Posts by Gilbert Wham

YouTube rant missus hauled into court

And for those that *haven;t* got it in their head yet...

De de dee de diddle-diddle dee dee diddle-diddle diddle-diddle-diddle-diddle-dee!

And repeat.

There. sorted.

Premiership tackles Ukranian football streaming site

sooooooo,

How easy is it to set one of these things up?

*looks for servers & off-shore bank accounts*

Asda declares baby's arse 'pornographic'

Tits

My brother's girlfriend used to be a glamour model. A couple of birthdays back, she presented my brother (and everyone else) with a cake (from asda) with a picture of her on it wearing nothing but a G-string...

Think tank slams paedophile paranoia culture

AC.s

Not everyone can be arsed to make up an account to comment. It takes time to come up with a nomme de guerre like 'gilbert wham', or the highly unlikely 'robert sneddon'...

Rare Mac Trojan exploits Apple vuln

Wait, what?

299 bucks for a remote desktop? For realz? Jesus. Does it come with a voucher for a free lapdance or something?

Enraged devil dog lover locks on to Reg photo team

Which is better?

Salt n Vinegar Smiths Square crisps (crisp version of crack, fuck Pringles) or Marmite flavour? Tough call, huh?

Heavyweight physics prof weighs into climate/energy scrap

Scientist contributes sense to climate debate - will be soundly ignored shocker...

More alarmingly:

"He says he's largely letting his machine-learning lab at Cambridge run itself these days,"

Bears watching, this chap. I'm keeping my torch & pitchfork handy, just in case...

Post Office aims to collect ID card fingerprints?

Post office? What post office?

Errrr, didn't they just shut them all? So, what they mean is 'Ministers propose that WH Smith collect biometric details'.

no likee.

Big TV flips ad blockers the bird

This is a very good point.

So next-gen ad blockers will be stealthy enough that advertisers won't be able to find them? Man, I love this shit. 'You can't do (X), and I've made something that'll stop you!'

'Oh yeah?' *click*

OpenSUSE 11 a redemptive OS with a Mactastic shine

Hmmmm,

Site's broken.

Start-up outfoxes Apple, Dell and HP by offering stock options with PCs

Yup

^^^ What he said. I don't care if it's rubbish if it's free. Anyway, even if it is useless for its intended purpose, Hack-A-Day et al will be full of useful repurposings as soon as anyone gets near one with a screwdriver...

Tory trash talk fails to halt bin bugging plans

What we need

Is a body with veto powers, whose job it is to go round and inspect our various organs of government and then advise them, 'just fucking stop it, OK?'

Nokia opens doors to Download Store

What customers *want* from Nokia...

...Is hardware that is actually usable on its first iteration, yes? not something that's released with hideously b0rked firmware, so that there's no point in actually having the product until they ship the revised units the following quarter.

(I haven't actually had a Nokia for about 2 years, but observation of those who do leads me to the conclusion that they haven't changed their practices any)

BBC deploys the Tw*t-O-Tron

If this happens...

...I'm fairly sure that all the stars will start winking out one by one, as in the end of Asimov's 'Nine Billion Names of God'...

Apple takes the operator's shilling

"This time round, unlocking will be one thousand times harder."

Aaa-ha-ha-ha-haaa-haha! Bollocks. No it won't. There hasn't been a device of this ilk made yet that can't be hacked some way or another, and I don't reckon this one is going to change that.

NZ hydropower drought could see leccy rationing

Being as it's the Antipodes...

...does one really *need* a heated towel rack? I'd be tempted to keep my towels in the fridge.

MPs urge action as spooky caller ID-faking services hit UK

"could make it even easier to fleece the public and invade privacy"

Well, no wonder the Gov. doesn't seem to mind it...

Virgin Media and BPI join forces to attack illegal filesharing

Losing customers...

I can tell you now, if this affects their churn rates, it'll be quietly forgotten in a few weeks, or only have lip service paid to it. They are *always* hurting for money.

A case in point: I used to work for 'em when they were Telewest, and round this time of year, they get an awful lot of disconnects due to students going home/housemoves etc. This was also the time they produced their figures for the big bosses, therefore they had a charming trick where they would leave services on after someone had left a property & add rolling credits to balance out the charges, then all the disconnects were processed in August (after the reports were done).

Telewest/VM management are fantastic at producing fuckwitted schemes (in case you hadn't noticed), which led to 'the rule of tuesdays', whereby if whatever the latest demented proclamation was, if it was still being talked about by the suits the following tuesday, it was probably going to be around for a while. Otherwise, don't bother making your job difficult. I doubt whether things have changed much...

French court fines eBay for sale of counterfeit handbags

@ David Wiernicki

"No self-respecting celeb will buy a bag worn by every fat tourist on Canal street."

And, conversely, no fat tourist on Canal St. will wear a bag unless some fuckwitted celeb has paid thousands for a similarly-shaped article. It's a vicious circle.

Time to move on from Chinook to the real MoD cock-ups

Why would *anyone*...

...buy military equipment from the Italians?

Windows XP given additional resuscitation

@ Robert Harrison

"Boots near instantaneously into a usable desktop (and that doesn't include a desktop that is displayed but unusable whilst you wait for the services to load)"

Atari ST.

Bonce-antenna education downloads foreseen in 30 years

Hang on,

Isn't actually sitting down and learning something *already* a thing of the past?

The Reg surfs for porn with a San Jose councilman

@ Steven Hunter

Good point. If you're going to go around practicing democracy, it's always worth bearing in mind that quite a large proportion of people are really fucking stupid.

Want to buy Jacqui Smith's ID?

Anyone...

...who thinks a change of government will magically stop these kind of deluded clusterfucks has their head up there arse. The Tories might *say* they'll get rid of it, but will they bollocks. They'll just kick Labour's cronies out of the tendering process and usher in their own.

Social networking site bans oldies over sex offender fears

Halp!!1!

I turned 36 yesterday, where should I turn myself in? Or do I just wait to be collected?

RIAA ordered to shell out $100k for P2P witch hunt

@ Frank

One must realise that it is a given that any lawyer is a chiseling jerk to begin with. Makes negotiations simpler you see.

Come to think of it, it works with mechanics too...

When flash mobs go bad

@David Perry

What does that mean? That yoo get a semi when you see her?

Badum-Tish!

Thanks folks, I'm here all week...

BT Fusion rises again

I would rather...

...insert a glass rod into my urethra, then bash my cock with a hammer than ever use BT again. Not *exactly* germane, I know, but I feel better for sharing...

Rogue MP3 Trojan streaks across P2P networks

"The issue of P2P is similar to that of STDs or hard drugs."

No it fucking isn't. Don't be stupid.

Wikipedia goes to court to defend defamation immunity

Hmmmmmm,

Imagine, if you will, that a list has you on it. This list is the 'list of people who everyone thinks is shit'. What do you do? Do you try to be less rubbish? Analyse what your business does and see if you can improve? Talk to its compilers? No! You litigate of course!

Says it all really.

Top cop brands CCTV a 'fiasco'

Of course...

...it can be completely foiled (CCTV, that is) by the employment of that fiendish cloaving device known as 'the hat'./..

Grand Theft Auto IV leaked online

Denting sales?

Bollocks. They leaked this themselves to create more buzz. There's always going to be a few who'll hack their consoles & go through the rigmarole of getting the ISO working on it, and guess what? The buzz they create makes everyone else want it eve more...

'Extreme porn' law could criminalise millions

Oh Goody!

More Thoughtcrime legislation! Excellent.

Border Agency plans Olympic identity card

Errrrm hang on....

...but wouldn't something that allows you 'access to the country and the venues' be called 'passport' and 'ticket' respectively? Or am I missing summat?

FCC tells Comcast to unblock P2P

Well...

"Assuming that P2P is only for stealing others software/films/music is like assuming that the internet is for pr0n"

I don't know what internet *you've* been looking at...

Firefox and Safari updates tackle alternative browser bugs

@Lynx

Works on OSX too. I used to work (VERY briefly, Apple and their affiliates are dreadful employers) as a MacDroid Helldesk operator & I would run Lynx so as to be able to browse whilst working (supervisor knew sweet FA about computers, just about being a bitch, and to the uninitiated, it looks like a terminal window). Plus, it doesn't fall over all the time like bloody Safari.

Windows Vista update 'kills' USB devices

Seems Reasonable...

...disabling the mouse & keyboard protect numpties from almost all phishing attacks...

Women love chocolate more than password security

Wouldn't surprise me...

...if most of them, male and female, really *did* fork over their passwords. Years of diligent research has led me to the conclusion that eight out of ten people are fucking stupid.

Comcast proposes P2P 'bill of rights'

WOW?

War what now? I use my bandwidth for watching porn & pirating videogames. And so do you. Don't lie.

Red Hat scurries away from consumer desktop market

Needs more BFG

If they wanna get home lusers, then games need to run in Linux. Easily. Get the FPS crowd on board, and you've got an in.

Phorm admits 'over zealous' editing of Wikipedia article

any PR company (who aren't a bunch of wankers)?

Name one.

Final beta of Firefox 3 available now

No more memory leaks?

Does this mean I can have my RAM back, plz? FF2 was using 880megs the other day...

Virgin Media in talks to trial three strikes regime against P2P

Dear Oh Dear

Sooooooo, I cut down on my monthly bandwidth bill, use that extra budget to rent a seedbox in, say, Sweden and use that for torrenting, then transfer the files to me via FTP, yes? I've been meaning to switch to a seedbox for ages now - as my ISP isn't run by dangerous lunatics, I haven't bothered my arse yet, but maybe I should get ahead of the curve...

Mozilla plugs 10 security holes in Firefox

@ Not Again

What, you're sick of security updates? Like, people updating their software *when they find out there's a hole in it*, as opposed to when they feel like it(i.e. IE)?

Ooooookayyyy...

Virgin Media in premium rate U-turn

Customer Delight?

I used to work for them when they were Telewest, early summer is when their reports go off to the stockholders etc. They are VERY nice to customers round about then, because they don't want you to disconnect. If you DO, their trick is to leave your account running, and credit you back the costs to keep their churn down...

P2P highwayman gets four years for ID theft

@ john band

You can probably find some with a quick trawl through the news archives. However, I'll guarantee they won't be very young, very old or mothers of dependent children. Captains of industry maybe? MPs? Peers of the realm?

Eurosecurocrat plans EU-wide stop'n'scan plodnet

@ Mike Richards

Good point. If this <i>must</i> be done, please can it be 'organised' by the Italians?

BBC calls DRM cops on iPlayer download party

Arseholes.

It really does confuse me why they bother. Not that I use iPlayer anyway, becuse there are some very nifty torrent sites exclusively for UK TV content - far superior, no DRM and I've payed my license fee (AND my Sky bill), so I'll watch what I like from where I like.

Local councils dish out shoddy computer recycling advice

Hang on a minute...

...Aren't 'Recycled' and 'Put into a landfill' two very different things? What the fuck? not that it affects me, I never throw away bits of wire or string, never mind *entire computers*...

eBay boycott results in mixed feedback

@Paul Young:

"I don't see anyone moaning about rising petrol or bread prices!!!"

Really? Good Lord. What accounts for this phenomenon? Do you spend the ENTIRE time with your head in a bucket of sand? Are you constantly high? Is that it?