high quality at that speed, and online games use far less than that.

Like any responsible and informed internet user, I schedule torrenting and bulk downloads to the early hours of the morning, when nobody uses the network.

UK's best IT volunteers named, not shamed

Ash
Joke

Sometimes it's just too easy...

"Hi, I'm Clive McClure! You may know me from the Information Technologists' Company best IT volunteers of 2009, having created two databases for Westminster Advocacy Service for Senior Residents, which dramatically improved management of client casework..."

NSA offering 'billions' for Skype eavesdrop solution

Ash
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@Martin

Like all encryption products, unless you have access to the source code, a degree in Mathematics to understand the encryption implementation, compile it yourself, have unrestricted access to your machine, KNOW nobody else has access to your machine, AND have the same level of trust at the other end, it's not secure.

I don't trust Skype encryption in the same way I don't trust the lock on my front door to keep out the cops, should I do anything illegal. You can bet that anybody who REALLY has something to hide isn't sending raw audio over Skype, isn't saying things like "OMG LOL LETZ BOM DE EMBAZEE!!1" into the microphone, and isn't going to do it where the World Police expect them to call from.

Ash
Black Helicopters

Grab your tinfoil had, lads...

Who would put money on this being smoke and mirrors?

1. Get a backdoor to a program people trust.

2. Pretend youn don't, offer ludicrous amounts of cash for said backdoor.

3. Never get "official" backdoor, never pay out money.

4. Monitor with impunity or oversight

5. ...

6. Profit!

Colonel: US Army has working electropulse grenades

Ash
Joke

Why so big?

I'm pretty sure that with a bank of capacitors hooked up to a couple of miles of copper wire wrapped around a 6' long, 6" diameter iron nail, you could take out a good couple of tens of metres with EM leakage.

It'd get hot pretty quickly, though. And your rifles would probably break your ribs trying to get to the magnet...

Oh well, nothing's perfect.

Spotify: We kick the tyres

Ash
Thumb Up

160kbps jukebox?

I'm in. I'll get the client tonight.

Silverlight for Linux hits with Microsoft punch

Ash
Linux

@AC (codecs wirth $1m)

Yeah, sure! In the same way that sharing a popular album costs $1,050,000 in lost revenue when shared (at $70,000 a track).

I don't have SilverLight installed on my PC. Have I missed much? I just don't use websites which require it, much like sites which require bloated Flash navigation (check out GorillaMask.com for an example).

Tux? Because I wish I could get Linux to work.

New Windows virus attacks PHP, HTML, and ASP scripts

Ash
Unhappy

@Angry Clown

OMG U R 2 DUM!!!1

Nah, just kidding. I stopped browsing as Admin a long time ago. If I could get my wireless network working in openSUSE I wouldn't have Windows.

It seems that there is nobody who would help someone who's never done it before, though, and I'll have to trawl through forum after forum of "OMG STFU NOOB GO BAK 2 WINDD0S" posts before I get somewhere.

Unfortunately, i've spent more time researching this issue than I spend rebuilding Windows after an attack. That's possibly the largest stumbling block "Linux on the desktop" faces.

Barcelona boffin births swarming microrobots

Ash
Joke

So when will the earth stand still?

I want to see bilions of these formed into a 70' tall robot with a frikkin' laser beam eye!

Set LEDs to kill. And call that coat stand from the movie... What's his name... Keanu "Cut with the grain" Reeves.

Kids online: Parents need to regulate, says Ofcom

Ash
Thumb Up

Can I be the first to say...

"REGULATOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORS.... LOG ON!"

It was a clear black night, a clear white moon,

I was checking YouTube for the latest pop tunes,

"The DSL is lagged, I can't get no sound,

My brothers' P2P has dragged the whole net down!"

"My kids are little thieves, they rob the record stores!

Instead of paying for music, they download more and more,

I wish i'd said something sooner; it's too little too late,

Someone one should have taught me how to REGULAAAAAAAATE!"

We need an icon of the Office Mum holding a patch lead with a scornful look on her face for "parents taking resopnsibility."

EU threatens 'formal action' against UK.gov on Phorm

Ash
Happy

Really?

Wow... Erm...

It's been so long since i've seen someone stand up for the rights of consumers that I've forgotten how to react appropriately.

I think I might go get very drunk.

Jacqui Smith ecstatically ignores more scientific advice

Ash
Thumb Down

Heard about this on Radio Two

I forget who the interviewee was, but (sensationalist idiot) Jeremy Vine posed this horse riding point to some government rep, *specifically* asking about the health implications. She replied with nothing but trite, prohibitionist refrences to how it was illegal, class A, and horse riding was legal, and therefore the two could not be compared.

It's not just Jacki who's a nutcase.

Red Dwarf touches down in Coronation Street

Ash

Eh?

Are they appearing in Corrie or are they using the Rovers' as a set in Back to Earth?

Virgin Media trials longer bandwidth throttling

Ash
Flame

So, what to do...

Do I drop Virgin for a rubbish service from BT? Do I forget about broadband altogether?

You know what REALLY irritates me? I agree with this service. I agree that we (nationally) benefit from throttling, in the same way the M42 benefits from variable speed limit. Traffic flows better for everybody. Go communism.

What I DON'T agree with is that by continuing my heavy use through this cut-down period, I risk being disconnected. Well guess what... I DON'T STOP WATCHING IPLAYER BECAUSE THE INTERNET IS SLOWER. I'd be happy if it was "instead of" disconnections, but it's not. You cut down or you lose your connection.

[Car analogy alert] Try telling a driver he can't use the roads anymore because he's spent too much time doing 70mph on the motorway. Then tell him he can't claim his road tax, car insurance, fuel costs, and value of the car because some arbitrary limit was breached.[/car anology alert]

Brum laid bare on OpenStreetMap

Ash

Blimey!

Is Sutton Park really that huge?!

Anonymous digs ahead of more assaults on Scientology

Ash

Blogs blocked

http://anoneire.ning.com/profiles/blogs/church-of-scientology-prevents is blocked where I am. Any other source for this story?

If sale is restricted, is ownership too? I'd be interested in buying this book.

Joker must retire, insist Heath Ledger fans

Ash
Happy

Would imitation do?

I do a very good impression. Not kidding.

With make-up, I could look like him.

Maybe i'll contact Hollywood.

Wacky Jacqui Smith says whole country crusading against CCTV

Ash
Flame

@Paul Gomme, and anybody who read his comment

No. No, no, no, no NO.

Do NOT join a sodding Facebook group; Facebook is for socially inept idiots (I have a facebook account).

Join the MARCH ON PARLIAMENT where the WORLD will see your support. Nobody gives half a shit about some fucking facebook group.

GET AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER, LEAVE THE TV BEHIND FOR A DAY, AND ACTUALLY ACCOMPLISH SOMETHING.

US Navy SEALs buy twin-screen laptops, refuse Vista

Ash
Thumb Up

Riiiiiiight...

Asus G71V is the same thing with a 9700M GT and one screen.

They cost $6000 each.

When they can't afford proper body armour for these guys, I wonder if the ruggedised laptop will be stored in a secure pouch in their packs, or strapped to their chest as a ballistic shield.

But sure, why not! This way the SEALS can be in the field and STILL get pwned by 14 year olds in CS: Source.

UK gov unleashes biometric IDs

Ash
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@"When is the next election?" comments

The next election is when we want it. It's called a referendum.

The fastest way to bring one of these about by putting on a warm coat stuffed with trail mix, bovril, and a small stove and you go stand outside of parliament until one is called.

Our major issue is that the majority of the electorate doesn't want to miss the final of Strictly Come Limb-Flailing or Big Brother Factor's Next Britain Pop Idol Model, and would rather read about how they want ID cards in the Sun, as told by Britney who is "a qualified nurse and ID Card expert".

Police pursue crime suspect by Wii avatar

Ash
Thumb Down

Sure i've seen it!

I have one exactly the same. Where was I at the time in question, I hear you ask?

England.

Two papers about the Hell Desk

Ash
Joke

This isn't IT Support!

Where's the documentation on how to make a Tazer from a disposable camera and a couple of long nails?

No kill -9 logon scripts?

You'd think they WANTED users on the network...

Competition regulator kyboshes Project Kangaroo

Ash
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@Ian Ferguson

There are on demand services for Channel 4 and ITV, but they are DRM locked and require a plugin for Media Player. As their content is funded by advertising revenue and not tax (TV "License") they have much more strict control on their content. It MUST not be freely available or the guys they buy it from won't sell to them anymore, as the advertising profits will decline.

4OD would have been nice, but I don't use it on principle. I don't want DRM lock-in for content, even if it's free to me, and anyone who uses it loses my business (i'm not watching their adverts, so that's lost business Mr Coroprate Advertiser). iPlayer's Flash app is fine for me, and is totally unintrusive.

This was a poor decision. I'd gladly watch a 30 second flash advertisment before an episode of (Insert channel4 show here) for a browser-based viewer like iPlayer. As it is, they can sit and swivel :-)

Microsoft SKUs Windows 7 clarity

Ash
Gates Halo

Developing markets don't want crippled software.

How do Microsoft sell to their share holders this idea that "developing markets" want a crippled edition of Windows WHICH THEY HAVE TO PAY FOR over a pirated version of their flaghship OS?

I wouldn't buy it, and i'm a civilised Westerner.

Tazzari specs up UK-friendly electric runabout

Ash
Thumb Down

16k of epic fail.

Why? Just WHY?

I had a moped which did 0-30mph quicker, a higher top speed, better range, didn't get stuck in traffic, had space for a bag of shopping under the seat, cost £25 in fuel and oil per month, could be parked anywhere, and was £1750 brand new.

If you want an urban runabout, you go on two wheels. See Ho Chi Minh City for details.

Google on trial over Italian 'defamation' vid

Ash

I wonder...

... Who retains the most lawyers?

Italy or Google?

European Parliament wants criminalization of online 'grooming'

Ash
Pirate

(Don't) Think of the Children!

"The EP report also proposed to make providing online chat rooms and forums where pedophile activities take place a crime."

So, that's IRC gone then. Oh, and any unmoderated forum. And moderated forums with private messaging.

Get your Free Speech while you can! Last run, limited units available!

Gordo's mobe interrupts economic summit

Ash
Thumb Up

Why would she be singing Je t'aime?!

The first words of the song are "I come and I go between your kidneys." Not very romantic... Maybe a KGB "interrogation" technique?

Either way, I hope she wears marigolds.

My ring tone: No One Wins by The Bezerker. I can't stand it, but it's loud enough to overcome the fan buzz in the cab above my head.

Birmingham drops the possessive apostrophe

Ash

Proper Noun

I never thought of Acocks being possive... I thought it was the full name, the same as anybody with the surname Stevens or Jones.

Mountain out of Molehill, anyone?

First 'fully accurate' totally voice-controlled phone unveiled

Ash
Joke

Phone 100% Secure

Website 30%

Lucky Mancs could get ID cards first, Jacqui declares

Ash
Thumb Down

Ugh...

I'm glad i'm European; I can just leave and start working elsewhere within Europe without much hassle. I'm going to Finland. At least they have a decent heavy metal scene.

Care to join me, Mike?

Vladimir Putin bitchslaps Dell-boy

Ash
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@Francis Boyle

There's a sketch from Monkey Dust I want you to see before you use the phrase "crypto fascist" again...

BTW, I got the Red Dwarf reference.

UK.gov backs ISPs on charging content providers, throttling P2P

Ash
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iPlayer?

Who cares about quality?

The only quality difference i've noticed between normal and high quality iPlayer is I need to turn down the volume on the latter.

Rubbish.

Carter pledges file sharing snoop laws

Ash
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@hikaricore

It'll happen, and the great unwashed won't know what it is, the middle class fools won't care, and the upper echelons will profit.

Haven't you heard of the English Way, before?

Me? I'll use the WWW for iPlayer and windows updates. The rest will be Darknet or through a secure VPN out of the country.

'Bart Simpson' punts Church of Scientology

Ash
Thumb Up

Copyright infringement

Sue her like your representitives (RIAA / MPAA) sue children, grannies, and dead people or i'm never paying for a single piece of any of their media again.

Or don't, and expect it to be used in cases against you.

The A-Team flies into Hollywood

Ash
Thumb Down

No.

Not watching it.