* Posts by Brian

66 publicly visible posts • joined 1 Apr 2008


Mayor Boris backs McKinnon in extradition fight

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I really really hoped I'd manage to get through the comments to this story without reading a pathetic Daily Mail style rant along the lines of your comment.

McKinnon did the US government a service by showing up lax security practices. Sure, he poked around fulfilling his LGM obsession, but they should be paying him a bounty rather than prosecuting him, and since he was in the UK when he committed these 'offences', he should be tried here and given an ASBO at worst.

Still, you're entitled to your view, however stupid it may be.

Parallel importer jailed for up to nine months in Microsoft case



Even if we accept the concept that software is licensed rather than sold, surely the license that should apply to the grey import software is the license of the original country of sale, not the country of resale?

This would mean that Microsoft would have to go after the reseller in the country from which the reseller buys the software - logically the UK courts have no business in enforcing license agreements applicable to third countries.

I'd wager that a test case to the Lords would clarify this issue - it seems pretty clear to me that the UK courts are the wrong place for this type of case to be heard.

Vikings' bleeding-edge tech came from Afghanistan

IT Angle

@Damascus Steel

Nope - the source for 'Damascus' steel was actually in southern India, from where it was exported to the Middle East.

The steel, also known as wootz, predates the Vikings by a few hundred years and is chemically quite different to the Afghan steel.

Israel hacks Arab TV station


Time running out

Well, at least it looks like time may be running out for the Israeli offensive.

I can't see how the US can continue to block calls for a UN Security Council resolution mandating a ceasefire after the latest atrocity - targeting a UN run school full of people fleeing the fighting and murdering 40 of them.

Maybe now we can start to talk about international sanctions against Israel, and force them to come to terms with the fact that they have to answer for their crimes before they can expect peace.

If I had a time machine, I'd assasinate Balfour - that was the worst foreign policy decision this country ever made.

Mine's the one with the magic solution in the pocket - not.

Photography: Yes, you have rights



Perhaps you should be asking who in the police force is determining that resources are well spnt harassing photographers, rather than bitching about someone who is acting within the law 'wasting police time'.

You're a Neues Arbeit stooge, aren't you?

Snipers - Cowardly assassins, or surgical soldiers?

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What about Zaitsev?

Thanks Lewis - a good informative article (as ever), but Vasily Zaitsev must rank up there for his role in the siege of Stalingrad - maybe not as the best sniper ever, but as a rallying tool for the troops.

He used a Mosin Nagant, too - a bog-standard infantry weapon.

But then he was Russian, so probably not as well known as Hathcock, though 'Enemy at the Gates' is a much better film than 'Sniper'.

Lords told to listen to science on cannabis



Here in the real world, we bypass the meter for our growlights.

Property prices are a bugger, though - that's why it's still over a hundred quid for an ounce.

The real issue is the principle, though - there is no good reason for cannabis being illegal, and it's a diabolical infringement on my personal liberty.

Neues Arbeit - welcome to the 4th Reich!

Home Office team continue work on net snooping masterplan


Vernon Croaker?


I wish he would - as Tony points out above, all these Orwellian schemes need to be scrapped in favour of spending on infrastructure - the renationalisation of BT without compensation would be a good start, followed by the water boards and the various energy companies.

It might put a hole in the stock market, but any sensible pension fund will pull out in time and provide the lending (in the form of Government bonds) that we need.

It's a socialist plan, but in terms of public and private finances for the UK, it's the best way forward.

Come on, Old Labour - it's time to raise the flag again!

Darling's budget targets small business


Arse about Face

If Darling thinks this is going to stimulate the economy, he's mistaken.

Putting money directly in peoples pockets by cutting income tax would have created the necessary feelgood factor, but the VAT reduction isn't going to encourage either spending or investment, as most retailers will fiddle the reduction to increase margins.

Typical economic illiteracy from the worst chancellor since the last one - the man doesn't even understand basic human nature.

DCSF reins in ContactPoint scope for police and A&E staff

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If they are going to have this database

Surely police, teachers, GPs and A&E staff should be the first to get access, rather than the last?

It is, after all, those groups that are most likely to detect the signs of abuse.

More upside down thinking from the Neues Arbeit untermenschen.

US, UK deploy manned unmanned aircraft to save bandwidth



Wouldn't some sort of high altitude blimp be the best solution to the bandwidth problem?

I'm sure Dickie Branson could lend some of his ballooning expertise to developing one...

Oz driver pulled with todger in pasta sauce jar

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@Andy O'Rourke

You didn't get good value, did you?

Remember to pack the Dolmio next time...

Most biometric checks will bypass ID database

Black Helicopters

Papieren Bitte

I'm sure I can't be the only one who misread 'Hillier' as 'Schickelgruber' - am I?

Hitler had one ball: Official



This has been a constant source of dischord between me and the missus for ages - both in our 40s, we learnt different versions when kids.

Mine was the 'poor old Goebells had no balls at all', hers was the 'his mother, the dirty bugger...'.

Nice to see it's not just us two disagreeing :o)

First self-inflicted identity donor cards to ship in late 2009


Good to see

that Wacqui has hired someone competent to head up this effort - given the number of errors in the CRB data, perhaps my ID card will be for Elvis Presley after all!

We need a suitably Orwellian graphic for stories like this - perhaps a boot stamping on a human face?

Meanwhile, mine's the one with the multiple IDs in the pocket.

El Reg seeks top net neologism


There - FTFY

FTFY is just a wonderfully sarcastic little coining.

Haven't seen it in a long time, but 'Microshafted' used to be popular a decade ago, and perfectly summed up the feeling you get when you had to rebuild an NT4 server because it had eaten its own filesystem.

Mine's the one with the twatdangler hanging from the pocket :o)

Gov to Manchester: No new trams without road pricing


Look at the implementation

There's more to this than meets the eye - the use of tags means that once the Manchester road-pricing system is implemented, tags for road pricing schemes are likely to be made compulsory nationwide.

Just more Neues Arbeit surveillance - Hun needs to be taken out and shot.

Auntie Beeb's amazing, evolving, ID card stories

Black Helicopters

Think this stories bad?

Just try posting on any of the BBC blogs about Baroness Mandelson and her appetite for Greek cuisine served on aluminium plates - instant removal by the moderators for 'alleged defamatory content' is the normal result.

It seems the slimy one is beyond reproach, even with his murky past.

'Ruggedised, weaponised' raygun modules now on sale

IT Angle


You could probably fit a 500KW generator set into the back of an armoured personnel carrier - the diesel engine and generator combined would weigh no more than 3 tons or so, and even commercial sets aren't much bigger than a garden shed, so with a bit of ingenuity, it's possible to pull off.

Doctors' authorities probe suspension of mucky-mouthed medic


@And the problem is?

The problem is not that they used a regulation that is not well defined (it is well defined, and only applies to clinical matters), but that they abused the regulation, and their positions - for what?

Because someone from the coalface has the temerity to criticise senior management? Abusive or not, criticism should be expected after the fiasco that Black presided over.

And I don't think that having a sweary doctor brings any disrepute on a hospital - the arrogance of the senior staff involved does, but then again NHS management are universally derided in the wider community, so their repute is already pretty low.

I'd promote the guy and sack the two idiots who suspended him.

Mine's the one with the sodium pentothal in the pocket.

DNA convictions fall as database doubles in size

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The fact that despite the ever increasing size of the database the number of crimes solved with the use of the data is static seems odd, until you bear in mind that the vast majority of new additions to the database are likely to be model citizens who happen to have been arrested for some reason, and aren't likely to be out committing crimes again.

It's just diminishing returns - if the database was restricted to violent crime / robbery etc., we'd probably see the same clear-up rate.

It's just keeping data on citizens for the sake of it - not unusual under Neues Arbeit.

Study clears cannabis of schizophrenia rap


@AC - re: too many self interested people

I believe the 'selfish smoker' you choose to upbraid was in fact threatened with violence rather than himself doing any threatening.

Your point about society needing to regulate freedoms is well made, but unfortunately keeping cannabis illegal is beyond the line that should be drawn - cannabis is less harmful than alcohol or cigarettes, and if they are legal, cannabis should be too.

If you want to keep cannabis illegal, you should be actively lobbying for the criminalisation of tobacco and alcohol - otherwise you are inconsistent in your attitudes.

Personally, I enjoy a smoke of an evening, but I would never smoke when children are in the house, or if I have to drive, operate machinery or do mentally challenging work (though I did pass my 1st year maths exams at uni while stoned).

I'm responsible for my actions, and resent some idiot politicians telling me what I can and cannot smoke.

Yes, I'm self-interested, but I view the legalisation of cannabis as a true case of 'enlightened self-interest' in the sense that removing the prohibition would result in an increase in general happiness with very little social cost.


To the AC...

who pointed out that having a toke doesn't make you any freer, the point is that *being able to have a toke without fear of hassle* makes us all freer, whether we choose to indulge or not.

I've been in a mental hospital (as a patient), and the schizophrenics and those suffering from psychotic episodes generally used to self medicate on anything that was available - much as polar bears like myself tend to do (alcohol and a bit of smoke in my case).

Correlation is not causation, and a truly sane policy would legalise and tax cannabis in the same way as alcohol - I'd rather smoke than wreck my liver, any day of the week.

Mine's the one with the king-size Rizlas and a nice few buds in the pocket.

Lib Dem stripogram councillor quits politics

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Can't get

the image of a Gary Bushell stripogram out of my head.


MP calls for Jezza Clarkson's head


Chris Mole

He's just jealous of Toad (Clarkson), because of Toad's obsession with cars.

Next thing, Mole, Badger (the misanthropic Brown?) and Ratty (the Daily Heil's Paul Dacre) will be off to Jezza's place and put him under house arrest.

Jezza will duly escape, nick a lorry and be arrested for making jokes insensitive to the feelings of ordinary Heil readers, who confuse fork lifts with 38 tonners.

What an insignificant little jumped up twat Mole is - as in the book, he's obviously baffled by real life.

Passport and ID card price hike laundered via private sector



At least we could be sure the biometrics are kosher...

Jacqui Smith prints seized by No2ID in daring dabs grab


it was inevitable...

Well, she did top the 'politician we'd most like to finger' poll carried out by some lesbians a while ago, so perhaps it was inevitable...

And people saying they want ID cards immediately?

She's delusional - she obviously thinks that all the cat-calls of 'Papieren, bitte' are people asking for ID cards.

Loony old cow.

Mine's the one with no identifying information whatsoever in the pocket.

German court curbs data collection law


Neues Arbeit - Take Heed!

Hopefully Wacqui Jacqui Schmidt, Geoff Hun and Herr Braun will notice this and take account of common sense when promoting the Uberdatabase.

On the other hand, their authoritarian bias knows no bounds - all we can hope for is a General Election sometime soon.

Arslochen, the lot of 'em.

Michael Crichton dead at 66



His books were among the best scientifically based fiction written in the past few decades - you could read most of them without seething at technical inaccuracy, and they were well plotted too.

My sympathy goes to his kin.

Nasty Toryboy bloggers ate my politics, claims Blears


Sei Ruhig, scheissliche Bloggern!

Well, well - Neues Arbeit speaks it's small mind again.

Another useless politician who has never done a real job (polytechnic - council solicitor - parliament in her case) speaking out about the dreadful nihilism of those who don't realise what a truly marvellous political class we have in this country today.

With insignificant small-minded useless wastes of space like her being given ministerial positions, it's a wonder that the whole country hasn't imploded with existential angst at the whole Neues Arbeit project.

Remember - Arbeit macht frei, but not Neues Arbeit - freedom is subject to the whims of the idiocracy.

Jezza Clarkson cops flak for 'truckers murder strumpets' gag


Just watched it again

and I'm still not offended.

It's not as witty as some stuff they have come up with (the Nazi references during the caravanning episode had me in stitches), but it was still funny.

Anyone offended by that needs to get some perspective - as people have pointed out, the joke was about Peter Sutcliffe and not Steve Wright (I find the BBC presenter of that name highly irritating, and would like to see him follow Brand), so it's about events between 27 and 33 years ago.

Surely we can joke about events that old?

Mine's the one with the Broadmoor ID card in the pocket :o)

US kicks off secure hash competition


My hash is secure...

it's in a packet of fishcakes at the back of the freezer!

Mine's the one with the King size Rizlas in the pocket.

OpenOffice 3.0 - the only option for masochistic Linux users



Ted - where's the fscking swearing gone?

Sure, there's some 'ass' etc., but we expect more from you!

Please return normal swearvice as soon as possible...

MPs join fight to save McKinnon from US prison


A little harsh?

Well, aren't you guys quite the sympathetic little club of law-lovers?

Fact is, we shouldn't be extraditing McKinnon at all, but Aspergers can be quite a handful to live with, and for this reason alone we should refuse the American's request.

If there's sufficient evidence of a crime, then try him here - if not, then leave the guy alone.

Spooks foils fictional Russian plot

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Nul points for technical accuracy

Although I like the show, and find the plots entertaining, the number of technical errors is sometimes unbelievable.

Take the supposed submarine transmission intercepted by Malcolm - a signal at 542 nanometres? Sorry, but that's visible light - not likely to be used for comms.

And the whole idea of crashing the subs computers using a virus - bollocks. If you can identify which cable it's tapped into, you just shut down the router to which it connects and send a boat with a few depth charges to smarten Ivan up.

I could list more, but it winds me up too much - I'll consult for free on the rest of the series if they want, just to avoid having to shout at the telly when it's on.

Academic avoids extradition over Holocaust denial


Just goes to show

This once again highlights the farcical state of the UK's extradition legislation.

Just because our German friends have a law against skepticism (I've looked at his site - it's at http://www.adelaideinstitute.org/ , and can't see anything objectionable there), why should we arrest someone who didn't commit a crime in Germany, then waste taxpayer's money on lengthy court procedures to satisfy the German's misplaced sense of guilt?

Sorry, but until he goes voluntarily to Germany and the Germans deal with him, I can't see that it's any of our business.

BBC's speak you're branes collapses under Brand-Ross sex outrage

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I commented

I signed up to the BBC to comment on this story simply because I hate the pair of talentless fops - why should twats like that trouser multi-million pound (Ross) or even multi-hundreds of thousands of pounds in salary for their puerile and tasteless attempts at humour?

Mind you, when I pointed out on the economics blog that Mandelson's Russian chum is likely to get a favourable restructuring agreement on his 5.4 billion quid loan from HBOS, it was removed as 'potentially defamatory'.


NASA probe finds opals in Martian crevices


Largest known crevice

No - the largest known crevice in the solar system must be the one that swallowed Ross and Brand's sense of decency.

Luckily, the pair of prats have now been suspended by the BBC, so there's still a spark of common sense at Television Centre.

Government negotiating on tax credit refund

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Another Neues Arbeit incompetent

Angela Adler - what a useless waste of space.

"cross-Whitehall culture of procurement" indeed!

What we need isn't any sort of 'culture' of anything. We need competent, intelligent ministers who will ensure that competent, intelligent civil servants are in charge of government IT projects, and bring the implementation of such projects in-house, hiring competent IT staff to make sure the technical aspects of each project are under control. Only then will the costs be brought under control, resulting in billions of pounds not being wasted on incompetents like EDS.

Fraulein Adler is yet another Neues Arbeit apparatchik who has never had a proper job - Oxford PPE degree - CBI - COHSE - Parliament.

'Series of Tubes' Senator convicted of corruption


Gotta repost this

Not original (someone posted this on Slashdot, and I believe it was originally on Digg), but:

"Prison - it's like a series of cubes"

Home Office guides plods on photography



@Hairy Sonofabeech

Try twatting the useless layabouts next time they try to take your photo.

A defense along the lines of "allowing that photo to be taken would have put me in physical danger from a bunch of mad ferret lovers" should work, and if it doesn't, at least you'll have had the satisfaction of inflicting some damage on at least one waste of income support.

If the police can restrict photography based on some illusory 'terrorist' threat, you should be allowed to do so based on a very real threat.

Mine's the one with the hidden camera in the pocket.

Home Office acts to kick out Iceland's hate preachers


Kraft Durch Dummheit (again)

So this is the latest from that daft bint - if she doesn't like what somebody says, they can't come in.

Could she throw me out, please? The Bahamas or Jordan would be nice.

Mine's the one with the jihadi leaflet in the pocket.

Winning contestant dies during competitive eating event

Paris Hilton

Rice Pudding...

We used to have an Ambrosia Creamed Rice contest at Uni - 32 seconds was my best for downing 1/2 pint of the creamy nectar :o)

I guess the guy was just unlucky, since one of my mates used to be able to do 6 Big Macs at one go, so two rice/cheese buns sounds a bit soft.

Paris, just because of the buns.

Germany laughs at EU's full-body scanners plan


"scanners were especially unpopular with young women"

But not vice-versa, I assume :o)

BBC's TV detector vans to remain a state secret


It pays...

The license fee pays the wages of Russell Brand and Jonathan Toss.

Keeping these two talentless, offensive twats in beer and scratchings isn't something I want to pay for.

Likewise Strictly Cum Prancing, EastBenders, Wholly Shitty or any of the other inane crap that fills the schedule.

Some of BBC2, 3 and 4 is worth watching, but there's so much money wasted on the lowest common denominator that I'd rather see the license fee abolished and the BBC have to compete like any other broadcaster for the advertising shekels.

Mines the one with the taser in the pocket, for when they come knocking...

NetApp ready to rumble in Sun IP case


Other way around...

If I was NetApp, I'd be keen to see this come to court before all my patents were invalidated due to prior art.

If I was Sun, I'd want to string things out for a while, to give the Patent Office time to invalidate the remaining patents, thus making the lawsuit void.

Classic FUD, presenting his position backwards.

EU to stock internet criminal database


300K Euros?

While I'd normally rail against this sort of thing, I'd question the effectiveness of any government program with a budget of 300,000 Euros spread across however many member states are in the EU now.

Surely this amount of money will only be enough to fund approximately 1 Eurocrat (without expenses) - there's really no intent here other than to generate headlines along the lines of "Look at us! We're thinking of the children!"

Designer touts 'super sight' sunglasses



...when most cyclists just use the pavement anyway?

Simple - just drop your shoulder and barge the cheeky twats back into the road.

If they complain, clothesline them.

Civil servants' pro-Labour memo reignites child data controversy


Get 'em while they're young...

Excellent idea, this - it will save a lot of effort getting the NazionalSicherheitDatenbank up and running, as we'll be able to populate it from this inclusive and obviously not sinister source.

Thankyou for your efforts,

G. Braun, J. Schmidt und G. Hun,

Neues Arbeit.

Speed cams ditched in Wiltshire


@Tee Cee

"axe-grinding, small-minded, smug, kneejerk reactionary, luddite little twats"

Concise, correct and completely inspired.

I've lost count of the number of near-misses I have had due to some lame-brain coming the other way passing a cyclist too wide - I give them 12-18 inches of room, and if the twats can't ride in a straight line, it's their own fault.

Not to mention the bastards that won't ride in single file, the idiots that think it's my job to avoid them when they pull out to pass parked cars without checking behind them, etc. etc.

30-odd years ago, when I was taught to cycle, it was impressed on me that I was a very vulnerable road user - soft, unprotected and not as visible as a car. The way most cyclists ride these days, you'd think they're unbreakable.

And speed cameras? Outside schools they are fine. Everywhere else they disrupt traffic flow and cause irrational behaviour, especially with older drivers.

Mine's the one with a piece of 4x2 in the pocket for getting cyclists as I pass them :)