Posts by Elmer Phud

Veteran spam suit troll plaintiff calls it quits

Common sinse?

Yerst, not surprising really, is it?

anyway -- every individual seems to have a different idea what 'common sense ' actually is so that makes 'common 'sense' an oxymoron.

Naturist club objects to erection of five storey tower block

yeh but

"I don't want any Tom, Dick or Harry staring at me . ."

Could be 'I don't want any Tom or Harry staring at me Dick . . .'

Ranting Ohio Republican scares interwebs

3:30 ish

"Infest --- asian"

choice

The audience needs listening to carefully - there is a fair bit of tittering and the applause at the end seems like that of relief it's all over.

Google Instant 'invented by Yahoo! in 2005'

Ya who?

I got really stoned one evening about 20 years back and conceptualised the entire Yahoo! thingy.

Earth's first all Klingon opera debuts

wtf mk2

I realise the opera is in Klingon but it would help us mere earthlings if comments were made in a language that comes from Terra ;-)

Clegg's taking away Your Freedom

Energy

You missed the opportunity to also harness the static electricity from the shell-suit ( We all know that the know-how to feed static back to the grid has been suppressed).

As the couch-potoato(e) writhes about getting all worked up over teenage pregnancies caused by illegal migrant benefit cheats involved in the slave trade while running cannabis farms and all this on crack and plant food, there wll be more than enough generated to power the telly and also several local CCTVs.

Brits unleash world's hottest chilli pepper

Why?

as per title

Koran-burning 'pastor' loses website

website hack

It was God wot done it!

Geezer(?) of indeterminate race just said ' What the fuck is that tosser up to now? Enough is enough".

Flaming work laptop toasts cottage

Eh?

Shirley it's " It's O.K. to leave it on, just pack ice round the air intake"

Sarko hit by 'asshole' Googlebomb

getting to the bottom of it

But 'arsehole' has a better ring to it

Greenland ice loss rates 'one-third' of what was thought

Short Term Memories?

Maybe we're still coming out of the last ice age and humans place too much importance on themselves. Think they own the place and they've only been around a short time.

Planet farts and the scum on the top gets disturbed - nothing new.

Nigerian man gets 12 years for $1.3m 419 scam

what's in a name?

""mugu," which means "fool" in Nigerian pidgin"

Close enough to 'mug' for me.

Oz school in homosexual kookaburra rumpus

supposed to be a teacher

Well teacher, teach them differently - teach them the word has an older meaning. Don't teach them it's somehow 'wrong' to use it.

Some of us grew up watching the Flintstones and they had a 'gay old time'.

Monster Afghan spy airship to feature quad drinking straws

Can't have too good a resolution

After all, it might be able to distinquish between people with guns and a wedding party and we can't have that sort of thing.

Apple Ping unfriends meanie Facebook

Pot & Kettle

"Jobs told All Things Digital that Facebook made unreasonable demands"

mol ( Made oi larf!)

Phone bugging scandal reignited as NotW suspends reporter

One right-wing git v's another

Mudroach doesn't give a toss - it's all about control.

It was a cosy friendship between Him and Thatcher that got rid of BSB and gave us Sky (and BT)

Minister for Disinformation

What shouldn't be forgotten is that amongst all this is the fact that Cameron appointed the bugger as his 'Media Advisor'.

You also have to just wonder how far Murdoch has his hand up the puppet Cameron's arse (yes, similar to Blair but what's the difference) as regard the appointment.

'Rock star' spewed guts after emitting vast pearl necklace

Fnar Fnar

It's Friday and Lewis is on form

(no Paris as that's too bloody obvious)

Boris bikes for tourists delayed till year end

Hmmm

WTF's helmets got to do with it?

Most drivers have no idea about the Highway code, nor, it seems, do they have much of an idea about driving.

Scottish iSchool goes 100% iPad

Well, that's evolution out of the way

It's an Xtian school - evolution? "All down to God. Right next subject, Paleontonlgy - we've got five minutes before lunch"

Hardware hackers defeat quantum crypto

No use?

If you are running a multi-million pound business empire and don't want the government, military or intelligence circles eavesdropping you would want some high-end crypto to try and hide arrangements of when a container with several kilos of raw, uncut Colombian marching powder is to be expected.

Rival firms such as the Feds may well also want to find out.

Boffins baffled by mysterious Martian crater

It's obvious innit

It's the footprint of God.

A mono-pedal God who only took one small step (well, half) before buggering off again

HP pays to end fraud probe

One wipe and it's gone!

$55m buys a big carpet and a broom and a can of Febreeze.

VW to eliminate worst road hazard: drivers

Kars are King?

Seeng as you have an auto-centric world-view why not just wall the roads in and let the rest of us get on with our lives instead of tyring to legislate us out of existance --remember we was here long before tarmac. Rather than hiding everyone else - hide the cars instead.

Mail on Sunday inadvertently bolsters annual smutfest

So what?

I'd rather have the commons hosting a party for a bonk-fest than the usual death-merchants of BAE.

Anyway, I'd have thought that the Daily Fail would have loved the uniforms and correction stuff - all those shiny boots, tight clothing, whips and restraints, must make the readers think they are back in the good old days of the older Mosely. Discipline is what they want and, by God, they're going to get it. Or are they worried about being mentioned by thier twice-weekly 'massuer'?.

Royal Society opens inquiry into why kids hate tech

IT = old hat?

They use the tech all the time - it's no big deal to them.

It's similar to other stuff that thier teachers take for granted and see no need to have it all explained to them., like phones and cars and loyalty cards.

If anything the kids are far better at using the tech as they have no fear - teachers come from the time of reboots every time something changed on the computer, constant needs to re-install Windows and fearful of just unplugging the mains when the bloody machine refuses to play ball.

It is thier main tool these days, we never learned to make tools but to use them. Playing with IT is more important than trying to understand a rapidly changing field - does everybody need to understand about all the layers of protocols needed to send "LOL! "?

Can't read L337 -- blimey, isn't that one of the old languges like Latin? Maybe they'll teach it in Grammar Schools ;-)

Energy-saving LEDs 'will not save energy', say boffins

'Common' sense?

Over the years I have come to realise that 'common sense' is anything but 'common'.

Plus it usually goes along with Al Murray's 'They really haven't thought this through'.

And please don't use 'blindingly obvious' as it just means 'If you don't agree with me then you are a fucking twat whether I'm right or not'.

'Common sense ' is a rather poor form of verbal bullying as everyoner is supposed to go 'Yeah, it's common sense, we all know that. You must be a right pillock to believe anything other than what the rest of the herd thinks' Oh, and it's often to be found in the Daily Mail comments, which gives an idea about its usage.

normal

You are a standard 'Dad' AICMFP

How extreme is your pr0n? Depends on your lawyer

No more late night telly?

Ah well, no more watching the pair from Dirty Sanchez on telly as they inflict pain on each other.

It was fun while it lasted but now I can expect a knock on the door late at night.

Australian cave tour guide offered in Klingon

Or . . .

Sad bastard - get a life!

Microsoft Windows glider crashes

It worked just fine

Launched then crashed.

Works like Windows

It will be the fault of Red Bull not upgrading the launching platform or an unspecified deity for using the wrong sort of wind or some unauthorised attatchment that unstabilised it.

Whatever the problem it wont be anything to do with the glider.

AMD: 'Bobcat' smaller, faster than Intel's Atom

You are Captain Sensible . . .

AICMFP

eCrime cops charge 12 over iTunes royalty 'fraud'

loads a money?

Quite a lot of people to split the loot amongst - crime doesn't pay very much?

Lane Fox launches review of Directgov

cost savings

Getting rid of her would be a great saving

Can't agree more

"I don't think you can be a proper citizen of our society in the future if you are not engaged online."

This shows so much about her absolute lack of understanding about people and society. Does this mean my mum is not a member of society? Maybe I should give her a call to find out how it feels to be an outlaw.

FFS indeedy deedy.

Retailer serves up Monty Python 'waffer thin' mints

Oi!

Just get me a fuckin' bucket!

Ikea forecasts fluffy, fully teched kitchen of the future

Proper Kitchen

A proper auto-kitchen will indeed detect that I'd had a great night previously and offer up that gem of a breakfast - cold pizza.

It would also know that, at times, I require merely light snacks like Mars bars, Sesame Snaps, mugs of tea . . .

Chair maker punts $6,000 iPad recliner

Wide wheels not fat arse (unless it's a Porsche)

One assumes that Bala has mistaken high performance cars for sports cars.

A European sports car should give the impression that driving it is exciting, thrilling and anedge-of-seat experience and if you get it wrong it will kill you.

America tends to pull the teeth of Euro sports cars and make them 'safe'. It just looks like a comfy chair without the Inquisition.

'Most powerful person in search' calls time on Yahoo!

Zynga?

Oh ffs!

Dixons aims high, medium and low with own-brand blizzard

PC World

PC World Essentials --- That'd be the bits you can grab off the shelves instead of playing 'hunt the sales staff'. The bits you go for when there is no alternative available like on a Sunday.

Hollywood claims Aussie ISP promoted BitTorrent use

Standard form

"the ISP advised him to upgrade to "get more of the stuff you love"."

I wonder if this was ever seen by a human until it reached the customer. I'd expect something to trigger a response starting with a mailmerge on to a form and then off to the mail room.

"get more of the stuff you love" - I get these from BT Vision even though I don't use the PPV. service.

Street View spooked by 10 Rillington Place?

Protection

What's needed is the Googlemobile to re-visit but with a priest riding shotgun.

I'd suggest Father Jack Hackett as he'd scare the shits out of any ghosties. I hate to think what he'd do to evil spirits.

Data for 100m Facebook accounts published to BitTorrent

Number 6

"You won't get it!"

It all depends on what info is put on Facebook and what the level of access has been set to.

Plus, most people seem to have some really odd pictures as profile pics.

Then there are those with (against Facebook's T&C) more than one account where everything is fictitious.

I guess it's just the difference between someone scraping the publicly accessable side of Facebook and someone else getting in the backdoor of a bank or insurance company. I know which I feel safer with.

Facebook beta joins web Q&A craze

Instant expert

Having read the article I'm off to add 'Brain Surgeon' and "Rocket Scientist" and "Worlds' Greatest Lover" to my profile.

NoScript 2.0 beefs border patrol

Indeed

'Arse' has a better ring to it

Location-based Web2.0rhea not an epidemic

Another pissing contest?

It's just like dogs in the street peeing on lamp posts and gates and sign posts and anything they can cock their legs at.

Will come to grief when 'er indoors spots where the dirty dog has been while telling her he's elsewhere.

Zeus bot latches onto Windows shortcut security hole

email?

"Zeus-contaminated emails pose as security messages from Microsoft"

As far as I know MS don't have my email address - at least if they do it's a webmail address and not a 'normal' one.

But there are several born every minute who will forget that they usually have to click on the little yellow blob to get updates.

Withings Wi-Fi bathroom scales

WiFi Drive by

Ah, I can see it now, user looking at thier laptop screen after a busy workout only to find "You fat bastard!" from an unknown admirer

NHS spunks £7.5k on porn room

Taxpayers Alliance?

TA are a bunch of right-wing UKIP rejects - if anything they make the UKP look like a bunch of lightweight liberals. They'd prefer a big union flag to raise thier feelings to where they would attempt to keep the Empire running. That or just praying to a figurine of Mrs T for fertility. .

They don't want any old Thomas, Richard or Harold (who may not actually be English) procreating.

London bike hire scheme suffers pre-launch wobbles

WTF's this got to do with cycling?

This has bugger all to do with cycling in London.

It is not for cyclists but tourists who want to ride about on the flat bits. The bike is not for going anywhere with hills, has no use for commuting and is an effin' great advert for Visa.

Couple this with Boris's Magic Blue Paint - which does nothing except lure people to thinking it's somehow safer as it runs on P.F.M.

The MBP is usually bordered with broken white lines which mean it is purley advisory, it uses existing bus lanes (now having motorbikes allowed as well) and frequently lanes end by chucking out the cyclists in to busy black tarmac.

All this just to feed Boris's fucking enormous ego and nowt more.