Posts by Jonathan

FTC wants to hit the spyware guys where it hurts

Please let this happen

But I wonder whether the RIAA and MPAA will *somehow* get immunity to this particular law, allowing them to make DRM that behaves like rootkits at will.

God makes you stupid, researchers claim

Average IQ...

I remember hearing that the average IQ is 100 because individual IQ is expressed as difference from the norm.

Now I dont know how IQ tests are scored, but surely one would have to adjust each test to get a mark out of (or over) 100? And that would mean you need to already know what the actual average is. For example, if there were a simple test where the maximum mark is 200, and the average for the population is 133, and you wanted to make it centred around 100, wouldnt you have to divide by 133 and multiply by 100?

I remember hearing about the use of a bell curve, but how would you know much to adjust each score to make them all average 100?

Personally though, I'm not surprised at all. Look at the US - its full of people who vote for Bush and think evolution is a lie. Coincidentally, most of those are Christian.

UK begins probe into aeroplane air quality

Passenger Air Quality

"Passengers are reminded that farting can result in ejection from the aircraft."

Naomi Campbell charged with assault

Ha ha ha ha!

Quote: Naomi Campbell

"Why can't you do anything right? Get all my bags on this flight. I'm Naomi Campbell."

Ha ha ha ha, a washed up ex celeb is upset that she didnt get her way! Thats hilarious!

Now, I make no excuses for BA/BAA losing her luggage, they are horribly inept, but her attitude takes the cake.

UK net registry battles coup d'etat

Confused

Can someone please explain what the gist of this article is? I find it confusing as to what Fox et al want, and what the current Nominet board doesnt want.

Is it something like this: Nominent, a not-for-profit group, has a large war chest that Fox et al believe it should not have. They believe it is charging higher prices than it could, or should, and thus want to take control of the group, turn it into a for profit organization, and lower prices.

The current board are opposed to this... why?

Six months on from HMRC, data losses still rising, says ICO

No teeth in this lion...

Such data breaches will stop happening when those responsible are held legally and financially accountable, not before. Right now, there simply is no incentive to stop. Whats the worst that could happen - will the offending party get a sternly worded letter? Please.

Data pimping catches ISP on the hop

Phorm, NebuAd, all the same

All share a complete lack of disregard for their customers, and it seems that WOW!, like the BBC, has no problems lying to its customers about spyware.

This is why I have my cookies set to session only, and sometimes even use a whitelist - if I dont approve your domain for cookie setting, you never set cookies.

Hopefully MS and Mozilla can make this setting the default for all new browser installations. How the advertisers will cry when users are made to be explicitly aware of cookies - or have them deleted when they close the browser.

BT's 'illegal' 2007 Phorm trial profiled tens of thousands

BT obviously have something to hide.

Why else would they lie and not offer detail on Phorm? If they were proud of their association with Phorm, they would be upfront and honest.

I also think they do know exactly how many people were affected in the test, but dont want to disclose the information because they can see a lawsuit from a mile away. I mean, being a trial, they need to collect data on how Phorm works.

Can someone make a Freedom of Information Request for this?

O2 PR calls Reg readers 'techie nerds'

Isnt the "nerd" redundant?

I mean, if you are a techie, arent you guaranteed to be a nerd?

Can you be a techie but not a nerd?

Really, if you are going to call us names, at least get it right.

Information Commissioner: Phorm must be opt-in only

Just sent this to Ian Livingstone

Dear Mr Livingston,

As I'm sure you are aware about the issue surrounding Phorm, I will be brief. Please note, before I begin, that I am not a BT customer, and thus was unaffected, but as a concerned member of the public, I am interested in the Phorm case because for me it represents the erosion of consumer rights to allow for greater corporate profits.

I wish to ask you two questions.

Firstly, why did you not inform those who participated in the trial last summer what the reason was for the various problems they encountered? I'm sure I'm not alone when I say I wish that BT had been more forthcoming about this technology, as a leader in the UK broadband industry. I think it sets a dangerous precedent, and am perhaps more concerned that you lied to your customers than the fact that the trial was conducted at all.

The second question I wish to ask is, what is BT planning on doing for those affected customers? In case you are not aware, the Information Commissioners Office has recently declared that Phorm must be opt-in for it to be legal. Thus, last years trial as not legal, as it was not opt-in. I would like to hear your views on this. What plan of action will BT take to mitigate the risk of lawsuits and more negative publicity resulting from the trial being in danger of beign declared outright illegal?

I would appreciate any correspondence.

Thank you,

**********

Victoly!

First step in beating Phorm.

Next we need to make sure that the average consumer is as informed as possible, so when BT spouts their "Free phishing protection!" with Phorm in the smallprint, consumers will know what they are really getting.

Cos, if people are forced to choose, hopefully enough them choose to opt out to make Phorm a useless service.

Naomi Campbell banned from BA flights

Looks like shes grounded!

Ha ha! I'm sure Paris Hilton sympathizes, also falling into the "Why am I famous again?" category.

Phorm admits 'over zealous' editing of Wikipedia article

@Bill Fresher

Look at Biographicon - you get to make a wiki page about yourself. Well an autobiography basically. Also has links to other people.

"Hi Chris

We let you know yesterday that we had proposed amendments to the Phorm entry on Wikipedia – there were several factual inaccuracies that were pointed out to us. Having reviewed our suggested changes with hindsight, we accept that we were a little over zealous in our efforts to make those corrections and that we erroneously removed some relevant items in the editing process. These were quickly reinstated by Wikipedia’s editors. We will endeavour to make sure that this does not happen in the future."

I think the proper, dignified, respectable response to this is STFU NOOB!

I do like that they admitted it though. No one censors something if they have nothing to hide, or nothing they arent proud about. Phorm, unsurprisingly, has a veritable graveyard of skeletons in its closet.

BT hands top job to Retail chief

But will he be able to TransPhorm(tm) BT?

I think not. Same old thing - exploit the customer, outsource customer service, sell out customers habits to advertisers for that little bit of money, downsize the workforce. Its no wonder BT is losing market share - its because they are terrible!

FIPR: ICO gives BT 'green light for law breaking' with Phorm

ICO

"Phorm has assured me that their system is very good for my bank balance, that is to say, very good for the consumer."

Come on, the ICO plainly ignored FIPR for no good reason. Phorm is illegal, its about time the ICO said so.

HSBC pops thousands of customer details in the post

Who's the idiot?

not only is it not encrypted, but they send it through royal mail. Why not just hire a courier, or send someone in a taxi?

Fools, I hope they get a big fine for this. There is no reason for this to happen. They could have used encryption or a more secure transfer mechanism, but no, they decided to save a little money

Top cop: e-crime is the new drugs

Nothing to see here

He's holding a broom, standing over a rug with a strange lump in it and no dirt in sight. Nothing to see here folks, lets tackle e crime and global warming.

"Whats that you say? People getting stabbed and shot? Youths beating up people and getting away with it? No, those are minor crimes. Transport For London not safe? I'm a Transport Police officer, of course its safe. As I was saying, e-crime is where its at."

Right. This is so sad. Wake me when they admit there is a problem.

Carphone Warehouse stares down BPI and UK.gov on three strikes

April Fools is over...

Seriously El Reg, this has got to be fake. A big name corporation with a sensible stance on piracy? Its impossible!

Anyway, I'm glad that someone stands up to the BPI/RIAA mafia - it actually seriously influences my next choice of ISP.

Its got nothing to do with whether I do or do not use torrents, its to do with the attitude that the ISP is not a monitor or law enforcing agent. The proper authority to handle this is the police. If the BPI feels that a user is breaking the law, they should send the information they have to the police, who can then request information from the ISP. Why is this not an acceptable course of action?

I think organized music such as it is today is eventually doomed to die. This is because of the rise of digital distribution and independant labels. Also, I think the record companies, after all this time, still dont get - piracy is not the cause of their issues, its a symptom of their failure to present an attractive option to consumers. When they sell the right stuff for the right price at the right format, then they will find piracy will decrease.

BT: 'We did not let anyone down over Phorm... it was not illegal'

@Ben Verwaayen

I want to send him an email but I want to ask if I can get in trouble for calling BT bloated, corrupt, inefficient and illegal. Would that count as defamation or whatever, if its in private communication?

I also want to express a negative opinion of Mr Verwaayen for allowing such a thing to occur - would that be illegal?

I will not be using any profanities at all.

BT....

Its amazing what people how desperate these people are for money.

I mean, the government advisory board on privacy says its illegal in its current form. Nearly every single customer has said they hate it. Many customers have already left BT. Phorm's stock price has plummeted in the last month. And STILL, some muppet at BT insists its the way to make money, and that its not illegal. What part of unlawlful interception without consent dont you understand?

First off, can someone please give me the email addresses and/or postal addresses of several BT execs. I want to tell them what I think of them.

Second, why has no one started legal proceedings against them?

BT and Phorm secretly tracked 18,000 customers in 2006

I wish this were an April Fools joke...

"We think it is unethical of the Register to seek to undermine a technology that enhances online privacy - Phorm's system ensures that ads are served with no data storage - something that will benefit readers of the Register and other websites.

In the interests of balance, we would like the Register to reflect the improved privacy environment Phorm provides over the other major online ad targeting companies detailed in the attached table."

/end

You just cant make this up. El Reg being irresponsible by exposing a spyware scam to the Net? You know, attempting to portray your product in a positive light is one thing. This.... This is stupidity. This is from the mouth of Mr-I-Dont-Know-How-To-Do-PR (and my product sucks anyway).

Seriously, we have two options - have our internet usage monitored for the sake of advertising revenue we will never see, or.... Nothing. Or no monitoring. Which sounds like its a better deal for privacy? The jury is out on this one.

It still amazes me what people will do, and what they will convince themselves of, for the sake of money. This is a system that uses people like cattle to make more money for the ISPs and the advertisers by invading our privacy, and yet Phorm defends it as if it could cure AIDs and cancer. How? How can you not admit that your product is immoral at best, illegal at worst. How can that not make sense to you?

LiveLeak pulls anti-Koran documentary

@Matt

Completely agree.

I think there should be a standard immigration test that MUST be passed before you even enter the country.

The test should be,

"Do you swear to place your allegiance to the UK before any allegiance to any deity or religious leader, this includes Mohammed, Allah, Jesus, Jehovah, and the Buddha?"

I should think the correct answer to both of those questions is a bit obvious, even if they are designed to be needlessly informative for the sake of making people swear that the UK is more important than Allah.

There should be a simple rule. If you want to live in the UK, live by UK law. No forced marriages, no honour killings, no segregation and oppression of women - you will integrate with British society, you will take on British values, and you will not unduly criticize the British way of life.

I'm not saying that no one should ever be allowed to criticize the government - I'm saying if they advocate violence against the government or the citizens, they will (if they are immigrants) be charged, and if found guilty, immediately deported and never allowed to even visit the UK again, and placed on a Terror Watch, or (if native) tried and possibly imprisoned for 10-20 years (since it could be classed as treason or conspiracy to incite hatred and violence, I see those as serious crimes).

Oh by 10-20 years I dont mean let out after 6 months for good behaviour. I mean 20 years, if you are shown to have reformed yourself, you may be let out after an absolute minimum of 10, but placed on probation.

Comparisons to Judaism

The whole movie was just a montage of clips with violent quotes from the Quran, speeches by Imams calling for violence against Westerners, and newspaper clippings.

Now, perhaps I am much mistaken, but last I heard Judaism has not declared a jihad on the West. They havent threatened to terrorist bomb detractors.

I dont even think they threatened those who deny the Holocaust - they just voice their disapproval.

So I dont understand why some are saying that, were this about Judaism, it would be viewed as anti-Semetic. No doubt both religions have some skeletons in their closets, but in the case of Islam, these skeletons seem much more visible. Frankly, I think Islam has far many more skeletons in its closet, because it simply is a more violent religion.

Virgin Media in talks to trial three strikes regime against P2P

What the BPI/RIAA want...

Is for other companies (Virgin) to nanny users, and prevent them committing nasty acts of piracy, by spying on them, and keeping legitimate P2P programs (eg WoW's update service) from working.

I'll bet Virgin will be left with the expenses, and the BPI wont even phone the next day to say they still respect Virgin (although that name is a bit of a misnomer, given how Virgin sells itself to the highest bidder, eg Phorm and all of their friends).

Remember - piracy is as bad or worse than stealing. So next time you want an album, break into your local Virgin Megastore and physically steal it. that way, not only do you get to keep a hard copy in case the BPI seizes your hard drive, but you also get better sound quality and a lighter penalty than if you were caught pirating.

Paris, because even she would shed a tear upon hearing this.

Apple lags MS in security response

Say it aint so...

Apple cares more about the public relations impact of security vulnerabilities than the risk said vulnerabilities pose to their customers?

Next you are going to tell me that the Apple machine was the first to fall in the Pwn2Own contest and that Apple sells its products on image first and functionality second.

Botanist sues to stop CERN hurling Earth into parallel universe

Poor guy....

He apparently complained about the RHIC too. Funny that we are still alive.

How is it people become such cranks?

Spyware 'scammer' sued over PC pop-up invasion

Spyware, Malware, Virus writers....

Please die. Really, I'm being serious. If you write viruses, or spyware, or malware, or adware, please know that the entire world thinks more about the welfare of cockroaches than they do of you. You are lower than human filth, you arent fit to be associated with humans. Please do us all a favour and off yourself - you deserve to have your genes removed from the human race.

I want to start a reality TV show - I need backers. The idea is this - every week, or perhaps every day given how many spyware writers there are - myself and two burly men go to the house of a known spyware/virus writer. We knock on the door, and enquire as to whether the writer in question is at home. If he is, the two burly men remove him from the premises, beat the living shit out of him, give him a wedgie that will hopefully result in sterility and destroy all of his computer equipment.

With one stroke, we make the internet a safer place, and entertain millions with WWF style antics, only our targets cant fight back because their muscles have atrophied so much.

Apple grants Windows PCs the right to run Safari for Windows

One more thing....

Isnt Safari free? What do Apple care about how many machines I install it on?

Transgender man prepares to give birth

One question....

Well, honestly I wish them luck.

I do have one question. How much of the female bits did he keep? Is he going to need a C Section?

Samsung shifts 22-vibrate-mode handset

Interesting...

Now all we need is a surface that deforms to form buttons as the need arises.

I was also thinking, I wonder why no company has marketed a handset/mobile phone that offers a vibration mode for, uh, more intimate purposes.

Teachers crucified by coughing pupils

Strategies for dealing with this

The Teachers feel that a Committee for Action on National Education (C.A.N.E) needs to be formed. They feel that some students require special attention in order to learn, and thus they propose two programmes to benefit students.

The first, Special Mandatory Attention Campaign for Kids (S.M.A.C.K) will be used for all students whose attention is wandering, or who are mildly disruptive. S.M.A.C.K-style programmes have been in use in the past, and have benefitted students enormously. It is thought the return of the S.M.A.C.K. will bring education standards up to where they should be. Studends who require more attention than normal will benefit from Special Mandatory Attention Campaign For Kids: Direct Overt Watch: National (S.M.A.C.K.D.O.W.N.)

Problem students, whose special needs must be addressed in a considerate and caring fashion, will benefit from Benefit Education Action Track (B.E.A.T).

/end joke

This is what happens when politicians control education.

BT 'security upgrade' causes email headaches

BT's "Improvements"

Just like BT is "improving" its customer monitoring program, and "improving" its targeted ads?

I'm so glad that BT is not my ISP. And that my email is not tied to any ISP.

What reason is there to ever use the address provided by your ISP?

Civil Serf blogger faces disciplinary action

Where does it end?

Say I work for the government. I quit, and then decide to expose the sloppiness and ineptness in my former department (assuming there was such). Now, if I sell my story to a journalist, is that now illegal? Is it illegal to expose incompetency now?

I'd like to know what shes being accused of. Is telling the truth about your employer now illegal? If what she said was false, then okay sue away. But if not, should they have the right to silence her?

I'll end on a joke I heard about the government, which I think is appropriate.

A young man was on a fast track to a good career and a good life, when he had a motorbike accident. He was badly injured, and lost his job as a result. He also lost his testicles.

Distraught, but seeking to start again, he began seeking work to tide himself over. He soon found a job with the government. After passing the interview, he enquired about the hours.

His manager told him, "We start at 9, but you can come in at 10."

Wondering what made him so special, the man asked his manager, who replied, "For the first hour all government employees just sit around and scratch our balls. No point in you coming in for that."

If only all managers were so pragmatic and honest.

US airline pilot pops a cap in cockpit

This pilot = ejected from the mile high club

Because his girlfriend complained about his early accidental discharge.

Famous Five film lined up

@Mike Richards

Read this:

http://books.guardian.co.uk/departments/childrenandteens/story/0,,1672558,00.html

I think it needs more depth.

Something like George decides she wants a sex change because she has always felt more comfortable as a man. Anne is upset because she had fallen in love with George, and didnt know if she could still love her as a man.

So Anne leans on Julian, they end up sleeping together and Anne gets pregnant. Dick is upset because he was in love with Julian.

Love triangles for the win.

Ofcom says yes on more TV ads

The problem with this is...

As I see it, things are balanced as is.

The customer pays a certain monthly fee, the advertiser pays a fee, the service provider buys the right to broadcast programs from studios.

Now, things could get out of whack. Suddenly the service provider has the opportunity to make more money by placing more ads. Where does this money go? Into reducing the cost of TV? Oh no, it goes to the shareholders.

Well, I for one DO NOT WANT. I hate adverts as is. I see the point of them, I see that without them TV would be far more expensive. That doesnt mean the ratio of content to adverts should change from 9:1 to 1:9 without me seeing any benefit.

I really dont see what Ofcom is trying to achieve by allowing more adverts. How does it help the consumer? All other businesses involved in TV are doing okay - if they werent, either consumers would have to pay more, or the companies would go out of business. Its nice to know that Ofcom is on our side, isnt it?

Mine's the one with YouTube and other examples of Internet media distribution on it.

Woman accuses RIAA of killing dolphins

Hope she wins

Its time the RIAA get a taste of their own medicine.

Really, someone needs to sit their executives down, and explain the facts of life to them. These guys must be very ignorant.

First, your customer base doesnt take kindly to base accusations and threats to sue. It isnt helping your already bad reputation, and lets face it, reputation is important.

Second, believe it or not, piracy is not the cause of your woes. No, its a symptom of your failing business model. When you figure out why customers are becoming disillusioned and not wanting to buy your music, you will figure out how to reduce piracy. People will find a way to pirate your music until you make it more attractive to buy. Right now, with your prices sky high and value at an all time low, no one has any incentive to buy from you. I know you are afraid of this "digital age" and would prefer it if people went back to tapes and LPs. But its the way of the world, you cant stop it. Your CD sales are falling because people are getting over having to pay £10 for 9 crap songs and one good one.

When you put it all together, the end result is that the record industry has the stick, but not the carrot. They are trying to beat people into buying, but dont offer anything people really want to buy. Then they are surprised that people pirate music.

Phorm agrees to independent inspection of data pimping code

I'll bet Phorm's code looks like this...

if(opt-out=1)

{

//add this later

}

this->extractSomeInfo();

this->extractMoreInfo(guid,cookie,IP,username,password,mothersMaidenName,

dateOfTransaction_store2,TOMORROWSDATE,StoreThis,keepAliveTrue,DontStoreThis)

//not working finish later

//this->digestInfo();

//higher ups said we should save anything just in case. you never know

this->saveAllInfoOfAnyKindAtAllIncludingIPAndUserName();

//he he, my little "fix"

this->sendUsernamesPasswordsAndCreditCardsToMe();

//hey do we free memory up now or later? oh well, hope no one notices

//end

return;

}

ICO to focus on reducing risk, not enforcement

Good Phorm?

"We are not seeking compliance with the law as an end in itself,"

Translation - you dont have to comply with the law if you bribe us.

"we will need to devote proportionately more of our policy work to developments in the public sector than to developments in the private sector"

So they arent worried about Phorm?

"Some individuals value their privacy more than others"

Some pay more money than others. I'm betting Phorm pays a whole lot more than the consumer to the Buy the ICO a Private Island Fund.

Red Green Ken v Porsche in battle of the polls

@Jim

if London ends up like that, with everyone cycling everywhere, you can bet there will be a tax levied for flatulence produced by the extra exercise. Carbon footprint and all that, its all a bit complicated but the end result is better for the environment. You like the environment, dont you?

@stickman

No, I rent a house so I dont pay council tax directly. I'll take your word for it that there was such a charge, and I agree with it - the police need better equipment, more officers, and more authority to do their jobs.

Some of these problems can be solved by throwing money at the problem. Some require a change in thought about policing - it appears that police are not very popular.

Anyway, I travel on the tube every week, I catch buses at least twice daily, and used to travel on overground trains but decided that the bus suited me better. Every one of those transport routes suffers from congestion. Yes, I am aware that until recently most Tube lines were privately run. But whatever Ken is doing with the C Charge money, it is not benefitting anyone.

It doesnt reduce the amount of motorists on the road. There is still lots of congestion. Thus, we have the same number of people on the roads (roughly), but now, they pay for their "crime". That money, although intended to benefit public transport, has done little. The Tubes are still vastly overcrowded. So it seems, Ken raises the price of motoring while offering not really making public transport any more attractive. It is still overcrowded, it is often delayed.

Ken's C Charge is nothing but a tax. And the sooner we see the back of that charlatan, the better.

Oh Ken....

I, for one, agree with Porsche. None of the people I know agree with the C Charge in any form or fashion, and considering what Ken says the norm is, that is quite surprising.

If Ken can prove that the revenue earned from the C Charge is going to improve public transport and roads to ease congestion and allow citizens to move around London in a greener fashion, then I will support it. However, at present, transport in London is in a bit of a shambles,and Ken's C Charge isnt helping.

The fact that Ken will not allow car owners who live in C Charge zones a discount if their cars are "bad", shows that this is simply a tax, and Ken thinks he can pin it on the rich "because they can afford it", and because its green, therefore popular. But its just a tax, its not going anywhere.

London has many areas that need improving - we need more police, the police need more authority, we need more tube capacity quite urgently, we need more above ground trains - and I dont see Ken targeting those, or showing how his green taxes are helping to accomplish them.

For the record, I do not own a car, I cant afford one, and even if I could I dont see the point in owning one in London. And I still dont agree with Ken.

Net think tank: Phorm is illegal

FIPR FTW!

I love the taste of Phorm's tears - there is nothing quite like the tears of greedy individuals whose ambitions have been foiled.

lets hope this goes from being the opinion of a think tank to official policy.

Japanese ISPs agree three strikes-style anti-piracy regime

@Chris Williams

Perhaps so, but the network technology itself is not illegal - the content is.

I can use BitTorrent to download game demos and free software, just as others can use it for piracy. And World of Warcraft uses torrents for patches.

I'm aware that although torrents can be legally used, in reality that probably only happens 1% of the time. The point is, you cant assume that everyone who uses torrents is a pirate - unless the RIAA/MPAA have found some way of convicting people as pirates just because they have the means to do so. They would need to intercept your packets to discover what content you are after or trying to share - which might qualify as illegal interception.

Oh no - I have a DVD writer at home, I better turn myself in before the record industry discovers that I can use it for piracy.

Sigh....

First, the usual - piracy is bad and I dont agree with it.

But, its funny that the corporate powers are pushing for stricter consequences, when, given how they are fond of illegal actions, we should be the ones pushing for harsher consequences for corporate crime. These guys lie, cheat and extort, and get measy million dollar fines - they need prison sentences and billion dollar fines before they realize it goes both ways.

BT admits misleading customers over Phorm experiments

@Phorm PR

Anyone else notice how the "Phorm Tech Team" no longer posts here? Most likely they realized it was a battle they cant win with PR and gave up.

When PR gives up trying to paint your idea in a favourable light, you know that your idea is immoral at best, and illegal at worst. Lets hope Phorm gets the Epic Fail it deserves - pullouts from BT, Virgin and CPW, and shares that no one would take if they were given away.

@Jaowon

What evidence is there that BT do traffic shaping? Is there a way that the home user (ie me) can find out if his traffic is being shaped?

The more we find out about BT/Phorm, the more it sounds like a dodgy corrupt deal involving slimy businessmen and politicians looking for kickbacks. Why the whole idea has got this far is beyond me, and personally I think BT needs to take some heat for arranging trials secretly and then lying about them.

Personally, I think the consequences for businessmen who engage in fraud or other illegal business activities is not nearly harsh enough. Such crimes need to carry mandatory prison sentences for the decision maker - maybe then businessmen will think twice about selling us down the river, when they have a chance to stay in a free hotel where each room is styled after the Bare Cast Iron look. If what BT did last summer is determined to be a crime, then whoever made the decision to go ahead with it, should spend a few years behind bars.

Lonely Paris Hilton seeks new best friend

@AC

The energy released by their ego's colliding would end all life on the planet, but it would be worth it.

I really would like to know what the winning prize of the competition. Paris may be looking for a "best friend" but I want to know what Paris is legally obliged to give to this winner. I dont really think Paris is actually looking for a BFF for a second, but it raises an interesting question - having won the "prize", what is the winner entitled to in terms of Paris?

Personally I hope the BFF-to-be is a sleeper who pushes Paris in front of a truck on national TV.

@Mike

I'll back you. I think you need to get started writing shell scripts that express your platonic love for her.

something like

rm -rf /

forgive me if the arguments are ordered wrong, my linux commands are a little rusty.

I do have two serious questions about this though:

1. Is she serious? Does she need friends that badly? I thought she bought them like she buys underwear? Why the search for a BFF who only wants you for your money anyway?

2. What does she look for in a friend? Must enjoy shopping, make up, home made adult videos, partying and generally worshipping money?

3. Okay so I cant count. The article says guys and girls. Somehow I doubt she would pick a make BFF. I dont know many guys who are good at shopping and make up.

You know, I think she deserves pity for this. Either:

a) her life has hit rock bottom - she realizes that life with unlimited money is worthless unless you have someone to enjoy it with.

Or

b) she needs a career/money pick me and thus wants some time in the spotlight.

Personally I would vote for b), but both are pretty sad.

Poor Paris....

Poor little rich girl got no friends. Maybe if she werent such a.....

I think I'm going to submit one of my friends for this as a joke.

I imagine this will find its way into Would-you-Rather games.

Q: Would you rather:

1. Get both of your legs bitten off by a crocodile. Over a period of 5 days.

2. Be permanently covered in mosquitos.

3. Becomes Paris Hilton's best friend.

I think I'd choose 1 + 2 rather than 3.