Posts by Secretgeek

YouTube injects cash into US F1 team

This isn't relevant but...

...frankly that never usually stops anyone. I just wanted to say:

'Chad Hurley'?

'Chad'? 'Hurley'?

Could it be a more comedy American name?

I'm getting it...

Boffins build World's tiniest 'laser'

@AC16:24

I tried explaining something like that to a couple of Jehovah's witnesses once (i was bored), I threw in the 'Religion is something we need to grow out of.' as well. They left confused. I know they were confused as they didn't leave a copy of the Watchtower.

As an aside, how many of these spasers can you fit on the head of a sea monkey?

Dell boxes VGA cable to within an inch of its life

@ Neil 6

You know, traditionally, Friday afternoon is a time that a lot of people find a sense of humour under their chair from the Friday Feeling Fairy.

Stick your head down there and take a look, you'll never know what you might find.

Boffins develop 'Hidden gateway to Hogwarts girls' loos'

Astounding!

The appear to be on the verge of something that reflects electromagnetic energy even light! (If they can the it right)

That'd be a mirror then would it?

Has anyone got their number? I better tell them I've got half a dozen of these things in various shapes and sizes around my house. My wife even has a protable one in her purse!

Faster broadband for free?

Pure tech help question.

I very recently went to Sky from Virgin, obviously my main phone socket is now all BT. All I want to know is:

a) Do you think that the engineer would've disconnected the bell wire?

b) How do I identify it so that I can check for myself? (Most important)

Thanks in advance for your help.

Philips Cinema 21:9 56in LCD TV

I want one.

Nope, that's it really.

Lads from Lagos cut off

@ Sergie Kaponitovicz

I wouldn't be too quick to mock Sergie, I'm guessing that your surname is fairly infrequent so maybe it IS a relative that you don't know about.

$8.5M US?

Got to be worth a try.

Go on.

You'd regret it if you didn't.

It's just there waiting for you.

Give it a call.

Signed,

C. Duyi

El Reg to launch space paper plane

"Offers of suitable kit and supplies are, of course, more than welcome."

There's a piece of A4 in the post.

From tracking sex performance to tracking sex offenders...

Lateral thinking?

Of course another use for that Offender Locator app would be to find all your sex pest buddies when you get out of jail.

How very convenient for your friendly neighbourhood rapist.

'Paedos Reunited'?

Big Blue blows a billion on predictive software seller

Flashbacks.

I used SPSS when I was studying Psychology.

2 way Analysis of Variance?

The horror, the horror.

This page has been left intentionally blank

@ Time to go home...

You assume too much. But then that seems to be the problem with pretty much all of your arguments on this subject.

P.S. Oh and just so you know the use of capitals like that is generally considered a bit shouty (not to mention the multiple !'s)

P.P.S. Why am I even bothering to reply? Your comments seem, to me at least, to be so much trolling wrapped up in pretentiousness Damn it, now I've wasted another 30 seconds of my life typing this.

I would write a proper comment...

...but seriously all I can do is shake my head at the multitude of fucked up, misinformed, conservative, tabloid, lowest common denominator, backwards opinions that have been voiced here. I shake my head at you El Reg commenters I really do.

Medal to you Sarah Bee for putting up with it.

@ 'A question...'

If you can find one man let alone a couple that you can fertilise with any amount of man juice then you better get the papers lined up pretty sharpish cos there'll be plenty of money to be made.

@ 'old fashioned'

Seriously, have you just teleported in from the 70's with a copy of the Sun?

Final point - given this and the 'devil girls' story I'm moving to Sweden. Man's in demand! Do they pay cash at donation clinics? The next generation of Swedes could all look like me! Actually in that case I probably shouldn't go.

Barclays online banking borked

And this is why..

...I've ignored all their 'Oh why aren't you using our online banking?' whining emails for the past year.

I don't really trust them with my normal details let alone online ones.

Bad Barclays! Go to your room!

Info Tribunal fluffed on FOI, rules High Court

Intersting.

Two things about this case - one, the implications if the Tribunal reconsider their decision to release and two, the fact that the High Court continues to refuse to get involved in making the decision itself ( a very good thing and long may it continue as far as I'm concerned).

US tactical bot has no taste for humans

"...but that is not our mission."

Maybe not your mission but has anyone asked EATR?

Jupiter takes a serious knock

Warning.

It was obviously just a warning shot across our interplanetary bows.

Run for the hills under which there is a reinforced concrete bunker with a years worth of food!

Hmm do I go for Aliens icon or just get my coat?

New Zealand set to join internet blocking club

Oversight - Lack of.

I'm sure we're all agreed CP is a bad thing and that restricting access to CP is a good thing.

However, what makes this operation, whichever country it is, a VERY bad thing is the way in which the system is massively open to abuse and indeed appears to encourage a kind of 'as wide as we can get away with' philosophy to censorship.

Nobody with any sense trusts the people that make these decisions, nobody with an ounce of critical analysis ability is going to trust that the people making these decisions won't be following their own narrow-minded, sexually repressed, conservative (deliberate small 'c') agenda and nobody trusts the people making these decisions not to expand their censorship regime to anything else at all that they deem inappropriate. It's already happening and it's only going to get worse.

How long before 'opposing political views' are on the list? Oh, hang on...

P.S. I've depressed myself with this post.

P.P.S. How long before we have to go back to disseminating controversial informatrion by print? At least that way when they kick your door in you'll have given them the trouble of having to move the printing presses themselves (though they'd probably charge you for it).

NASA fires up the 'interplanetary internet'

@James 55

I second that.

And add I'm quite looking forward to the host of nodes stretching from here to Mars enabling effective comms with our new colony. (Ok maybe optimistic but the parts are coming together)

Sometimes, just sometimes you get the small feeling that the future really is just around the corner.

BT abandons Phorm

Phorm share price update.

From a share price of 480 to 280 in the space of a day!

Har har de har har har de har de har.... ad infinitum

*Doing a small victory dance...

...on the freshly prepared grave of Phorm*

I like good news on a Monday.

Echoing a lot of other people here, we've still gotta watch out while the DPI genie is still out of the box and not restricted/killed by the law.

Lunar orbiter beams back first Moon snaps

Don't slate the conspiracy nuts.

The world would be a duller place if they all went 'Oh, look at that, we did walk on the Moon. Wow, I appear to have wasted a siginificant portion of my life. I suppose I ought to get on and get a hobby that's a bit less mental.'

Every loon we lose, is one less person to make us smile (or to laugh at depending on how cruel you're feeling).

Is there anyone out there in the Reg comment wasteland that used to believe the conspiracy theory but now doesn't?

NSA plans massive, 65MW, $2bn data center in Utah

It takes a lot of power...

...to run those Stargates, and it looks like they must have found another one.

Sorry, the icon should probably say 'Bad Joke Alert'.

Top British judge suggests ban on 'cruel' killer roboplanes

Hmm.

An unmanned drone that falls anywhere is probably broken I think you'll find.

The man's an idiot quite blatantly.

Tory Lady tries to give bodice-rippers the snip

Victorian values?

I've said it before but why is it deemed perfectly fine to portray murder and violence but some kind of heinous evil to portray kinky sex between two consenting adults?

Is it only me that finds that a deeply unhealthy attitude?

So let's encourage people to be desensitised to violence and to be massively uptight about sexual expression. My feeling is, though INE, is that this isn't just storing up problems for the future but actively encouraging them!

DARPA hands BBN $30m in evil 'Machine Reading' plan

Hello money, meet some ageing rope.

If all it takes to get $30M from DARPA is some arrows pointing at a 'Mr Funnel Head' smiley face I'm going to get my 3 year old nephew to knock a few ideas together!

NASA reacquires original Moon landing footage

Outtakes & blooper reel.

This would be the one with the other 3 takes of Neil Armstrong coming down the steps and fluffing his lines? Or maybe the take in which, amusingly, a studio light fell over into shot just as the flag was being planted? Or maybe the one in which some tech cad had placed a large Clanger doll in the background?

DARPA: Can we have a one-cabinet petaflop supercomputer?

I love DARPA.

They don't just want the moon on a stick they want the Sun on a pin head carved by lasers. Gotta love the dreamers. Even if they are dreaming about the next armageddon.

Great Australian Firewall to censor online games

@Michael Nielsen

Australia isn't the only country with that kind of schizophrenia towards sex and violence. Just take a look at the greatest split-personality suffering country of all - America. You can watch someone being dismembered limb by limb much easier than you can see two people having consensual sex.

Anyone but me think that's slightly unhealthy?

As for mainstream TV, Family Guy put it best.

'They will clean up all your talking in a menace such as this

They will make you take a tinkle when you want to take a p*ss

And they'll make you call fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss

It's the plain situation!

There's no negiotiation!

With the fellows at the freakin FCC!'

Burn 'em all.

Scream if you want to go faster.

"This is confirmation that the scope of the mandatory censorship scheme will keep on creeping".

Creeping?

Bloody sprinting more like, this things only been up and running for a few months!

Thank you Australia...

...for making a Brit briefly feel like he doesn't live under the most oppressive regime in the 'free' world.

Disney punts hetero luuurv to wide-eyed kiddies

What's more interesting...

...is the blatant racial(racist) stereotyping in kids movies. Be it a bug, a lion, or (as i watched recently) a happy tapping penguin. Taking the penguin as an example the lead was blatantly 'caucasian' in mannerisms, accent etc and protrayed in penguin chick colouring i.e. a white face, throughout the movie despite the timeline for the movie being so long that a real penguin would have long shed their fluff and developed into the usual black faced penguin. His love interest and most of the other 'good' penguins of his type (stereotyped 'Mexican' penguins aside) had the adult colouring and were protrayed as stereotypically 'black' in their accent and mannerisms.

Again, Simba taken alone would be probably be classed as 'white' by an observer shown only his performance. A white African (excluding white South Africans obviously)? Come on Disney, Pixar etc etc is it really that dangerous to have a 'black' character as the lead?

Ccan someone name one animated movie character that is black and has the lead role?

You could of course go into the underlying messages used by most of mainstream cinema i.e. black characters when not the lead usually being the tech expert or mechanic also frequently being disabled in some way, but this is particularly concerning because it's being fed to the most impressionable. (Won't somebody think of the children?!)

Is your cameraphone an oxymoron?

Fluidity.

I quite like the thought of random wobbliness to my photos it would add a surrealist touch to my world.

Inside USB 3.0

The only thing I want.

Is for a return to the original ethos of plug-and-play (and-unplug) and not what we have at the moment of plug-and-play then arse-about-stopping-the-device-waiting-a-bit-for-Windows-to-do-it's-thing-and-tell-you-it's-stopped-and-THEN-unplug.

It's not a lot to ask is it?

MP expenses leaker may never be found

@ Well I never...

We got one the other day too.

Amused to see the distinct lack of anyone on the leaflet that appeared to be of a non-Anglo Saxon origin. Although given the fact that they used a Polish Spitfire, chances are the people pictured are Lithuanian immigrants or something similar. That would be just too funny.

DARPA in useful, easily-achievable project shocker

What's been missed...

....off the spec is the requirement to have the system mounted on a surveillance cockroach with full audio and video feed.

Mines the one being held by the fifth element.

Green GT rolls out sexy e-supercar

I want one.

I want one.

I want one.

I want one NOW!

Although I suspect I'll only be able to afford the Corgi version. :-(

Daydreaming? You're actually solving complex problems

@ scheming

"...your mind may be taking that time to address more important questions in your life, such as advancing your career or personal relationships."

What? My mind is a woman?

Atlantis set for Monday lift-off

Regarding the crew photo.

I'm not entirely convinced all this technological hoo-ha to reach Hubble is even necessary, I mean look at that photo, you could reach it with a decent step ladder surely?

Alright, alright, I'm getting it.

Home Office to keep innocent DNA samples

I got as far as....

...'All Your Base Pairs Are Belong To Us.'

And I figured nothing else in these comments is going to beat that. Thanks MnM

Conservative US shock-jock to sue Wacky Jacqui

It's pretty simple really.

A c**t has refused to let a cock in.

It's not the first time in history it's happened. I don't know what everyone's getting excited about.

DARPA to develop anti-Credit Crunch software

No need to start from scratch.

Surely, the financial sector has tools that carry out this kind of work already? They obviously fucked up badly or were just ignored but I'd be surprised if the banking world didn't already have some seriously powerful market prediction tools to hand.

Maybe DARPA could improve on that instead of starting at the 'How many peas have I got?' level?

Added bonus it might just pay for itself as they went along.

Google, Schmidt, and the Gray Lady Resuscitator™

Question.

Do they have any ads that aren't 'Premium'?

Is any service they deliver not 'Quality'?

Or 'Essential'?

A flood of shit presented as a bath of gold.

Meet Phorm's PR genius

Well...

..I was planning on adding something constructive, possibly witty to this ongoing 'debate' (slaughter may be a more accurate word).

Instead I'd just like to say hurrah to all those that responded to the goading (intentional or not) of Phorm and it's stooges in an empassioned, reasoned, well thought out and logical manner (MInionZero I'm looking at you for one). It's easy for us, me included, to descend into 'frothing at the mouth incoherent white faced' rage at what Phorm is trying to accomplish and there's a need for folks such as yourselves to retain some semblance of sanity amidst the lunacy that emerges from both sides of this argument.

As for the frothing at the mouth anti-phormites, the ones that can't manage more than a sentence without resorting to all caps, numerous expletives, spelling mistakes and multiple exclamation marks.

We love you too.

In fact, the only people that around here that really won't be feeling the love are THE BUNCH OF LOWER THAN A SNAKES BALLS, BLACK HEARTED CUNTS THAT ARE PHORM!

I mean really, if a measure of a man is the friends he keeps then the fact that this seemingly morally vacant, soulless, worm of a man has joined with Phorm says it all.

Arrr, I be a privacy pirate too!

ICO acts on student privacy breach

And there will always be idiots.

Unfortunately, the one thing idiots are good at is breeding so don't expect cock ups like this to get rarer no matter the 'punishment'.

Website terms unenforceable due to unlimited right to amend

@ amanfromMars

'Or is politics different and you don't have to abide by your promises at all, but just be prepared to make up ideas on an ad hoc daily basis with your friends and lobbying advisors?'

The answer quite clearly is 'Yes', unfortunately.

FSM, that's depressing.

Phorm boss blogs from a dark, dark place

I've just had a scooby at the website...

....and it looks like something I'd expect to read from the Co$.

Highly amusing. Thanks for that Kent.

US Congress inspects deep packet inspection

Google and Yahoo! vs Phorm et al.

Possibly a case of 'the enemy of my enemy is my friend' in this instance?

Maybe with the addition of '...my friend...for now.'?

Private ID scans leave fetish club-goers feeling exposed

...'through the back door.'

Snigger.

I'm so childish.

@AC 13:40

Re: 1984 - I think we should all be grateful that we live in a time when we can actually see fiction become reality. A horrific, soul-destroying, prison of a reality to be sure but nonetheless quite interesting to watch from the perspective of anyone awake enough to be aware of what's going on e.g. anyone with more than just glimmer of sense.