* Posts by Jonathan

164 publicly visible posts • joined 5 Mar 2008


Russian blows off ex-boyf's todger with firecrackers


What do you mean?

....hes in for a hard time? He'll never be hard again!

Linux group, Microsoft form unholy alliance against US lawyers



Lawyers try to do something that will result in a tremendous amount of unnecessary litigation? What a nefarious crime! Who could benefit from such a scheme? oh wait....

What do they mean by material defects anyway? Material such as that related to the functionality of software, or material as in related to the packaging?

Unsafe at any speed: Memcpy() banished in Redmond


Stupid question...

I know that Steve refers to Steve Jobs of Apple and Linus refers to Linus Torvalds of Linux. Who does Larry refer to?

Next Ubuntu alpha reveals video change


@Anon Coward

Because despite the lack of upstream code contributions, Ubuntu has done more for Linux than any other distro.

It would be impossible to get Linux on a laptop/notebook were it not for Ubuntu. Ubuntu is easy enough to use and robust enough to convince even the likes of Dell to offer it on their laptops. Were it not for Ubuntu, Linux would not be in the user friendly state it is, and it would not have reached as many people as it has. It would still be dependent on the f'ing terminal for everything.

Ubuntu may not rewrite the kernel every 6 months, but they introduce more people to Linux than any other distro has.

Oh wait - you liked Linux before it was mainstream. I get it.

Intel hit with largest ever EU fine


@Bob Gateux

AMD CPUs need linux? Ba ha ha ha ha!

Havent you heard? AMD CPUs only run communist software.

Intel CPUs, on the other hand, will bribe you into not buying products from its competitors.



Oh noes, the EU is evil commies.

Yeah, them and the US Federal Trade Commission who also have Intel under investigation, guess they are commies too. And the Japanese - they found Intel guilty and fined them too. Commies all.

Its funny how when the EU does something right like this, its attacked just because its the EU. Nobody made a fuss over the FTC investigations. Intel is guilty, they will appeal of course but in the end they will have to pay the fine and compete fairly.

In fact, the computer manufacturers that they bribed should also be fined.

Kanye West doesn't have a f***ing Twitter, OK?



What a class act, great guy. Truly the voice of his generation.

In fact, maybe thats no joke and he really is the voice of the internet generation. He flames, hes a troll, he posts in all caps, he acts like a noob half the time, he has an ego the size of Paris, and has a rudimentary at best grasp of the English language.

Intel braces for billion Euro fine


Double standards in comments

Headline: The US DOJ is investigating Intel for anti competitive practices

Reader comments: What bastards, I cant believe Intel would do that. I'm only buying AMD from now on.

Headline: The European Commission is investigating Intel for anti competitive practices

Reader comments: Filthy Euro commie bastards, dont they know AMD sucks and Intel is the best? Its the way business is done!

I'm always amazed when people complain about the EC investigating Intel but somehow ignore that they have been found guilty in Japan and Korea and are still under investigation in the USA. Somehow the fact that they are being investigated by the EC makes Intel innocent and AMD guilty.

No-go woe for doughnut co after Vo-Vo blow


I see the IT angle....

Donuts - the food of IT champions. And thanks a lot - this article has insidiously made me crave donuts right now.

Phorm boss blogs from a dark, dark place



They already do discriminate based on parties - no BNP member is allowed to be a member of most civil service organisations are far as I know. Look, I'm no fan of the BNP either, but I respect their right to be heard.

How long before we get told that the LibDems are as dangerous as the BNP? Or the Tories?

You are right, that this could be a dangerous thing for the future of the UK. And it is dismaying that the mainstream news has been told in no uncertain terms to bury the news in the backpages.

Street View nod prompts call for privacy watchdog reform



Is that true? That they do not hire computer science graduates at all?

Oh brother. PI is right.

Mind you, I dont think it takes a genius to understand why Phorm is so wrong. But some computer science training certainly helps.



Personally I dont find Street View all that invasive, I dont get what the fuss is. I find Phorm etc far more invasive, since they harvest personal data. And in fact, I sometimes wonder if all the brouhaha about Street View is really misdirection. I mean, when Phorm was first heard about, the only place there was really an outcry was here at El Reg. A few mainstream sites mentioned it, but none seemed too incensed about it. But then perhaps thats because the BBC, BT and Phorm all share personnel, so they wouldnt criticize. Google, however, I'm willing to bet is a black sheep not involved in all these shady dealings, so Street View gets harped upon. And the Europeans dont seem to have an opinion on it, but they have a strong opinion on Phorm.

Nonetheless, I agree with PI that the ICO is a toothless lion. In fact, I think the ICO only advises on privacy to coddle the masses into believing someone cares.

What on earth do you think you are doing, Darling?


Re: This really ISN'T the place for this discussion

Times are tough - El Reg needs to broaden its reader base. Expect to see articles discussing the benefits of alternative therapies, complete with benchmarks (what would an IT site be without benchmarks?).

Seriously though, good read. I mean, I understand that the government needs money. But I dont think that, A) it spends money in the right places, and B) that the tax system is as good as it could be.

As for A), it might be an unpopular viewpoint but I think there are far too many people living on benefits. I can understand the point of benefits - to help those living in poverty - but I think it causes poverty rather than curing it. To cure poverty, you need to get people involved in the economic system, earning money, buying stuff, saving up. A tax cut for the poor and the abolition or reduction in benefits would, long term, help cure poverty. Help them to help themselves basically. Dont get me wrong - I have no problem with the sick or disabled needing benefits, thats fine. I'm not heartless. I just dont think that "workshy" (god I hate that word) should be given money for nothing. I dont think any other country in the world does, and it isnt working here. So many years on, we still have poverty and gang-related violence, and a lot of people have learned to game the system and stay on it. Its demotivated themselves to improve their lot in life, because now they dont have to.

The other thing is that, as the article points out, the low threshold for income tax really doesnt make any sense. And the 50p rate is potentially dangerous for the economy.

Pirate Bay judge and pro-copyright lobbyist accused of bias



If the neighbourhood watch was like the recording industry, they would lobby to ban the police to avoid competition, ban citizen's arrest to further erode competition, and give themselves the exclusive right to be neighbourhood watch for the next 100 years.

Doc invents videogame sedation headset



Can it be modified to inject a certain white powder up one's nose? Would be a hit with bankers if it could. Plate it gold, put a brandname on it and sell it for the low low price of £1 million.

Rather a strange idea though. Also, when I read the headline, I thought it was the game that somehow did the sedating.

HP packing workers seal bosses in conference room



Do the French ever do any work or do they just strike the whole time?

Pirate Bay loses trial: defendants face prison time, hefty fines


If you want free music....

.... throw a brick through the window of your nearest brick and mortar CD store and take whatever you want. Since, you know, piracy is stealing after all, you may as well get a nice hardcopy if you bother to steal.

@Lee Jackson

Yes using torrents to download copyrighted material is and should be illegal. Does that mean operating a website that searches them should be illegal? No, it doesnt, anymore than Google is. These guys are scapegoats, because the record industry doesnt know how to deal with a threat that is distributed and lacks leadership at all. They tried suing individuals, that didnt work, they are always trying bribery and threats against ISPs, and now they influenced the course of justice against 4 guys who operate a website. Of course, they'd never try to update their business model, you know, respond to their environment. Better to just blame it on piracy.

The pirate bay guys website was strictly content agnostic. They wouldnt care if the torrents linked to your high school essay on the American Civil War or Sony's latest movie. And thats the point - they provide a service, and it is the users that choose whether to use it in an illegal fashion or not. As The Pirate Bay themselves have said, this does nothing at all to stop piracy. Not a thing. The attention these guys have got has made them martyrs, they've gained a lot of support for their cause, and embarrassed the record companies in court. Despite the verdict, this isnt a win for the record companies, other way round. If you really want to stop piracy, A) give people an incentive to pay for music, B) stop being such douchebags so people wont pirate out of spite, C) price your music in a realistic fashion so that people think they get their money's worth, D) give better support to artists instead of spending money on marketing the latest greatest and crappest pop music.

US parkies in 'burrow-buster' marmot detonation campaign



Thank you El Reg, this read made my day.

MPs call for inquiry into Tory terror arrest


I'm amazed....

.... that the Committee was able to publish its report at all. I mean, it said something nasty about the government - surely that means it shouldnt be published at all? Like the case with the McBride scandals, I mean surely everyone knows if you have something bad to say about the government you keep your mouth shut? At least, thats what Labour wants us to believe.

But I suppose it doesnt matter, since we know that nothing will come of it. I dont expect any of those who exaggerated the security risks to face any music.

Olympic champ's mom sues Google for dead blogger's post


Streisand Effect?

Guess what everyone is going to be googling now.

Phorm director advises UK.gov broadband minister


Is anyone surprised anymore?

Seriously, this is nothing new. UK.gov is corrupt through and through, it should come as no surprise that the government did nothing about the BT/Phorm trials precisely because BT/Phorm and the government are often the same person, and if they aren't the same person they worked together and are best buddies.

EU should NOT fine UK.gov, since we have to pick up the fine. Rather, they should impose sanctions restricting trade and demand that the UK implement more anti corruption laws to prevent situations like this in addition to the increasing privacy requirements.

Brussels to sue UK over Phorm failures



As Ad Fundum says, perhaps you are a Phorm stooge, since you ignore the most pressing issues with regards to Phorm.

They are:

1. That BT and Phorm conducted two or more illegal trials back in 2006/2007. Interception without consent is a crime, and no consent was obtained. This has nothing to do with any Phorm system currently in operation, it has to do with actions taken by BT in those illegal trials. Thats why they are on trial, not because of currently deployed Phorm system.

2. Since current privacy laws require consent from both parties for interception to be legal, one can assume that websites must also give consent. Also, consent must by law be opt-in and not opt-out, which Phorm doesnt adequately cater for either in the case of intercepting user's data or website's data.


@Not in whose interest?

You have a point, in that if UK.gov gets fined, that essentially means we get fined. I wish there were some way that the EU could force the UK.gov to be accountable and only UK.gov.

What should happen is that those personally responsible should be fined from their salaries, and possibly barred from public office. Then, BT should be sued, and the execs who decided on the covert trials should get jail sentences. A man can dream right?


I wuv the EU!

Thank you Viviene Reding!

Lets hope something actually happens now. Perhaps now that they are faced with legal action and a hefty fine, the government will stop the cronyism and do something about it. Of course, I'd rather that the EU impose the fine than the UK gov, since we know how lighthanded the UK gov will be on its cronies.

Labour flames whistleblowers in email smear brouhaha


There's nothing a government hates more

...than having its dirty laundry aired. Hence Labour's response - its not proper to reveal our dirty and embarrassing secrets! Its just not done! Its fine for us to smear the Tories, but heaven forbid anyone publishes anything that is both true and harmful to us. One law for you, one law for me.

Who snapped first?


Do we really expect anything to happen?

A few years ago, police, acting on bad intel, shot and killed an innocent man in cold blood without so much as a warning. They got off scot free - the jury was even told that they couldnt return a verdict of unlawful killing (so it was a case of any verdict as long as its innocent).

Now, one of them pushed a man, and later he had a heart attack. What makes you think anything will happen about this? Investigators mignt not even be able to prove that the push led directly to the heart attack, let alone that the police had no good reason for pushing him.

Like last time, some senior policeman will probably retire to the brilliant state pension that we pay for with our tax pounds, and thats it. The policeman who actually did the crime will be promoted from Common Thug to Gangster, and all will continue as it was.

Report: Legalising drugs would save UK plc huge packet


Its all well and good

But it will never happen. Not here, especially not in America.

Which is somewhat ironic for the States - I mean, given that they like to preach freedom, in that you are free to own guns, free to run a business, free to run for president, you would think they would allow you to decide what substances you put into your own body.

Not that I have ever or will ever use drugs of any kind, but it gets kind of ridiculous. So many gangs, and gang related violence, would disappear overnight. It would be great!

Lloyd-Webber calls for clampdown on ISPs


What is he smoking?

If we follow his train of thought, petrol garages need to do more to prevent vehicle theft. All vehicles use some form of petroleum sold by petrol garages, and many of them are stolen by inscrupulous individuals, therefore petrol garages need to prevent theft.

Huh? Yes, ISPs are "used" on the way to piracy. I still dont see why they should be held responsible though. How about the rightsholders use some of the vast amount of money they make to come up with a solution that is fair to customers but blocks pirates. Or come up with a new business model, like they should have done years ago.

Oh wait, its much easier to put the blame on someone else.

What's wrong with a Twitter degree?


Whats wrong with a Twitter degree?

It makes you a Twit?

Playboy TV offers 'Jacq off' special package


@David Adams


Lets start a chartiy pot to pay for Wacky Jacky's husband to be able to watch some good porn. If his wife is too strict to pay for it, or get the taxpayers to pay for it, I think its only right we step in and help a fella in need.

Besides, he married her, he needs all the help he can get.

EU issues ultimatum on internet privacy



Does anyone think its ironic that theres a huge outcry about Google Streetview, but Phorm barely received a mention from the mainstream press? Google, time to work on your bribery.

I'm hoping that they do pass guidelines. But then again, look at Phorm/BT. There was legislation making what they did illegal, and they still did it, and were defended by the Gov, including some elements of the ICO. So, tell me what exactly would happen if there were guidelines - do we really believe Phorm et al would be prosecuted?

Frankly, I'm very excited to see what happens with the whole Phorm/EU saga. It sounds like the EU is not keen to just let BT/Phorm get away with it.

LibDems uncover over 10,000 RIPA yarns


Please do an April 1st article on this

It was a day none of us will ever forget. The entire world looks on with a mixture of sympathy, fear, and horror. Londoners wander around confused and days, the number of casualties are not yet known.

Oxford Circus will never be the same again. Every inch of its well-worn surface is now covered in large piles of dog droppings. Experts believe that the smell will never truly come out, and damage estimates are already in excess of £10 million. The number of shoes discarded in disgust is not known at this time.

Scotland Yard is calling the attack, "The worst terrorist attack of our lifetime", and the Home Office has released a short statement comprising of the words, "We told you so".

It is believed that the terrorists, the Anti Baggie Brigade, rehearsed the mass fouling for months. Each of their dogs is believed to be the size of a German Shepherd Dog or larger, each capable of producing a truly incredible amount of excrement.

Perhaps now we will listen when Wacky Jacky says we need to monitor those who own dogs that regularly foul the pavement.

Aussie classification site hacked in censorship protest



Quote:Conroy originally denied the leaked addresses were the Austrastralian Communications and Media Authority(ACMA)

Whats Austrastralian? Is that like Super Australia? (typo note).

What motivates this Conroy guy? Why is he so determined to ban games for people over the age of 13 and all porn? Hasnt he ever cranked one out?

Google, Mozilla back 3D interwebs


Weren't Khronos...

... the ones who messed up OpenGL3 by overpromising and underdelivering?

Police ad urges: 'Trust no one'


Mein Kampf

Welcome to Nazi Britain. Remember all citizens are equal, but some, such as those who have paid their Lordship Dues or are fortunate to have the right parents, are more fortunate than others. Any attempt at original thought will land you in prison.

Heil Brown/Cameron/Wacky Jacqui/Current Police Commissioner (since they all belong to the same elitest group anyway)

Lawyer-client privilege no bar to surveillance, say Lords



I didnt know it had got this bad. Not only are the police racist and corrupt, the Lords accept bribes from any tom dick and harry and do their utmost to protect their own privacy and cushy salaries while selling the rest of us down the river, but now once priviliged communications are no longer privileged?

I am not a lawyer, or a judge, and I dont have the money for bribes, but I would think that if, since lawyer/client privilege is a law, and RIPA is also a law, one must contain provisions for the other to avoid confusion. And if it contains no such provision, we should assume that RIPA does not apply to lawyer/client privilege. Am I being crazy here?

But I see the point of all this actually. Its so that the police can use a Phorm system to sell our communications (and therefore crimes) to the House of Lords, so that they can advertise bribes to us.

Web giants urged to bar Phorm


Oh Phorm...

Quote:"Many of them have, like Phorm, demonstrated their commitment to user privacy as signatories to the IAB UK’s interest based advertising good practice principles."

Didnt Alexander Hanff shoot those guidelines full of holes by showing how the guidelines were less restrictive than current UK and EU law?

If I was Google, I'd be demanding Phorm for a share of the profits. Lets face it, Google gets a lot of traffic and now BT/Phorm are profiting from that. Google can either explicitly deny Phorm the right to profile searches, or it can demand a profit, which of course a struggling company like Phorm cant really afford to share. Either way, Phorm would be scuppered if Google played hardball. In fact, if Phorm goes live, wouldnt this mean that Phorm and Google are now in competition? I'm putting my money on Google.

Secret Aussie blacklist leaked


Well I'm not surprised

Everyone knows that Dentists are as bad as Satanists and Pornstars! Ban the lot of them!

Except when our teeth rot from eating Government Approved (tm) Candy, made from 100% Finest Organic Bullshit.

Irish ISPs rally against record label anti-piracy threat


I dont believe it

A sensible business? One that puts its customers first? I'm moving to Ireland, screw Phorm!

iPhone chip designer trumpets multi-core GPUs


Not quite accurate

Quote: "The PowerVX SGX543 has four pipelines, so a 16-core PowerVR SGX543MP - imaginatively named the PowerVR SGX543MP16 - will have 64. In graphics-processing terms, that's one hell of a lot of concurrent pixel and vertex shading"

Not quite - the GTX 280 has 240 shader processors, while the Radeon 4870 has 800. 64 is a lot - for a mobile GPU, but not a lot for the entirety of GPGPU computing.

Aussie firewall blocks Wikileaks


Lets start a campaign....

Although I'm not an Aussie, for the good of our Antipodean brothers, and indeed net freedom and neutrality in general, perhaps we should organize a campaign in which every one of us submits one website to the rating body for banning. It could be the most harmless thing ever, just try to turn something innocent into something offensive and get it banned.

This will lead to either the censors being overworked through the sheer volume of work imposed by the millions (I hope there are millions) of studious El Reg readers, or they will block all websites presented resulting in pretty much an internet black out. Lets look for health education websites that might show pictures of cha chas and willys, the evil Google which is used to search for illegal things, the horrendous YouTube which hosts a disturbing clip by one Rick Astley, El Reg which often disagrees with the Aussie gov on this issue, Amazon which can sell sexual material including books and movies....

The list is endless.

Google inspires behavioral ad-zapping Firefox add-on


Imagine if....

By default, all Windows PCs came with Firefox installed, and it had the Adblock Plus and this targeted cookie plugin. No more ads! The world would be a better place I tell you.

I can dream cant I?

Conspiracy theories fly around Norton forum 'Pifts' purge


Streisand Effect?

Have Norton never heard of the Streisand Effect? The only way to guarantee that everyone knows something you dont want them to know is to release it then try to cover it up. Once you do that, the entire internet will gang up against you and make sure everyone knows what it is you were trying to do in the first place.

had they released a notice saying, "Sorry guys, thats our data collection mechanism. We use it to collect data from your PCs to provide better protection, and it needs to be hidden in case the virii get to it", and not deleted any discussions, no one would give a toss.

Last day for anti-snooping petition


I've just realized

That the powers that be in the UK, the MPs, the Lords - basically those with lots of power and money - have no interest in the UK being a democracy. The elections we have now and then are just lip service to the idea.

Because, if it was a democracy, we wouldnt have the super elite MPs deciding that they are above the Freedom of Information laws. We wouldnt have Phorm and BT conducting secret trials of illegal technology and then the entire government including the police refusing to investigate or prosecute.

MPs vote to keep addresses private (theirs, not yours)


@Eponymous Cowherd

I was gonna say, its interesting that they can vote to give themselves rights and powers. I mean, its a pity that they are allowed to do that at all, I would say they should be subject to any High Court order and not able to ignore or overturn any High Court order.

But that would lead to less corruption and gravy training, and we all know that is bad for our fearless leaders.



If they can bomb one MP, why not all of them?

Sigh, I guess this comment will put me on the terror watch list. Heck, its not like they dont monitor our communications anyway. May the poor government operative who has to read this have a nice day, hes as trapped as the rest of us.



Quote: "He pointed out that the High Court's "dangerous decision" to allow addresses to be revealed"

You know, I thought it was supposed to be the High Court that instructed the government, not the other way around. So thats what happens to separation of powers hey? The government decides its for the birds.

Seriously, with this lot running the UK, it must be easily as corrupt as the most corrupt African dictatorship.

Ryanair may charge cattle to use the bog


What a waste....

If I pay my pound to have a poo, does that come with a bum wiping service? What if I have temporary paralysis of my fingers and cant grip the toilet paper?

It sounds like a recipe for disaster. Nobody will have money on them, everyone will have a soby story about why they need to use it and dont have money, and in really bad cases, you might have... accidents.

Pirate Bay prosecutors get jiggy with charge sheet - again


But they keep changing the goal posts?

Really, if this were any other trial, the judge would have thrown it out and told the lawyer to come back when he could tell his arsehole from his elbow.

Soon the charge sheet will read, "Pissing off Big Content", and that will be that, they will be found guilty.

Personally I think they will walk, and I'll be quite happy when they do. Dont get me wrong - I pay for all of my games and movies - I just side ideologically more with the Pirate Bay than the IFPI. The IFPI wants to use legislation to keep its outdated business model going, and uses bribery and coercion to achieve its goals.

Paris Hilton celebrates 28



Who will put the candles on her cake for her? She cant count that high!