Posts by Old Painless

Get whimsical and win a Western Digital Black 6TB hard drive

Hello,is that NHS direct? Can i Facetime you my arse?I slipped in the shower and landed on a cucumber....

Ubuntu 13.10 to ship with Mir instead of X

Umbongo

I'm one of those who wouldn't use MS with a gun to my head, doesn't want to be hand-held by Apple, and is therefore using Android on mobile devices. I would swap android for a real Linux ( I know , I know Android is linux, blah blah -I mean a full fat, apt-get linux with a real terminal)in a heartbeat, even thought I don't really dig Ubuntu on a desktop. I just thought I would mention this - there are probably a lot of people who would do the same

Magic mystery malware menaces many UK machines - new claim

..date check..

....someone said "zonealarm" and I was suddenly terrified the last 12 years never happened...

Redmond slashing Win8, Office OEM rates for small devices

..verry funny article...

..I laughed the most when it said "the full power of windows".....

i used Window 8 today for the first time and it made me laugh like a drain at the poor arsehole who was almost in tears just trying to find somewhere he could type "cmd".....

Chinese upstart smears Android's Ice Cream Sandwich over PCs

aged and confused

I don't get it - just run Not Windows; I get it that people want to install stuff "because it's there",but I can't see the point here?surely anyone really wanting android on x86 would just.....run android on x86??

On the plus side,I wonder how many Windows sales managers read this and felt the icy grip of fear..."OMG!!!The civilians have twigged they don't need Windows !!!Sell sell!bye bye!!"

The LINUX TABLET IS THE FUTURE - and it always will be

dead right..

..I almost bought an android tablet this year, but I really wanted Linux I bought a beat up toshiba portege m750 for 100quid instead, and it is ace with fedora on it, touch screen and all . I tried Ubunut first thinking the Unity interface would be perfect on a touchscreen, but weirdly it was just as shit as it is on a regular desktop. So there you go -standard gnome 3 flavoured Fedora on a touchscreen enabled laptop ftw.

Cambridge boffins fear 'Pandora's Unboxing' and RISE of the MACHINES

Re: Seriously

...bloody humans..strolling about like they own the bloody place..

Pirate cops bust LITTLE GIRL, take her Winnie-the-Pooh laptop

..on the plus side...

..being a Finnish copper looks pretty comfy, as it turns out they LITERALLY HAVE FUCK ALL BETTER TO DO THAN SCARE THE SHIT OUT OF CHILDREN.

Fair dos to you mates, you must have felt really proud of yourselves....give yourselves a beer...

Ten Linux apps you must install

..and for those who can't escape Other OS users..

..I put Crossover on wife mint laptop, as she absolutely positively must use Office 2003...as a side effect she canplay Civ too

The genetic button that could turn a WOMAN into a CHIMPANZEE

Re: Turn woman into gorilla: it's been done

Sounds like my wedding night - were you there? Are you The Missus???

New vicious UEFI bootkit vuln found for Windows 8

Don't worry about it....

at some point soon,having a Windows sticker on the box is going to start putting people off,at which point the OeMs will tell microsoft to shove its blatant bully boy tactics up its huge leaden arse. .Then we can all skip and sing and hold hands etc : )

Ballmer: Win8 'certainly surpasses' Win95 in importance

Re: I'm not so sure about that.

....thats so weird seeing what other people think about brands and such; I always assumed Apple stuff was bought by posers who knew fuck-all about IT. After reading the snippets from Ballmer up top, I'm going to assume he has an iPad too

Samsung fights to stay on US shelves as Apple calls for ban

Quick!!!

ban all the samsungs to protect our people, or they won't be able to buy hundreds of millions of semi-automatic weapons!!!!!

As far as i can tell , the USA - stuff it , the whole of modern civilisation - is a darwin award just waiting to happen.

You don't deserve to make it, you silly talking monkeys!

Microsoft reveals Windows RT OEMs

..an even better idea...

I thought someone clever could probably do something equally clever with a usb or pc -card style box of tricks that would mean i could plug it in to my tiny old dell latitude ls-400 or Toshiba Libretto, use their keyboards, ports, screen etc, but the clever plug-in box actually does the OS and the heavy lifting . You can have that for free- I'm throwing pearls at you here, gold even..off you go....you'll send me a postcard when you're rich and famous....

Valve opens Steam store to non-gaming software

Whats the fuss though?

I've been playing l4d2 and counterstrike via steam on my linux machines for 2 years, and I bet there are thousands already doing the same. It might be interesting to know what portion of the Steam "windows client " install base is actually running on Linux boxes...

Curiosity needs OS upgrade before getting down to science

"Hang on...

..you want me to erase my flight mode, right? Won't that make it really hard to get back home?I mean you, can't really expect......OMG!!!! You want me to frickin STAY HERE!!!!"

CERN catches a glimpse of Higgs-like boson

Re: mmm....

other way round comrade - yesterdays tevatron announcement was a spoiler dredged up to ruin todays well publicized LHC announcement. Bad show all round, what?

As to the power of the CERN collisions, at what TeV limit does an ascended being lean into the frame and ask that we turn the noise down please, we're really ruining the yogic calm?

Microsoft takes a $6.2bn bath with aQuantive web ads write-down

seriously though...

..if you had 6.2 billion donuts to spare, would you waste it on some web advertising company with a stupid name, or build a spaceship? At least the second way you would have something to fun to keep in the garage when the whole crazy house of cards went tits up

Thanks for this though funniest story of the day : )

MS might as well just get free advice by grabbing a different civilian every day and forcing them to say "yes" or "no" at random to a series of business decisions. I'm sure they would be no worse off. Not that I really give a toss about the thieving gouging parasites, I won't let that Microsoft rubbish in the house....

What is SpaceX Dragon's secret cargo?

A toolkit,some sticky tape...

....and some secret instructions on how to build a REAL spaceship

Blackpool ICT boss: BYOD doesn't save money

BYOD - because I'm worth it...

I don't want to make any rash judgements based solely on my own prejudiced and "happening-as-we-speak" experiences - but I wonder just how many of the Good roll outs are demanded by Director types who want to use Something Shiny to flaunt before the minions? Like having the corner office and the reserved parking space..

The moment a computer crash nearly caused my car crash

..meh..

..I drive a chieftain.It has no ABS, and I'm not that bothered if I slide it into things.I think we should all have one, would certainly solve a lot of speeding issues. although garage forecourts would have to be a bit bigger.

Chicken fillets: The affordable alternative to Bulgarian Airbags

?

what an angry little man - i presume you are an exemplary driver, and have saved countless lives with your selfless and highly skilled road use? what an example you are to all of us!

Eurozone crisis: We're all dooomed! Here's why

demeaning..

..this whole "money" concept just makes us look a bit tawdry as a species really doesn't it? I mean if you can really solve the problem by printing more "money", we might as well just switch over to using leaves, or drawing our own notes at home.Honestly, as a species, is this the best we can do? What a bunch of cocks..

Cyberattack Blighty and we'll use 'military means' - UK gov

..or even better...

....LAUNCH Ann Widdecombe..."God bless her, and all who sail in her"

Google crams arsenal with 1,000 IBM patents

Bored already...

..just let them all get tooled up, drop them in a desert and see who walks out at the end. It'll be cheaper than lawyers anyway

State-sponsored 5-year global cyberattack uncovered

Touching but unlikely..

...our "Security Forces" is off this week, he came in with a note from Matron Monday teatime

Email is for pussies...

..i'm going to go the whole hog and install a bent OS (Red Star linux!)and then make the foreign intruder sick with my constant and colossal perversions.Victory to the imperialist lackey running dogs! *pulls pin and shouts "share that amongst you,unspecified foreign agents!"*

Obama drops Twitter bombs on debt-ceiling foes

It just isn't cricket...

.. to accelerate, deify and pornographically chase obscene, unfettered capitalism;let it fuck up; give it a shit load of money to pay itself back;let it fuck up again; and then shout "Look, the black guy broke it!" What a bunch of bastards!

Didn't that George W bloke raise the debt ceiling SEVEN TIMES, whilst simultaneously wasting 3 trillion dollars trying to break the US Army on Iraq?And that is just the money - forget the thousands and thousands of DEAD PEOPLE..

And another thing while I'm at it, and getting annoyed -why does the US working class so happily collaborate in its own enslavement by foaming at the mouth whenever someone mentions "socialism"? What - you'd rather doff your caps to the big money nobs while they are screwing you out of every penny you own?Why isn't there a labour movement in America?Its second only to China for worker mistreatment and abuse!

Well, that should invite a few fair and balanced replies anyway..

Why bother?

Tweeting? He could ask some of his nastier departments to arrange accidents for the Tea Party;or maybe disappear a few "pour encourager les autres". Whats the point of being President if you don't get to press the Special Forces button now and again? Lame! Use a big stick Obama, we'd all understand! They're nutters!

Murdoch parliamentary pandemonium: Shock snap

who ate all the ...

Optimus Pies?

Phone-hack backlash BBC in embarrassing headline gaffes

I don't want to seem overly harsh...

..but anyone who uses the meaningless "COULD OF" instead of the meaningful "could've" should be killed on the spot

Firm but firm, thats me

Apprentice runner-up becomes Greggs bigshot

again, is this serious?

You must be one of those delusional robots mate - BL cars under their many labels were complete shite which is why you never see them on the roads.I see plenty of old Bavarian motors though!!!

Is this serious???

I thought that program was a spoof ! This means the idiots on there aren't jobbing comedians, but really are delusional robots who think christopher columbus invented pie and mash

GCHQ losing its 'internet whizzes' to Microsoft, Google

I'll do Cyber...

.....is she hot?

And as an idle toff millionaire,i'd be happy to stymie the evil web-boche/hun purely for the 733t hacx0rz lulz. I'll use the hilarious salary to buy pet food for my maid

pip pip!trebles all round

News of the World TO CLOSE

spot on sunshine..

..i've been evangelising against murdoch for years for precisely those reasons; its just hard to get people to understand their fun soaraway Sun is in fact the tool of the devil, and is just one big titted distraction while The Beast shits, pukes and pisses all over democracy, the rule of law and freedom of speech.The whole mob of NI and newscorp should be taken out and shot as far as I'm concerned, but I;m just an old leftie. Firm but firm, thats me...Johnny Turk would have known what to do with 'em,,tie 'em to a post in no-mans-land mutter mutter..

Canada buys Obama's reject Brit choppers for spare parts

.."Merlins are great"...

..apart from being unable to take off? How much brass would a sales rep need to gloss over that little nugget? "Sure, she can't take off full, but the toilet is super shiny!"

30,000 Shreks besmirch BeautifulPeople

you've got to be kidding...

thy should just rename it "vacuous people", although "people" might be stretching the term a bit for one dimensional meat narcissists...

Earth may be headed into a mini Ice Age within a decade

Right, I'm off

I've just whistled for a fast pick up from the mothership, so i'll be off this stinking rock before you monkeys start eating each other when all your cabbages are under 6 feet of ice for 8 months of the year.So long losers!

PS I've given you a 1 out of 5 star planet rating - what with the religious wars, impending cannibalism and everything ever transmitted by Fox news, the whole place is just a bit too "council"

Microsoft Skype: How the VCs won and Ballmer overpaid

I have it on good authority...

..that Microsoft are buying Woolworths next - keep it under your hat

TalkTalk goes silent

nemesis!

ever since they transferred my broadband from pipex without asking, I've wanted talk talk to implode - my voodoo juju is finally working!MUWAAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Boffins develop method of driving computers insane

Hang on a minute -

..you are all just assuming the machine was lying when it admitted to a blowing stuff up....

PARIS concocts commemorative cocktail

Too easy...

"The Wizard Prang" -- in honour of the sugar crash that will inevitably follow consumption

Raptor over Blighty: Watch the stealth fighter in infrared

truly a jaw dropper..

saw this monster at Fairford this weekend, and you would genuinely fancy its chances if it was dropped into a dogfight with a cylon - it actually drew gasps from the crowd

the eurofighter on the other hand, brough forth much scoffing and a collective "blehh" - how do we get it wrong every single f-ing time???does NOBODY get shot for their mistakes anymore??

Linux game-time refined with latest Wine

Everything else is just a toy...

...it does go to show how far the world has moved on in the last 5 years - I only have Windows on one machine now, and it is only ever used to play civ or l4d.Now L4d and counterstrike work perfectly on my main machine using Crossover, i literally have no use for Windows. I've got no intention of buying windows vista/7/whatever in the future - I wonder how many people are doing the same?I've been supporting windows at work for 10 years, but I think XP is the end of the road for windows as far as I'm concerned - I've never seen windows 7 and could no more support it than any other civilian....talk about the retraining costs of moving to Linux sounds a bit hollow now doesn't it?

Vote Lib Dem, doom humanity to extinction

sarcasm double bluff?

I like this guys musings too - but I just wonder if this article is really a troll and he is laughing his head off (I've lived in Cornwall too long now, my sarcasm detection system has failed) or if he really was sat foaming at the mouth,banging away at his keyboard like any other unhinged neo-con nuke loving mentalist? Just wondered.

Manchester united against ID cards, ID minister finds

"no" and "chance"

This Manc won't submit to an enforced ID Card with a gun to his head.Long live the Peoples Republic of Manchester! Barricade the M6!

Ubuntu's Karmic Koala opens its eyes

Speed is Good

I don't know if anyone else has even tried this, or if somehow I've stumbled on the best kept secret of all time, but I have antix M7 on a Latitude LS400 (thats a P111 at a whopping 500MHz, with 256 MB of ram) -and when hibernated, it goes from a standing start to previously hibernated desktop in 24 seconds.What that would be like on hardware you would actually WANT to use is anybodys guess - it would probably catch fire/make the sun implode, something like that. Fast boot times are ALWAYS A good idea - anyone who supports a corporate environment, and wastes thousands of seconds a year watching "Running Startup scripts" on Windoze NEEDS those reclaimed seconds! We NEED them!Bad!

Shock jock blames Britain for hack attack

he should think himslf lucky...

I'm pretty sure HMG wouldn't really be up to tinkering with this no marks interweb, but I hear their "accident arrangers" are quite sharp - and probably cheaper too.I wonder if he has lots of pointy sports equipment?

Tech can make Britain Great again

Great "again"

I was just wondering when this mythical "great" was.....I say we just whistle up a drop ship and nuke the place from orbit - would the French really mind if we all just decamped to Brittany? I mean REALLY?