Posts by Boris the Cockroach

UK.gov blows a fuse at smart meter stall, sets new 2020 deadline

At least

It will remove those damned estimated readings for us folks who work for a living and cant be arsed to waste 3 days waiting for the meter guy to turn up.

But then if they actually looked at monthly consumption of power from the likes of me, they'll find its about 150-200 units per month and has been for the past 20 yrs... so why I get an estimated bill of 400 units per month every time is anyones guess.

PS can I have a nice simple tariff eg : service charge + price per unit used, and not service charge-20% if over 1000 units used+ 15% discount on the first 200 units + 5% discount if theres a Y in the month +10% extra if I go over 200 units+4% overcharge on service -5% discount if paid by direct debit via a cayman islands bank account which exempts me from VAT at 5% but involves a 6% extra direct debit charge on a monday

First, the bad news: EA bags Star Wars games rights

Re: X-Wing Sim please

Nooo we want more of the excellent TIE fighter type games "Eat lasers and die rebel scum"

Sadly EA will give us something along the lines of the Ewok family christmas special complete with DRM and alway on internet connected to single 486 authetication server on 28k dialup in EA's basement........

Plans for fully 3D-printed gun go online next week

I'm a CNC

engineer and I'm out of a job :(

Actually thats not true, but then you go round flea bay looking in the bargin bucket CNC mills, you can pick yourself up a fairly good machine for 5k, download a CAM program from pirate bay and off you go making proper metal guns.

But then I'm a proper engineer, with years of experience in making all sorts of naughty things for the government/arms industry and those plastic things will be 1 shot only toys cunningly designed to take out the gun nut firing the thing.

Research explodes myth that older programmers are obsolete

Re: Speaking as a consultant ...

RS 232 is completely relevant to what I do, because thats the comm system we use to send data to the robots from a PC and back again

Plus the fact the machines use their own methods of configuring the RS232.... hardware handshake? software? or one use hard for downloads and soft for uploads and a 10 char buffer (which is fun when windows has a 16 char buffer).

Then another adds a vertical parity byte to each line of text sent to it, so the DNC software has to either be set to ignore it, which then screws up the machine because it wants an ACK signal form the PC before sending the next line, or calculate the parity byte and hope your algorithm matches the one in the control and send an ACK signal back

Serial killer hack threat to gas pipes, traffic lights, power plants

This is why

I scream and shout and throw big heavy things at the managers where I work while shouting 'air gap air gap' between the internet connected stuff (3 office PCs ) and the stuff networked to the robots (2 pcs and a laptop).

Last thing we need is for the robots to go berzerk and start killing everyone.. especially when its my shift getting killed.

<<wondering where he can get a phased plasma rifle in the 40 watt range

Cameron: Get those saucy websites off Blighty's public Wi-Fi

So the government

will stop me watching movies of girls wearing very little apart from say bra and undies from appearing on the wi-fi cloud thing.

But will allow me to walk pasting a ****ing great poster by M&S of a girl wearing nothing but an even skimpier bra and undies......

Smells of buying off the daily wail's readership... you know the ones that believed the MMR scare stories by the daily fail and now their little darling are getting measles....

Java still vulnerable despite recent patches

Re: If you can't create tech, criticize it

And the same users click on e.mail attatchments that have a file name like "cute_cat_vid.mpg .exe"

Dispite the warning written in large letters on the moniter saying "DO NOT OPEN E.MAIL ATTATCHMENTS ON PAIN OF BEING BURNED AT THE STAKE"

BadNews, fandroids: MILLIONS of Google Play downloads riddled with malware

If

Any apps I get ask for phone/contact permissions, then its time for the uninstall button.

PS can someone give me a legit reason why a guitar tuner app needs your phone number and contact list anyway?

It's official! Register hack is an alcohol-flushed cave dweller

Re: tempted

Well If I'd known I was at a higher risk of getting heart disease, perhaps I could have had statin drugs given to me years ago to prevent fat build ups along with regular BP monitering and a touch more exercise and a bit less beer.

Instead its find out the not quite so bad way (during a dye test) that I've got a 95% blockage on the left artery as opposed to the really bad way(waking up in hospital with a zapper attatched to you) or the horrid way (waking up inside a wooden box thats getting hotter and hotter)

Take your pick.....

Game designer spills beans on chubby-fancying chap with his stolen Mac

Taking a slightly different view..

I dont blame the police for doing nowt.

They just collect the evidence and pass it along to the criminal protection squad, and they the ones who say "lack of evidence"

Then theres the huge mountain of paperwork PC Plod has to fill out when he nicks someone

Then if they are really lucky it gets to court where said slimeball goes " I did'nt know it was nicked , I bought it for 50 quid of a guy in a pub"

And finally , he's been convicted of handling stolen goods and the judge goes "I'm going to be really strict with you and fine you £10 and give you 25hrs community service which you may or may not do depending how you feel in the morning" , is it any wonder PC Plod says "Cant be bothered m8"?

PS Judge appointments, the CPS, and sentencing guidelines all come from the home office where a government minister is in charge.....

Brit IT biz boss wrongly 'terminated' in red-tape blunder

They came for him

while he slept.... he protested they had the wrong man, but they had the right man and the paperwork to prove it

NASA-backed fusion engine could cut Mars trip down to 30 days

And why

does the first picture look like something built in Kerbal space program?

Although their space ships look somewhat better than the effort above

Microsoft leads charge against Google's Android in EU antitrust complaint

I did complain

about google maps being the only mapping option, but sadly , the courier I hired to deliver it used apple maps and has'nt been seen since.

Maggie Thatcher: The Iron Lady who saved us from drab Post Office mobes

Re: &@£!

Dont worry , Thatcher will be forgotten by next week as the norks(north koreans) seem to be trying a new method of regime change called 'suicide by nuclear weapons'.

'ding dong Kim joug un is dead' does not have the same ring as 'ding dong the witch is dead' though

Re: Thank the stars she privatised BT...

Lights going out??? when was that?

Oh yeah 1972 and 1974 while we had a Tory government... closed shop? not where I ended up working (MoD research) they made it quite plain you could join, or not depending on your political views

I joined.. but only for the legal aid if I was injured on the job.

The unions were well on their collective way to committing suicide anyway since they were run by people who used them for political purposes instead of looking out for their members

Remember Labour from 1974 to 1979 shut more mines than maggie wanted to...

And the reason the miners lost..... because what union boss changes the rules on a national strike , then goes for an area by area strike ballot for a national strike in MARCH when there are record coal stocks.

Scargil has a lot to answer for

Pyongyang to unleash NUKULAR horsemen of the Norkocalypse?

The idea

that the nork missiles are cack works well

right upto the point one lands on Pearl harbour

Oh and the last people to try that one came to a very sticky end......

Microsoft: 'Facebook Home just copies Windows Phone'

The only way

I'll consider a M$ phone(or faceborg phone or any one of a number of phones ) is by looking at the price

All I want is a simple phone I can make phone calls with, and maybe send abusive text messages to friends/workmates, and install my homebrew metal bashing calculator apps.

The simpler and cheaper the better(with unlimited internet of course)

An 18 quid a month Sumsang S2 fills to spot nicely, when the contract is up, then its look... but thats 14 months away

How I nearly sold rocket windows to the crazy North Koreans

The only

hope for the norks is an all out war fought to their battleplan , not ours

Which would be artillery/missile strikes on Seoul and surrounding US, ROK bases, missile strikes at US airbases in Japan and Guam, followed by a massive conventional attack on Seoul and occupation of Seoul in order to force any UN force to create another Stalingrad, followed by peace on the norks terms eg withdrawing in exchange for food aid.

Sadly the battleplan would more likely run as 3 days of nork offensive action, followed by 10 days of stalemate, then 28 days of getting the s**t kicked out of the norks as UN forces pour in, resulting dead.. about 30 000 in the south 200 000 in the north, if the norks used chemical/bio/nuke weapons, say goodbye to 5 million north koreans

including kim el fat boy who'll be dangling on a rope after the war crimes trial

Microsoft to slap 9 patches on Windows junkies on Tuesday

Sorry but

I think Windows is a load of bollocks as well

If they split the OS into admin space and user space and denied write access to anything in admin unless logged in as admin, then windows would be a fook sight more secure.

Come on guys.. since when does a browser in user space need the ability to write (and trash) the entire system? and how long has it been going on for.... 15... 16... 18 years?

But then linux is'nt helped by the nerds in charge of it going'search the forum newbie' to anyone asking a question where my answer would always be "Write some A1 documentation linux nerd before rushing off to create <spit> gnome 3"

Universal Credit IT system could lead to MORE FRAUD, MPs warn

Re: And I

Nope that idea is a complete non starter and would never ever work

Why...

Simple, the MPs would'nt be able to get kickbacks from the IT companies building the system, or government (ex)ministers find themselve cushy directorships with said companies

Alledgedly (the lawyers demanded I put that in)

Anyway without the kickbacks, how are you going to be able to claim for a cost overrun?

And I

bet the cost overruns and the fact that 10% of claiments will be using the job center's computers to do the claiming couple with the cost overruns, and the bad security cost overrun, means that the estimate for how much the complete system with cost has overrun and we end up paying £4 billion to scrap the whole lot and start again (£5 billion because that cost will overrun too).

I am NOT a PC repair man. I will NOT get your iPad working

Re: Surprisingly, This Is Serious:

You've obviously never had to read a Fanuc machine control manual that was originally written in Japanese, and translated into English by a russian who can speak neither langage.

Still I prefer the German controls we have... at least they only try to invade Poland when they go wrong rather than a kamakazi dive into the nearest american thing they can find

OMG I mentioned the war

This is why

I always say I program industrial robots instead of my actual job description of programming metal machining centers.

Soon as you say you're a metal basher its 'I need a bit for a car/motorbike/kids cycle/door knocker etc etc etc"

Then they get all pissy because you wont break down a £150 000 machine thats costs £60/hr to run to make them a ****ing washer.

So you put them off by saying it will cost £150 for that 1 washer, with the answer you always get "they cost 10p in halfords"

Which brings out 2 answers depending how much I like them

"Ok order 25 000 and I can make them for 10p each" or....

"Why dont you just goto ****ing halfords and buy one instead of pestering me in order to save 10p"

Coat... because I'm always told to leave at the end of the conversation..

Patent shark‘s copyright claim could bite all Unix

Nearly had

me until NSFW daemon.... because I've never seen it running when I do a list of processes in my Linux boxes

Perhaps a better one would be

"Microsoft spokesman has said after the success of windows 8 , windows 9 will have a radically improved interface called touch and spell."

Which everyone would go hahahh good april fool, until m$ reveal it at the next big IT show

Watchdog warns UK.gov not to create 'them and us' digital divide

I would'nt

touch the government online benefit system with a 10 foot barge pole (thats 3 meters for our younger readers).

Why? for exactly the same reason I dont do online banking

Its not secure.

Heck I dont even like typing my credit card number into steam.

And the last thing I want is a bunch of crooks running around with my details because the government cant be arsed to pay enough for a decent website, let alone a secure one

Pyongyang Photoshop tomfoolery shows wet Norks, skirts blown up

Re: Groupthink

About 50 000 to 100 000 to be exact'ish in the first 10 minutes as the norks guns make short work of Seoul and the surrounding area.

If the norks are stupid enough to use chemical/bio/nukes then the number of dead will reach into the millions and make WW2 look like a childrens tea party.

Bet then I bet the norks are being egged on by Apple... "go on.. take out the Samsung HQ... you know you want to"

Not got 4G? There's a reason we aren't called 'Four', sniffs Three

Yay

I'm one of the three new customers last year

And the reason

Unlimited data on the contract... thats it

Very handy when you're tucked up in a hospital bed on a saturday night and you got nothing to do but watch u-tube vids because hospital has got butt fugly agency nurses in instead of the spiffing regular staff

After Leveson: The UK gets an Orwellian Ministry of Truth for real

After reading this

Article, the only word I can think of is "Bollocks"

The press should be regulated by the phrase "Public interest"

Eg Prince William and his missus sunbathing on a topless beach while having a fairly passionate snog is not a public interest story.... its a none story

However... the Prime minister and his mistress snogging on the same beach after delivering a speech to the tory loonies.. I mean party on family values = public interest.

Or how about the daily w(m)ail running a smear story on the landlord of a murder victim on the basis he had a past and looked a bit dodgey..... the fact the editor and senior staff were walking around free was because the judge did'nt have enough guts to jail the lot of them for a serious contempt of court leads to the writers point

We have enough laws on the press IF THEY ARE ENFORCED

I try bribing a policeman , I goto jail

if a Sun 'journalist' does it, its pat on the back good story well done.

And only now are people starting to be jailed for these types of offences

The UK Energy Crisis in 3 simple awareness-raising pictures

Re: Sellafield disaster

1300 kilos of Pu in that pool...

a quick google gives Pu at $4000/gram so theres somewhere in the region of $5.2 BILLION dollars worth of Pu in that pool.

Heck I'd drive a sheilded JCB in there and scoop the stuff out myself for that price.... what I suspect is theres 1300 kilos of waste there of which Pu has a small fraction...

Re: Build Nuclear

How KGs of plutonium lost at sellafield?

Lets see.. you have a fuel rod weighing in at 2 kg thats been in a reactor for 5 yrs, depending on the power load put on the reactor over those 5 yrs and the position of the rod in the reactor you may have 1 gram of plutonium or 1.0001 grams (example figures only) so on average a rod has 1.00005 grams and theres no way to tell if theres more or less in a rod until its been reprocessed, so you can end up with say 1 tonne of plutonium expected after processing lots of fuel rod or 1 tonne and a kilo.....

As for actually getting more nuclear stations built.... until you deal with a planning process that lets everyman and his dog have a say no matter where they are in the country, the 'green' movement will delight in clogging up any inquiries into building anything right upto the point where the mob , fed up with the constant blackouts, breaks into the 'green' party's HQ and uses its members to light the streets roman style.....

The gaming habits of Reg readers revealed

I suppose

I must be a hardcore gamer

Team fortress nearly evry night... occasional blasts at something else.

But the writer is correct for us old pharts.. what we lack in reaction time is made up by gameplay, knowledge and evil intent.....

Making a push for final cap? lets drop out of my hidey hole in the rafters and set everyone on fire from behind... ahh the pretty yellow flames.. they flicker and flicker and dance all day long..

Boris

<<<wondering when they'll drag him off the hospital laptap and back in his room with the crayons again

South Korean TV and banks paralysed in disk-wipe cyber-blitz

Maybe

they have seen the film and disconnected the nuclear missiles from the computer's control..... ekkk a nakkid time traveling woman just appeared and said "come with me if you want to live".... time to get my kit off

Osborne slashes growth forecast by half in bleak economy statement

And

corporation tax/NI is changed so smbs can make more money.

In my experience my boss will gladly trouser the extra cash and not hire anyone or give them a payrise.

Mind you my boss paid me ssp only during a recent illness after working for him for 10 yrs +, and even his tight arse rivals said "what a f***ing cheapskate"

This budget is more about mid term bollocks to the lot of you from the government, and just enough to keep you from invading parliment and stringing the lot of them up from the nearest lamp post.

Next year it will be loverly with lots of giveaways in the vain hope that someone might vote for them.......... before stringing them up from the nearest lamp post

Lenovo: Windows 8 is so good, everyone wants Windows 7

well

the sole windows geek at work has been looking around for Windows 8 stuff

He's found someone who sells a dead flesh finger on a stick, so he does'nt have to reach up to his touch screen all the time from his office chair

and I've inherited his win7 PC and he AINT getting it back!

Build a BONKERS gaming PC

this rig

Being a i72600/gtx560/8gig ram was bought so I could hack and slash at skyrim happily(the old rig now demoted to a data server ran at 5fps).. setting are ultra with high res texture packs and everything maxed out and I get 50-60 fps which does me, and will do me for the next 5 yrs at least

I've seen the attraction of buying the parts and building my own rig, but then , since I spend all day building stuff with robots, I cant be bothered and got Novatech to do it for me... an extra £100 for a 2yr warrenty plus a no hassle 'wheres this lead go?' build.

And they are like 2 miles away from my front door ..... but that rig........ you're are mad I say MAD!

Global warming fingered as Superstorm Sandy supersizer

The 1987

storm that hit southern Britain had roughly the same cause, a blocking high to the north forcing the jet stream way further south than it usually runs in mid october, driving a mass of cold air into a warm low pressure area that usually haunts these isles at that time of year.

It was only the fact that it ran through southern england at 45-50mph that saved us from even worse damage than it did

Btw Sandy was barely a cat 2 storm when it landed, katrina was a strong 3

OpenSUSE 12.3: Proof not all Linux PCs are Um Bongo-grade bonkers

You missed the

important question hanging on everyones lips

"Does it run the steam native client with no hassle?"

Who's riddling Windows PCs with gaping holes? It's your crApps

Re: Paging Mr Eadon

"Of course, if M$ had written the underlying operating system properly in the first place, these apps wouldn't be able to create a security vulnerability..."

Damn I was just about to wright that too.

Attention, CIOs: Stop outsourcing or YOU will never retire

Re: Top 10 reasons an IT job sucks...

"Perhaps you're working for the wrong company" is a phrase spread around by friends when you explain what you have to do.

Since this is my first week back in 3&1/2 months(bit ill) I thought some nice easy bits and get back into the swing of things.... nope... run a backup on all the robots because nobody else can manage to plug a zarking network lead in and press the 3 buttons to run the backup software followed by 2 hours on the phone to various tooling companies because all the expensive good stuff we use has been broken/worn out and no one has re-ordered.

Followed by the boss going "you have'nt done much all morning apart from wander around with a laptop"

Then the depression sets in.... and the mind wanders to just how much money I've saved the company over the years (anywhere from £2000-£4000/yr for 8 yrs, not to mention no sickpay.... not even a £1000 taxable bonus for earning the co a shed load more cash), the free DNC comms software I wrote for the company, and think....... £22K/yr for this crud... Lets add engineering to IT for the jobs to tell your kids/nephews/nieces never to apply for.

Boris , Recieved an 11% payrise, spread over the period 2002-2012 ... and wheres the icon for hanging myself?

It

the same in the robot bashing industry

All us older types are getting older and older, with 12 yrs left in my case, whats to replace us.... well nobody under the age of 35 because who wants to work in a smelly old factory for min wage, no job security, and maybe after 10 yrs of picking stuff up and learning computer/programming skills you can earn below what a McD branch manager does.

Or you can poach staff from other companies.... which drives the current staff crazy when they find out the new guy is getting 1.5 times what they are for the same job

But then it does'nt matter a s**t because your job has just been outsourced to save 0.0005p per part for a company that reports 3 billion in untaxable profits per year

1 in 7 WinXP-using biz bods DON'T KNOW Microsoft is pulling the plug

Re: Who needs Microsoft Support for XP anyway?

Naaw us engineering firms wont touch Xp with a barge pole , still too new and unproven, especially with all the patches coming out every month

Come to think of it, the only reason we update our windows machines is because the things are broken and cant be cheaply fixed.

So long as they run the accounting and inventory software in the office, and the isolated laptops(the ones with a the "you will be sacked if you turn on the wireless networking" notices) run the CAD/CAM software, we see now reason to upgrade.

But given just how much Linux has come on, if the CAD people made a linux version we'd dump windows in an instant...after all, if Linux is good enough to run the actual robots, its good enough to run the programming software

BAN SMUT, rage MEPs: Purpose of internet must be EXTERMINATED

Re: Well there's a surprise

Yeah, with pr0n banned, how else are we going to blackmail our PHBs into giving us the pay rates we so richly deserve for keeping the vital IT services up and running

"Oh dear, I just checked your laptop and it appears you've been surfing www.sheep-in-bondage.com, now add £500 to my bonus and we'll forget this happened"

Unfairness?

Porn is one of the few industries where women are paid more than the men......

Coat.. well its a dirty mac really

Congratulations, copyright infringers: You are the five per cent

Its all

stupid anyway

Take Sony, DRM in the game console, part of the anti-piracy league, manufactures and sell DVD burners..........

Dump the regioning, and if you're worried about TV shows being pirated.. release them on the same day in the US and elsewhere!

Chaos Theory causes password entry pandemonium

Its

not the password entry the bothers me when it comes to gaining access to a website/my linux box/the robot setup parameters

Its those bloody capatas things... type in the leters you see in the box.... because you know what it looks like to

you will never in a million tries be what it actually says, then they includes capital letters that look like lower case, and numbers.. then 2 words to make things twice as hard until you finall scream in frustration and go down the road to a proper shop instead on the online version because its quicker and easier.

Then you do a search for capatas solvers and find out there are automated tools you can download that solves them instantly(and converts your machine into a spam bot/ddos bot as a bonus)

Virgin Media keeps mum as punters fume at crippled web access

Its

usually facebook stop responding say about 8pm when its been fine all day, a quick peek with the non-virgin mobile shows its not FB

And the comment about their indian call center not knowing shit is right because they've had the cabinets open here on a scheduled thing... called india...no we dont know why its down oopss your 45 seconds are up I'm transfering you

Android 'splits' into the Good and the lovechild of Bad and Ugly

Ahhh

the joys of owning a crappy Galaxy ace with gingerbread....

but it does what I want it to do... make phone calls, send abusive text messages to co-workers and play music, with a spot of surfing, and has my machining calculator app on it.

But look at mobile phones , not from the techie point of view but the usual customer point of view , eg

I want bright, shiny and new, I want a good enough, I wont go over £15 a month , and I want the buy the device outright types.

Thats the market, and thats what leads to the fragmentation.

Coat... because I keep leaving my phone in mine

Corporates! Bring in all-purpose filler for IT skills gap, thunders Steelie Neelie

Same old

News

Has any one in charge actually worked out why theres a shortage?

First one is how many students/school leavers want to get into a game where your job can be outsourced at a moments notice, combined with the poor pay for the amoutn of skills you need in order to qualify for a junior position eg Hons degree, 5 yrs experience in C++ , HTML5 , Python, ruby, and at least 2 yrs experience in a technology thats only been out 3 months... pay £17K/yr

And the second one is almost as bad, the number of recruitment agencies who advertise the same job making it appear that there are 30 odd empty positions when its only 1 job actually going

But give it 6 months and there'll be an announcement

"with the failure of our IT recruiting scheme, the only option to cure the shortage is to bring in IT grads from outside the EU"<whispers> "who can be paid 50% of whats on offer to EU citizens"

Incoming comet will probably miss Mars, says NASA

Gonna

be a pisser for JPL if it hits

Our wonderful curousity rover smashed to bits and buried under mega tonnes of debries

Lets send another

Then again it could be a blessing for humanity as in it delivers 50km^3 of water and heats mars by an average of 100 degrees thus melting all the subsurface ice

Give it 50 yrs and humans could live there

Boris

Health pros: Alcohol is EVIL – raise its price, ban its ads

Re: Having

Well it could be inherited since my dad had a minor heart problem last year

But since he's 84 I doubt it somehow,

Only other relatives had heart trouble both smoked 20+ a day

And as I told the docs.... going by family history I'm far more likely to die of cancer by a factor of 4

More virtual beer.. for when I can drink again