Posts by Ishkandar

Jules Verne mates with ISS

‘Jules Verne mates with ISS’

How dare you publish porn like that on this site !!! And it's not even human porn !!

Wombat rape ordeal turns NZ man Australian

@David

Then you should stop eying up all those Welshmen's girlfriends, shouldn't you ??

Steel Cloud servers to power US Navy robo-cannon kit

Wonderful !! Wonderful !!

I just can't wait for its first full rollout to the press !! Just imagine the tons of press photographers and their flashguns popping away at it .......

Shell waves goodbye to 3,000 IT staffers in $4bn outsourcing gig

Whom the Gods wish to destroy...

...they first outsource !!

Great move, Shell. Just hive off all that deadwood to the outsourcer and, later, insource all those you really want !! Sod all, the unions can do about it !!

CIA demands UK halts interrogation tactics

@Aubry Thonon

No !! That title has been passed to Big Brother UK edition !!

Furthermore, it is said that Alan Sugar will be standing for election as the Prime Minister so that he can justifiably say "You're fired" to any minister he dislikes !! Bruce Forsyth will be elected as the Speaker to welcome the same old faces back to Parliament !! Also, for the first time ever, a Frenchman will be appointed as the Chancellor of the Exchequer. Jerome Kerveil will bring with him the means and experience to fill the National Coffers very nicely, thank you !! Nick Leeson was offered the job first but he declined graciously on the grounds that he is still actively sought by various Singaporean gentlemen who would like to invite him to be the guest of honour at their banquet. It seems that they love him - boiled, roasted or stir-fried !!

T5 opening turns into Airplane 3.0

@Jeroen Braamhaar

The new HK airport is called CLK (Chek Lap Kok) and the opening weeks were a total nightmare !! Their radar/antenna farm failed and the planes had to be spotted with "high tech" binoculars from the tower. The FDDS (Flight Destination Display System) was supposed to receive updates from the main IBM computer at the rate of one per second and it was getting updates at the rate of one per hour. They "solved" that problem by using a large whiteboard with one ground crew "slave" furiously scribbling on it while another was on the walkie-talkie getting updates from the tower (where the "spotters" were).

They had THREE separate luggage handling systems run by three different companies with three different IT systems designed by different IT companies; all totally incompatible with each other !! Luckily, few of the luggage were "lost" !! The MTR (underground) was not completed until four weeks AFTER it opened.

The air cargo system failed completely and the cargo was stacked on the apron for days in the hot sun because no one knew where anything went. Tons of fish and other seafood rotten in the open air and the place stank for weeks !! In the end, they switched the air cargo back to Kai Tak (old airport) for several months until the air cargo system in CLK was sorted out.

And all this because the airport HAD to be opened on 1st July 1997 (the Handover Day) - a political decision that caused great loss of face to the management and government !! Now, more than ten years later, they are still trying to live it down !!

Good luck, BAA. I get the strange feeling that you are going to need it in the coming days/weeks/months/years !!

@Allan Dyer

That's because someone had the brilliant idea of carting everything to the top of the hill using some asses (the drivers) and some donkeys !! It was/is an extremely high tech project !!

@Tom Welsh

No sir, it's called the Peter Principle - people are promoted to their level of incompetence. The better ones leave for pastures greener with better promotion prospects. Sooner or later the place is full of the incompetents left behind.

US allows visual inspections of nipple rings

@James Bassett

Strangely, I do travel a lot and I do bring my laptop with me most times. However, I will not be visiting the US any time soon. They have the cheek to complain about Human Rights abuse in other countries when they practice it as a matter of routine at home. Perhaps they should fix their own country first before going out to preach Human Rights to others !!

I am happy to visit where they do not practice such perversions (i.e. most parts of the world) !! The next trip out will be South East Asia where the most common form of piercing is the local satay sticks !!

Exec sounds death knell for games consoles

Ex-Microsoft or not...

...he has certainly caught the Microsoft disease - making pronouncements like he heard them direct from God !! I think it's called the False Prophet Syndrome and has no known cure !! He is doomed for life !!

3 claims to have squared the circle

Li Ka-shing

Li Ka-shing did not become the richest man in HK and one of the richest in Asia by playing silly buggers with crappy products. Compare and contrast this with Alan "you're fired" Sugar and his "empire".

He also has the financial clout to push through his projects without resorting to/dependent on outside sources(and, therefore, control).

However, his second son is well known to have made millions.....out of billions, in the PCCW saga !!

Asus Eee PC 900 flips one at MacBook Air with multi-touch input

two-finger zooming...

I've been using two-finger zooming for more than 40 years !! Held vertically upwards and wriggled, it means zoom out (or "fxxx off"); held vertically downwards and pointed, it means zoom in (or "come here!") !!

Vista SP1 downloaders bite back

Oh, the number of masochists around will have the Marquis De Sade...

...writhing in orgasm !! Don't expect to make a concrete wall by piling crap on top of crap !!

Come back, DOS 3.3 !! All is forgiven !!

Asterisk mauled by buffer overflow bug

Buffer overflows ???

And to think that the Western World keep pointing fingers at the Chinese for shoddy workmanship !! I thought "Buffer overflows" were beaten out of young programmers in my time (>30 years ago) !! "Test, test and test again to destruction" was the litany in those days !! One didn't get to go home unless the damn thing could stand up to all possible conditions !!

I blame the dot,com bubble for generating extravagant expectations in the IT industry in return for shoddy workmanship !! There's no longer any pride in doing a good job. Just pure greed !!

Arthur C. Clarke dead at 90

Straddling the worlds of IT and SF....

...I am gladdened to see that I am not alone.

John Denver classic provokes Thai karaoke gun massacre

@Kevin

The distance from Beijing to Hatyai is about that from London to Kosovo. Not exactly next door, is it, you Albanian !!

Cambridge brain touts wind-n-server combo farms

@Simon Neill

Waddaya mean "threw out" ??? I still have my VT100 AND my VT220 and my (then latest) VT420 terminals !! Lack of attic space and threats of a divorce made me dispose of my teletypewriter; it did occupy a tenth of the attic space !!

@Steven Knox - blade servers - people who hand out sharp instruments prior to a little local nastiness !!

Of course, the dear professor *ASSUMES* that all the data...

...will be kept safely and securely !! However, considering this government's track-record, this assumption is, itself, not safe !!

I would much rather have my LAN disconnected from the outside world every night after work than to allow "free" access to my lovely data !!

Furthermore, most windfarms will be out at sea. The costs of setting up storm-proof data centres at sea will be definitely *NOT* green !! The alternative is periodic blackouts when the data centres are shorted out by the latest storm !! Also, the salt corrosion of the computing hardware will be far higher than normal !!

These professors should leave their ivory towers once in a while !!

Uncovered: the lost humor of flowcharts

Still used to this day.

I/we still use flowcharts to chart the business needs *FIRST* before the system analysis starts. If the business needs are not charted and analysed properly, the resultant application(s) will be FUBAR as is shown by the various very expensive government IT F**kups !!

China has world's largest online population

@Peter

Wrong !! Pop into Hong Kong and you'll see tons of them !! Also, considering the anorexic nature of these creatures, that adds up to a lot of them !!

@Andy Barber - his "playmates", dummy; his "playmates" !! Wannabe singers and actresses !! Need I say more ??

@ Innovation? - extremely valuable Ming vases sold at Sotherby's for one !! Water-tight bulkheads and stern post rudders, 4 (four) centuries before the rest of the world - read 1421 by Gavin Menzies.

US Army funds $10m bat-droid

@Dave Bell

Ever heard of blue-on-blue or friendly fire (if ever there was a more disgusting oxymoron) ?? USAF is so famous for it that the US Army NEEDS its own air power !!

Imagine a flock of airforce bat-roids zapping a whole US infantry division !! Al-Queda will wet itself laughing for a week !!

MPs and Lords turn on government over data protection

You mean these people are not in the pay of some foreign government ???

I thought the whole idea is to make the data available to any and all foreign governments (and criminal organisations) who want to know about the great population of the UK. And MI5's role is to distribute laptops full of "security data" in such a manner as to qualify for James Bond movies !!

The Carry-on team can't beat the way these guys work(??) !!

@There is no way for the government to secure our data - isn't the colour of your current underpants BROWN ??

MPs get £2k home cinema on taxpayers

Come on, guys, be fair !!

They all have to watch Yes, Minister to learn their jobs, you know !! Those who fail the tests gets promoted to ministers !!

As the saying goes - Those who can, do; those who can't, teach; those who can't teach, join the civil service; and those who can't join the civil service become MPs !! That was the message in the Yes Minister series !!

Convicted cybercrook stands for election in the Ukraine

At least he will know something about data security !!

Quite unlike own home grown ones who wouldn't know security if it stood up and bit them in the backside !!

US airforce looks to buy Californian garbage jet fuel

P. T. Barnum is still right !!

"Solena claims that the energy value of the syngas output is four times that required to run the plasma furnaces, making the process self-powering."

Only in America and, particularly California, do they still believe in the perpetual motion machine.

@Please no. - "I'm a "realistic eco-nazi", but really, there must be better ways than this." - yes there is. It was also in use commercial up till the end of the 19th century. It's called wind !!

Antarctic meteorite points to smashed dwarf planet

Are you sure that's not part of the planet Krypton....

...and that those fragments of rocks may contain kryptonite ?? Try looking for a nice round crater in the vicinity, that'll be where Superbaby landed on his head and bounced back up to re-land in Smallville !!

These scientists obviously don't do enough reading of the right nature !!

Microscope-wielding boffins crack Tube smartcard

@HO HO guess what?

But, but...our government swears blind that our ID cards will be foolproof !! And since they are the government, they MUST be right, aren't they ??

@AC@New door opens - serves you right for buying that cr*p. I built a 386 DX machine form bits for less than one third of the price of one of those and had more RAM and a bigger hard disk to boot (pun intended) !!

@WhatWasThat? - they had actually thought of dealing with the real-time transactions in the HK system. What they *didn't* do was to get a proper estimate of the *VOLUME* of transactions per (time period). Comes day one and hordes of passengers using their cards and the system went splat !! So it is not simply a matter of dragging a lot of wires from *FIXED* sites to the server(s). Add on the mobile sites (buses, mini-buses,etc) that download when they get back to their home station and throw a *MASSIVE* data-dump down the line and most of the people involved walked around wearing brown trousers for weeks until the scalability of the system was properly tested and pronounced safe for general use !!

What's to stop history from repeating itself in 2012 when hordes of tourists pour into London for the Olympics and the whole system grinds to a screeching halt ??

@A J Stiles - I saw on a packet of dry-roasted peanuts "may contain nuts" !! MAY ?? If not nuts, what else ??

@Rolf Howarth - "and if the manufacturer has managed to sell a billion or more at 50 cents each, then they certainly don't sound that incompetent to me!"

You are certainly right if you are talking about their parasites, oops, sorry, I mean salesmen. It's their techies that are worrying !!

The 'green' car tax grabs that don't add up

Rare metals expert ???

How can Tim Worstall possibly know all that much about rare metals when he cannot even see that the Chancellor is transmuting CO2 to gold simple by using taxes ??

Old-time alchemists, eat your hearts out !!

American-German biometric database share deal inked

Oktoberfest ...

...is scratched off my calendar for the foreseeable future. I don't want my beer and sauerkraut stained fingerprints analysed by some redneck looking for traces of explosive substances. The sauerkraut alone will set off every machine in sight !!

my coat is....stop putting your hands up my lederhosen !! Bastards !!

Terry Pratchett donates £500k to Alzheimer's charity

Certainly explains why...

...most of his later books were crap !!

"f you know someone with cancer you're more likely to give to a cancer charity" - No, I wouldn't. It would be a sheer waste of my money. I would give it directly to those who are doing the actual research. Most money given to charities go towards funding the "administration costs" and very little trickle down to the researchers !! It's a bloody industry in its own right !!

US woman spends two years on boyfriend's toilet

Obvious !!

A serious lack of fibre in her diet !! She could at least have chewed the bog-roll for a bit of fibre !!

Virgin lags in scumjumbo race, bins airliner drag-start plans

@Steve Foster

"But then, we currently grow huge amounts of tobacco, opium, hemp and other non-edible (generally) crops - acreage that could be shifted to other crops."

But much of that acreage is not very suitable for growing food crops.

Also, with enough hemp, you can fly without worrying about fuel !!

This icon is *NOT* the smiley face found on various ingestible substances that, purportedly, give better "flight characteristics" !!

Siemens kicked off UK government contract

@Vulpes Vulpes

Does this mean I qualify since I have used both mechanical "calculators" and, wonders of modern science, COMPTOMETERS !! Teletypewriters were only just reaching the masses and CRT screens were reserved for the most holy of holys !! Much work were still done on punched cards submitted for batch processing !!

@Peter Gathercole - wrinkly suits ?? You wimp !! Real programmers wore T-shirts and jeans (preferably unwashed for years) !! They could be detected by odour a mile down the road and sniffer dogs ran whimpering in terror into the night !!

Malaysian woman jailed for worshipping teapot

Serves her right !! Heathen !!

Malaysians must worship the Great God Dollar and its temples are everywhere marked with the sign "Bank" !! All tithes and donations are gratefully received !!

Man cuffed for lamppost sex outrage

@Alex Taylor

How about a "Made in China" HwangHua Brillo ?? It is obvious that you missed the comment about Brand-names being commonly used as generic nouns. Furthermore, Vauxhall did *NOT* invent the automobile nor did Compaq invent the Portable Computer (much as they would like to claim to do so) !!

Has your shifty foreign neighbour got 16 mobes?

Terrorists !!

I just saw this Scouser juggling a bunch of mobile phones !! Must be a terrorist !! Bloody Scousers, trying to invade London !!

Mine says WIMPEY (We Import More Poles Every Year) on the back....

Bolluxed router configuration? Click here for help

Anonymous Coward - Its Bollix

No !! That's French for the same thing (see Asterix the Gaul) !!

Stroustrup and Sutter: C++ to run and run

C++ book

I think it was written in Danish and translated via Double-Dutch into English !! Having said that my copy of that book is still in its place of honour amongst my programming books.

Unfortunately I've left programming for pastures newer and more lucrative but I still go back and play with programming once in a while, now that I can afford to do what I want instead of doing what others want me to do !!

Aah. The good old days....

McCain taps Fiorina

Attention Canuckistan !!

Old Carly is a dab hand at hostile mergers and takeovers !! So watch it, mates !! She's also obsessed with printers and you guys have a convenient supply of pre-paper (wood) !!

Brit apiarists demand £8m to save honeybees

Answers to questions posed

1) Bees do *NOT* vote, even in the North of England, so they don't get subsidised like Northern Rock !!

2) The government doesn't have enough knowledge of science in its collective mind to boil water in a kettle.

3) Bzzz-bzzz do *NOT* make good sound bytes !!

4) There is no BLA (Bees Liberation Army) to threaten the government with dire consequences if conducive actions are not taken !!

Solution to this problem - send each and every member of this government a box full of angry bees that will explode out of the box on opening and sting them where it hurts most. I'm sure some positive action will be taken !!

UK government data protection is a shambles

Re. - Re: Just a thought...

I don't know about the other two but Powell sure looks good in white sheets. However, I'm sure the other white-sheeters may not want to play with him, though !!

BTW Rice looks good in lead sheets though !! Something to do with radioactivity....

@Frank Gerlach - but you forget that the Americans broke the Enigma codes after a machine was captured by U571 !! Hollywood said so, therefore it must be true !!

Ballmer deploys greenery in CeBIT charm offensive

WOW !!

Microsoft discovered cluster-computing !! Whatever will anyone think of next ??

Mine has the logo "Oracle V6.2 for DEC clusters"

Spanish bull breeder to clone prize stud

Have pity on the cloned offspring...

...how do you think it will feel when all the other calves laugh at him and say that his mama is a test-tube ??

@David Wiernicki - Oi !! You leave poor innocent doves and their tails alone, you pervert !!

Baidu sued by Chinese copyright group

It's just typical of the music industry's attitude to copyright protection...

/rant

...if you are unsuccessful in your attempts to get the pirates, then hit the innocent bystanders with a shotgun blast of law suits. "Collateral damage" and "friendly fire or blue-on-blue" are not restricted to the American military efforts !!

And they wonder why people are not more friendly and/or helpful towards them !! If they stop behaving like Nazi thugs, maybe people might be more forthcoming in their efforts to help fight against piracy.

I love reading the free books/chapters published by Baen Books. Then I go out and buy the books/whole series (paper version). I don't go round pirating e-books !! If I think my friends would like certain books, I will also buy copies for them to read !! Authors have to eat too !!

This is the equivalent of Indie music published on the net, bypassing the Almighty Music Industry.

/endrant

Jimbo Wales dumps lover on Wikipedia

In the words of the prophet....

..."Those in glass houses should not make love with the lights on !!"

It is astounding the number of times that self-publicists complain about the negative publicity they have generated !!

Naked old pilot executes unauthorised barrel roll

@8-year AC

Here I have all the tools I *DON'T* want in the job. The problem is in firing the bastards without too much legal hassles !!

@Andrew

There's always the chance the pilot might do the Great Loop, inducing weightlessness, and making them whoop up their fancy lunches !!

And if he really was a great pilot, he could do an Immelmann !! Their fancy lunches will come out both ends !!

Mobo maker builds 'powerless' processor cooling fan

@Steve Browne

We, the undersigned, am having serious objections to your most learned assertion that punkahs can be adding to Mobos. It is becoming bad enough for us to be working in very, very cramped conditions and, now, you be having us work inside a PC case ??

We will be having a pukka strike !!

PUKKA PUNKAH WALLAHS UNION

@Gleb

If your precious bits get that seriously hot, then either (1) you are not doing something right or (2) you've not got her sufficiently worked up and lubricated ...

Suggested treatment: petroleum jelly

Armed robbers target Oz biker shindig

@Finn

Real bikers don't wear leathers of crash helmets !! Real bikers use denims and lids !!