Posts by Elmer Phud

Windows 10 to give passwords the finger and dangle dongles

Danglies

I have enough trouble with house keys, car keys and memory sticks -- my pockets can't take another lump.

UK.gov can't get farmers onto its Verify service – even to claim subsidies

Re: Slow connection

This is an HM.GOV project -- what do you think?

Virgin Media to splurge BEELLIONS on UK network infrastructure expansion

"It also claimed that its private network investment would create 6,000 jobs over the next five years and boost the UK's economy by £8bn."

(Victor Meldrew moment)

If, that is, they can stop half the dosh disappearing to HSBC Switzerland.

Evolve: A shoot-em-up full of scary monsters and super creeps

Medic Class

She should have a woman's beard!

ATTENTION SETI scientists! It's TOO LATE: ALIENS will ATTACK in 2049

aaaakkk! AAaakkkkk!

What we don't want is to upset our neighbours.

"Oi, you! Turn that fucking noise down. We have a 2 earth-centuries sleep/wake cycle and we're trying to get some shut eye.

If you don't you will be the green and blue ball heading to the big orange pocket."

Gullible Apple users targeted by bogus order cancellation scam

Grandma

" bad grammar in the spam email"

as if that's going to put off those who play fast and lose with the internet.

FOCUS! 7680 x 4320 notebook and fondleslab screens are coming

Re: 8k on a laptop?

But at 8k it's better for seeing the cock clearly.

Re: An 8K fondleslab?

"although when Apple do release it 3 years later,"

as in 'it's been around a while and had the corners knocked off of it'?

Re: An 8K fondleslab?

"Very, very, very tiny writing that you have to then zoom back to bigger sizes in order to be able to read."

Ah, thanks.

Modelled on the T&C on most contracts then.

(will it also be in light green?)

Facebook bug could have ERASED the ENTIRE WORLD

And?

Do people only store pics on FB and nowhere else?

Do they think they own them?

Would the servers of the world fall over when the missing cat pics and selfies are uploaded again?

Good grief.

Reg hacks (and rest of 'Frisco) in LinkedIn measles contagion scare

"Obviously we were dying in our thou... hang on no we weren't."

That's because our mums were exposing us to it at an early age.

And popping off the local clinic to get us jabs.

Unfortunately, it is not possible to vacccinate kids with crystals, incense or 'super-foods'.

Our mums were sensible - -far too many have now fallen for the Autism crap and are now happy to expose pregant women.

Capita gobbles up more public sector pie

As regards being 'Spawn of the Devil' I think Capita is on track to overtake Google.

I'm witnessing the 'changeover' from my Local Authority to Crapita -- it is a long and painful process and so far has 'advisors' with no bloody worthwhile advice.

Swedish National Font marches to the sound of whalesong

Re: I am amused

I was waiting to see if someone else had got ther first.

Ta.

(there seem to be some Brits about who welcomed the massacre)

Capita lands spot on mega £5bn NHS commissioning deal

Re: I forget

"only the names were change to protect the . . ."

Re: And they wonder why people don't bother voting

There's a difference between Tories who want to flog it all off and UKIP who want to flog off most of it and eager for TTIP?

Really? A difference?

One is a shitty stick and the other a stick with shit on.

Brit boffins want £50 million to launch exoplanet observatory

How much?

Think what could be funded if they dropped that stupid idea for a train-set.

(I wonder what the latest idea of the costings is now? £80bn?)

Basic minimum income is a BRILLIANT idea. Small problem: it doesn't work as planned

Re: @JS001 The devil is in the details

" And then tax luxury, not labour not essentials.."

That was the original idea of V.A.T. - but now?

Calling a friend? Listen to an advert. You lucky, lucky thing

Re: Marketing types....

" as to actually believe that the world is anxiously waiting for your next fart - brain or otherwise."

Otherwise --- they don't wan't people engaging thier brains - brains = poor sales.

Hey biz – cut fraud with digital ID verification. Yes, like Verify – Maude

Fraud?

How about some work to recover the unpaid tax from your mates first instead of building smokescreens?

Major US news organisations to develop ROBOT JOURNALISTS

Journo Bots?

Can we have some programmed in the journalistic style of H.S.T.?

Re: Ethics Chip?

Most of the tabloid stuff appears to be aimed at the average Ethics resident.

Goes down well in Basildon.

Assange's cop chaperones have cost £10 MEEELLION to date

Re: i cant beleive

"Out of interest, do we have anyone in our embassies we shouldn't?"

Maybe not embassies but we did keep a dodgy South American bloke in his plane at Northolt for some time.

Mind you, that was more down to the public demanding to know why the little shit was here in the first place. Heavy demands for his arrest while the goverment did a Spike Milligan impresssion:

"What are we going to do now?, what are we going to do now?"

Re: Why does it cost so much per day

"Is it because occasionally there's a big kerfuffle outside that requires lots of plods "

No.

When was there last a 'big kerfuffle'?

WHERE'S WALLY? He's in this algorithm, says developer

WTF?

"Olson was quick to acknowledge that his time and capabilities could have been applied to more pressing endeavours."

'more pressing'?

Bloody hell, people get awards for such work.

Forget robo-butlers – ROBO-MAIDS! New hotel staffed by slave-droids

Re: Don't do it!!!!

Cancun -- humans are cheaper.

Re: "access their rooms using a facial recognition system"

"Interesting. I thought facial recog systems were not very accurate. If this actually works, it will prove that FRSs can indeed be useful."

Does FRS work if you're outside your room and you are desperate for a dump?

Shirley all that gurning while trying not to Kak yer Keks would cause problems.

LICKED: Behold my TOAD-PROOF ERECTION, boasts Aussie boffin

Bunny bunny , bunny

First thing I thought of.

Anthem, America's second biggest health insurer, HACKED: Millions hit by breach

Blame Game

I see a Senator is busy trying to use this to beef up snooping.

Yet it's not the Russkies or Norks or Chinese that ought to be brought to book but the company itself.

It seems to say 'never mind all your personal info was pinched, it didn'tget the card details'.

How wonderful is that? with the personal details the crooks can get as many cards as they like. But as it won't affect the company, a large fuck they could not give.

Oi, Senator Spongebrain -- it's your mates who need a good kicking, not the public!

Silicene takes on graphene as next transistor wonder-stuff

They got bored and started playing football -- isn't that what most tiny bots end up doing?

Toshiba packs NUMERIC KEYPAD onto self-bricking USB drive

"And even at $95, what price freedom? "

I would assume that, due to there being plenty of spare space on the other side to the keyboard, a bit of masking tape with the number written on it.

after all, the underside of keyboards is where yer supposed to keep log-ins and PINs, isn't it?

IBM chasing ex-staffers for $20 payments

Re: And then demand arbitration.

"Don't mind me, I'm just a Creatively Vindictive Bastard."

Quite, how much can they be made to spend to get thier money they say they are owed?

But how much bonus will some dickhead get for thinking up such a money-losing idea in the first place. and will they ever get back the cost of setting up this scheme --or is it one that has been designed to be written off against tax?

Forget Norks, Russian hackers are in Sony Pictures' servers – claim

Blame Game

T'was the Norks!

Nay, t'was the Russkies!

Bollocks - it was SONY leaving stable doors open.

This idea of pointing the finger at those who went in to Sony is shite. Sony created the problem - and, considering its model is now based on getting subs on servers they ought to be well and truly spanked.

But, it's far, far eaiser to point to the playground and say 'Big boys came and took my pocket money'.

Hey kids! If you vote Facebook will give you EXTRA LIKES*

How does it know?

"Every person eligible to vote on Facebook in the UK will see a message in their newsfeed directing them to register online via the Gov.uk site."

This should be interesting. I don't have an age or location set in FB, my email addy doesn't have .uk in it and, currently, the IP address that has been served up for me seems to locate to Ireland.

Dating site PAYS cracker for stealing creds

Re: Moving ever on and upward rapidly .......

I wish to find the local burglar who broke into next door's place and thank him for not breaking in to mine with a small financial consideration.

Should he break in anywhere else I'd also like to pay him again for not coming near me.

Target carders turn their attention to parking lots

Re: Ah Dave again.

"So you found the malware and removed it."

As in "Found that the front door had been opened by someone pulling the key on the string through the letterbox and broke the string. We have replaced the string. "

Re: "We already took action on this, and we are totally on it,"

"For some value of "already"."

Cynical git.

If 'action' meant the usual first call - not to the lawyers but the beancounters.

"Will this cost us or can we blame it on 'Mooslim Hackerz'?"

Look out - it's a Goober! Google's über-Uber robo apptaxi ploy

Not quite sure . . .

. . . how I can fit my druk kit in a bloody Noddy car.

Mad Frankie Maude hangs up his axe

Re: The golden rule

"his young, naive but eager advisors"

puppies that pee and poo on the floor with excitement but never notice the mess they make.

Re: JFDI

When others asking question is so fucking inconvenient.

#VultureTRENDING: YESS! It's Pantsr, the Sharing Economy super app that delivers on the BOTTOM line

Don't they teach the nuffink these days?

" dropping out of Eton to do so with - initially - just twelve million pounds in seed money raised from his family."

Shirley, at Eton they would have made him aware that with just a tiny bit of fairytaile tech-bullshit he could have got a matching amount from HM.Gov ?

24 mil would help enormously with stabling the polo ponies (de rigeur lifesyle app).

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: Sizzling sag aloo

Re: Aloo is "classic" Indian food? Really?

"When exactly did spuds get to India?"

How about 'any old root veg/tuber sort of thing like wot is handy locally?'

It's not as if yer local Indian/Chinese/Thia/Korean etc etc. place isn't also using local-ish products to substitute for the 'real' item.

Snapchat jihadist-fearing peers return with LAST GASP Snoopers' Charter demand

Re: It's all fine

Irony is not just something to flatten creases on shirts

Synths of the father: Making some noise at NAMM 2015

But I'm skint!

Not having the space or funds for somemore wonderful noise makers I've been using VST's of Odyssey, Wasp, Prophet and a superb Mini-Moog amongst others.

Many VST's of the older synths include patchbays but it's not quite the same as physically messing about with leads.

Re: Electronic instruments

For a minute there I was thinking of a different Doctor and synths:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-H_o6ncUz3g

Wheeee! BT preps for FIVE HUNDRED MEGABIT broadband trial

Re: If....

If BT were allowed to use the ducts on MY side of the road I wouldn't need FTTC then O/H on copper.

Fair do's - we've had one way LLU - how about it?

Wham, bam... premium rate scam: Grindr users hit with fun-killing charges

The iOS version

Ah yes, the 'safe option', the fanbois mantra.

IAnything -- pwnd from the start

A docket, tweet and selfie can reveal your identity, boffins find

Re: Stop the "big data scare" sensationalism.

"But that is precisely the issue here, AC. The method as described in the report (not this article, description is pretty poor here) shows how using various "correctly" anonymised sources an actor can simply de-anonymise those anonymous behaviours."

Yup, despite me having three seperate 'identities' across the web it's no real big deal to dig in to FB data and find out who I really am (despite FB constantly asking for 'real' details).

A little bit of work should cross-reference posts and messages, digging in to other's accounts would fine-tune my data.

FB keeps asking for my mobile number - despite me putting it in messages where 'my mobile no.' precedes it. A little bot/bit (?) of a tweak ought to have a box coming up with 'is this your mobile'.

I do use cash a lot of the time -- Only use 'loyalty' cards when using plastic, don't have a regular payment pattern -- like cash for up to an amount and card after.

Paying for fuel by cash saves so much farting about - just bung cash on the counter and go 'Thirty quid, pump seven' and bugger off.

(O.K. the 'pump security CCTV will register the number plate and time which will provide a link but not a card trail)

OH HAPPY DAY! Lawyers replaced by AI

AI far more effective . . .

. . . at finding ways of adding 'value' by firing off emails with 'read recipt' on them -- open it and you get charged, no need to read it.

We take bots down, but they get up again – you're never going to keep them down

Re: Mission Blindness Extraordinarily Renders the Enemy Without

The Davos mob have been too busy discussing how to deal with Climate Change and if this is the last time they will get away with arriving using 1700 private planes.

They have minions to keep thier own Very Private Network up and running.

It'd be interesting to see thier downloads.

Mozilla dusts off old servers, lights up Tor relays

Ansible?

Oh great, now I feel really old.