Posts by Elmer Phud

NASA admits hiding 'really good' news from Martian soil

Re: If you're not ready to talk about it, don't talk about it.

Oi! that's 'Little Baby Jesus' to you - use the proper trade name ffs!

4chan founder Moot threatens site for using his handle

Re: @AC 22:10 In American English, "moot" means "irrelevant"

'American English is dumbed down english'

Thank you, that'll keep me amused for a while.

Facebook starts going encrypted by default in North America

Re: Shurely shome mishtake

Ads? - I don't see any on Facebook

(right click, add to AdBlock)

(smug git Icon)

Greenhouse gases break record again, says top UN weather man

Re: Hate to be pedantic but: "This sobering... assessment"

We used to be a 'developing' country and burnt and chucked down drains all sorts of stuff to achieve the status of 'empire'.

I guess that others want a slice of this 'developed' lark now we've shown how its done.

Certain people rejoice! AC/DC finally available on iTunes

Re: Meh...

'If you want blood (you got it) [probably one of the finest live albums ever]'

Hmm, better than Live at Leeds?

Restaurateur jailed for customer sex profile revenge plan

Clueless?

" ' Mambo Nuevo Latino restaurant'. I would have thought the clue is in the name."

New Latino Mambo restaurant

Don't see any 'olives' in the name - nor any indication that olives would be in everything they serve.

Maybe some good music, but not olives.

Chips in spaaaaace: old tech is in

Re: Which is why...

I now have a mental image of the late Fred Dibnah (resplendent in grubby boiler suit) trying to wield a big spanner in zero G.

Lord to sue Twitter users who falsely accused him of abuse

Spardigus

"Try thinking about your fucking actions perhaps..."

"This is an interesting area, that's going to be an absolute bugger to deal with."

Considering the subject in hand (ooh err missus) -- a gem, a real gem.

ROGUE PLANET WITHOUT A SUN spotted in interstellar space

Re: That's

I mis-read that as 'Jehova'

Re: Too obvious?

In that case if it isn't Moonbase Alpha it's the whole moon

Sorority girls gone wild: '1 to 3' casual sex 'hookups' every month

Re: Should that not have been

and NOT boning fido?

Re: Oh for glod's sake!

"Does anyone remember why 1968 was really called "the summer of love"?"

Yeah, it was a con trick where males took the impression that any female was up for it and if any female refused then they were either 'frigid' or a lesbian. Even rape was considered to be 'just one of those things' where the woman was supposed to lie back and submit and enjoy it.

Steelie Neelie admits laptop hack during IGF

Re: Pinched or hacked?

'Or was it 2 pinched + 2 hacked'

or 2 pwnd?

Man, 19, cuffed after burning Remembrance poppy pic is Facebooked

Re: Stupid

Didn't get nicked for the pic but the comments - apparently.

anyway - isn't burning poppies known as 'chasing the dragon'?

One in four don't clean their stinky old browsers - especially Firefoxers

Re: The reason firefox users don't upgrade

If you click on 'About Firefox' it wanders off to check if it's the latest version all by itself.

Plug ins and add-ons are auto-checked as well.

I've never had to upgrade manually and it still works.

London council £1bn outsourcing plan survives vote

Re: It can work well

But this is Barnet council.

They have been running a' lowest cost' programme for years and we've watched as everything deteriorates. They have spent a fortune saving money with things like flogging off buildings for short -term "We didn't raise the council tax" boasts while long-term contracts on office space have resulted in a ghost town as 'restructuring' of staff over the years has seen people with boxes under their desks never knowing if they are next to go.

OneBarnet has always been 'One for us and one for you Barnet' and we've suffered enough already.

Boffins splash fluids on special soggy biscuits in anti-flood demo

Re: Porous bricks with impurities designed to collect and hold impure water

"That's not even the stupidest part of this "invention". In most places, buildings and pavement rely on ground underneath being stable, meaning dry or at least not being washed off by water. "

There's a little bit of previous with boffins getting involved in China -- the way the 'bird problem' was dealt with worked well but the consequences hadn't been considered.

The genetic button that could turn a WOMAN into a CHIMPANZEE

Re: The genetic button that could turn a WOMAN into a CHIMPANZEE

"Now if we could only turn a chimpanzee into a gorgeous woman"

How do you know that's not a gorgeous chimpanzee?

Snake-fondling blonde nude punts Polish coffins

Re: she can sit on my coffin any day

Fresh?

If other parts are anything to go by - there's a fair bit of her that would not be labelled as 'organic' (though I guess Botox is organic)

Re: Beautiful Polish women?

Lip job sponsored by Goodyear?

Cockatoo grabs his tool, manages to get hold of boffins' nuts

Boffins Get Excited Around Their Nuts When Introduced To A Cockatoo

as title

Credit card-sized mobile simplified for oldies

Looks a bit small as well - my mum couldn't hold that thing, she's got arthritis.

007 hardware: Gadgetry, spyware and things that make you go Boom

Re: MI5?

He went private for a while working as a bodyguard -- one mean MoFo

Scientist plans to catch Bigfoot with remote-control blimp

Re: Bigfoot graveyard

The icon, just the icon will do

Greek journo who published list of Swiss bank account holders cleared

Re: Tex evasion?

Tex -- if you pronounce it like that then you probably have ways of avoiding it

Sky squeezes even more money from customers, gets fewer new ones

Re: Not surprising?

"But growth, which is always welcomed by the City"

Though not recognised by the City that it is not infinite

(I never quite understood how growth could be constant)

Lindsay Lohan storm over Hitler, Hurricane tweets: 'It was hackers'

Re: Pray?

"Stop projecting negativity! Think positive and pray for peace."2

As if praying will do anything positive!

Oi, Lohan, it's your effing God that has done this (apparently), how about praying for a less malevolent God?

Or is it all down to us unbelievers unleashing the wrath of . . . ah, what's the point, I don't expect irony has much of a hold in that head.

Meet the photographer who brings Google Street View INDOORS

MacFree

"and no franchises pretending to be chains (such as MacDonald's et al)"

(or pretending to be 'restaurants'?)

Nice

El Reg acquires wildly dangerous laser cannon (with lightsabre option)

OFFS!

"not to be a killjoy, but what are the practical uses for a consumer to own one of these? apart from "holy shit, its cool" These seem incredibly dangerous."

Of course they are dangerous and would have someones eye out --

That's the point .

(Cars are also great toys but tend to kill if pointed indiscriminately at people and operated)

FaceTime now on patent troll list

Re: Seriously???

"Many years ago, I got a fax from the USA delivered to the fax machine where I worked in the UK. I wonder how that happened?"

When you consider that data was sent via wires before voice then they really are micturating in a non-leeward direction.

Virgin Media spanked for 'we've already cabled up your house' mailshot

Re: Lies, all lies.....(and they're not even square)

Some things never change - it sounds exactly like the early days of BBand.

Grab the customers money but never spend on actually upgrading the exchange kit.

Then blame it all on B.T.

Family sues Foxconn in brain-damaged worker compensation case

Maybe it's a sign the industrial revolution has to move on again - where next?

Japanese toilet can save penalty kicks

Re: I can see this technology being very useful

Noooo -- it would mean men standing at the doorway idly peeing in the general direction of the pan - hoping some of it might go in.

Oh, so no change there then.

Light ties itself in knots - spontaneously

Re: VERY significant

So, the Big Bang was when God fell flat on his/her/whatever face due to shoelaces knotted together?

Which means the first sound was that of a cartoon pratfall.

Chrome extension blocks political speech on Facebook

'simple common sense'

Not sure that exists out of newsmedia/politics fantasy land.

Sense that is 'common' is highly uncommon as everyone has their own value of 'sense'.

Feds arrest Paul Ceglia over Facebook ownership claims

I would expect that many Facebook users can also use the 'format painter' as supplied with various document editing software. Or just save the original document as a template and drop the text in.

The levels of abuse, lack of suitable grey matter and the inability to format appear to be more consistent with serial YouTube commenters.

America mounts attempt to top the Register's world record spaceflight

As much as I'd love to see the El-Reg team with PARIS on top, I'd also love to hear them say "We'd have got away with it if it hadn't been for them meddling kids!"

Dyson alleges spy stole 'leccy motor secrets for Bosch

Re: Bah!

Seen our Henry do the stair-dive - and lay on its back, wheels in the air still happily sucking away.

(Many spare parts from skips as contract cleaners chuck out good stuff.)

Smiley - 'cos that's what the front of the Henry looks like

WHITE WHALE spent 4 years trying to tell us something, then stopped

Re: Best get those scientists out there to do their research

"Nice as it is hear you bitter anti-religious zealotry (or not), what does that have to do with the topic?

You wouldn't like it if I used a discussion on the new x86 chips to strong-arm in a gospel presentation, I'd wager.

"

We get fries with whales?

gospel & wager?

British sheep falling behind Continental sheep in broadbaaaand race

Can you speak up , please.

I'm a bit mutton

Her Majesty's Secret Service opens a Q-Branch apprentice scheme

Re: Why

WLTM red-haired Russian lady . . .

Apache promotes OpenOffice to top-level project

Re: leave the /&%ç formatting behind and just paste as text

Sorry, can't hear you

Education Secretary Gove: Tim Berners-Lee 'created the INTERNET'

Re: Education needs to start from a base

Yeah but . . .

Gove seems to not understand the difference between ICT and Computer Science.

Best not to tell him, though, about primary schools using things like Scratch - poor lamb would only get confused.

Labour claims 'highest ranked UK politico in World of Warcraft' title

"I have been playing MMOs for some years, and am a fan of video games in general - in fact during the day I work for the video games industry running their Next Gen Skills campaign to get more kids coding."

Ocker CANNIBAL DEATH SPIDERS invade Japan!

I am old

"Nah mate, the crocs ate all the sharks"

Canonical flings out Ubuntu 12.10 – now with OPTIONAL Bezos suck

Re: “People want to be online and we want to make sure their online and offline works together well”

Loaded last version of Ubuntu and it refuses to work with wireless.

Can't be arsed to find out why not - I expect an O/S with wireless capability to actually work.

(I am a standard 'not a 'kin clue how this fits together' user)

Caltech shrinks optical accelerometers

Re: Gives a new meaning...

No, I'm just rummaging for loose change.

Pirate Bay moves to the cloud to confound copyright cops

Re: The arms race...

Reminds me of Neal Stephenson's 'toner'

(remains of nano-bot wars)

And also Jeff Noon's blurbflies wars.

Pints all round as Register Special Projects hacks hack off feet

Pints!

I trust we will be drinking U.K. 20oz pints and not the paltry U.S. 16oz 'pints'.

I'll drink to it but only if . . .

NURSES' natural DESIRES to be SATISFIED, by technology

Carrots and sticks

"Nurses will get £100m worth of mobile tech including digital pens and other handheld tools, Prime Minister David Cameron and Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt have just announced."

What for the half-dozen nurses left in the NHS after a 'restructuring programme' to cover the cost of the tech?