Posts by Elmer Phud

'Israel hacked Kaspersky and caught Russian spies using AV tool to harvest NSA exploits'

Re: TheRegister climbdown - translated to donaldspeak

Register bad.

Kaspersky bad, bad.

Israel big friends.

Watch out Kaspersky, bigly bigly trouble coming your way.

I did not blow faux Lenin wet kisses.

Three words: Synthetic gene circuit. Self-assembling bacteria build pressure sensor

I welcome our new etc. etc.

But are they one of the 1% that can't be got at with a spray, wipe or duck?

It's what curious monkeys do.

No-one died as a result of Rocket going so fast ladies were advised not to travel.

We got trains, mostly they have been good.

Without messing about with atoms we'd be in a right sorry state.

I'd suggest that the invention of air-conditioning has screwed up over more than nuclear.

All they do is create more heat . .

Cortana, please finish my sentences in Skype texts for me

Haven't we been here already/yet?

"Share and Enjoy

Share and Enjoy

Journey through life

With a plastic boy

Or Girl by your side

Let your pal be your guide

And when it breaks down

Or starts to annoy

Or grinds when it moves

And gives you no joy

Cos it's eaten your hat

Or had sex with your cat

Bled oil on your floor

Or ripped off your door

You get to the point

You can't stand any more

Bring it to us, we won't give a fig

We'll tell you, 'Go stick your head in a pig'."

Zuck shows Virtual Empathy by visiting storm-wrecked Puerto Rico in VR

but . . .

Even if VR - Zuck has still spent more time there than the Donald.

but then, to the Donald, anywhere not US is virtually non-existent to him anyway.

Boffins' bonkers fibre demo: 53 Tbps down ONE piece of glass

Re: All nice but...

Let's cut out the middle-man.

Why doesn't GCHQ become an ISP promising breathtaking speeds?

The small print would be interesting.

I'd just be happy if BT was allowed to use the fibre that runs past my house instead of being forced to go O/H

Blade Runner 2049 review: Scott's vision versus Villeneuve's skill

Re: Ruined by fan service and truly awful product placement

Shirley not the Pan-Am logos?

Or Atari?

He's no good for you! Ofcom wants to give folk powers to dump subpar broadband contracts

Re: Cue more tweakery

No, it's the chemtrails wot did it.

As an ex-broadband Helldesk bod, it was always difficult trying to explain 'speeds'.

I could look just at the basic circuit tests and tell how much would finish up trickling out the other end - not even a need for pings or throughput or anything else.

Yes, it can leave the exchange at warp speed but after it's been snaking around archaic cables and countless joints things can get a tad slow.

That a house can have several devices all desperate to grab as much bandwidth as possible is often forgotten or just 'No, it doesn't work like that . . .' from the customer

Oh, there are competing wires outside my house.

But due to LLU BT can't use them and I can't get fibre to premises - only cabinet and O/H.

Equality?

Stampede

A rush of people who failed to read the 'Up To' bit and get all narked when told to piss off and read the T&C's they agreed to.

Avast urges devs to secure toolchains after hacked build box led to CCleaner disaster

Re: CC Cleaner is an enterprise tool?

It appears that you and Mr Obvious only think it's used for 'optimisation'.

I use it to clean up new machines. Try finding McAfee on Windows 'uninstall'.

Whizz through a simple interface turning off al sorts of things.

Handy little tool, not 'optimisation'.

NASA tests supersonic parachute, to help us land on Mars

Severe kinetic landing?

Mozilla extends, and ends, Firefox support for Windows XP and Vista

Update?

I have an ancient lappy running Vista -- it can't get FF updated as it never gets connected to the net.

(Not chancing it, no way)

Google touts Babel Fish-esque in-ear real-time translators. And the usual computer stuff

Too bloody late.

The Babel fish needs to translate politician-speak, that long-winded gabble that seems to say so much but either says nothing at all or means pretty much the opposite to what you are hearing.

Admittedly, the Donald has gone along way in the other direction as he ONLY talks in Twitter format.

Open your doors to white hats before black hats blow them off, US deputy AG urges big biz

What he didn't say

And where are these 'white hats' coming from?

Let's have a think.

'government approved personnel' given access to 'ensure security is appropriate' ?

Facebook, Google, Twitter are the shady bouncers of the web. They should be fired

Comments on a form of social media complaining about social media.

Thanks folks, you say so much me.

Sooo....

We leave it to the 'experts' like Yahoo?

Russian bot-herder and election-fiddling suspect closer to US trial

Re: "I will die within a year"

got a better chance of 'disappearing' if he goes to Russia.

They can 'disappear' prominent business folk and others without any noise from over here.

Microsoft shows off Windows 10 Second Li, er, Mixed Reality

Nah

If it ain't CSI I ain't interested.

Gawd, many of those of us have read William Gibson and Iain M Banks and are still waiting for the stuff we read about 20 years back.

I expected VR to be all done, finished and Google glasses by now ( or even in my 2 for one Specsavers goggles).

ISIS and Jack Daniel's: One of these things is not like the other

Re: Ignorance knows no borders

Not just Switzerland.

my daughter got a note from the buildi

Complainee is now under threat of eviction after it turned out that the flat was not occupied during the 'huge noise' and has been found to be a snooty serial complainer. (worse than that, they rent and my daughet's flat is owned)

Commodore 64 makes a half-sized comeback

No Sprite clashes - not interested.

I like my game properly 'retro'

Brit prosecutors fling almost a million quid at anti-drone'n'phone ideas

Re: Location, Location, Location

We did that before -

and ended up with Australia.

(and the sugar plantations and, and)

Re: Trained Pigeons

Stupid idea.

Have you EVER seen a platypus wearing a monocle?

Easy

Moat

Sharks

Friggin' lasers

We went to Nadella's launch of Hit Refresh so you didn't have to

Re: comes from a scholarly background – his dad was a Marxist economist

I prefer my salad without the accompanying spittle and dribble, thank you.

Not sure about the exuberant sprinkling of '!'s - seems to overpower the dish somewhat.

Re: comes from a scholarly background – his dad was a Marxist economist

Please, stop sniffing Chemtrails.

Or is this merely 'doing a Donald' and trying to roll back the years with the 'S' word?

Re: Lords Cricket Ground?

Now now, no need to bring religion in to it.

Lords' being hallowed ground and all that.

Musk: Come ride my Big F**king Rocket to Mars

Re: Elon has all the best names.

"Just Read the Instructions "

"Of Course I Still Love You"

damn right he does.

Re: Musk has done good stuff with SpaceX, but...

"It's still just 40's / 50's tech,"

AI landing platforms with names of GUV's? 40's * 50's -- yeah, righto, whatever you say . . .

BFR

Anyone calling the main vehicle a BFR is in my good books.

NASA, Roscosmos: We're building a lunar space station!

Trucks are cheaper to move cargo.

No need for meat at the control.

AI landing has been proved to work well

Out, damned Spot! Amazon emits Echo ball with screen, inevitable ever-listening mic

Re: "Captain Cyborg"

No, no still funny.

Essentially invisible: Android big-daddy Andy Rubin's hypetastic mobe 'flops in first month'

yeah bun no but yeah but

You do know why it's called the World Series?

TalkTalk once told GCHQ: Cyberattack? We'd act fast – to get sport streams back up

Throw bread to the crowds, or else!

With their mouths full they cannot chat about how bloody awful the service is.

Dyson to build electric car that doesn't suck

Re: Solve this at the source

But you've always built shit cars out there that relied on cheap fuel.

It was only that you were forced to change, you didn't 'choose'.

You mean 'not actually produced here, to maximise profits and ensure no pesky Union issues like workplace environment'?

Re: Popcorn

Just normal to close factories here ans move it all to China to make a huge profit?

O.K., screw local workers, become a capitalist SuperStar!

Re: Pollution impact

Oh, I was totally unaware that plastics can ONLY come from oil.

meh

Re: Pollution impact

Erm, the bicycle was responsible for YOU having Tarmacadam on roads.

Had it not been for middle-class ladies demanding a smoother ride it looked like no-one was going to take up the new idea.

'Toys' my arse

And . . .

Made in China (having closed UK production).

Rake in huge profits for 'design' models that do nit work as well as those made here.

Yup, we have seen the business model.

Ridding himself of UK workers made him a hero --while office cleaners use Henry's.

What will be his reward this time?

You forgot that you hired me and now you're saying it's my fault?

Ah, 'booking'

I did internal training stuff for BT for a while.

Someone else did the booking etc, all had to do was turn up with a laptop and get going.

"Room? you say?" nothing out of the ordinary, but 'sorry our 'loan' projector is not working, we've supplied a white board and some A1 pads for you."

I did one session, in a projector-less manky room at a phone exchange for line managers and totally baffled them by whipping out a VGA lead and plugging it in to the big TV that looked abandoned and covered in dust. Looks of "What devilish sourcery is this?" abounded.

How's that 'turnaround' year going, Capita? ...Sheesh, sorry I asked

Re: Couldn't happen to a nicer company

But it will be hell when they fall over.

So many local authorities have got rid of all but essential (executive) staff that there will be no-one left.

It's not as iif their current 'support' system' is anything but flakey as it is.

BoJo, don't misuse stats then blurt disclaimers when you get rumbled

The closest thing to a . . .

. . . Donald that we have?

Never, ever admit any wrongdoing or errors ever.

It is always everyone else who hasn't quite got it.

Please - no PM job for him -- London has yet to recover.

At least in his current main job he is regarded as a twat by the rest of the planet.

Black screen of death after Win10 update? Microsoft blames HP

maybe

maybe somewhere along the routine of disabling HP's little helpers on a new machine I managed to avoid this.

A todger, a 2.5kg dumbbell, the fire brigade... and the inevitable angle grinder

Re: C'mon just think

Nah, 'The man who shags metal rings' just doesn't add that air of mystery.

Downloaded CCleaner lately? Oo, awks... it was stuffed with malware

Re: Wise Care and Kasperski installed but...

".. still CC Cleaner managed to find it's way onto the system after only a day with the customer."

It takes a click or two to do it -- AFAIK it needs help to get there.

Yup, I didn't get round to updating on this machine (everything is set to ask - not update).

But it's been a vital tool for quick cleans of friend's machines where years and years of basic usage has ended up with more detritus to wade through than actual useful stuff.

Progs installed, uninstalled, half-installed, failed installs -- all sorts of backyard junk, plus the never ending 'temp' files.

Usually Ccleaner then Malwarebyes - maybe the other way round next time?

"If they really worked, then a second run should not find anything to do."

CCleaner tends to do that.

Running stuff on W98 and trying to compare with today is not exactly the same is it?

Things tend to change a bit.

(and who didn't have a 98 boot floppy to get XP users up and running again?)