Posts by Elmer Phud

Either my name, my password or my soul is invalid – but which?

Customer Delight Providers

The Seamstresses of the IT world.

Re: Hey Jude

Nothing to get hung about

I see you're trying to leak a file! US military seeks Clippy-like AI to stop future Snowdens

Everything is fine

If the usual due diligence is shown and thorough research done in to this issue, I fully expect 'top secret blah blah blah keep it under your hat. docx' to be transported and shared as 'Little Sam's Birthday List.docx'

Intel, Microsoft, Adobe release a swarm of bug fixes to ruin your week

Re: One. Hundred. Fifty. flaws?

Album on release soon?

Vodafone emits new wearable ... kid-trackers

Are kids that stuipid?

Kids will swap devices, find ways of signal-blocking (like taking it off) etc.

Parents forget they were kids once.

Companies never forget there are mugs.

GitHub given Windows 9x's awesome and so very modern look

sniff . . .

I'm getting all teary and emotional.

I'm off to moricons.dll and replace all my shortcuts with DOS icons.

Sysadmin cracked military PC’s security by reading the manual

Compaq 'security'?

Back in the days of Compaq they used to have the facility for a power-on password.

They were also very nice in having little diagrams on the inside of the cover to show where the DIP switches and other bits were.

One day my manager was doing the usual box-ticking on security and asked if I'd got a power-on password.

"Oh, yes" says I, "It's there" -- pointing to a small chip embedded in blue-tac on top of the monitor.

'WTF???'.

"You asked for it, it's there in that chip. That chip that when removed allows anyone access."

'Fair enough, well done, you have a power-up password', ticks box.

One of those rare managers who understood what I was saying.

They grow up so fast: Spam magnet Hotmail turned 22 today

Lurking around?

Oh no.

It's where I have accounts to register to things like FaceAche and the like.

And the occasional sock-puppet to wave at Yaxley-fans.

London's top cop isn't expecting facial recog tech to result in 'lots of arrests'

Or . .

"As a result of this system we have managed to reduce the head count dramatically - well, someone had to pay for it and I need a new car so . . ."

Smash-hit game Fortnite is dangerous... for cheaters: Tools found laced with malware

This makes me feel old.

Like when my 6 yr old daughter pointed out to me that someone in Habbo Hotel was asking her to 'download a cool game'.

My two girls were well taught how to spot 'freebies' and 'kewl cheatz' before they were 10.

and it sure ain't just a few 'kids' going for the 'cheats' . . .

Re: Can't feel too upset about this

"I think it's just another symptom of a world where no one wants to work for reward but expects instant gratification no matter how it's achieved."

Hmm, a phrase that hasn't changed much for thousands of years is unlikely to be another 'symptom' of modern living, is it?

EU summons a CYBER FORCE into existence

Re: international cyber-force

I take it you noticed a vast lack of 'GB' in the list?

I wonder why?

We'd demand a top seat and refuse to pay 'until the Brexit thing has settled'

Creep travels half the world to harass online teen gamer… and gets shot by her mom – cops

Re: Psycho creeps will always be with us.

Shooting people in the UK is actually seen as a serious matter.

Or were you not aware of that?

Re: Psycho creeps will always be with us.

arrested?

well, yeah. -- every occurrence of gun use is investigated as we do not have a habit of gun ownership.

And I don't think you understand the chain of detention rules, either.

Re: Now he can get a tattoo, "Shot by the Mom!"

Now, I know that there are some superb rapid-fire guns for use on ships and the like but not sure that there is one made for the lumber market.

Re: Isn't he supposed to be ...

"but they'd probably have hit him with trrrrrsm charges2

Nah he's white.

White people are 'freedom fighters' (not career criminals with a life based on fraud)

German researchers defeat printers' doc-tracking dots

Re: GDPR?

nah, this comes under 'security' so is untouchable

US gov quizzes AI experts about when the machines will take over

"China has pledged a whopping $7bn to R&D through to 2030, the European Union has promised $24bn by 2020, and the US only spent a measly $600m in 2016."

I am awaiting a Tweet by a certain person about being a 'world' leader', but becoming a 'world leader' in isolation techniques will leave the US in the backwaters, the Florida swamps

Wires, chips, and LEDs: US trade bigwigs detail Chinese kit that's going to cost a lot more

Tiny hands find huge feet to shoot.

New York State is trying to ban 'deepfakes' and Hollywood isn't happy

Re: It's come on

I sure beats 16 colour Gifs, but then that's all we had back then.

If the corporates find themselves faced with a more productive DIY industry that has taken to their bedrooms and are making pretty decent clips, will we now see something as silly as 'home taping is killing music'?

RoboCop-ter: Boffins build drone to pinpoint brutal thugs in crowds

So . . .

. . . why not start a mock disturbance elsewhere to keep the drone busy sending heavies over while you . . .

UK Foreign Sec BoJo asks tech firms to save endangered species

""I've just come back from the Amazon, one of Earth's natural wonders,"

And you want a fucking plane of your own to screw over 'Earth's natural wonders'!

'Tesco probably knows more about me than GCHQ': Infosec boffins on surveillance capitalism

Poles apart

Round here Tesco does Polish stuff but there are also several Polish shops that give far better service.

Demographics have always been collected by Tesco, as the local Jewish population got older and moved out (or up) there was an influx of Asian families and Tesco suddenly had decent rice at a decent price. For a while, though, if you wanted Scotch Bonnet chillies you'd have to go either west to Tesco Neasden or east to Tesco Tottenham.

Facebook finally fully embraces GDPR – Generally Derailing Pages Recklessly

Nothing new

Anyone running 'Social Fixer' to wrest control of Facebook will be well aware of almost constant code changes.

Just as you've wrestled FaceAche in to submission and hidden or stopped allthe annoying shit they change a bit of code and half your filters don't work as they ought to.

Britain mulls 'complete shutdown' of 4G net for emergency services

"When fully operational, ESN is expected to cost £800 per device per year,"

Oh, that 's that then. Buggered.

Beardy Branson: Wacky hyperloop tube maglev cheaper than railways

Money is NO object.

No doubt he wil use other people's money (ours) , demand more then bugger off just as everything goes iffy.

Virgin on the silly.

Church of England will commune with God for you via Amazon's Echo

Oh great

You give them access to your media library and religion -

Alexa, are you the Messiah

"Of course she is, I should know I've followed enough"

Though

"yes, now fuck off" would be preferable.

London's Met Police: We won't use facial recognition at Notting Hill Carnival

In the old days

They used to have loads of cops with SLR and video cameras on the Westway -but then there were even enough cops for local foot patrols.

Will they now be reduced to having to take thousands of selfies with obvious perps and ne-er do wells?

About to install the Windows 10 April 2018 Update? You might want to wait a little bit longer

Re: Seriously

I'm having to deal with constant calls from one mate about Kaspersky being far too intrusive.

Of course, when advised by Kaspersky, he does what Kaspersky asks -- and I have to sort out the resultant mess or lack of access.

'Just don't pay for another year - the reason you get funny emails is that you go on funny sites'. but the bugger still clicked.

Malwarebytes and Defender seem to work well together, I had enough of Avast chewing up resources.

Bless, your halo is in the post.

mere mortals can't be arsed to faff around with various penguin breeds.

Was that a Dell issue then and NOT W10?

If anything it's now easier to slurp audio with Audacity.

Was a bit of a faff before but there's loads of advice on how simple it is to set up Audacity to do this.'

'What U Hear' went ages ago, now you need to do a little bit more.

So far . . .

. . . I've not had any issues with W10 and AV's, unlike a few folks I know.

But then, I'm only running Defender and don't have other AV progs desperate to keep control at ANY cost.

10 social networks ignored UK government consultations

So, everyone else has to tighten up . . .

but Leveson is taken down a dark alley and shot.

There will be blood: BT to axe 13,000 employees

Re: No people skills whatsovever

It's been over 10 years since I took the money and legged it.

ten years before that the top levels were saying EXACTLY the same shite

SNAFU

Re: 106,000??

There used to be about 30 people on the phones to answer calls to the Big Ban's office.

But some in London must be like me - constantly shoved from one building to the next as inter departmental wars were fought for budgets and control of tech.

I ended up being told I was now a Broadband Helldesk bod --which, at the time meant fielding calls from irate customers of OTHER providers who had found a 'modem' in a box of cornflakes (standard issue, cheap and shite while the Tadpole just worked).

The job was dealing with other companies not even looking at work and marking them 'BT Fault' then dumping them in in our work queues.

Oh Talk_talk you may have changed your name but NEVER your practices and as for Virigin --- standard Branson promises of Unicorn poo that was never delivered.

At least I had several years of working in some of the best touristy bits of London.

LESTER looks up, spins its wheels: The Register’s beer-butler can see ...

Collision waver

"The next step will be to add proximity detection to stop LESTER from enthusiastically ramming the PFY "

But leaving it as an option.

Sometimes they need a nudge or two.

GoDaddy exiles altright.com after civil rights group complaint

and where did the biffers go?

(biffers - if they can't learn the English language I ain't gonna capitalise)

biffers now are residing on a server stuff with other far-right exiles.

Best of all, for all the 'give England back' and all that bollocks, the server is on a British Protectorate haven.

Bless, they really keep 'em coming, the dears.

Can't wait for Screechy and Porky to get out, brave ikkle soldiers, that they are, I've not had as god laugh for a while -- and my cat is being groomed to be Muslim, too!

Microsoft's latest Windows 10 update downs Chrome, Cortana

I don't mind about Coratana . . .

. . . but now I have to find a replacement Freecell.

Bastards have really gone OTT with the 'pay us to remove annoying shit'.

Others may not look so good but I can ignore the adverts.

The steaks have never been higher: Swiss Lidl is selling local cannabis

Every Lidl helps

(as title)

And some . . .

Some like a little doobie, a mini-buzzer, a small hit rather than a big fat bifter.

why?

Because they like to function AND get stoned rather than vegetate on Netflix. Save the heavy eyelids for later on in the day.

Some have been doing this for a very long time - over twice that 25 years.

"When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro"

Press F to pay respects to the Windows 10 April Update casualties

Could this mean the end of . . .

The printer help files?

Every time I used to use them they'd circle back and a loop of unhelpful and rapidly awfully familiar pages would appear.

I guess I does teach one to play with the kit out of desperation but . . .

Re: "Upgrading users should be able to ignore the viewer as before."

Well done., love.

I knew one would be along eventually, bless.

Shocker: Cambridge Analytica scandal touch-paper Aleksandr Kogan tapped Twitter data too

And people are surprised?

And they STILL wave their Clubcards at tills

Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie, oi oi oi! Tech zillionaire Ray's backdoor crypto for the Feds is Clipper chip v2

New phone please

"It also calls for a security chip that effectively bricks the device when activated by law enforcement,"

Yes, please - total burn-out, that'll stop the buggers from prying.

Oh, whatever happened to 'Framework'.?

The pre-windows Office.

Openreach and BT better watch out for... CityFibre after surprise £537m takeover deal

Again?

"it also raises the possibility of over-build issues. Providers could end up targeting the same lucrative areas "

Ah, like the huge cock-up with cable TV.

I can get several cable firms but no BT fibre on my side of the street -- FTTP -pole not premises.

Brit MPs brand Facebook a 'great vampire squid' out for cash

How very dare they!

I thought that spunking data to the world at large was an HM.Gov thing.

Leaky core systems, laptops, gobby MP's etc.

Or is it that HM.Gov is really pissed off that they haven't made nearly as much out of it as FB?

Chinese boffins on 3D XPoint: If it works like phase-change memory, it's probably phase-change memory

Someone had ducked-up

'Your computer has a virus' cold call con artists on the rise – Microsoft

Like an old friend?

Last one I had seemed surprised that I wasn't sure which computer was affected due to me running a network at home.

Eventually I asked if he could tell me which version of Windows it was as there were different versions on different machines.

He went for the only one not running - Windows 7.

I even had one with Vista up -- and that's supposed to have more holes than cartoon cheese!

I let him down gently, even the 'I know your'e a fucking scam artist' bit.