Posts by kaiserb_uk

Nokia 8: As pure as the driven Android - it's a classy return

Just a minor correction - you can in fact change the bokeh on photos after the fact. It did take me a while to figure out how though...

Come in Internet Explorers, your time is up. Or not. Up to you

I wouldn't mind but...

190 machines needed the update, pushed it out via WSUS, and 70-odd have failed with a 9C47 error (easy enough to fix, just download and reinstall KB2729044, it'll say it's already installed but then IE11 will magically work). Super. head/desk

Power, internet access knackered in London after exploding kit burps fire into capital's streets

Verizon MPLS

Verizon MPLS connections affected, we've lost two sites in Luton and Portsmouth...

Ubisoft to turn games into movies, TV shows

Interactivity?

I might be wrong, but I think that maybe the plots of even the best games are not really strong enough to support a non-interactive experience like a movie. In a game they work just fine, even admirably, because you are so much more engaged with the whole thing. But just sitting there watching, and Resident Evil becomes 'Mila Jovavitch kicking things in the head' (which I'll pay for, but should probably be in some sort of speciality section).

Fukushima update: No chance cooling fuel can breach vessels

You want balance?

How about C4's Jon Snow? He tweeted "Cannot imagine a free population ever permitting another nuclear power plant built in our time fukishimas legacy to humanity...objectivity?"

Objectivity? Apparently not Jon.

Airport scanner staff object to vetting

My human right to fly...

Ah yes, the 'my right to not get blown up' defence, as used by Geoff Hoon on QT to explain why 42 day detention without charge was a good idea.

US Navy boffins put an end to drought

Do you realise what this means?

"We'll have as much salt as we could ever need!"

/top secret

VTOL hovership in semi-successful X-Prize attempt

NASA countdowns...

...should be like that.

"We are firing in five, four, three, two, one...

...

...what?

(going now)

oh...okay, five..."

*whoosh!*

Morrissey tells netdepressives to boycott his re-releases

Piracy hurts artists...

my arse.

If Mozza doesn't get royalties from the Majors, then when does he get them? I was happy in the haze of the RIAA trial, but heaven knows I'm miserable now...

Watchdog bites Mattesons saucy sausage ad

Far worse (better)

The 'Janet and John' stories on Wogan?

Anyone remember the 'Fat Harry White' sketch from Mark and Lard?

This country is built on innuendo and smutty subtext goddammit, I can't imagine who they're going to pull off next.

Labour flames whistleblowers in email smear brouhaha

Source

Originally, in the immediate aftermath of Guido and Draper's confrontation on the Daily Politics show, Guido and then Iain Dale lodged Freedom of Information requests.

Whether or not these were the source of the emails I've not seen confirmed.

@AC - "I'd be even more angry if they were leaked to someone who had an axe to grind and intended to use them to get me sacked, even though I'd deleted them months ago"

Sending the emails was a breach of the civil service code, under which McPoison was employed. In any corporate environment misuse of business systems carries severe penalties, so why shouldn't it here?

YouTube yanks music videos from German site

Pot, meet Kettle...

Pete Waterman is accusing *Google* of cheapening the importance of music?

Oh the irony.

Polish Spitfire shoots down BNP

Intentional?

Intentional or not (and I really suspect not) it makes them look very stupid and if anything should engender positive feelings towards the Polish who helped us defend our shores in the dark days of the BoB!

And here's the original image they nicked for their poster (makes a nice wallpaper):

http://www.skinbase.org/rate.php?skins=45665

Fraunhofer boffins: Laser printers safe after all

I thought

laser printers produce Ozone? Or am I wrong?

mmm....toast

Oz watchdogs howl over 'Cyber-Safety' net filter

No one tell...

Geoff bloody Hoon - me downloading porn is licence for terrorists to kill people after all....

Consider yourself Moderatrixed

Revenge

"It is an overwhelmingly male-dominated area, though. Do you not agree? Of course women go mad under the circumstances."

Consider it revenge on your entire gender for the constant attacks on male techie sanity* with such gems as "I didn't save it and it crashed, can you get it back?" and "So why did it do that then?".

*"military intelligence" style oximoron

El Reg decimates English language

Leverage...

IS NOT A VERB!!!

That is all.

Customers peel away from Orange broadband

distinguishing feature...

is that they're crap. As everyone else has already said - I've also tried helping several friends/colleagues who were unfortunate enough to fall for the 'free broadband' offer.

Sky Max FTW!

Hundreds of US fighter aces reassigned as drone pilots

Brilliant!

Those thousands of hours I spent playing flight sims haven't been wasted after all - a career in the military beckons!

What do you mean it pays less than IT?

Terry Pratchett has Alzheimer's

@AC

There's a time and a place for slating someone's work, and this isn't it.

Tit.

Another huge fan here, hoping he ain't dead for some considerable time yet.

Surge in encrypted torrents blindsides record biz

Traffic shaping

The levels of traffic shaping being applied by certain ISP's on so-called 'unlimited' services is another reason why people are turning on encryption in their torrent clients - we don't all want to download stuff at four in the morning.

So, what's the velocity of a sheep in a vacuum?

I think you'll find...

...that there's no such thing as 'Brontosaurus'. I heard it on QI, and wikipedia confirms it, so it must be true.

'Apatosaurus' would be the correct designation.

Teen sticks Xbox 360 power supply in bowl of water

Litigation

He should sue - I bet nowhere on the device does it say "do not submerge in water" (although it most certainly will after the case) - he should win millions. He may even force Microsoft to redesign the XBox and PSU to be fully waterproof, and damn right too. Won't somebody think of the children?

Pipex invites customer to get 'c**ted'

Irony?

What, like, full of iron?

Speedy evolution saves blue moon butterflies

Faith

Tony Blair didn't KNOW there were WMD's - he had 'faith'. He 'believed' he was doing the right thing. God bless america.

Re Danny

"A mutation is a copying error. Errors in a programing language lead to errors in the execution of the software. Some mutations are harmless, many are destructive or imparing. Very few are beneficial."

Now you're anthropomophising random mutations. Random mutations don't care what they are, and what they are is entirely dependent upon the conditions the organism encounters. Take sickle cell anemia - a debilitating and life-shortening condition in the developed world, but as it happens to inhibit malaria is actually an aid to survival in some parts of the world. A very intelligent design (not).

What's al-Qaeda's take on the iPhone?

Crowbar

Even managed to get a 'sony-incendiary-battery' gag in there. Loving your work!

EC wants to suppress internet bomb-making guides

80's TV

All archived copuies of A-Team and McGuiver (sp?) episodes need to be destroyed forthwith.

And does anyone see the inherent conflict in a department for Freedom, Security and Justice? Unless it's meant in the same way as "Ministry of Truth".

'al-Qaeda' puts on big shoes, red nose, takes custard pie

Fuel Air bomb...

I was within a mile of an effective fuel-air bomb when Buncefield went up...rattled a few tiles that one did.

I reckon ITV news must win - hands down - the "potential mass-murder" prize for overstatement.

MS polishes UK dialect dictionaries

Old chestnut

http://www.mundayweb.com/jokes/windaz.php

Two cuffed for harassing Dave the dolphin

Possible irony?

Because of course you'd expect the residents of Kent to know the difference between common and bottle-nosed varieties?

So what's in a URL? The Reg URL?

.co.uk

.com means american, or at least it does to me. Stick with the uk url please.

Police raid ends allofmp3.com vouchers

Semantics

"an illegal service that rips off artists."

...as opposed to legitimate services like iTunes which rip off artists.

But then this has nothing to do with artists and everything to do with record labels desperate to claw back the huge advances paid to a minority of prima donna 'artistes'.

BMW helps nail 105mph V-sign biker

Re: Biker's view

I live 2 miles away from this very camera. They [there's actually two in quick succession) are on a very straight, wide bit of the A505, but right where minor country lanes cross. Visibility pulling out of these side roads isn't up to much, but you can see far enough that someone doing 50 is far enough away for you to either pull out and get out of their way, or stop. A pillock doing more than twice that will end up in the side of my car while some egit chants "now you see him, NOW you see him" like it's my fault.

House-trash party girl blames 'hackers'

"Internet Menace"

This was being discussed on Jeremy Vine this lunchtime - specifically the role of "the internet" [Jeremy Vine is clearly a luddite, much like the rest of the Beeb]. As was pointed out by several callers, gatecrashing (especially of teen parties) is nothing new - word-of-mouth just means a bit more these days. Anyone stupid/naive enough to post a party invite ON A BLEEDING PUBLIC WEBSITE needs their head examining. If she'd posted flyers all over town would Jeremy Vine be wittering about "the role of paper in today's society"? Gah.

419ers take Kent minister for £12k

Gullible...

...but then he believes in God so perhaps that goes without saying?