* Posts by Dangermouse

148 posts • joined 9 Apr 2008

Police poison speed debate with fuzzy figures



Only 30?

You must be great fun at a party.

US forces want man-hunting robot wolfpacks


Wow, Lester!

Posting directly from the pub with a strong whiskey in hand?

TfL considers life without Oyster



The barriers ignore cards swiped too soon?

I'm sorry, but that is absolute crap.

I travel on the underground all the time, using Oyster, and following the person in front through the barriers. And guess what? You can go through *without* the "paddles slamming hard in to you" if you have at least half a brain cell, are not a moron and (pay attention 'cos this here is the key) manage to touch the card reader properly.

And chaos dosen't ensue.

NASA kids' compo: Name the inflatable moon habitat



Results 1 - 10 of about 126,000 for "mobile oppression palace" with Safesearch on.

(0.34 seconds) ...



Speed cams ditched in Wiltshire


Speed kills, huh?

So how come we are not throwing billions of pounds at prevention, creating uberdatabases of suspected speeders and generally monitoring everybodys cars if speeding kills more people yearly than terrorism?

US Air Force outlines combat raygun safety


Don't make me laugh...

The yanks can't even work out who to shoot at with conventional weapons - with or without an instruction manual.

Mind you, giving them lasers to play with should cause much more spectacular "regretable collateral damage" or blue-on-blue carnage.

Black widows: Coming soon to a kitchen sink near you


Pest Molluscs?

My back lawn is covered in the little fuckers.

Vista scrabbles for X Factor



"This campaign demonstrates how the PC connects a vastly diverse collection of people through a multitude of devices and one common emotion: Pride."


Serial commentard bitchslaps Reg hack



I'd keep your head down if I were you, Chris. The guy sounds a bit of a nutjob, as backed up by the conviction for a bit of previous. He's got rants and postings all over the intertubes.

I particularly like the fact that it seems to be a hotshot DBA, but cannot work out how to stop his PC from beeping.


Brussels bounces BT-Phorm quiz back to UK.gov



Gov.UK - *holds hands over ears*

"La, La, La, La, La, can't hear you. If we do this long enough it will work, won't it?"

Phorm losses shoot up by half


BT's test...

If the Reg has not heard from anyone taking part in the trial, could it be that Phorm and BT are maybe telling porkies and the trial is not actually happening? However, BT tells the regulators thus - "We ran a trial, honestly we did Guv, and nobody was affected, noticed, or complained. Therefore, all good."

Shome mishtake, shurely?

Germans give peeking Google one in the eye


Ah, Herr Google

For you, ze trawl is over.

Hammer Films has risen from the grave


Pagen Rituals, eh?

Que an aforementioned blonde, semi-naked Miss Birthistle writhing around in front of naked flames, then.

Purely for religous interest, of course.


Today be talk like a pirate day


Sarah Palin's pussy?


Am I the only one who doesn't find her attractive?

Am I?

Noel Edmonds defies BBC's jackbooted enforcers



How can you "completely not" do something?

"I have completely not punched you in the face. Let that be a lesson to you."

Oh, and wheres the etc, etc, cancel my bookmarks and suchwhat.

PA Consulting begs for mercy after data loss axing


Fuck 'em...

If one firm suffers for even just one loss, then maybe some others might sit up and take notice as well.

EDS, we are all looking at you.

Eye-o-Sauron™ poked out by Great Wall of America


And how much was blown on this crap?


EMC plays kiss chase with Hyper-V


Please don't publish that comment...

I'm on the wrong side of a couple of bottles of very good red, and the previous comment sounded like I've retracted completely up my own arse, which I assure you I haven't. Why, oh why did I put silly letters after...oh bugger it.

I'm going mad, to wit having one-sided conversations with Miss Bee who is no doubt going to publish both comments.



I've said it before...

...and will say it again.

VMWare were fucking mad to get taken over by EMC.

Dangermouse VCP, MCSE, CNE, BA (Hons Maths, Idiocy)

Ivan O'Toole? That's nothing, snorts Hugh Jass


My name is...

...Hugh J. Penis.

Stop sniggering at the back.

Segway shock army to invade Department of Transport


Good fun, though...

..."accidentally" dropping one's laptop bag or gym bag in the path of one of these things. Watching some lard arse hitting the pavement face first with all the grace and subtlety of a dead whale falling out of a tree would brighten anyone's morning.

DARPA funds radical disco-copter concept


Is this how Airwolf worked?

Oh, and anyone remember Streethawk? That was one cool bike, as well. And I remember watching Monkey on BBC2 when I got home from school.

Happy days.

Hadron boffins: Our meddling will not destroy universe



Judging from Lewis's concerns over keeping ice cubes in his glass one would rather suspect it's Pimms.

Or Whiskey.

Is there a 'drunk' icon?

Bloomberg kills Steve Jobs


How much am I bid?

That Webster's gleefully commented within the first 10 posted? Anyone for a pony?

Coming soon: Facebook - The Movie!


Oh dear god, no, bitch!

Fuck right off.

That is all.

McCain: Keep Shuttle flying, don't trust Russia


@Chris Thorpe

""I" in ISS is for International?"

Don't be silly. The Yanks think that the entire planet, its resources and everything that surrounds it is theirs. The rest of us are just using it without their permission, and as such can be invaded, bombed, shot, kidnapped, bullied or threatened at will.

Minister warns of national grid hack threat


The stated number of attacks is too low...

...bagazillions, shurely?

Bush makes last-minute grab for civil liberties


America? Fuck, yeah!

I'm sure I have mentioned this before as a Brit, but I have worked in San Francisco in the dim and distant past - before the current chimp came into office. Thoroughly enjoyable experience, too.

However, I now know that I will never set foot in that country again. They will never get any more taxes because I will never work there again, or my tourist money because I will never visit there again.

I sincerely hope that enough people follow my lead.

Oh, and I never realised that Bush and his fellow idiots were intelligent enough to be able to do dot-to-dots.

Lag log leaks - Home Office contractor loses entire prison population



There are just so many things wrong with this that it's hard to know where to start.

Secure format?

ID Card development?

Downloaded "for processing purposes"?

Anybody suspended?

PA Consulting sacked for breach of contract?

PA Consulting prosecuted for breach of RIPA or DPA?

I despair. I really do despair.

UK.gov misses deadline on EU Phorm probe



...just beautiful.

That is all.

Yes! It's Joyce McKinney, admits Joyce McKinney


Good deed?

What fucking good deed?

If she had got five new dogs from the local rescue centre then it might pass off as a good deed at a stretch, but not as it is.


Google maps Russian assault on Savannah



Are you real?

Nah. There is no way you can be real.

Can you? Are you?

Teens admit to Grand Theft Auto-inspired petrol bombfest


Word on the street is...

...Bush invaded Iraq 'cos he saw it in a game.

Mind you, Tiddlywinks has obviously got a lot more dangerous than when I was an ankle-biter.

CERN: LHC to fire first proton-smash ray next month



I'll be spending the day in bed with my girlfriend doing naughty stuff, but each to their own I suppose.

Robotic hand relief


Is it dish-washer proof?

That is all.

Blighty's nuke-power push stalled as EDF buy falls through



Took me a while to get through that one, and I think I went cross-eyed once or twice but.....

he shoots - and he scores!!!



@Pete James

I suspect that Mr Mars is aware that the infrastructure in this country is in such a crap state of affairs that for once one would hope that UK Pension Funds would behave a little more ethically and put the needs of the country and its people before a little more revenue.



Succinctly put.

(for once!)

Sumerians cracked world's oldest joke


I'm not saying the mother-in-laws'...

...ugly but when she does her make-up the lipstick crawls back down the tube!


I'm not saying the mother-in-laws'...

...ugly but she makes her own yogurt by staring at a pint of milk!


I'm not saying my mother-in-laws'....

...ugly, but she uses her bottom lip as a shower cap!

Feds not scouring Facebook for terrorists (say Feds)


Ahmed the Terrorist's status...

...Ahmed is currently looking forward to his forthcoming trip to Paradise!

MPs report back from internet's dark side


You can see where this is going...

...can't you?

"I've got a great idea. How about we implement a UK Government controlled firewall and route everybody through that. Then we can enforce who sees what. After all, we have to protect the children and combat terrorism."

November 5th. We need to go and admire the architecture in Parliament Square, with a Guy Fawkes mask. Individually, of course, cos we are not still allowed to protest without police permission.

So we are not protesting.

Just admiring the buildings.

Orangutans concoct plant-based soothing balm


And in other news...

...rumours that Windows 7 is being developed by a group of Orang-utans in a secret location near the Niger Delta have been hotly denied by Microsoft.

"Its absolutely not true." said a Redmond spokesman. "Our code is not that advanced..."

Dead author's estate snatches child's domain


Doglas Adams?

Who or indeed what the fuck is Doglas Adams?


UK comms intercepts up by half - and it isn't the council


Freedom Not Fear 2008

For all who are appalled at the loss of privacy and the creeping Orwellian state in which, not just the UK but the whole of Europe is heading, there is a mass protest planned for the 11th October 2008.

"Surveillance, distrust and fear are gradually transforming our society into one of uncritical consumers who have "nothing to hide" and - in a vain attempt to achieve total security - are prepared to give up their freedoms. We do not want to live in such a society! "

If you agree with this statement, then get yourself along.

I also believe that if the UK Government does not get the message on that day, then there "will not" be lots of people quietly going for a walk on the 5th November 2008, independently of each other, pausing - perhaps - to take in the fine architecture that is our Parliment building, perhaps carrying a Guy Fawkes mask. Just for their own entertainment, you understand. It is Guy Fawkes day, after all.

I believe we are currently still not allowed to protest in large numbers in Parliment Square.

So I won't be.

However, if the weather is nice then I might go for a quiet stroll.

Perhaps pausing to look at some fine architecture.

With a mask.

Home Office classes openness review a secret


Just thought about this a bit more...

So how many people in the UK have house plants. Probably near-enough all adults. And how many would have this "plant passport" thingy. Not one.

Ergo, we are now all criminals.

Hanging's too good for us.


Thats me off for a unscheduled summer holiday then...

So what the fuck is a "plant passport" and do I need one for the spider plant in the bathroom?

Gitmo here I come, I guess. Can we have a "hooded man in chains" icon, please?

Ubuntu trumpets aromatic pistou of borage

Thumb Up

Don't know about you...

...but I think Vanessa is well fit. If dodgey-rabbit-food menu's and lots of mumbo-jumbo-chanting-stretching makes the women look like that, then I'm all for it!

Sorry, Sarah. Not at all typical-male-always-thinking-of-his-willy behavior here, honestly.

MS takes Windows 3.11 out of embed to put to bed






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