Posts by TEQ

Microsoft rushes out latest Windows 10 build. 300 fixes? Pff, whatever

Re: Old is new

Just goes to show, you actually can polish a turd. Shiny shit is still shit, though.

Peak Apple: Cupertino belatedly spends some money on R&D

Re: Peak Apple?

Well they've been selling horse-apples for years...

Movie, TV ads annoying? You ain't seen nothin' yet

Bill Hicks had it right.

By the way if anyone here is in advertising or marketing… kill yourself.

No, no, no it’s just a little thought. I’m just trying to plant seeds. Maybe one day, they’ll take root – I don’t know. You try, you do what you can. Kill yourself.

Seriously though, if you are, do.

Aaah, no really, there’s no rationalisation for what you do and you are Satan’s little helpers. Okay – kill yourself – seriously. You are the ruiner of all things good, seriously. No this is not a joke, you’re going, “there’s going to be a joke coming,” there’s no fucking joke coming. You are Satan’s spawn filling the world with bile and garbage. You are fucked and you are fucking us. Kill yourself. It’s the only way to save your fucking soul, kill yourself.

Planting seeds. I know all the marketing people are going, “he’s doing a joke…” there’s no joke here whatsoever. Suck a tail-pipe, fucking hang yourself, borrow a gun from a Yank friend – I don’t care how you do it. Rid the world of your evil fucking makinations. Machi… Whatever, you know what I mean.

I know what all the marketing people are thinking right now too, “Oh, you know what Bill’s doing, he’s going for that anti-marketing dollar. That’s a good market, he’s very smart.”

Oh man, I am not doing that. You fucking evil scumbags!

“Ooh, you know what Bill’s doing now, he’s going for the righteous indignation dollar. That’s a big dollar. A lot of people are feeling that indignation. We’ve done research – huge market. He’s doing a good thing.”

Godammit, I’m not doing that, you scum-bags! Quit putting a godamm dollar sign on every fucking thing on this planet!

“Ooh, the anger dollar. Huge. Huge in times of recession. Giant market, Bill’s very bright to do that.”

God, I’m just caught in a fucking web.

“Ooh the trapped dollar, big dollar, huge dollar. Good market – look at our research. We see that many people feel trapped. If we play to that and then separate them into the trapped dollar…”

How do you live like that? And I bet you sleep like fucking babies at night, don’t you?

“What didya do today honey?”

“Oh, we made ah, we made ah arsenic a childhood food now, goodnight. Yeah we just said you know is your baby really too loud? You know? Yeah, you know the mums will love it.”

Sleep like fucking children, don’t ya, this is your world isn’t it?

Review: HTC One

Are you seriously suggesting that the camera is better than the Nokia Pureview 808?

Here's the $4.99 utility that might just have saved Windows 8

Re: This continues to amuse

I think it's more accurate to call it self-abuse...

US woman cuffed for 'booking strippers for 16th birthday bash'

Re: But didn't you know?

War Against Norks and Knockers, surely?

John Sweeney: Why Church of Scientology's gravest threat is the 'net

Re: Sweeney

I had an emergent truth this morning, then I flushed - as should be done With Old Mother Hubbard's tedious nonsense.

Why do Smart TV UIs suck?

Don't get me started on Firmwares

I've got an older Panasonic 32" that has an annoying habit of not switching on intermittently. A problem that's apparently fixed with a firmware update. A firmware update that should automatically happen over DVB. Except Panasonic never seem to release their firmwares via DVB and require you to take your set to the local Panasonic centre where they relieve you of 90 quid to install it from card.

Foxconn churns out '150,000' iPhone 5s a day

Wouldn't you love to see the look on his face

if when he turned up to start his jeebusPhone vigil, there were others that had got there before him?

Internet, China and Russia destroying US, rock and roll

The music industry....

I hate that term. The creation of art that so touches and moves the human spirit should NEVER be an industry.

Seoul police crack down on Holy Water filter prof

where does this leave homoeopathy?

Same place it's always been. Up the brown smelly river not only without a rowing implement, but without a canoe either.

Microsoft, 'open' data, and the curse of open source

English Muthaf*cker!

"Do the rise of cloud computing and the outbreak of peace on open standards in the browser mean programmers will be forced to find new ways to make money online?"

It sure do!

DRAM patent holder sues Big Blue

@ Paul Smith re. Swine

It'd only be sad if the courtroom was only half-full.

Police told to use Wikipedia for court preparation

Chuck Norris drunk?

It can't be true! There's not enough alcohol in the known universe to get Chuck Norris Drunk!

Egyptian cuts off todger to spite his face dad

@Sarah

Some years back I cut off my dreads for a woman, and not too long ago my mohawk went the same way for similar reasons. It wasn't gone for long though. :)

Microsoft knew about Xbox 360 disc-scratch problem, employee claims

55000 morons on the loose alert!

Someone please explain to me what kind of moron tilts their console about? Do these same people tip their dvd players up whilst they’re watching a film? Perhaps after loading the dishwasher, they lay it on its side? No? Well they should be told not to be so fucking stupid with their consoles then.

Thai court jails 'swirly-face' paedophile

@ Dick Osbaldeston

Obviously somebody cares, otherwise there wouldn't be a dialog going on between a few people - including yourself since you've decided to post your opinion about it. If you don't like the direction the comments are reading, might I suggest that you either go read something else, get over yourself, or - and this is my personal favourite suggestion for you, go and find someone to beat you with a clue-stick.

@ Jason Clery

Did the person who got knifed get knifed because someone takes drugs or because drugs are illegal and therefore expensive? And anyway, do you blame the addict? A victim (in your world anyway) of the person who got them addicted to the substance in the first place?

The parents blame the drugs for the death of their kid, but what if they found their kid dangling from a rope in the family home. Do they blame the rope? BAN ALL ROPES!

It must be nice to live in a world that's so black and white, cause and effect so easily linked and a scapegoat so readily available. When you get bored of living in your fantasy world, come try the real one.

Personally, I haven't touched drugs or alcohol in years and have no intention of doing so ever again, but I fully support the legalisation and proper distribution of narcotic substances if that's what people want. I also fully support a help workshop for people like yourself who appear to be suffering from a severe case of rectal/cranial interfacing.

Independent dubs El Reg lesbian

@ Speechless Sarah Bee

Now there's a first! :P

VXers slap copyright notices on malware

Errrrr

Doesn't malware 'freely distribute' itself as part of its job description?

US lag sues over prison crash diet

"then force feed the murdering git Big Macs till he explodes."

And finally, monsieur, a wafer-thin mint.

No.

Oh sir! It's only a tiny little thin one.

No. Fuck off - I'm full...

Oh sir... it's only wafer thin.

Look - I couldn't eat another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed. Bugger off.

Oh sir, just... just one...

Oh all right. Just one.

Just the one, sir... voila... bon appetit...

Governator outs Dubya's global-warming 'time bomb'

@Geoff Gale

I think having a breathable atmosphere should come pretty high on anyone's list of priorities - that is of course unless you're a complete fucking moron. What kind of small-minded provincial muppet buries his head in the sand over important issues like this?

I think you'll find, as you're choking to death, that having a negative balance in the whole financial fantasy game, or that there's a family of mexicans in the house next to you will seem like very trivial matters to get up tight about indeed.

Office 2007 fails OXML test

@ cor

Sadly a spell-checker wouldn't have helped as although looser is the wrong word, it's actually spelt correctly although I much prefer tighter word processors.

UK Office of Government Commerce cracks one off

Superb

Best laugh in ages.

BOFH: Lift laughs

Why would anyone consider that talentless little tickturd Gervais

Suitable for any role, even a cheese and tomato one.

Metal Storm reveals pocket bunker-buster test outcome

A round of applause to Dodge

I totally concur.

Phorm admits 'over zealous' editing of Wikipedia article

Anyone else consider that this is very probably exactly what they meant.

"These were quickly reinstated by Wikipedia’s editors. We will endeavour to make sure that this does not happen in the future."

Man cuffed for lamppost sex outrage

Well the headline is a slight variation on the norm....

Beause it's usually "Man cuffed to lamppost for sex outrage", normally after a particularly drunken stag-night.

Nokia unwraps bendy nanotech phone

@ Rob Grant

Sitting on a phone that can change its shape might not be such a good idea. What if the nanotech decides to reshape to fit the available orifice. Now whilst some might find this to be a good, nay enjoyable experience........

BOFH: Insecurity complex

@ Chika

And the definition of an expert?

An ex is something that has been, and a spurt is a drip under pressure.

Warner Bros to remake Clash of the Titans

Personally I've always wanted to see this film with decent effects

The original was a case of excellent story, laughably shite special effects.

Bring it on I say

China condemns high-tech outsourcing

@ b Shubin

Don't have a problem with living in interesting times - it's dying in them that I'm not so enthusiastic about....

Panto star sacked for foul-mouthed outburst

@ Richard

Don't know about ChristX and Halloween/Guy Fawkes all merging into one big blur - It's the fact that they end up clearing the xmas decorations off the shelf to make way for the easter eggs that gets me. We haven't even got over celebrating Jeebus' birth before we're gearing up to celebrate nailing him up to a lump of wood!

Broadbandit nabbed in Wi-Fi bust

@ Adrian

Trespass is a civil, not criminal offence. You can't have someone arrested for trespass (unless it is aggravated trespass), neither can you impede their egress off the property. All you can do is ask them to leave/call the police who will ask them to leave.

Florida battles rats the size of cats

People are so quick to judge by appearances

Firstly, they look pretty cool. Secondly, they apparently make very good pets, and thirdly, well go read this article from 2004.

http://www.theage.com.au/articles/2004/05/18/1084783512636.html

BT, Sony to turn PSP into a phone

What a brilliant Idea!

Because I really want to advertise the fact I have something worth stealing to all the crackheads after a fix everytime I go to answer my phone.

Godless N Korean commies ate my monster rabbits

Monster Rabbits ate Godless N Korean Commies

That would solve the problem of what to feed the rabbits, but would leave a bunch of giant carnivorous german bunnies with their fingers, (paws), on the trigger.

Windows Vista marketing 'deceived' consumers

Last I looked, Microsoft doesn't market or sell PCs

So why should they be held responsible for the mis-marketing of various PC builders who are the real culprits here. Microsoft have been guilty of many things - this isn't one of them however so let's assign the blame to where it truly belongs.