Posts by Ishkandar

M&S flogs lingerie model with 'durable hardwood feet'

All well and good...

....but will the (cushion) covers come off easily; for cleaning, I hasten to add ?? I must visit M&S more often now.

Mine's that old "flasher" mac..

Remembering the Coleco Adam

See what you type

I still have my TRS-80 connected to my "recycled" B/W tv and an Epson RX-80 printer and I ran Electric Pencil on it !! Still works and still sounds like WW3 has started everytime the printer gets into action !! And it had a bit of judicious soldering that allowed it to use the full 64 KB (WOW !!) of memory !!

The whole setup worked out to be cheaper than an IBM electric typewriter (the other alternative) and I could also play games on it !!

And it, too, had a Zilog Z80B in its guts !!

Microsoft forgers get jail time in Taiwan

Piracy ??

Ah, well. It's that lot in the renegade province again !! They should be taken out and shot for infiltrating the free world with such fascist software !!

Straw: Police can bug MPs without asking Cabinet

I fully support the bugging of *ALL* MPs !!

What I demand is that all that dirt should be put public domain on the grounds of entertainment value for their massive salaries !!

Ofgem, MoD attack pricey terror-friendly windmills

Firing through the prop

Actually it was a mad Froggie who first came up with the ingenious idea of firing through the prop. He figured out that only 5% of the bullets actually hit the prop blades, so he fitted steel triangles to the blades at the points where the bullets would hit. Then all he had to do was to dodge the bullets that whanged off those steel triangles !! Told you he was mad !!

Anton Fokker then went on to develop the syncroniser that syncronised the firing of the bullet with the turning of the blades after examining a downed Froggie plane.

However, if you fired syncronised pulses of radar to miss the windmill blades, the "opposition" can fire similarly syncronised pulses at your receivers and you are basically b***ered !! I believe it's something called ECM !!

Low-level flying

Perhaps the RAF big-wigs are still dreaming of their days of glory, flying Typhoons over the continent on train-busting missions ??

If any current RAF pilot wants to play at shepherd while flying at 500+ mph, they'll pay the ultimate price for their folly and Darwinism is satisfied !!

And Ofgen should say to the generator people what the pie-man said to Simple Simon - show me first your penny !! Build the damn windmills *FIRST* and we'll think about the subsidies later !!

Vote now for your top Bond movie title

@Crash Override

Alternatively he could be called Hugh Jardon, if he's Welsh !!

The best, ahem, alluring Bond girl scene is still Ursula Andress coming out of the sea !!

Dallas man accidentally shoots self in head

@Paul F

I beg to differ !! The only thing more dangerous than a loaded gun is a loaded American with one !!

Boffin shortage will blight Blighty's prosperity

@Anonymous Coward - malaria researcher

Why bother !! Just get a McQualification and you'll earn more and have a more secure future too !! There'll always be demands for burger-flippers !!

I think I can *just* hear the McAssassins coming for me !!

Asus reschedules 8GB Eee PC to Q2, moles claim

Newer model

Sod the 8Gigs, when is *SHE* available ??

EU to ban the patio heaters that ate the planet. Not.

Energy efficiency

Ban the interfering so-and-sos and we'll save loads of wasted energy !! I'm all for it !! Nothing a little nuke in Brussels wouldn't solve !!

Think of all that money saved that could have been better spend on OAPs and healthcare !!

Pentagon pundits demand sensible raygun research

Made in Britain

Wasn't there a project called British Unstoppable Great Gun, Energy, Reusable - BUGGER ?? Presumable the MoD cancelled their funding when they were asked for the name of their project and they answered in acronym !!

French police plan Windows-free jails, offices

Windowless police establishments

Didn't the French already have a good one - Chateau D'if - if I remember rightly ??

Oops, sorry, you mean THAT kind of "Windowless" !!

@Bert Ragnarok - the 100,000 are the plods. That shouldn't include the support, and some say far better looking, staff that will (wo)man the PCs !! That also does not include the Robocops^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H CRS riot police !!

/Mine has Kevlar woven into it !!

Spy satellite to slam Earthside

Will God be kind enough to direct this to land on No. 10...

...just when he's back from his junkets ??

Please God; I'll even eat up all my spinach from now on !!

DfT magicians conjure a nation of car sharers

I keep offering to share my car with that sexy thing across the road....

....but she keeps running away screaming !!

Oh well, not for a want of trying !!

100Mbit/s sewer broadband rollout coming your way

Be prepared for serious doses of Denial of Service attacks....

...when someone gets going with his Vindaloo !!

I also presume that the ISP will now be flushed with success !!

That heavy duty NBC suit, please

M&S rapped for data loss

Brown's poodle shows its teeth !!

The Information Commissioner's Office is sanctioning M&S for lost data ?? What about the NHS, MoD, DVLA, et al ??

Not a peep form this poodle when the big dogs were around !!

'Tofu' license pits open source against meat

Then along comes someone...

...who'll make a similar or better product and ban all vegans from using it !! Where will this stop ??

When Green Computing attacks - hype or heaven?

Green computing...

...is based on the Barnum Principle - There's a sucker born every minute !!

HP plunks 16GB SSD drive into slim business PCs

SSDs

Stick those things into a laptop and they'll win a lot more fans !! Especially in these days of (still) piss-poor battery capacity !!

DuBreq Stylophone pocket organ makes a comeback

That pesky Antepodean has a lot to answer for;...

...like "Tie me kangaroo down, sport", that wibble(or wobble) board and his blasted digeridoo !!

Rogue trader blows sox off control systems

When companies die...

When suits and salesmen take over the management of any company, they will try to maximise profits and any cost using any means with total disregard to the cost in human and security terms !!

In SocGen's case, the management is left with counting the cost of just such a failure. The most sophisticated security system in the world can be circumvented from within as in this case !! The management did not seemed to have made periodic security audits. Therefore they deserve all the shit they get !!

Employee's silent rampage wipes out $2.5m worth of data

@Oliver Jones

If she was good enough to re-design the frigging building, would she be an admin assistant ?? Go straight to CIA, Langley, do not pass "GO", do not collect your "Get out of Gitmo,free" card !!

Anyway, why is that nosy bitch snooping around looking into things that don't concern her ?? If she hadn't been snooping around, none of this will have happened; so any other details are moot !! No lawyer can get her out of that !!

Couple sue over Shanghai metro snog vid

@Russell Preece

There is no such thing as "a little bit pregnant". Once that clip is out on the web, it does not matter whether 2 million or 2 billion people watched it !! El Reg is just carrying on its journalistic function as best it can !!

Be fair, guys

They might be Chinese athletes practicing their secret moves for the Olympics. Now their secret is out, they may lose their event and be punished by being sent for re-education with the London Underground !!

I'd give her a 10 for effort and a 9 for location !!

MPAA admits movie piracy study is 29% full of @$#%

Honest, guv !! I was aiming that nuke at Washington....

....not the MPAA and anyway it's just a difference of digits, guv. Easy mistake to make !!

Do we need computer competence tests?

I love this idea !!

This will get rid of 99% of *ALL* management !! I know one who had to get his secretary to update his PDA everyday because he hadn't a clue how to !! But he'll wave that damn thing around at meetings and dinner parties to show how "clued up about IT" he is !!

These are the same people that think chickens are produced, pre-packed and frozen, from the supermarkets and that fish do come in little rectangular blocks !!

PH because she's representative of that tribe !!

Swedes to probe cow-belch threat to planet

@AC

"Though if the Swedes are looking for some domestic research projects I suggest they look at something that has taxed the brains of men like myself since the seventies - the blonde or the redhead?"

Only uptight Westerners have this problem !! Us Easterners are smarter !! Just have one of each, blond, brunette, redhead and dark !! Variety, they do say, is the spice of life !!

Emigrating to Sweden !!

It is obvious that I live in the wrong country. First the Swedes get lotsa lolly to research the desirable length/proportion of leg and concluded that Kylie Minogue's pair of pins were highly desirable (department of the bleeding obvious) !! Now they pay thousands of squids to research bovine belches !!

Why can't I get a grant to research the potential of bio-thermal energy generation by harnessing the hot air emanating from Parliament or the bovine by-products that must fill that site to the rafters ??

Finance watchdog warns about being 'seduced' by IT partnerships

@dave

Stop !! Please STOP !! Are you trying to do me out of a nice little earner ??

Suntan lotion ?? Flip-flops ?? Thongs ?? Right, I'm off !!

Becta exec admits mistakes on education IT

Sounds like my old science teacher...

"The teacher was reading from a generic powerpoint slide which she had not created here self."

...who said that atoms were the smallest indivisible particles in the world because it said so in her book. When I disputed that with a book from the library which said that atoms were made up of protons, neutrons and electrons, she booted me out of her class for being a "disruptive element" !!

I am still trying to find out if she is a member of good standing of the Flat-Earth Society !!

@Anonymous Coward - "All this means that those who legislate are, of necessity, hopelessly out of touch, but nevertheless desperate to catch up." I dispute that statement. They are making *NO* effort to catch up !! They just love the sound of their own voices !!

@George Johnson - Surprise !! Surprise !! It's already happened, albeit, the thin end of the wedge !! Watch this space !! More will come !! For more proof, do a headcount by race of the working population of Silicon Valley then look up the meaning of the term "Bangalored" !!

Smith says answer to knife crime is through the arch window

More NuLabour cures for which there is no known disease...

@EvilFairy - teeth ?? Been done since before the first cavemen discovered stone knives !!

@Spleen - "As for getting rid of them altogether, unfortunately they're in charge of a large body of armed men who, although they only joined up to protect what they held dear (or possibly to pay for university) will nonetheless shoot you if you try."

---You think so ?? Come back, Oliver Cromwell, Lord Protector !! All is forgiven !!

@night troll - My God !! A man after my own heart !! Genghis Khan will be proud of you !!

@Paul Murray - You, sir, are hereby reported to the RSPCA for cruelty to snakes !! What have those snakes done to you to deserve such horrors inflicted upon them ??

Various comments have stated the obvious, i.e. more meaningless soundbytes from this government. Just bring back the birch and suspended sentences, preferably with recyclable rope !!

--Kevlar vest, ceramic plate surcoat, mace, solid titanium walking stick ? Right, I'm off !!

Former top brass call for first-strike nuke option

State sponsored terrorism at its best !!

And the difference between them and the current crop of terrorists is.....what ??

@Anonymous Coward - ROFL !! That's the IT angle, alright !!

Viva VBA - alas

@Brutus

You actually work for the mafia ?? Respect, man !!

Brazil bans the evil sold in EverQuest and Counter-Strike

Brazil ?? They're nuts !!

We hold them to be self-evident truths !!

Even she has heard of them, shurly !!

Hackers KO Panama's National Assembly website

Democracy and freedom, US style !!

Of course, the US is all for democracy and freedom. You are free to vote how you like just so long as they are for the candidates we (the US) wants. Do it any other way and we'll invade you commie-fascist-terrorist dictatorship, torture your citizens, rape your women and steal^H^H^H^H^H acquire your resources !!

RIAA wiped off the net

Now...

@Nathan Williams - ...why don't we give them a new one - .cia, for instance !!

United Arab Emirates plan zero carbon desert city

Then the camels....

...for the tourists to ride on let go thunderous f*rts....

So much for the pollution-free city !!

I'll be getting my NBC outfit ready for the visit !!

Fertility watchdogs approve first human-animal hybrids

@Mr Chris

So you think that being butlers are all we simians are good for, eh ?? We, of the Simian Liberation Army, know where you live and we will be watching you carefully....

Been done long ago...

Just look at the human-jackass hybrids that infest the current Cabinet...

Remembering the Commodore SX-64

Adam Osborne's little monster came first...

...and then there were the Compaq "portables". Although I've used those machines, none interested me as proper business machines until the Toshiba 5100/5200 came out.

I could squeeze in SCO Unix (with drastic pruning), a full Oracle database and a (rather) large application into that THING's 100 MB disk. It was so precious that my boss actually carted the damn thing on his *lap* all the way from Heathrow to Narita, used it in Tokyo and carted it all the way back the same manner even though it was *definitely NOT* a lap-top by any stretch of imagination. That probably contributed to his Deep Vein Thrombosis, if nothing else.

Ah !! The sacrifices we make in the name of computing !!

Germans send teen tearaway to Siberia

@Anonymous Coward

Try pooping behind a tree and you'll get a frostbitten arse !! If the weather can do it to the brass monkeys, it'll certainly do it to yours !!

@night troll - No need for the expense of patrol ships at all. Just drop some offal around the island a few times a day and the local "denizens" will gladly patrol the seas !!

Heathrow 777 crash flattens servers

@Anonymous Coward@Eileen

>>How high would it have been when it hit the ground if he hadn't?!?

The same height as if he had since the ground was not moving and the plane has to *approach* the ground !!

@Anonymous Coward - F104 - I believe they were known as the "Widowmakers" for their wonderful flight characteristics !!

Pentagon in $75m electropulse blast-ray programme

@John Benson

Why are you dissing my TRS-80 Model 1 level 2 for ?? It gave me good service for ages !! It also had a word processor (Electric Pencil) long before Wordstar appeared on the Apple 2E !!

Got an amicable a*se? We have the job for you

Call me old fashion...

...but WTF is a "Healthcare Informaticist" ??? I've done the analysis (business AND system) for an application that covered international medical insurance pretty comprehensively and I have *NEVER* met a Healthcare Informaticist to date !!

Is it animal, vegetable or mineral ??

All this smacks of someone who is totally without any knowledge of the requirements making up specifications for yet another spectacular IT failure in the, already overburdened, health system.

Home Sec in anti-terror plan to control entire web

@Mike Crawshaw

But the H'Amerikans say Europe is the terrorists' base !! So will they be invading soon ??

I'm getting my coat and tin-foil hat and moving to the Antartic. At least, they only kill whales there !!

Hackers go after Excel

A simple and invulnerable solution to this problem

Revert to Spreadsheet v0.0 !! It cannot be hacked from *any* distance and you just have to shoot the hackers if they come near your spreadsheet(s).

This product consist of large quantities of A3 sheets of paper attached to each other with vast quantities of sticky tape !! They existed at the time when the last of the dinosaurs were dying out and co-existed with manual calculators (wind-up variety) and comptometers !!

One excellent feature of this product is that they existed *BEFORE* young Billy Gates was born !!

Right, I'm off to have a chat about the good old days with my mates in the cemetery !!

Terrifying farm mechanoid plan for Japan

Meanwhile, back at the farm....

...the frustrated farmers' wives will use strap-ons of another kind while the "boys" play with their toys !! The mind boggles at Robo.....

Japanese radish

They are called Daikon and they can average between two and three feet long and between 4-5 inches in diameter !!

This is a deliberate separate post and has nothing whatsoever to do with the previous post !!

NASA embosses space images for the blind

I demand...

...one of Ripley in her full glory !!