Posts by Shagbag

Most Hong Kong iPhone 5s to be smuggled into China

Who gives a fuck.

Tiny trackers untangle bee secrets

Never mind that

What a fucking waste of taxpayers' money.

At a time when we're all being asked to tighten our belts we have the Government giving away silly money to these morons to pursue their pointless bee fetish.

No. The minister responsible should be taken to the middle of Parliament square and summarily shot for stealing taxpayers' money.

Single NFC bonk subjugated Samsung Galaxy SIII and slurped it out

STD

No, not a Sexually Transmitted Disesase, but a Samsung-Transimitted-Disaster.

There ya go El Reg. A smutty innuendo in your end-oh!

OpenWave fires ten-gun patent broadsides at Apple AND Google

No.

This is great. The US population needs a wake-up call so that they can realise just how brain-damaged their patent system is.

The "thermonuclear war" needs to happen because, as we all know, no-one wins a thermonuclear war. So Apple, et. al. will be financial destroyed just like those two fucking idiot lawyers who completely squandered their wealth in an acrimonious divorce battle.

Go thermo, Go thermo...

Reg readers serve up bacon sarnie amuse-bouche

VBS

The best bacon sandwich is a vertical one.

Fans rap Apple's 'crap' Map app

Re: Shit-for-brains Archeaologist

56 TDs and counting :D

What's the record?

Shit-for-brains Archeaologist

"One iPad owner who uses Google Maps for close-up viewing of archaeological sites said: 'With iOS 5, I had generally very good resolution, colour imagery of ancient sites, enough to see features not readily seen on the ground. Now the resolution is lower, so I can't zoom in to examine a feature so closely as before, and many areas are presented in black and white.'"

Using an iPad for viewing archaeological sites?

Fucking idiot.

Senate hears Microsoft and HP avoided billions in US taxes

"and sometimes illegal ways to avoid the taxes"

Be careful. EVASION and AVOIDANCE are two different things. Tax evasion is the ILLEGAL non-payment of a legally due tax liability. Tax avoidance is the LEGAL structuring of your affairs to ensure that they LEGALLY comply with tax law.

Tax avoidance has been around for centuries - ever since the creation of the 'Trust' (or 'Use' as it was then known). Hundreds of years have shown that you'll never eliminate people's desire to structuring their affairs so as to LEGALLY minimise the amount of tax they must pay.

If you don't like then tough. Complain to your MP that the Government's legislation is not up to the task. Don't forget: it's their legislation that is allowing this to happen.

Want a Leica camera from Jony Ive? There CAN BE ONLY ONE

Sycophants

I must be part of those who think his designs aren't that great. Sure, he's a better designer than me but the camera looks shyte... which suggests he's more of a show pony and can't really do much outside of brushed aluminium.

It kinda reminds me of that twat who keeps cutting things in half and dropping them in formaldehyde. Another one who's more 'PR' than substance.

If I had their PR people on my case, I could dump in a Tesco bag, call it 'art' and sell it as a 'one off' for £££s. I just need the PR people. 'Jony' and whats-his-name have them. I don't. That's what separates them from us.

Google's Android celebrates fourth birthday

Re: Inquiring Minds Want To Know

Bender - only a non-Brit would call something that.

Re: It's impressive

Agreed, but many probably forget (or don't even know) that Apple's iOS is based on BSD.

Samsung's appeal gaffe keeps Galaxy Tab 10.1 banned in US

LOL

Talk about shooting themselves in the foot, but with the Galaxy Tab 2 10.1 now being sold it makes lifting the injunction on the Galaxy Tab 10.1 a point of principle more than anything else.

Who queues for an iPhone 5? Protesters, hipsters and the jobless

SAD

Who would waste their time queuing for something that, in the grand scheme of things, is an irrelevance?

Looking at them makes me sad.

Governments block YouTube over that video

Jesus-H-Christ

The facts are:

1. More wars have been fought over religion that any other form of dispute;

2. God/Allah/whatever is mankind's greatest invention.

3. The Catholic Church is a safe haven for peados.

Apple forecast to sell 8m iPhone 5s next weekend

Re: More caution...

This doesn't make sense. I've looked at the iPhone 5 specs and it doesn't compare favourably to other top-end phones that are on the market now or will be in the next few months. While I can understand why someone wouldn't want the hassle of changing OS platforms, I can't understand why they wouldn't just hold on to their existing 3GS, 4, 4S and wait for the 6 (to see if that's any better). Save for contract churn, I can't see Apple selling many more of these in any significant quantity and I think all of the media speculation is just Apple-compliant bloggers trying to talk-up the market for what is a lack-lustre release. I think Apple's next few earnings announcements will be humbling for those who recently bought in.

Motorola outs Razr phone with Intel Inside

ICS?

Agreed. Google releases a JB Tablet and then releases an ICS phone. What the fuck is with that? LOL

That's not a Dave Cameron 'LOL', by the way.

Key evidence in Assange case dissolves

"For some reason he doesn't want to submit to that process"

"that process"

He's been on the record numerous times stating that he's willing to submit to the Swedish trial PROVIDED he won't be abducted by US Agents.

I'm surprised that you don't know this and can only conclude either:

1) you have not paid even cursory attention to the case;

2) you are simply trolling; or

3) you are a fucking retard.

Microsoft offers workarounds for IE bug

Re: Workaround?

I totally agree. The simplest solution to the problem is this:

install a different browser

iPhone 5 tops benchmark chart

NEWS FLASH!

New hardware is faster than old hardware.

That's right. And you read it here first on El Reg.

Smack your phones up, says Microsoft

Natural Extension

As a BT headset doesn't have a user interface then this could be still counted as something new.

Agreed, but I think it's plausible to suggest the presence of the UI element is just a natural extension of the Jawbone patent and, therefore, there is very little that's 'innovative' to warrant a 20-year right to exclusive exploitation.

This is just another example of the brain damage that is the US patent system.

Office to propel Windows tablets past Android in 2015

Another 'prediction'

I love predictions from analysts. They're always accruate and worth reading.

Apple wins second round of Samsung patent slugfest

"The lesson is, if you want to get relief against Apple, it's going to have to be in a foreign forum where it doesn't have the clout or the cachet it has at the ITC or the northern district of California."

LMFAO. So justice is NOT blind in the USA? I thought it was just their brain-damaged patent system that was the problem, but if this guy is to be believed (and it's a big IF) it's the entire US Justice system that's SNAFU.

Capita ITS ditches UK job cuts, offshoring dream

"its members would not undertake work related to the offshoring plan"

Nice. I applaud them for telling management to go and fuck themselves.

German court turkey-slaps Motorola in patent case

Re: Ahhhh...

Motorola pushes a software patch. Job done.

iPhone to account for half of US economy by 2030 - projection

Economics and Economists

The story highlights the fact that no-one has a monopoly on the truth.

If Economists could forecast with ANY reliability, the word 'recession' would feature in our language. Yet, here we are, in the worst economic downturn since records began. Economists never saw it coming and years later they still can't get us out of it.

Sadly, people still give credence to these people and their 'predictions'.

Intel to turn Ultrabooks, all-in-one desktops into giant tablets

Hero Products?

A Hero's ransom more like. They're just too expensive.

So, just what is the ultimate bacon sarnie?

A Vertical One

50% of the population will agree there is nothing better than a vertical bacon sandwich.

Archos 101 XS 10.1in Android tablet review

screen ripple effects

"Give the tablet a twist, or poke the screen too fiercely and you can see ripple effects but, again, it’s easy enough to not do either, so I wouldn’t want to make too big a deal of it."

So why mention it?

Hacker uses Kindle as Raspberry Pi screen

Looks like an iPad

Rounded corners. Apple should sue.

Microsoft to comply with Brussels over browser choice gaffe

Oh FFS Microsoft

How many times can MS get away with 'forgetting'?

They're laughing in the face of the EC.

Being on the receiving end of the EC's biggest fine ever, didn't seem to concern them.

I believe it's about time the EC said enough is enough and start to dictate to MS what it must do if it wants to sell its products in the EU. The EU is a big market for them and they need the profits. The EC is in a strong position and should exploit it for the benefit of all EU citizens.

HTC's 4G patent beef could get iPhone 5 BANNED in US

As much as I hate Apple, I don't agree with it.

“I have to be pretty darn certain a US patent is invalid,"

A strong candidate for "Fuckwit of the Year".

The burden is on the plaintiff to prove validity, not the defendent to prove invalidity.

To say otherwise is to wade deeper into the shit-for-brains US Patent mess they have made for themselves.

The Courts should be turning their backs to any software patent claimant.

Google declares success for Kansas City gigabit broadband

Innovation outside of Apple

Enough said.

Listen up, Nokia: Get Lumia show-offs in pubs or it's game over

Windows Phone 8 IS the problem

I disagree with you. I think WinPho8 is the problem. The handset is gorgeous but the OS is limiting. I would buy one tomorrow if it came with Android (ICE or JB) but I will not buy one with WinPho. I had a Lumia 800 to try out WinPho. I loved the handset but ended up hating the OS.

But the real stand-outs are two new imaging features.

"One such trick involves lining up a photo or video while shaking the phone and then activating the image stablilisation while continuing to shake the phone. The phone keeps moving, but the image in the viewfinder stops shaking."

...solution in search of a problem

"The other show-off feature is the quality of lowlight photography on the new kit, which is outstanding. The new phones take great pictures in near darkness without requiring a flash."

...it's called turning the lights on to take a photo.

Why is the iPhone so successful? 'Cause people love 'em

but I thought I just read that Samsung sells more phones than Apple.

I'm confused by this article. I've just read somewhere else that Samsung sells more phones than Apple. Weird.

Hold the chips: Apple axes Samsung RAM order for iPhone 5

blah blah blah

Samsung should just keep selling the CPUs and tell Apple to go fuck themselves anyway

Ballmer predicts 400 MILLION Win 8 Surface and Lumia fumblers

"I do care about accurate reporting"

You'll find it tough around here then.

South Korea probes 'mobe patent bully-boy' Samsung

bet you it's a 'desktop' investigation

...some Korean guy looking at a powerpoint presentation and some Samsung-prepared sales figures during his lunch hour.

New Nokia Lumia mobes fail to inspire investors

Lumia + stock Android?

I couldn't agree with you more. I would not be able to resist that combo.

Re: Nokia need to put out Android phones

"The Nokia/Windows partnership"

That's the cause of the problem right there. Even if Nokia had bigger margins on its smartphones that Apple does on theirs, it would still not make a big dent in covering Nokia's fixed operating costs because the market for WinPho is just too small. By not adopting the HTC, Samsung, etc. strategy of selling WinPho AND Android handsets, Nokia is in danger of becoming just another subsidised business of Microsoft.

Nokia has always had great looking phones. The Lumia line is no exception. The problem is that they're WinPho only and the majority of consumers don't want that.

Lumia is the lipstick on the WinPho pig.

Motorola outs Jelly Bean friendly phones

Fugly

Enough said.

Apple eyes $$$ iDevice adapter bonanza

Re: fanboi tax

What was the reason for changing the port in the first place, ie. what was wrong with the old one?

I really believe Apple is not doing enough for its shareholders and should charge more for its products. Each new model should be considerably more expensive that the previous one. Apple owes it to their owners to test Apples current popularity to the max. By ramping up prices to the max. I'd love to see just how far they can go. I really think their customers will pay through the nose just to have that 'Apple' brand near them.

Nokia tears wraps off new Windows Phone Lumias on steroids

a typical Nokia design - Worldclass!

I love this handset. I had a Lumia 800 and I loved that. I love the vibrant colours they come out with.

But I hate the Windows OS. WinPho7 was shit. Too limiting. From what I've read I have no reason believe WinPho8 will be anything different.

The world's first Windows Phone 8 hands on – what's it like?

I had a Lumia 800

Great design. Like Nokia is famous for. I loved it. The problem was the OS. If Nokia came out with a Lumia running Android I'd be first in the queue. As it is, with WinPho, you won't even find me in the queue.

Apple hoards LTE patents to deflect Samsung attack

Re: Software Patents = Retardedness in the Extreme

Like Apple over the last few years, Microsoft has been FUDing about its patent portfolio, but for decades.

Microsoft FUDs about Linux 'breaching' 213 of Microsoft's Patents. It has never sued (and there is a lot of speculation as to why is hasn't) and it has never specifically identified exactly what patents those 213 are.

Instead it has used its Patent FUD to extract 'protection money' from many organisations that use Linux (and not Windows) in their products.

Both Apple and Microsoft have a vested interest in NOT fixing the US Patent system. They both currently use it as a weapon against their competitors.

"patent expert Florian Mueller"

WTF? That guy has been discredited so many times it saddens me to see El Reg giving him a (lone) voice.

Software Patents = Retardedness in the Extreme

It's bad enough that the US now has to contend with The Hogan running around telling everyone who'll listen what such a bad job he and the jury did, but it detracts from the real issue in the US: Abusing Patent Law to gain a market advantage.

We saw it with IBM. We still see it with Microsoft. We now see it with Apple. Are we really going to see it with Samsung?

FFS USA, get your house in order. Bitch.

iPhone 5 wait drives record Samsung smartphone sales

Re: Just proves Apple's legal case

What's with the "anti-iPhone" slant, fanbois? I don't have any favourites. Microsofit is the old Apple and Google blows big time on Privacy.

Re: Just proves Apple's legal case

And then turn around and sue them. :)

Re: Just proves Apple's legal case

If I were Tim Cock, I'd ramp the price up of the iPhone 5 to the MAX. Let the Apple Fanbois pay through the nose for their 'brand'. Really ramp it up so that they forgo other things like feeding their kids, their kidneys, etc. just to see how far those freakin' weird Apple devotees will go before they cry "it's price is greater than its value".

I'd like to see that.