Posts by Boris the Cockroach

Big Blighty telcos ordered to block three BitTorrent search sites

And remember

The rpiia or whatever they are called will never go after the biggest source of links to copyrighted material on the internet... google....

Because google has lots and lots of money for better lawyers than they've got

Mobile tech bods beg devs: C'mon, where's that KILLER app?

How about

The cat vid/message/phone call app that combines all 3 activities into 1 easily controlled app

Lets face it... that all that ever gets used on 99.9% of smart phones

EU web chief: Europe's slow on 4G, but 5G GLORY WILL BE OURS

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Wake me up when it actually happens.... most likely just after China, South Korea and Japan have invented and moved on to 7G

I wonder if she owns shares in telecoms companies though.....

McAfee dumps signatures and proclaims an (almost) end to botnets

Re: I suppose

Who cares.... after the first few examples, everyone will remember

Flames...... and why not

I suppose

a few rules to avoid the malware would be better than AV software that bungs up your system/network/entire internet

1. Phone chargers for all staff : stops them plugging their phones into those handy usb ports on the front of the PC

2. remove Java and flash from the browsers

3. Anyone caught with a USB stick is fired.

4. Anyone opening an e.mail attatchment is set on fire.

And lastly for those really serious about stopping malware from seizing vital data

Install Linux

Council IT bod in the dock for flogging scrap work PC parts

he should

have set himself up a little business saying 'PC recycler' , bought the council official concerned a slap up dinner and offered £500 for the lot.

Then sold them on for £10 000..

Or at least thats how local concils work around here

John Sweeney: Why Church of Scientology's gravest threat is the 'net

Its a scam

Consider the following

Christainity: you can get the holy book free and online, and advice from any 1 sect free as well

Islam: ditto

Bhuddism : ditto

CoS: pay , pay , pay and ohh you're nearly there pay , pay , pay again.

Then theres the dirty tricks that comes when you criticise CoS, lets follow you around with private eyes, lets try and frame you, lets try and get you into a mental hospital.

Quit the 2D internet, flee your cave, and GET LAID, barks rock star

I went

outside once

Graphics and sound were excellent, but the plot sucked big time, then I found out you dont get any save points or respawns.

Coat... because sometimes I still have to go outside

Microsoft: Office 2013 license is for just one PC, FOREVER

whats

wrong with this install

Type in company name and keycode, that binds it to a PC,

Build new PC

Install

Type in name and keycode binds it to that PC and cancels the software on old PC.

But then its all about shoving people onto office 365 and them paying $$$ to rent software....... I wonder what will happen...

MIT boffin teases space-station probe's DARK MATTER DISCOVERY

Re: Dark matter

But what you have to remember is that without a large amount of unseen mass, no galaxy can hang together under its own 'visible' gravity

They would fly apart or would have a completely different rotational speed to the speed we can observe

And never forget, we're probing the structure of space-time whether it wants to be or not

Microsoft: You want Office for Mac, fanboi? You'll pay Windows prices

Can

we have Office for Linux please... without all that faffing about with wine

Iceland thinks long and hard over extreme smut web ban law

Re: About this proposed ban

Otherwise known in this country as "The daily mail's readership"

The universe speaks: 'It's time to get off your rock!'

Re: If humans die off ..

if you die of heart disease becaue of lack of funding, nobody cares also there'll always be humans breeding who dont have heart disease since heart disease generally strikes at the older folks past breeding age.

If a big space rock comes in , young and old alike are fooked and no more humans....

Boris

Microsoft exec: No 'Plan B' despite mobile stumbles

Re: Microsoft isn't Apple...

$99/yr to put my software on my phone... sorry no thanks

Not when it costs me $0 to create an app in eclipse with the android sdk and install it to my phone

Intel's new TV box to point creepy spy camera at YOUR FACE

guess

that camera will put off anyone from watching the pr0n channels .....

Capita bosses defend £30m migrant-poking IT deal with Border Agency

Well

Since the UK border agency knows where the people overstaying their visas are......... why not send some officials out and remove them since they are here illegally.....

Oh I forgot

There'd be no money for private companies, and wages would rise because there would be no easily exploited group of people willingly to work for peanuts and not say anything

BT copper-cable choppers cop 16 months in the cooler

A better

option maybe to encase all the cables with an metal covering that carries 11Kv.

That way we wont have to bother with locking up the gits who steal cable for a living.

Still , we did have some fun with the metal theives by putting a thin layer of brass chips on the barrels of steel scrap chips we kept outside the factory... those barrels went pretty quick .

Ps we keep all the scrap inside now

The truth on the Navy carrier debacle? Industry got away with murder

Another happy illusion

shattered

This is what you get for letting BAE buy every single UK shipyard, if there were 2 or 3 shipyards in the UK owned by different companies capable of building the carriers, the price would come down rather quickly.

But perhaps its time to investigate the whole cosy relationship between the MoD and BAE since it seems most of the defence equipment budget is being shoveled in their direction without any serious questions over price and delivery.

2 billion to fit cats and traps to the carriers... I would think that breaks down to 200 million for the equipment, 100 million for the design/refit and 1.7 billion to BAE for management bonuses and bribing MoD officials into signing such a useless contract

What a Liberty: Virgin Media in buyout talks with telecoms giant

well we can hope

that VM get bought out, and the first thing the new owners do is fire the entire customer 'service' dept for being a bunch of useless ****s

Actually thats not strictly true, once the complaint has been escalated to the scottish call center and you manage to get an engineer sent out(usually the next day) the customer service aint too bad

I blame the guys who write the call center scripts and demand the help desk people follow the scripts to the letter, then tell them to transfer the call if it goes over 45 seconds.

Introducing the Open Source Rookie of the Year... Whoa, it's Microsoft

hmmm

"at some point , our products will have open sauce in them"

Whats the betting they already have by some m$ programmer using some linux code to solve an m$ application problem?

Then the m$ management found out just how much open sauce code is in windows/office/ etc

Sick software nasty uses child abuse pics to extort infected victims

Re: What about UK?

this is exactly the problem myself and some fellow game server admins had when 1 delightful little scrote decided it would be funny to use a child pron spray in game.

of course it gets shared to everyone playing on the server at the time, including me.

After some fairly heated discussion among the admins, the screen shot with the cp blurred out with the scrotes steam ID, and his IP address was sent to his ISP.

According to a report we got back from the ISP , mummy and daddy were most surprised to get cut off by the ISP and most unhappy as to why.

But the big problem for us was how do you go about reporting such things when you're the innocent victim?

The instant you call the plod and say "I've got cp on my PC sent to me by persons unknown" , pc plod will go "he's got cp , lets go nick him and smear his name across the media"

Anyway... these malware writers when found, should be firmly strung up, although if they're british, they'll get a stiff £50 fine and told not to be naughty.

Official: Fandroids are smarter/tighter* than iPhone fanbois

wow

And I thought I had an expensive contract at £18/month 100min/5000 text/and unlimited internets

Damn glad I dont live in the US

You thought watching cat videos was harmless fun? Think AGAIN

I'm

glad cats kill little furry animals, because since I live in an older section of the city, we have trouble sometimes with little cute furry creatures scuttling about, and its only the re assuring sound of my cat going crunch,munch, crunch gulp burp that stops me filling the house with a lot of chemicals designed to give said furry critters a long slow lingering death.

So: 6,500 Win 8 laptops later, how are BT's field engineers coping?

the crucial

line is "we went from underpowered win xp machines to nearly the latest win8 machines with SSD "

Bet they would have got an equal performance gain from buying any new'ish laptop and installing any modern OS on them.

Huddled immigrant masses face 'British values' quiz

The problem

Is not legal migrants, it never has been, and it never will be.

The citizenship test is complete bollocks aimed at getting the more rabid of the daily wail's readership to vote for you. since they make up the swing votes in the 50 or so marginal seats you need to win to grab power in this country.

The immigration problem is the number of illegals, combined with the number of illegals who try playing the asylum system(and a number of lawyers who do very well out of this too), but the government will not do anything about this.

Why?

Because it provides certain employers cheap labour that wont complain when its screwed out of the money they were supposed to get, thus keeping everyone's wages down, and more importantly, meaning those nasty daily wail readers can get cheap vegetables at waitrose etc.

Greenland ice did not melt in baking +8°C era 120k years ago

We're

still fooked anyway

Partly because of our own stupidity(do people actually look to vote for the stupidist candidate on the ballot sheet?)

But mostly because the same people who run around going "the earth is doomed the earth is doomed" are the same people who run around going "Ban nuclear power .. its even more evil than global warming"

Actually I have a theory that the collective intelligence of humanity goes down as the number of humans in the group rises.

Boris

EU-wide mega-Leveson 'needed' to silence Press, bloggers

There should be a provision of state funding for media which are essential for pluralism

Thats the line you should be scared of

Thats says "In country A, a member of the EU, all the political parties,the press and population are against further membership of the EU, therefore we can fund a pro-EU media campaign in country A in the name of pluralism"

Perhaps some nice nazi type parties should apply for funding under this idea... "hey.. its pluralism "

Mobes, web filth 'pornifying' our kids, warns top Labour MP

But

the pubic louse is now nearly extinct thanks to the porn industry spreading the popularity of the shaven look

SO theres another thing to blame on porn.. the extinction of the harmless lovable crotch crab

Save the crabs ban porn

UK taxmen turn heat on tax-swerving big biz, hope to smoke out £1bn

Re: Evade the taxes

I do get SSP... but thats all...

As a result I'm about £1200/month down on income.

Makes me wish I rented my house, and pissed my money up against a wall....

I could have got rent paid, income support, free home help and free medication.

Time to see a decent accountant and see what loopholes I can exploit (then package up as a cheap and easy way to avoid paying tax)

Evade the taxes

Far as I'm concerned , every UK company and every UK citizen has a moral duty to avoid paying any tax whatso ever

Am I trolling for the outraged responses?

Nope

Whats brought on my attitude?

I have worked for 30 yrs, duely paying my taxes, on time, without complaint

In November last yr I was diagnosed with a serious and fatal heart condition... No problem with the NHS

picking up the tab for curing me, but it takes 4 months to recover from the surgery

4 months with no income.

But because I saved money and paid for my own home, I dont qualify for ANY benefits, no housing benefit, no income support, no help with perscription charges.. no home help.... nothing... because I have too much money

Well fuck you UK government... you've got too much money as well so we're not paying any more

Polish knights slay Virut, the brazen virus army that has its own EULA

Simple

Its runs a javascript that can handily link a sequence of bytes to the SVCHOST program, to avoid the scanners all you do is bit shift the sequence before you run the link.

Then said file goes on a rampage through your HDD add the javascript and bit shifted virus to every .HTML file on your pc... then adds it to every .exe program just to be sure.

Gawd I love IE as a browser........ NOT

Fire... because thats where the malware creators should be

Engineers are cold and dead inside, research shows

I'll

go along with the 'engineers are cold unfeeling bastards' idea.... because I are one

To quote a friend(also an engineer)

"I dont want to listen to what you watched last weekend , or the latest ****ing football scores, I'm not ****ing interested in how many woman you shagged or ****ing fast your stupid iPhone is.. I'm here to solve problems and I dont ****ing well need your useless ****ing prattle putting me off, now **** off and bother someone who ****ing cares"

But then, after explaining to my doc that I 'm fairly smart, and reasonably educated, he treats and talks to me like an adult

The last phrase I heard him use was "The tests have come back positive, you will die within the next 21 days unless you have an emergency operation on your heart"

I like that.. direct and to the point.

TSA to pull backscatter perv scanners from US airports

I'm surprised

they found anyone in the TSA with enough brains to find the 'on' switch

Boris

<<<still sulking after having the straps cut on his backpack to open and inspect it... despite the straps having handy 'press here to open' clips next to where they cut the straps.

Record numbers of you are reading this headline right now

Actually

I like el-reg for the commentards

Never before have I seen such a wretched hellhole of violence, debauchery, and mindless bigotry as the 'people' who comment on an el-reg story*

They make daily mail readers look almost sane

Boris

*Except in the church

Pubic louse falls victim to eager Brazilian strippers

Someone

get onto the RSPCA/PETA/ World wildlife fund ... all these lice losing their habitate.. its a disaster for the species and the world...

No hold on crabs aint cute and cuddly.

White House raises the signature threshold for petitions to 100,000

I never

noticed the government making any response no matter how many people signed the online petion

Only thing that makes MPs take any notice of anyone are brown paper bags filled with money... and no reciepts

Guess the US is heading in that direction too

Hyperspeed travel looks wrong: Leicester students

Re: Well if you're going to be picky

And why were'nt the engines of an X-wing out on the wingtips too, would make it so much easier to rotate the ships when you've got a TIE fighter on your tail.

But then thats because Lucas watched 'The battle of Britain' and "The dambusters" while he was coming up with the final scenes

Computers are 'electronic cocaine' that make you MANIC

Its not

only pyschological effects... increased stress can lead to nasty physical systems such as blocked arteries

Boris

<<desperately trying to find a way to sue his employer after recent heart surgery

British armed forces get first new pistol since World War II

Re: Stuff the L115A

Yes , but you're missing the point ..

The AS50 is semi-auto while the AX50 is still a bolt action.

And the AX338... good for plinking... if your back garden is long enough..... about 1200 -1600 yrds

Right the nurses have come round with my medication again

Stuff the L115A

I want an AS-50 (also made by the same company)

Sidearms are for wimps who let the enemy sneak up on them.... kill everyone within 1000 yrds with a .50 cal round and people learn 2 important things... 1. you dont need sidearms for your troops and 2 the locals stay well clear of you.

Brg.Gen. Boris 'mad dog' Cockroach KBE DSE BSE, care of "sunny view" retirement home for ex-loonies and tory peers

iPhones, tablets... Pah: By 2020, we'll froth over hot new SOFTWEAR

Re: Already here

I'd love it if the latest smartphones came with the option of using a pair of glasses to display the screen at a reasonable size in your viewfield

Would make it so much easier than squinting at a 3 inch screen when you find out the website is set only to desktop size (or using the pan/scroll/zoom function to read 1 word at a time.

But by then, we'll all be on cyber-netic implants anyway and told what to belive by our hive queens

'Doomsday' asteroid Apophis more massive than first thought

Re: So Unlucky.......

Actually the odds of dying for each individual human are much greater

It hits the ocean off the west coast of the US and kills 25 million people by direct impact and 1 billion by the way of climate change leading to crop failures (Note: the countries with the most arms will also get most of the food in the aftermath)

So your chances of snuffing it are much great than the 1 in 250 000 chances of the rock hitting earth.

But then you get a 1 in 1 chance of snuffing it anyway

Toy train company bids for West Coast Mainline

Re: Safety

And what about the giant cats asleep on the track?......

No self respecting driver gonna go near them

Hey, tech titans! Those smartmobe sales bans? Give it a rest. NOW

I think

it has more to do with unfair prevention of trade

Eg Company A and Company B make smartphones, they compete with each other to get the best on the shelves in the run up to christmas

Now Company A takes Company B to court for patent infringement and gets Company B's smartphones banned from the shelves in September, In January Company B gets the ban overturned on appeal... but its too late... its missed the christmas shopping period plus Company A has had its products on sale for 4 months competition free.

Segway daddy unveils DIY weight-loss stomach pump

Re: Some people enjoy food more than exercise

OI

I'm one of those fat middle aged blokes prescribed statins, beta blockers etc etc etc

Sadly after a lifestyle of no smoking , regular daily exercise, a small amount to drink, I still got diagnosed with a 95% blocked heart artery and had emergency surgery to correct it resulting in the aforementioned drugs being jammed down my throat by the doctors to prevent any more damage occuring

PS If you want to lose weight , I can reccommend no better diet than "Boris' heart surgery diet", it can result in you losing over 40lbs in 3 months... partly because the doc tells you its good for you, partly because hospital food is crap, but mostly because you're in too much pain to eat anything.

Sir James Dyson slams gov's 'obsession' with Silicon Roundabout

Re: When

Your airbus friend... how many years of skill/knowledge has he had to learn in order to do the job safely, and efficently?

For my line of the game, its anywhere between 5 and 10 yrs depending on the person, learning stuff about CAM systems, the robot's language, how the materials react to being hit with a cutter etc etc etc , then look at the pay for someone whos done A levels, got a 2:2 from uni and managed to get themselves a banking job.

Who the hell is going to put themselves through 10 yrs of learning when they could do 5 yrs of learning and earn twice as much at the end with a prospect of bonuses and regular payrises/career progression

Oh and there are good engineering companies out there, I work at a sub-contractor for 2 companies that have queens award for exporting stuff, we're never short of work from them, in fact , they are the ones always stuffing up our production plans by demanding even more of their crap vs the crap we make for several other companies too.

It is just the crummy wages on offer to most engineering staff that keep the best people (and the people we need) out of engineering altogether.

When

Engineering is seen here as anything more than dying on its arse, then you might get people interested in either working in engineering or doing an engineering degree.

But then they look at the wages involved and suddenly find out that being a shift leader at macburgers can earn you more than most engineering jobs.

While you are all smugly congratulating Dyson for exporting the low paid jobs to his assembly plant in China while expanding his R&D labs stuffed with clever folks, spare a thought for the robot programmers and skilled engineering technicians who actually build and mantain the assembly lines so much stuff is made on.

We're out of a job too, with the result nobody wants to get into our line of business either.

Tramp icon.... because thats what most of us will be dressed as soon

Now you can control ANY Win 8 kit with your EYEBALLS

What

Happens when the office hunk/beauty(delete as for your sexual taste) walks past your cubicle and your eyes wander off to follow them instead of the $200 000 000 CAD project you are suppossed to be designing.......

Minicam movie pirate gets record-breaking five years in prison

And

never forget that the movie industry rarely if ever makes any money from movies

In large part due to their tax avoidance schemes.... "oh no Harry potter took £3 billion at the box office" but by creative accounting , the studio declares a loss for tax purposes.

Satnav-murdering Google slips its Maps into car dashboards

Re: How would this work?

Sadly (and due to a lack cliffs) this rarely happens, what does more likely happen is that the satnav says "turn left in 100yrds" and the said 'driver' will turn left at the next opening in the hedge...... then wonder why the road is all bumpy and potholed and then what the 3 bright lights are coming towards him at 125mph.......

Just a shame that such stupidity is likely to take out other innocent people....