Posts by Elmer Phud

Scammers take advantage of ticket allocation to craft Olympics scams

Last Chance Saloon?

Shirley you're not dissing Boris's big hope for winning the London Mayor elections? Half of London is now sporting Barclay's Blue.

Fiat 500 TwinAir

Sun Roof

There was always the sun roof which could be opened up to allow extra passengers who could sit on the laps of those in the seats (no, not like that, not with nine people in the thing). Just something I heard about, a mate of mine etc.

Fags flash butts in nightclubs

Pointless

If you can't pull them apart and sprinkle the contents over RiZal origami - what's the point of them?

Facebook pulls plugs on Mark Zuckerberg’s Facebook profile

Wierd

How strange, someone trying to use thier real name for a Facebook account.

Shuttle mission: SPAWNING of the SPACE KRAKEN

Rings

So, they've been lying all along.

Those rings around Saturn are acutally remains of a pizza order.

It's what happens when someone from another dimension uses a black hole as waste disposal.

Boy George promises to cut employment rights

To facilitate a more open and flexible workforce?

Georgy Boy will ask a few, ignore most and say that it's for the employers survival if Britain is to achieve speedy recovery - or similar tosh. Everyone to become part-time workers and solve the unemployment figures overnight.

If he gets his way TUPE will equal TUPPED

Use of Weapons declared best sci-fi film never made

Skinner

I've always thought that they would be great for movies but they suffer from the same problems as some of the Culture books - the huge part that the AI's have.

Saying that, a trip out on a boat on the sea would be one hell of a scary sequence, and then there's the Skinner.

The opening set-up of the fights in the book to explain the tissue regeneration could be really messy ;-)

David Cameron wants to push all of Blighty online

Why the 'Olympics'?

What a load of utter crap, there are loads and loads of people who don't want to 'go live' and loads who wouldn't be able to afford to maintain the connection if they were given one. And what sort of conection would they have anyway? Maybe that's what the talks with China are about.

And if that PR Gobshite man mentions 'libraries' then he really doesn't have a fucking clue as his minions are shutting them down.

(Anyway, I thought the proper title was 'Boris' Barclays Olympics' as the twat tries to turn parts of London in to Glyndebourne while the proles are allowed to watch at home or from behind security fences.)

Facebook caught exposing millions of user credentials

Blah Blah

User details depend on how much info the users put in.

If they are stupid enough to record thier entire life story complete with photo's, links to all the family and a 'stream of conciousness' habit of posting then, yes, they may well deserved to get pwnd. But the rest of us know about Facebook so have a stripped-down profile or a totally bogus one.

FB apps

You can look at the apps and see how they behave, what they do or don't send out.

I've binned any that want to spew out my details, my 'friends' details and the rest.

I'm left with not very many at all - suits me.

Alpha.gov.uk – it's nearly a beta

'Set Location'

Doncha just love it?

First thing that pops up is a box that says 'Set your location' and "If we know your location we can give you details of services local to you"

Services, services wtf are they? - its all being cut round here.

Anyway, other sites seem to know (sort of) where I am though it does vary by about 50 miles in any direction.

Alpha? are HM.Gove now in to bogus learning courses run by fundamentalsts?

Scrabble friends Facebook, innit

Documentary about Scrabble

A documentary about international Scrabble competitions showed how it was possible for people who can't speak English to win tournaments. They don't need to know the words, just that the collection of tiles is valid for the game.

As such there is no 'deathknell' (death-knell?) as the language is not being used - only a collection of symbols that have may different ways they can be arranged, many of which are valid according to the rules of the game.

'Our beloved language' is a mongrel anyway, a rag-tag collection of words from invaders or invadees that reflects the history of this septic isle.

Israeli hover-jeep returns to flight testing

TB2?

It looks more like a year 2 'junk modelling' TB2

Feds raid home of teen fingered in DDoS on Gene Simmons

Simmons = Gobshite

Simmons is one of the very reasons the 'industry' is moaning.

They fawned over corporate outfits like Kiss who never really had anything to do with music, all that is required is to move product.

Kiss never made records - only product.

Zappa and the Mothers

'We're only in it for the money'

Judge approves handover of BitTorrent IP addresses

I'm not a nosy bastard

So I don't run monitoring on the hub and connections.

I don't pry in to what others at home are doing on the nett just like I don't tap into thier phone conversations or ask what they are doing all the time.

And, like Bill, there are quite a few people who can conncect at our place what with folks having iPhones, HTC, iPads, etc.etc.

Thank (unspecified deity) I'm living in Blighty where we don't get those rapacious law firms who . . .

Sony mulls hacker bounty offer

News?

This site is reporting the latest in Sony grabbing at straws/shutting stable doors etc.

Sony have proved they don't have a clue, we are grateful that we keep discovering how much they balance security with profits.

TalkTalk serves up website blocking to users

Not ticking the box

If customers don't accept the trial are they still tracked but don't get the warning messages?

Nude gardener's arse hauled into court

Oh, FFS!

He's 62, not a rampant 25 year old waving his engorged hampton about and using it a a dibber for his spuds.

Move along now, nothing to see.

Ten... fantasy gadgets you wish you owned

SEP field

Douglas Adams was writing about existing tech there.

Fall over in the street - somebody else's problem.

etc. etc.

missing something

To be pedantic, you are missing the Jimmy Edwards icon.

Would you settle for an SPV?

The rear-facing seat in my campervan is known as the 'SPV' position. With no prompting at all, grown ups sit in it and start humming the 'Captain Scarlet' song.

yeah but . . .

. . . with it you get 'Toner' and Stephenson's version of Jeff Noon's 'Blurbflies'.

The Great Reg Cloud Survey

Depends

It depends on whether more things go wrong in the 'cloud'. We've seen clouds evaporate recently with comms or server issues. A name-change may be in order soon.

It does appear that , in reality, the 'cloud' has been around for a while, it's just it was never called that at the time.

This time it's supposed to be used for saving a shed-load of money by not having your own servers, for saving on processing by using others in multiple configurations.

I can see a time in the not too distant future where local storage will become popular again due to network failures and even DDOS.

The reliance of others to provide your necessary services (think privatisation) is not always the best route to follow.

White House warns El Reg over kitten-killing content

component failure

Your humour recognition has developed a fault.

It may be repairable.

and . . .

. . .there's also no ad-break or product placement.

I wonder what happend to our old mate 'Axis of Evil' is he playing in another band now?

Jack is Number 6

"Don't tell me I'm still on that Fecking island!"

UK.gov would pay to have benefit claimants' tattoos erased

Local Rag

Local Rag stopped beng local years ago when it was borged in to a natonal collection of 'locals'. Not so much as a gradual downhill slide but a ski jump slope.

Local journo's were on strike recently as the mega-corp decided that junior staff was all that were neded to answer the phone to local peope with local problems - reporting is out, another page of 'massage' adverts looms on the horizon.

The local journalists will be soon joining the inked at the Lack of Jobs Centre

What treasures will the US really find on bin Laden's hard disk?

Getting Nikah's in a twist

"Arabic word "nikah", meaning wedding"

That would explain quite a bit considering the habit of dropping ordnance on wedding parties.

MIRACULOUS new AIRSHIP set to fly by 2013

Similar

I looked to the side of me here and saw Thunderbird 2, I look on the screen and see something looking remarkably similar.

Nutter preflames El Reg 'cockheads'

WTF?

I thought you lot were supposed to be iWhores.

Cockheads? , whatever happend to bell-end, knob-end, dickhead?

"Your all going to hell you den of thieves and crooks". Apart from the lack of punctuation where's the industry-standard 'loosers' taunt? or did it get loost on the way?

maybe 'fail' instead of 'wtf?', needs to put more work in to the bile, poor effort 2 out of 10.

Boffins develop method of driving computers insane

"Daisy, Daisy, give me your answer do."

Time to meet up with HAL for, your joint therapy session.

Slack bank practice creates opportunity for phone phishing scams

Call centres

They wouldn't know as the person who had been assigned the job by the system would have marked the job as 'contacted' or similar and the job disappears to reappear on another screen with no notes on it. Notes take time and time is money and money is 'numbers of calls made'.

Saying that, I've got to ring BT myself - I've almost remembered the entire number sequence for gettng through and ignoring all the options.

Sony continues slog from pit of shame

Sound like it's worse than they admit to

Doesn't seem like a simple 'Anonymous came and stole some stuff', it sounds like they are in deep shit.

What they will never tell us is what is going on but now they have accused Anonymous we might get some info later on if Anon get narked about being falsely fingered.

Facebook fails webmail tests

there is one?

Thanks for that - still won't use it.

I don't remember being told there was one available when I got a FB account. It's secondary to having a FB account rather than needing one to do anything else on FB.

Not surprising I missed it then, they don't seem to punt themselves as a major email provider.

I don't think I need to use it unless I want to pose as a clueless clicker ;-)

not obvious

If you have to Google for it then . . .

Which planet are Which? on?

Since when has Facebook been seen as doing webmail?

I've got several webmail accounts and I've got a Facebook account.

Facebook requires an existing email address - I've not been offered one with '@facebook' or anything similar.

Next -- 'Bloggers are highly experienced social commentators' ?

Which? has been losing its way for some time now.

Gave up some time back

I gave up a while ago - it's often the small things that indicate they don't necessarily live on the same planet as the rest of us.

They often seem to be very careful in selecting which products to test and overlook what people are already buying.

Janet 3G to go live in June

Yes, minister?

"Communications minister Ed Vaizey said: "I am delighted that the education sector is putting in place plans to provide wireless broadband for the academic community.

"This is a really exciting development and will help us achieve our goal of having the best broadband in Europe by 2015."

Sounds like he really means "I don't have fucking clue what you are on about but keep up the good work, it may keep me in Westminster"

And what it has to do with 'best broadband in Europe' I really don't know - apart from being a good indicator he doesn't know much. What does 'best broadband in Europe' have to do with the latest incarnation of a separate network that most folks don't know exists?.

Sony implicates Anonymous in PlayStation Network hack

According to Sony

According to Sony they are squeaky clean.

That's just bollocks though, they have been very reticent in providing information, reluctant to tell users they had been hacked, slow in making announcements (apart from 'it was the nasty boys from next door wot done it') and extremely cagey about what was done and when.

According to Sony they have the interests of thier users at heart - and that's really big, huge, enormous, Buster Gonads-sized bollcks in a wheelbarrow.

"according to Sony, the attackers weren't interested in the credit card data."

Yeah, right, Sony have been so late with info that many people now believe the opposite is true, there has been more than one attack that we know of and that info has been reluctantly dragged out of Sony.

No, I'm Spartacus!

as title

CNET sued for giving kids LimeWire

WTF indeed

"a group of film and music artists led by wealthy film producer "

Should read 'not nearly as stinking rich as would like to be' or 'miffed that he hasn't been able to maximise the potential from the public'

Goodyear blimps to be replaced by German Zeppelins

Not just that . . .

It says on the side 'Farmers' - if I had farmer's that big I'd see the doctor about them.

Osama malware scams spread to Facebook

Missing something

"surfers following up supposed offers of live kill footage from Facebook or email will almost certainly end up hitting malware"

But I'm still getting nice looking young Russian ladies wanting to be my friend - nowt about USA winning the hide-and-seek game.

Ohio cops taze naked marathoneer

Lucky man

I can only assume from the story that he had a lucky escape - with things flapping about the risk of a tazed todger is increased.

Microsoft to release Windows thin PC in late June

SSD's?

Have they woken up and realised that SSD is becoming popular to the point of devices not having spinning metal lumps in them? Sounds good but you also wonder if they can now offer an O/S that they are happy with that looks like and performs like W7 why the f haven't they done it before. Plus, if they are happy without the bloat they could have made a mint from those who got fed up and ventured over to the dark side and picked up a Penguin.

Can't work out if it's IT or financial

Google faces another privacy probe

Slight correction

You omitted the bit that you, yourself, are also online.

Title should have read 'Our online content is monitored'.

The honeymoon is well and truly over

Gone are the days of 'you need to know anything, just Google' now it's 'what do you mean those bastards have this info?'.

It was alright when governements and 'authorities' used Google to find info, now it appears that Google is stealing our souls and, far far worse, maybe even providing useful information to everyone. It was fine when we knew Google had adverts everywhere that were being targetted to the user , that was handy not to have to worry about finding things. It's great to beable to have Amazon know so much about you you don't even need to log in to be able to buy stuff - just one click will do it all. It's great to have your smartphone know where you are and who your mates are and where they are and if you're gay, bi or straight. We were so happy then, a few months ago when sharing was so popular we needed everyone to know everything about us to be 'friends', 'buddies' or stream of conciousness Twitterfans.

Along comes Wikileaks and somehow world+dog is in to privacy.

WTF has it to do with Google?

Assange: Facebook a ‘spying machine’

"You want the truth?"

You certainly won't find it on Facebook, the kids lie to get an acount, thier parents lie about how wonderful thier kids are, the teenagers lie about drinking and shagging and many of the rest of us just don't put info in on tags etc.

There are the ones who will comment on everything and beleive their flea-ridden dog is 'cute'.

It's usually those who want to be noticed, who feel unloved and need the attention, the same ones who will chatter loudly on the phone in pubs etc., those who will make just about anyone their 'friend' and are not necessarily aware they have linked thier concious and subconcious to provide a constant stream of blather.

Julian -- Sony released more usable info than Gacbook ever can.

Japanese boffins build internet kissing machine

Something missing?

Where's the 'garlic sausage' flavour going to come from? How can it transmit 'old ashtray' or 'stale beer and vomit' flavours?

Does it have an 'Ancient Relative Fish' setting?