Posts by Mr Bear

Ultrabooks: objects of desire but just too darn expensive

So basically Intel want people to pay twice as much for laptops during a recession? I thought they had clever people working there.

Philips BDP3100 Blu-ray player

Open.... come on open.... come on, hurry up.

I've got a Sony BDP-S360. When I press the eject button so I can put the disc in, I have to stand round waiting, for what seems like an eternity, for the player to warm up and what have you rather than it ejecting the draw and sorting itself out while I'm loading it.

So having an eject button on the remote (Which mine is lacking) would be very handy as I could be sat on the sofa, can press the eject button and then I could make a detour in to the kitchen to make me tea and then come back, eat it and return the plate to the kitchen and return to the living room just in time to pop the disc in the player.

WTF? because curious as to what's taking me player so long to eject.

StarCraft II: Wings of Liberty

@ £45

Don't you mean £135? After all, it's 1 game in 3 parts. And you don't actually own the game either as it still belongs to Blizzard, you are just paying for the right to use it. And then there are any charges for using battle.net.

Does anyone know if the collectors edition is called such because it comes with a 'free' tube of lube?

Hitachi hides Magic Wand vibrator under a bushel

Not available in the UK?

The word on the street* is that someone got busted by Trading Standards for selling the wands with fine of about £5k each, due to them not being manufactured to British standards as they need a transformer. So it's looking like the only way to get one is to buy from abroad where they don't need a transformer or don't have the same standards or don't care.

Maybe a protest at this show for 240V wands would help them see the light and continue to help make British women happy. Or at least get them to moan about something else in private.

*Means it's what I've heard and I have no idea if it's true or not.

Child protection campaigners claim hollow victory over Facebook

But think about the adults!!!!!!

Can we sue CEOP if some child accidentally clicks on the PANIC!!!! button and then we lose our jobs because it turns up on the CRB Rumour sheet?

Salacious smut soaks 12% of web

Damnit!!

I did a search for 'salacious smut' and ended up with this story.

And to make matters worse, the paris hilton picture has put me right off.

MPs criticise government's climate of fear

But...

...what about all the other laws that need looking at?

Man could face prison over six second 'extreme porn' clip

So...

...what exactly did this guy do that's so terrible to society that he needs locking away?

Anyone feel unsafe with him walking the streets?

How does his victim feel? Oh wait there isn't one.

Church of England takes on Ofcom

It's not the mics...

It's the receivers that are the problem. They'll be picking up Kerrang! Radio or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Back to the Sewer or some home shopping channel.

Spider-Man 4 washed down plughole

Does this mean...

That we won't see Spidey taking on The Vulture?

Reg 'Tombstone' cos Spidey always wins in the end.

Smut is OK, says Montreal prof

If this is a crap study...

... then maybe our government will pay attention to it?

Or does it still have to have evidence to prove their whole arsed case rather than disprove it?

IT workers top UK inertia league

Beans

The time I spend walking to and from my car should be about 15 minutes a week and then there is usually another 15 minutes of wondering round computers. Plus I never drink coffee.

Processed Cocoa beans are a veg aren't they?

Mozilla hits FF button with second Firefox 3.6 beta

Crashes

I'm running FF 3.6 and it was crashing every time I did a search on Google. Turns out McAfee's Site Advisor was screwing things up, and it's one of the 3 or 4 remaining add-ons that were still supposed to work. Adblock +, Java quick starter and the dictionary are the others. But otherwise not a single problem and the best thing is, it starts up in a few seconds rather than a few minutes. Still, would be nice if they trimmed some fat. Maybe they have a boner shortage over there too.

MPs prepare to beat off phantom Olympic hooker invasion

It's more than 40,000

Those prostitutes were cunningly smuggled in. Not only did they pay their own way in, they also bought tickets to the stadiums and the alcohol that was needed to get them so legless they'd shag anything. Who said the prostitutes were women? They were football fans.

Microsoft drops Family Guy like a hot deaf guy joke

Soooo...

Microsoft signed up without anyone having seen an episode of Family Guy? It kind of explains a lot really.

Ads watchdog underclocks reseller's 9.2GHz AMD CPU claim

@ These bloody ships

"If one ship can cross the ocean in nine days, how many days does it take three ships to cross the ocean? Three days?"

How big is this ocean and what direction are the ships going in and are they engine or sail powered? Well the wind could be blowing east to west and so a sail powered ship going west to east could take 9 days as it's fighting the wind and has to tack and so on. While these other 3 ships could be going east to west and so have the wind helping them and so make the crossing in 3 days.

<--- I'm assuming they are pirate ships.

Intel 'Light Peak': not an Apple idea after all

But...

Who cares who's idea it was?

Or do we need to know who to blame if it doesn't take off?

And if it doesn't take off then why would we care about blaming someone over something that doesn't matter?

Is Apple behind Intel's speedy optical link?

@Robert Hill

I'd love a monitor that can deal with everything. However as me PC is right next to me monitor, having the USB ports on my monitor isn't really that much of a priority.

However with the hundreds of computers I deal with at work, it would be great. However I don't deal with purchasing.

What's the point?

What's the point in having one cable that everything can use to connect to your computer with, if you have a dozen different things that need plugging in? You still need a dozen cables.

Now if monitors were designed as hubs then everything could plug into that and then having one cable running off to the computer. That might at least tidy up some desks.

'You owe me a new keyboard' as mine is only USB and not 10gig fibre optic.

Secret teen hacker army ridiculed

Security's not a dirty word Blackadder.

"All are subject to the same level of background security checks used to clear the employment of other intelligence staff."

So these Chinese hackers, have they passed the security checks?

Yes Sir, we checked their names against our database and they came up all clean.

Excellent. Well see if any of them can hack into the Chinese security database and set up some false records for some of our agents.

North Wales Police institute new happiness law

Call the coppers

I'd have called the police and said that I was being robbed by some someone impersonating a police officer. After all a real police officer wouldn't steal your camera.

Virgin cops to bad routing

Started earlier.

"The problems in Leeds started this morning, around 09:30"

Well if me friend is with Virgin then it went down about 18:30 last night in the Barnsley area.

NZ woman sacked for SHOUTY EMAILS

But...

Has no one noticed that she did say PLEASE. She deserves some recognition for at least using some politeness.

Teacher pic, because it's all about education.

Ridley Scott signs up to direct Alien prequel

Humans, who needs em?

Well Human history seems to have involved lots of Predator/Alien action and so why can't humans have been taken from the Earth in the past and used as slaves on other planets in a Stargate style way.

However I hope they don't include any humans as the film would be much better without them. Humans ruin too many films, especially those clueless humans in Hollywood.

Visa dings teen for $23-quadrillion restaurant charge

It's not Victor Kiam Junior is it?

"I liked the food so much, I bought the company, and the state of New York too."

Mines the one with the Remington razor and the Applebee's, diamond encrusted, doggy bag.

Hollywood prepares to battle Asteroids

The Cards Trilogy

I'm waiting for the Cards Trilogy to be made.

Solitaire - The Quest to do 3 Card Turnover.

Hearts - The Queen of Spades' Revenge.

Freecell and the Trapped Ace of Frustration.

Spider Solitaire and the Suits of Doom.

Yeah, I know a trilogy is 3 films, but when has that ever stopped Hollywood?

Mobile directory made legal threats to get personal details

Can we just...

... use the 1188000 service to get put through to the private mobile number of the managing director of Connectivity and get them to make sure we are removed from their list straight away? After all if the MD believes in their product they will have all their details in the system so we can contact them.

Microsoft offers Bing filth quick fix

Block the search engine.

I'm planning on blocking 'bing' in all the schools I deal with, after having to drive an hour to one school to deal with a virus problem. Turns out that they used bing and most of the sites it came up with led to lots of those dodgy sites that come up telling you, 'you have thousands of viruses on your system and need to download some malware in order to actually get thousands of viruses on your system.'

Next-gen e-book readers to slim down

PDA

I'll stick to using my PDA. Ok the screen is smaller but the books still have the same amount of words. And it fits nicely into my hand and pocket.

Vista SP2 release candidate imminent?

Hang on???

I thought Windows 7 was Vista SP2?

Hydrogen motoring too heavy for pundit

Biblical

"Neil's second, and more obvious, point is that the cost of setting up a hydrogen filling station infrastructure of any meaningful size is going to be Biblically expensive."

And just how expensive is it going to be to put some kind of charging system in every parking spot in the world, along with credit card readers and cash machines in order for people to pay for recharging.

Currently I wouldn't be able to charge my car up as I park on the street and having a charge cable go across the pavement would be a health and safety violation. And then you have to take into account that someone could just come along during the night and unplug my car and plug their's in and then switch it back before I get up and they have a nice full car and mine is running on empty. Charge up cars have so many problems beyond the charging up to deal with that it's going to be ridiculous to go down that route.

Pirate Bay prosecutor tosses infringement charges overboard

How about Bit Torrents?

Aren't they guilty of aiding in this if they developed the software being used?

And what about all the computer manufacturers and component makers who have aided in this by supplying the equipment for the copyrighted material to be downloaded to or uploaded from?

And what about the ISP?

How about the planet Earth for making life, which has done this foul deed?

Or if you believe in such things, what about the gods for not putting "thou shalt not use Pirate Bay", in their holy books, or for just making it possible for this to be done and not smiting anyone who has done it?

It's the Universe's fault for existing.

Spy boss damns government's culture of fear

We need to keep the anti-terror laws...

We need to keep the anti-terror laws then we can use them to arrest the government.

Phorm: BT system 'most definitely' online by end of 2009

@ Greg

"Now all I need to do is get shot of my BT landline."

And that's probably why TPS doesn't apply to them as you still have dealings with BT.

----------

Anyway I got my regular we'll knock £5 off yer broadband if you sign up with us for 12 months bribe call today. When I turned them down and said it's cos you've got Phorm, I wonder if the guy on the other end of the line wondered how I knew about his prison record? Still it didn't seem to sink in and eventually I had to explain to the person from BT what his company was doing and why I didn't want to get another contract. Still now it seems they are definitely going ahead with it I will start looking elsewhere.

The A-Team flies into Hollywood

There goes the 80's

"Fox hired me to make it as emotional,..."

Whoa! Stop there, you've screwed it up before you've even started.

IT manager sorts Italian Job cliffhanger

Just need some duct tape and a Swiss Army knife.

Shift everyone to the front of the bus. Then get a few people to climb outside while holding onto the bus so that their weight is further away from the pivot point, which should allow someone light to get off and get some rocks to help with the balance. And then cut the string from the blinds and find some strong but bent piece of metal and make a kind of grappling hook. Use the hook to start pulling the gold to the front of the bus until the bus is nice and happy and well balanced.

If the bus is rear wheel drive then see if they can find some rope and something secure to tie it to and see about getting the other end wrapped around the rear axle. This can then be used to pull the bus back onto the road. Unwrap the rope and head off back to Blighty with a few ton of gold.

I think I've been watching too much MacGyver lately, which incidentally pinched the mini scenes from the Italian Job for one of their episodes.

Govt uses Obscenity Law to stuff up cartoon sex loophole

Next it'll be breathing...

The Government plan to bring in another new law to stop the perverts and lead the way to a purer future where abnormal thought will be stamped out. The Extreme Breathing law is to be passed, er proposed next month in order to give the police the powers to arrest any heavy breathers who use the phone.

Campaigners are worried that innocent people like joggers or sufferers of asthma might get caught up in this law. However the prison service is being granted extra money for running tracks so that any joggers caught by accident will be able to run for miles without the slightest loss of breath, after their 3 year incarceration is over. And provision in the law has been made so that should any deaths because by medical conditions that aren't ideal for forced exercise, then the prison service will be able to get off scot free.

Expectations at this time are the possibility of up to 5,000 extreme breathers a year being taken off our streets. Although current records only show around 20 to 30 actual heavy breather cases are reported each year.

Nokia reveals Tube's UK launch date

So Reg, the iPhone, iPhone, iPhone, iPhone, iPhone, iPhone....

Well according to that review finder sat to the right of my screen, the iPhone hasn't made it into to the top 5. However the HTC Touch HD is sat nicely in 2nd place. So I'd guess it's safe to assume that it is an iPhone beater. So shouldn't you move on and start looking for a HTC Touch HD beater instead? Or is it just that iPhone is a much catchier word to work with. Or as mentioned above are you actually getting kick backs to advertise the iPhone rather than maintaining some degree of principles and going with the device you seem to think is the best?

Oh and when you do a review can you let us know what formats they can handle for reading books and how long they last when just turned on with the odd button press to change page. Some of us aren't that interested in playing music or taking photos and just want something to read while waiting for software to install.

UK e-tailers scurry to scrap dodgy Heavy Metal covers

Raids

Are all the people who complained going to be raided by the police as they now have illegal images on their computers?

Vista SP2 to land in April 2009-ish?

Search 4.0

Can they release it without that horrible search 4.0? I tried it a couple of times and couldn't find what I wanted.

Actually forget about all that, I don't use vista anyway.

Gamers voice NXE woes

Should've waited.

They should have waited until they brought out a service pack for it.

BlackBerry Storm finally blows in

Overtime?

Picture was taken at 11:10 PM on a sunday night. Someone was working hard on it. Or did they forget to do their homework until they had recovered from Saturday night?

US sky marshals submit to Heart of Gold randomware

Random

So if you are sat on a plane watching someone randomly walk around the cabin while looking at a PDA to see where they should go next, then it's a good chance it's one of those UNDERCOVER air marshalls.

Mines the one with Undercover Air Marshall written on the back.

MoD begins full UFO-files public release

Wouldn't it be easier

Wouldn't it be easier to just watch the X-Files but imagine it's John Steed and Emma Peel investigating?

'Extreme porn' law could criminalise millions

Political coup

The labour party have realised that they are going to be booted out at the next election for being so crap, so they have made up this law to get most of the opposition MP's arrested and hold on to their power. Let's face it how many kinky MP's are actually out there.

The helicopter? Because it's being flown by Ceiling Cat.

Road charging, the sequel - Kelly unveils 'wired m-way' plans

Fog

How many of you have seen those little signs in the middle of the motorway, you know the ones that alert you to fog when you've either been driving through it for the past 10 miles or when the day is perfectly clear for as far as the eye can see.

The signs that tell you to pull over to one side due to two lanes being closed but after spending an hour crawling along for 2 miles you find there is nothing there and hasn't been for several hours.

The signs that tell you to slow down to 50 for some unknown reason and 20 miles further along the road you still can't work out why.

If they can't get those signs organised how the hell are they going to be able to manage anything more complicated?