* Posts by Secretgeek

388 publicly visible posts • joined 4 Mar 2008

Page:

Private ID scans leave fetish club-goers feeling exposed

Secretgeek
Coat

First they came for the masochistics....

...and found them tied up and being whipped by a Madam in 6 inch stillettoes and a rubber catsuit. And more than willing to be waterboarded.

As for the sadists, well they came for those...

...and gave them uniforms.

Mine's the rubber one thanks.

What on earth do you think you are doing, Darling?

Secretgeek

@Martin

Looking for irreverance and airbags and yet you still managed to read the article and go to the effort of commenting. You want to be careful there, you might end up educating yourself.

Secretgeek

Surprising.

I normally have an instantaneous adverse reaction to anything that has even the hint of a political party's bias to it. But I actually thought this made for interesting reading.

And really, (putting the poor aside for one minute(or getting someone else to)) for the worker on an 'average' wage what's not to like about the having the first half of their wage untaxed?

Doughnut balloon-chute spaceships to reach Mars, Neptune

Secretgeek

@Simon Ball

Yes, yes, I did mean VASIMIR.

In fact looking at it now I've no idea where VAMPIR came from.

I think we're all agreed though. This idea is pants.

Secretgeek

Ermm...

I'm right in thinking they'd still need all the paraphernalia of rockets, fuel etc to get the crew off Mars once they'd landed?

INRS but maybe a VAMPIR drive could be used to slow the craft down as it approached Mars instead?

Just a thought.

Interstellar Bebo spamgasm targeted at 'water world'

Secretgeek
Happy

Is it Friday?

It feels like Friday all of a sudden...is it just me?

A very distinct Friday sensation going here.

Obama taps America's top techie

Secretgeek
Coat

"ADfTutWHoSaTP"?

So, this new bod is an Egyptian Pharaoh then?

I suppose he'll be really good at working from the ground up.

Yes, yes, I'm already getting it.

Profs: Human race must become Hobbits to save planet

Secretgeek
Joke

A good start?

Go and stand in the sea up to your waist at Skegness for an hour.

Abracadrabra. Instant reduction of 3".

Oh...in height? Bugger.

Lotus offers to end e-car silent running

Secretgeek
Happy

How do I get this installed....

...on my 13 year old Nissan Micra?

A bit of EOC and TNC to cancel out the rattling of my bearings and the sound effect of a TIE fighter blasting out front and rear - I want it now!

Brussels to sue UK over Phorm failures

Secretgeek
Thumb Up

Another related update.

Don't know if this is elsewhere on the Reg but Amazon have announced that they're not going to allow Phorm to scan their pages.

Big up for Amazon there I think and here's hoping a few other major players see sense too.

Boffins invent automatic net-hookup roboffinry machines

Secretgeek

Politics.

I knew there was a reason I say I'm a neo-tech-communist when anyone asks me my views on politics.

Just waiting for the computer that works out the Global Demand vs Available Planetary Resources problem.

Shouldn't be too long now I'm hoping.

Bucks village repels Street View spycar

Secretgeek
Flame

Double standards.

I'd have a lot more respect for this bunch of irate middle-englanders if it wasn't so blatantly obvious that they were only concerned with themselves and couldn't give a toss about the general moral issue of privacy and Google.

Obviously a bunch of 'not on my doorstep' types that are quite happy for all the scumsvilles to get photo'd so long as it doesn't intrude on their particular part of this green and unpleasant land.

Tossers.

Moderatrix quits El Reg: Latest

Secretgeek
Joke

Noooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!

Ermm...yes well, we..ermm...quite like...hmph...you know....erm...having you around...kind of...ermm...yes. Anyway. Good.

Oh god, I've turned into Hugh Grant. Kill me now.

US judge bars teen 'sexting' charges

Secretgeek
Joke

Latest news....

...Skumanick is seeking to bring charges against several grand pianos for displaying provocative legs in public.

LG fu**ed off with swearing

Secretgeek
Joke

@ Paul

'F***ing Barney'? Well I can't imagine there'd be too many other people that'd want to watch that particular programme either. I mean I know there's something for everyone in Pr0nland but that's a little weird don't you think?

LibDems uncover over 10,000 RIPA yarns

Secretgeek
Thumb Down

Wrong, wrong, wrong!

For chuff's sake I wish the media would stop atgging every discussion of RIPA with the words 'originally designed to fight terrorism' or 'anti-terrorism legislation'. It is NOT, I repeat NOT specifically anti-terrorism legislation and never has been. It is a bunch of regulations that tell authorities how, when and if they can carry out certain types of investigation and what precautions, checks and balances must be in place before this can happen and for it to be legitimate.

That's investigation for ANY offence not necessarily anti-terrorism, not even necessarily for a serious crime.

I'm no fan of uk gov or the ongoing strangulation of the definition of 'private life' but dammit if I've got some pikey twat dumping lorry loads of tires at the end of my street then I want someone to do something about it and if that means setting up a hidden camera or having someone from the council follow their van then what is really wrong with that?

If I can't let my kids (not that I have any) play on the designated playing field because ignorant bastards are forever letting their dogs shit all over it and not cleaning it up then what am I supposed to do? Watch the field myself and ring the council every time I see someone leaving a dog egg behind in the hope that a quick response SWAT team will descend from the sky Minority Report stylee and apprehend the faeces abandoning miscreant?

There are very strict guidelines on the circumstances in which the types of covert surveillance or interception that RIPA deals with are used. If there is a problem with councils not following the correct procedures or using these methods when other less intrusive methods are available then, yes, that is a problem and it should be stomped on but if it's genuinely the only way to catch some fucker then I'm pretty much all for it.

It is NOT anti-terrorism legislation. Stop using the the fucking word 'terrorism' it's incorrect besides being pretty much meaningless these days and unhelpful.

Brainscan boffins build blunder-warning hat

Secretgeek
Joke

Re: The guy in the giant white Mekon hat pic.

What's more surprising was that he found himself with a nice bouiffant hair-do after the experiment.

Robo-fish to hunt pollution in Spanish seas

Secretgeek
Joke

@'What bait would the local anglers use?'

D-cell batteries I'm guessing.

Hefty 'battle strength' electro-laser breaks 100kW barrier

Secretgeek
Coat

Is it me....

...or does look a bit like an morbidly obese Cylon?

Yes alright, I'm going.

World's first proper flying car makes debut flight

Secretgeek
Unhappy

No, no, no, no, no!

If it doesn't hover I'm not interested.

Although if it hoovered I might be.

Mathematica man brews 'AI' Google Killer™

Secretgeek
Happy

@'I love it...'

You were doing fine right up to the point at which you descended into personal insult (about the 13th word or so) and then you just read like an overly angry man trying to prop up a spurious argument by insulting the opposition. Get your head out of Wolfram's arse and try and debate the subject in a less inflammatory manner. I for one would appreciate it, it might just give me an insight into the subject that I didn't have before as opposed to another look at all to familiar trolling behaviour.

Oh and BTW, not that I know anything about this subject but I'm pretty sure neurons were behaving the way they do a long time before CA was on the scene.

Smile, it's not the end of the world you know.

BBC botnet investigation turns hacks into hackers

Secretgeek
Thumb Up

Oh, come on people.

Again and again in these forums, and I'm thinking of the ones that relate to botnets and spam and viruses, commenters are arguing over the rights and wrongs of using a 'good' virus or some other techniques to expose users vulnerability to hijacking and prompting them to fix it.

Now someone has actually gone and done that and you're all jumping up and down, shouting 'It's wrong! It's wrong!' Make you're chuffing minds up peeps. What is it you actually want?

A spam reduced world or the one that we've got where we all sit around bitchin about how botnets and spam are the incarnation of Satan but actually doing fuck all to fix anything more than our own spam filters?

Personally, I think the BBC have probably done us a service by, hopefully, reducing by a few thousand the number of machines capable of spewing out the shit that we all have to filter from our inboxes 24/7.

Yes, it was probably illegal. But FFS surely that has to be weighed against the positive end result.

IMHO I don't think they went far enough by half.

Boffins build 'slow glass' light-trapping nanodoughnut

Secretgeek
Coat

Aaarrrggghhh....

....too many innuendos!

'Slippery exciton', 'unfeasibly tight ring'

giggity, giggity.

I am such a child.

I'll get my coat.

Royal Mail disses runaway post van man

Secretgeek
Flame

@lol whibley

Did you consider the small possiblity that that's why this article's in the 'Odds and Sods' category?

If it had been a sysadmin chasing down a runaway server then maybe it might have been in one of the other categories.

Muppet.

3D TV by Christmas, hints Sky

Secretgeek
Boffin

I'm surprised.

All the negative comments on here seem to have missed something crucial here. Yes, no-one's going to buy it and no-one's going to wear the specs and no-one's going to fork out for another telly and no-one's going to watch the invariably crap programs that are produced (i'm excluding the real hardcore gadget freaks here).

The crucial bit you've all missed is - yet.

So it looks stupid now but call me a 'my-glass-is-empty-but-I-know-it'll-get-filled-soon-optimist' if you will but given that the world around is 3D why shouldn't our entertainment be 3D too?

The technological aspects will be solved. The initially microscopic market will expand. And 10 or 15 years from now the next generation that may come across these comments will wonder what the fuck all the fuss was about and just how or why we put up with 2D for so long.

Yes it's shit at the moment but you could say that about any emergent tech. Give it a chance peeps and you never know, mofo holodecks may not be too far away.

Straw bends on Coroners & Justice data-sharing proposals

Secretgeek
Thumb Up

Not much to say except...

I'm liking this turn of events. A lot.

Good point with the caveat as well.

ICO raids and shuts builder blacklist firm

Secretgeek
Coat

3,000 people?

Whilst deploring the database itself , I have to express a little surprise that companies were paying £3000 a year and £2.20 a time to check a datasbase that only had 3000 people on it.

Talk about money for old rope. I wish I'd thought of it.

Mines the one with a couple of phonebook's in the pockets.

Expedition to probe cavern lake 3km beneath Antarctic ice

Secretgeek
Alert

@Simpson

No need to get sarky, it was a legit question.

No, I didn't expect all the water to come out through the hole and the surface to collapse. However, not having much experience of drilling 3 miles of ice into subterranean lakes I was making the assumption that the effect would be similar to an oil well.

Sarcasm's fine if the answer was obvious but If you can't give a straight answer to a reasonably asked question just fuck off.

Secretgeek
Paris Hilton

Consequences?

Although, in the great tradition of fictional Spanish waiters, I know nothing, would someone please explain how, given that this lake remains liquid only due to the massive pressure of the ice above it, what's going to happen when someone sticks a hole in the ice?

I'm envisaging the creation some kind of massive water geyser as the pressure releases. So much for keeping the lake pristine then.

Anyone with more knowledge about these kind of things willing to correct me?

Ryanair may charge cattle to use the bog

Secretgeek
Thumb Down

Ermmm...

"We're all about finding ways of raising discretionary revenue so we can keep lowering the cost of air travel."

'We're always looking for ways to make you pay more so we can charge you less'?

Anyone spot the flaw in this argument?

Anybody?

Google gets a touch of the ODFOs

Secretgeek
Happy

Homebush.

Snigger.

Teen sacked for 'boring' job Facebook comment

Secretgeek
Joke

@ Martha and the Muffins

From nine till five

I have to spend my time at work

The job is very boring

I'm an office clerk

*ahem*

'Excuse me Martha, could you just step into the office for a minute? I'd like a quick word. Oh and are the Muffins out of their meeting yet? I'd like a couple of minutes with them too.'

Stargazers peer into the 'Eye of God'

Secretgeek
Thumb Down

Ermmm.....

Not to deflate this story but this image came round on email months ago.

It's nice but not exactly what I'd call the Eye of God.

Looks like he had a late night.

And blue eyes? Think he/she/it has got blonde hair too? Maybe a beard and white robe as well?

Oh do just give up.

Besides there's loads of better pics of galaxies and nebula that would make a much better contender for 'Eye of God' status.

Personally I'll keep an eye out for the left earlobe of God.

Or maybe the quiff of the Almighty.

Pirate Bay prosecutors get jiggy with charge sheet - again

Secretgeek
Coat

@English Please

It basically means - 'All your files are belong to us.'

Anyone?

No?

Coat please.

DARPA seeks self-aware AI robot mega-tanks

Secretgeek
Happy

Navel gazing robots.

Hmmm....a lot of the comments above imply that these news lords of destruction will head off on a squishy rampage as soon as they get the opportunity. I'm thinking more along the lines that they'll get so wrapped up in contemplating the marvel that is their own consciousness that they'll be pretty useless as weapons.

Controller: 'Tank 4, tank 4, why aren't you engaging the target?'

Tank 4: 'I'm sorry Controller, I was just checking out the sunset and thinking to myself that it really looks beautiful in infrared. I hate to obscure it with flames and explosions. If I'm being honest I'm just not in the mood for fighting right now. My i-therapist told me the other day that unrestrained aggression is interfering with my inter-entity relationships and I should look at alternative ways of engaging. Have you ever read any Carl Rogers? I really feel I need.....'

Controller: 'Initiating remote shutdown. Again'

State bill would turn RFID researchers into felons

Secretgeek
Coat

They won't get my ID!

Cos I'm too scared to go out of the house what with all the 'malevolent entities' on the radio frequencies.

Mines the beige overalls thanks.

ICO strengthens criticism of Government data sharing

Secretgeek

Two things..

Firstly, I'm not going to grumble about the fact that I brought your attention to this yesterday and didn't get any credit...mumble, groan ,whinge etc.

Second, it does look like the ICO have finally realised that it would be useful for them to actually have some teeth when it comes to DPA. Slightly overdue (by about 10 years) but welcome nonetheless.

Now if they can widen their scope to include private companies instead of just public authorities, we might just be getting an effective Commissioner.

Of course the question remains just how much notice UK Gov are going to take oft heir recommendations? I do try not to be cynical but......

US Navy orders new electric hyper-kill railgun

Secretgeek
Happy

@Rob Haswell

You owe me a new keyboard.

Iranian rocket puts satellite into orbit

Secretgeek
Coat

Ice cream sounds good.

Do they do flakes? I'll just get my coat.

Jacqui Smith cracks down on gangs via computers, closets

Secretgeek
Flame

The answer to the question...

'We asked the Home Office why it needed to add these provisions to the bill - which has already had a second reading - if the powers are already available under the Local Government Act.'

Simple answer is 'So that we can hide the really nasty draconian ones in amongst the thousands of pointless laws.'

Burn 'em all.

Nanotech researchers create the world's smallest writing

Secretgeek
Joke

@NickR

Never mind crate, can you imagine the size of the HP box required to ship a HDD with a scanning tunnelling microscope as the read/write head?

All the cardboard in the universe required to ship one HDD capable of storing all the info in the galaxy?

Swiss cops sniff out dope plantation on Google Earth

Secretgeek
Joke

@Is it wise?

What? At each of them?

That's an awful lot of guns.

Boffins: Blue light kills MRSA 'superbugs'

Secretgeek
Coat

@nothing new.

I was quite happily tootling along with your conspiracy theory until you used the phrase '...population reducing agenda of Evil..' which, although it has a nice ring to it, is totally arse about face. Given that this planet is seemingly choking to death on the 7 billion of us and our by-products it would seem that the 'Good' thing to do would be to reduce our numbers somewhat.

Have you ever considered the possiblity that the Flying Sphagetti Monster is up/out/in/beside there banging his head against a wall whilst saying...'Why don't they just get the point?'

NASA ponders Spirit's erratic behaviour

Secretgeek
Coat

IT'S ALIIIIIVVVVEE!!!!! MWUAHAHAHAHAHAA

That is all.

Force 1800 superhurricanes snapped on far-off world

Secretgeek
Thumb Up

Although I'm no scientist...

..it's things like this that make me love science. Force 1800 storms on a planet 190 light years away (seriously, get your calculator out and work out the miles) that's scooting at a right pace around it's parent sun in a weird orbit?

Awesome.

Nice one distant-planet-gazing-boffin-type-dudes.

iPhones will win the war in Afghanistan, says NATO chief

Secretgeek
Joke

Two things.

First, 'Afghan fellow'? Did he at this point twirl a bushy moustache and get his boy to fetch whatever the Finnish equivalent of brandy?

Second, he does realise all the guy was doing was downloading the Sniper Shot Calculator App recently featured on this here Reg?

Doner kebabs: Death wrapped in pitta bread

Secretgeek
Unhappy

re: ibs rocks

I'm guessing you have a kebab shop pretty close to your house then?

I can imagine the reaction from the lucky lady you pull when 5 mins after your kebab and probably two mins into your drunken fumbling (allowing 3 min for ciggie) in an alley when your arse explodes.

Unpleasant.

Obama insists on FOI

Secretgeek
Paris Hilton

Ermmm.....

...sorry, what's going on?

Real openess being promoted by the bod in chief?

Ok, I designate today as 'It's officially weird.' day.

Something doesn't feel right. Have I simply got too used to the 'Hide, deny, twist, spin and lie tactics.' employed by gov on this side of the pond?

Coming soon: Pills to 'turn down' your ears at clubs

Secretgeek

@ Haku 'Cure for tinnitus'

I second that. :-(

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

:-(

Police search another Tory MP's office

Secretgeek
Coat

Connections.

Given what's happened with the whole 'MP's expenses' and FOIA affair does it seem too much of a leap to see the following chain of events:

Tories agree to support an obviously unpopular bill that they quite like the look of i.e. keeping their taxpayer raping benfits secret.

Unrelated - the police ask Tory MP to see one of his files to investigate some twonk or other.

Tory higher ups realise that there's a good opportunity to kick the Labour in the nuts and decide that this nobody MP needs to stamp and shout about police raids.

MP, despite knowing this will make him look like a weak willed twat, agrees to this (because he's a weak willed twat) and duly kicks up a stink.

Tories use that as an excuse to drop out of the FOI amendment with the result that they look great, Labour look shit-ter.

Score 1 Tories.

/conspiracy

Mines the one with the tinfoil helmet in the pocket

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