Posts by Alfazed

Deployment bug mars Patch Tuesday

Don't speak too soon .....

It's simply that folks like me with XP machines for the children, can no longer be arsed to report failed MS software to the news hounds.

Of course it didn't work for home users, but then I'll bet that they don't read the Register for one and speaking generally, wouldn't know that Windows Update had failed anyway.

The thing that I found humerous/interesting about this little snafu is that if you follow the links to use the Trouble Shooter, there is no help at all, nada, nothing. Well that was the scene a few days ago.

So the critical security patches can't be that important then ?

ALF

UK prisoners offered data cabling training

More silly silly people

It seems they've found somewhere cheaper yet closer to home than India !

And they're not going to reoffend are they ?

Well not their former modus operandi at least, not when they'll have all those new skills to bring to bear.

Why should our youth be signing up for 4 years at uni and £15,000 of debt, just TWOC a neighbours car and get caught selling crack with a ho in the back, get sent to Wandsworth and you'll jump the job queue saving yourself £15,000 in the process, not to mention all those other skills that you'll pick up once you land in Wandsworth nick.

Er, what's the betting uncle Gordon will decide that downloading music from t'internet deserves a spell in the chokey, hmmm, I might get a Cisco certificate yet!

ALF

France gets closer to 'three strikes' downloader web ban

Such silly silly people

When are these twats gonna come to life ?

Never !

By the way thanx Dam, copy paste print etc....

So is someone going to point out, each and every time, to each one of my three teenage daughters, when they are about to download a current song fromt t'internet, that they do not own the copyright and so they can't have it ?

I can imagine what will happen after about only three days, they will stop using the internet and I'll be able to cancel my subscription to PhormaMediaVirgin. Fuck off !

OK, so no one tells my girls that they can't do it, they go ahead and do what they have been doing for years. Next I get a letter saying, Oi! you ! Stop doing that or I'll stop your tap.

I can ignore and they'll stop me tap. Yahfuckingoo !

or

I'll cancel my subscription and turn off the tap myself. Yahfuckinghoo !

So, no CDs purchased here then as we don't know who's got stuff for sale, (no Phorm you see). A dwindling number of broadband subscribers in the UK over the next twelve months and a tail off in the take up of new mobile phones with mega memory that no fucker has a use for.

Well done ! Three strikes and out indeed. Is anyone even counting ?

ALF. PS Thanks again Dam, have circulated your comments.

US bank loses unencrypted data on 4.5m people

Buy ID Protection

From your bank !!!!!!!!!

They are all at it in UK at any rate, pay £x per month and we'll provide legal assistance while you sort out your shit in the (increassed likelyhood) eventuality that your ID gets stolen (after we lost your fucking data HA! HA! HA! - give us more of your money - idiot !)

This is how they are going to stabalise the world currency deficit caused by their bad capital investments and their incredibly weak security policies - not to mention the rather excessive fat cat payouts and executive jollies they've had recently)

I read somewhere that you are safer from ID theft if you only have debts.

Wicked ...................

ALF

The Reg surfs for porn with a San Jose councilman

Requirements specification

They obviously left out an important set of users when they did the requirements specification, "wankers".

ALF

Old Windows exploits dominate hack attack traffic

Talk about missing the point

The company revealing this ground breaking news can certainly be described as a content provider.

In fact it is so prolific in serving ads that it has several hundred domains listed in my hosts file (copied from my old uni's system - thankfully), and that's how it stays.

So be careful IF registering for this little tit bit.

ALF

EU project scans air passengers for terrorist tendencies

Terrorist tendencies

Along with the threat of body cavity searches and having my laptop thoroughly examined for useful info, (if visiting civilised countries like USA - do you think that perhaps they make a copy of the hard drive - and are capable of looking after the data on it afterwards ?), we are x-rayed in the airport boarding zone after running the gauntlet of the tube to Heathrow Terminal 5, (ie; the potential to get shot in the head by anti-terrorist police) I then need to include the higher cost of all flights owing to the price hikes on aviation fuel, er, don't forget the "Green Aviation Fuel Tax", I am then expected to make my customers pay the extra increased cost of all this extra hardware and software, in the hope that I won't be mistaken for a terrorist or become a victim of the terrorists.

I suppose to some folks this creates peace of mind.

Man barred from posting crimes on YouTube

Oh yes, Leeds

and most other UK urbanities as well I should think.

Even dreamy Oxford has it's own crew of extra stupid crims and equally stupid counter crim professionals with the relevant ITC skills.

If you want to gross stupidity at work, ie; blatant drugs use and criminal activities as they happen, you need to get friends on Beebo. Or tune in to any local radio station that has anti drugs adverts sponsored by FRANK.

I was as surprised as you .........

It can't be the stuff they put in the water, or we'd all be doing it right !

Talk about halls of fame. These sad, sad people, are the chaff of life, discarded by the education system and often parents/children's homes as well.

They are only looking for their own "three minutes of fame" and yes, they are the Best of British, and we deserve no less.

If Gordon Brown can use t'internet to give us proof that he is a stupid, out of touch, moronic, dickhead, wot deserves an ASBO, then why can't these young scally wags do the same.

If only our politicians were as open about their own criminal exploits, we wouldn't need expensive Judicial Reviews to find out what they are up to.

Now there's a thought !

Google unveils Image Search image ads

Image searches

For your further enlightenment KenBW2, searching for images can be far more rewarding than searching for text strings, especially as I haven't noticed adverts or waves of porn B4 now.

Search "snakehead", "newts", "kiln", "Peugeot 106", to see what I mean.

As far as I am aware, none of these are particularly pornographic terms.

Also, I don't have to wade through endless pages of search results that are only listings of other search engines search results, before I get to what I want to read about.

However, this week I have been seriously thinking that it is probably about time to hang up the broadband connection altogether. Seeing as there is generally so much shit to wade through these days, particularly fucking advertising shit. I don't see why I should continue to make the ISPs profits larger while my own information superhighway experience is less profitable and more effort to keep a machine clean of unwanted ads, day by day.

If the experience deteriorates any further, it won't be an experience that I look forward to, but one to avoid.

Who's to say that when my child searches for something inoculous like, "Charles Dickens", she won't trawl a load of porn sites in the Google search results, or the ads placed by Phorm and the phormettes ?

ALF

Google under fire again for handing user info to police

Oh no, now I wish I hadn't ...

Slagged off Gordon Brown last week, being a comment on something really fucking stupid that the mad bastard had decided to do, against all the (best) most expensive advice available.

You know, the Prime Minister of UK (Unkempt Kingwotalotoshit), what a twat,

Hang on I hear a knock at the d...

Neighbourhood Watch 2.0: Your tensions are being monitored

Your tensions are being monitored

Does this mean that there won't be any more gangs of uniformed thugs busting up our free, all-night parties up on the Ridgeway, where we like to practice our very well attended, community cohesion dance routines. ?

Bye the way, these parties are usually located miles away from where anyone lives that we could annoy.

Maybe we'll once more be free to gather again at Stone Henge, like we used to in the 70's - for three glorious summer months of community cohesion.

Perhaps community demo's will be welcomed on the streets of our fear capital, without the tensions created by heavy handed policing.

And as many of us will soon be forming into local action groups of our own, UPOC, comprised of Unemployed Professionals On Cannabis, perhaps we too will be welcome to contribute our pennies worth of suggestions on, "which local miscreants (twats) ought to be rounded up next".

Straight away I'll (finger) point to the small gang of PCSO dick heads, who are constantly harassing my kids with stop and search procedures each lunch time, on a main shopping street in Oxford.

Brown shirts, where ?

Oh, you mean Gordon Brown Shirts then.

regards

ALF

DWP still sending out passwords and discs together

It's all bollocks

The DWP employ well meaning people, they are just a bit thick though, as can be deduced by their hourly rate of pay.

As stated earlier, most Govt. minions, like Job Centre counter officials, have been drafted from the queue on the other side of the counter, at basic wages and the result is as you'd expect.

The rot (13 or otherwise) goes all the way to the top with dickheads like the Prime Minister taking no notice of his advisers, anymore than do minions in the Home Office, or any other "Govt. Office".

I mean the whole lot of 'em are either corrupt or stupid.

The Job Centre wonks lie about your entitlement to Income Support, Benefits Agency Medical Examiners are constantly finding disabled folks who are fit and can work for their benefits, County Councillors are having Double Yellow lines painted and Resident Only Parking signs erected in areas where residents are too poor to own a fucking car, and in Oxford, a shit for brains city executive countermands a policy decision and orders beautiful and loved, city centre trees to be cut down, just because "he" personally didn't like the trees in the scale drawings he saw.

As far as cannabis is concerned, I'm surprised they haven't made it a Capitol Offence, just so's they can get rid of free thinking idiots like me, who, bye the way, also give away music on my web server, you know, music that's not been created by famous or rich people, and I wouldn't ever vote for any of these Social Tinkerers.

How did they get their jobs ?

Get a grip people. If they don't listen to their leaders, why the hell should you ?

PS. I've got a goldfish with more security nowse.

It would never send unencrypted eMail or other fishes data on a CD in the post.

Alf

BT's secret Phorm trials open door to corporate eavesdropping

The last time we incubated anything

It would appear that, if BT, or anyone else passed your information to another company without your knowledge or agreement, then your argument is with BT for breach of contract.

So, why anyone with a choice in the matter still signs up for a BT service totally beats me. At the end of the day, you get what you deserve for not being more discerning in the first place.

And if Virgin tries this caper, as was proposed, then my internet connection will be terminated, and it's back to POTS for this end user and my business, until legislation is evident that will protect my business from industrial espionage.

Which is how I consider this little invasion of privacy by Phorm and BT.

You know it, you are either trust worthy or you bloody well ain't.

Alf

Brown ignores scientists and pushes pot reclassification

Would that be Frank Skinner then ?

Talk about debasing the English language.

No wonder those poor young kids with really dodgy upbringings are f*cking confused and showing signs of psychic stress after smoking a spliff. Apart from a spliff usually containing the poisonous substance nicotine. I wonder what head state the Afghani and Iraqi kids heads are in ? This sort of mental illness is a product of living in the UK, or trying to.

It isn't double standards. It's just another huge pile of absolute f*cking bollocks cooked up by those skunks who're holding the pan handle. Tax payers money spent on facist propaganda aimed at the youff and being broadcast on public radio and television.

Let's be Frank.

Lets talk to Frank.

Which f*cking Frank are they on about ?

Let's be Shameless then.

Let's be Frank Skinner.

We have accepted that simply reading the Daily Wail, being fat, rich, straight and also being caught lying to the public again and again, is the real crime. We seem to be in a bit of a pickle though. What can we do about it ? Democracy isn't working !

How about this for a solution ?

Next voting day, let's all get so stoned that we can't leave the house/flat/bedsit/cardboard box.

Then we can dick around all day - doing whatever it is that we like. Inventing new Web2 architectures or playing LAN games, whatever, on our personal computing devices of choice. Hanging loose, keeping cool, we could also use that old reprobate of the ether, "file sharing", and caste our own votes in a World Techies Parliament (WTP) aka What The Pot ! (well, OK, UK it is then ! But the anagram looks more homegrown some how. UKTP.)

Maybe UKTHC, like a techno agora.

Let's face it.

If Gordon and his bag full of over paid cronies are looking to public opinion to inform them of which way to jump when the dogs do bark, we can optimise the whole process for them by leaving the buggers out of the loop.

As you do, when considering all important decisions.

And think of the money we'll save on the government IT programmes alone.

Just Do It.

Alf

kettle calling the Pot unacceptable

Maybe Gordon has smoked some of that old Euro Gack and f*cked up his brain. You know, the stuff that used to be around in the 80's, which created the need for sensible pot smokers to come up with a home grown solution in the first place - (it seems to have worked rather well, eh ?).

Being the nation of techno freaks - wot we are, and following the Dutch interest in hydroponics and genetics, we were prompted to replace our need for importing crappy hashish and ageing brown weed. We also reduced our carbon foot print in the process.

Now someone ought to remind Gordon what it was that Mrs Thatcher had whispered into her shellfish like ear, back in the 80's.

Being that, if smoking pot is so popular and you (the state) successfully operates "preventative" measures - to put folks off doing it, besides annoying a lot of potential voters, all you manage to do is make lots of professional people unemployed and unemployable.

No matter how desperate you need their skill set, they all have criminal records.

Boo Hoo !

Back in the day of "stop and search", most of the "whitey's" pulled, turned out to be teachers and professionals of one sort or another, including a few politicians.

So, Nanny State ought to tidy up Gordon's nappy, as he appears to be pooing his self. Frightened by all those big bad, scarey warey police chiefs, no doubt !

Skin one up ! Pour one out ! We are the Barmy Army !

regards

Alfazed

MoD opens pork incubator in UK 'Golden Triangle'

The last time we incubated anything

The last time we incubated anything the resultant "talent" all left for better paid jobs in the States ! Next lot (if there are any) will go to India or China if they have any arithmetic skills.

The only thing we successfully manufacture here, today in Blighted, appears to be hot air, sometimes known as wind.

Maybe we can huff and puff AlQeda's house down ?

Of course we also produce some of the biggest ?ankers on the planet.

Maybe they could put their wrist action into something more productive and could toss us off a coupe, in which we the Tax payers, incubate our own pork, without their (MoD and politrickans) helping themselves to our cash.