Posts by Ketlan

Shock! Nork-grating flick The Interview WILL be in cinemas – Sony

Yawn...

I'm already bored with this film and I haven't even seen it.

IsoHunt releases roll-your-own Pirate Bay

Tor Bay anyone?

I wonder how difficult it would be to set this up for use only with Tor?

El Reg Redesign - leave your comment here.

Sadly, I had a whole lot of shit to say here but after reading God knows how many pages of pissed-off commentards putting in their bits, I can't be bothered. You want a death threat? Here you go. 'If you don't revert, I'll kill myself.' Fucking sad, isn't it. 'If you don't revert, I'll go elsewhere for my IT coverage', sounds a little better.

At the moment, I'm reading this site via the feed. Gawdelpus, I used to love reading it by any means possible.

'Come on, Ketlan poster, keep up.'

I don't see your point - unless it's just to be bloody patronising. Ketlan is actually my name, by the way.

'Anyway, my previous posts attempting to engage with readers have been downvoted so I guess everyone here doesn't want to hear what Reg staff have to say.'

Everyone here DOES want to hear what you have to say - the problem is WHAT you're saying. Try saying 'we're rolling back to the old look next week' and see how many upvotes that gets you.

Come on, Reg, wake up.

So is El Reg going to update us or what?

Hmmm...

'Maybe you could copy the design these guys use....'

What a great and efficient looking page. I wish the Register looked like that.

Three days later...

...and it's still here. Hideous crap.

Let's have a poll

Obviously many readers hate the change while some seem to embrace it. How about a poll that will show precisely what the balance is? At least that way, the site editors can act in the best interests of the readers AND El Reg.

Re: No. Just no....

'Design by the same team who did the new Guarinad site?'

Yep, looks like it and they both look like shit. I put this on the same level as the change in Office to that bloody awful ribbon - no-one likes it, it's crap to use and we're probably stuck with it no matter what we say.

Parliament face-sit-in to spark mass debate on UK's stiff smut stance

Hmm...

I can think of quite a few MPs I'd like to fist, though not in the way many of them would enjoy.

Allegedly.

Sacre block! French publishers to sue Adblock maker – report

Money speaks, as usual

'French publishers are reportedly planning to sue Eyeo, the makers of AdBlock Plus, over the upstart's practice of charging money to allow online adverts to pass through its filter software.'

I didn't know ABP did this and I have to say it surprises and saddens me that what I thought was a useful and clever utility is taking the money route. I want an ad-blocker to block ads, especially from multinational advertisers who can afford to throw money around with abandon (Google, for instance). An ad-blocker that doesn't block all ads is something else entirely.

RIP Ralph Baer: Father of the games console dies aged 92

Historically significant

As someone who lived through every one of Ralph Baer's historically significant games, I can only say thank you for getting me in at the start of the techno revolution. Cheers, Mr Baer.

Brit smut slingers shafted by UK censors' stiff new stance

Gissa job

I want a job at the British Board of Film Classification. It's not fair that they can watch all this stuff but I can't.

ESA finds FOURTH comet touchdown for Philae lander

'ESA finds FOURTH comet touchdown for Philae lander'

Is Philae made of rubber or what?

Ten excellent FREE PC apps to brighten your Windows

Re: VLC

'Why does everyone love VLC so much,'

Thank God someone has had the balls to say that at last. Hate VLC, love MPC via the K-Lite Codec Pack.

Androids in celluloid – which machine deserves the ULTIMATE MOVIE ROBOT title?

Hooray for Marvin...

Great to see Marvin way out in the lead. I'm sure that would make him very happy. Or maybe not...

BIG FAT Lies: Porky Pies about obesity

Good stuff.

Bloody hell, a Worstall article I actually agree with, apart from the weak dig at Ed the Millipede, which at least was mildly amusing.

All aboard the Poo Bus! Ding ding, route Number Two departing

'The Bio-Bus will be powered by people living in the area "including quite possibly those on the bus itself," said Mohammed Saddiq, GENeco general manager.'

Seriously? So if the bus stops, the passengers might be asked to provide the fuel? Fuck me, I knew local transport was shit but...'

Forget the climate: Fatties are a much bigger problem - study

I'm three terrorists at least!

'If you're a fatty AND a smoker, you're almost as bad as TWO terrorists'

I'm a fatty and I both smoke and drink. What a bastard!

Useless 'computer engineer' Barbie fired in three-way fsck row

Pink crapfest

'...a bespectacled Barbie – pink frames, of course...backed up her work on a pink, heart-shaped USB drive she wears as a necklace...wiping out Skipper's homework. Skipper is so annoyed she starts a pillow fight with her sister.'

Dear God, is it 1960 again?

Hunt for Higgs Boson and dark matter now starts ON YOUR SOFA

Wow!

I'm sure I won't understand a word of it but kudos to CERN for releasing the data and the tools to (hopefully) make sense of it all.

The IT Crowd's internet in a box gets $240k of crowdcash for a cause

IT Crowd

Wow, the IT Crowd is suddenly getting a lot of mentions at the Reg. Good stuff.

Countdown contestant pays homage to IT Crowd's Moss

Re: Excellent

'Don't think I've ever seen the subject of a el Reg article down here with us commentards before!'

Nor me. Definitely worth an upvote. :)

Collins' definition - sort of

http://www.collinsdictionary.com/submission/4616/tnetennba

Excellent

'♫ 0118 999 88199 9119 725... 3'

Bugger. I've got that bloody tune stuck in my head now!

Kudos to Danny Davies. :)

Space Commanders rebel as Elite:Dangerous kills offline mode

I want it

'Frontier says the game is still on track for a December 16 release. For those who still want it.'

Count me in. An updated Elite sounds great, offline or not.

Free antivirus software, expires, stops updating and p0wns the world

Re: Bloody rubbish

McAfee, of course. Bravo.

Bloody rubbish

'Two unnamed vendors were behind 87.9 percent of expired anti-virus subscriptions, largely because the software was foisted on users as bloatware on new machines.'

Do I hear the name 'Norton'? Who's the other one?

Post-pub nosh neckfiller: The MIGHTY Scotch egg

Yum yum

Sainsbury's own Scotch egg. Breakfast, lunch, dinner or supper of champions.

UK PM Cameron says Internet must not 'be an ungoverned space'

Cameron talking crap again

For god's sake, Cameron, keep away from the internet. It's already clogged up with advertising - we don't want you and all the other control freaks regulating the shit out of it too.

My HOUSE used to be a PUB: How to save the UK high street

Flog 'em all

Perhaps a better solution would be to force the owners of empty houses either to let them out to tenants or to sell them to people who need them. There are an estimated 845,000 houses sitting around empty (last year). More info here:

http://www.emptyhomes.com/statistics-2/empty-homes-statistice-201112/

Planning conundrum

'In other words, abolish much of the planning permission system and allow people to convert, either way as they see fit'

Absolutely not. Most planning law is there to protect towns and villages from the ravages of property developers who, were it not for those laws, would be building eyesores all over the damn place.As a former councillor and chair of planning committee, I agree that planning laws need to be changed as society changes - they need to be flexible but they will still be needed to protect the urban landscape from stupidity and greed.

As far as housing is concerned, many local authorities already allow shops to let out upper floors but obviously only if there is a separate entrance from that of the shop itself. A few local authorities even go as far as cutting business rates for the shop owner if they let to tenants. One of the biggest problems with flats above shops is what to do with the tenants if a shop closes or changes hands. You can't just tell the tenant they have to move out because tenants have legal protections - or would you propose removing those, too?

Amazon: Put our ALWAYS ON MICROPHONE in your house, please. WHAT?

Re: Lunacy

'You wait until Apple bring out a version - that'll sell like hot cakes.'

Gawdelpus, you're probably right.

Re: Lunacy

'As for why, everything is about the cloud in today's ever connected world, get with the program?!?'

I refuse to get with any program connected with 'the cloud'. As far as I can see, it's an unreliable (in the sense of overlooked by someone possibly far removed from the point of origin) storage medium, a thousand times less reliable than the hard drive (and back-up drive) next to you. The reason the cloud is being pushed as worthwhile/desirable is because most companies will require a large back-up space that is rented, not bought outright. More dosh for the cloud storage providers and less security/higher costs for the suc--consumers.

Lunacy

'...the device is constantly connected to the internet and constantly monitoring what you are saying [while] each Echo is "connected to the cloud so it's always getting smarter"'

Who the hell is going to buy this intrusive rubbish and, more to the point, why?

Million Mask March: Anonymous' London Guy Fawkes protest a damp squib

Hackery

'Most of the crowd seemed to be the usual rent-a-mob of left-wing sympathisers.'

So, no bias there then.

Russians hear Tim Cook is gay, pull dead Steve Jobs' enormous erection

Re: Someday

Fuck me, I so agree with this.

That 'tech-free' Nophone? It was already out years ago

Re: Why would anyone want one or invest in such a thing?

'Baffled'

You're not the only one.

Indian DEITY reveals Internet of Things policy

Deities 'r us

Damn, I was expecting to read that Ganesh had manifested to pontificate on the IoT.

Apple to PROTECT YOU from dreaded TROUSER EXPLOSIONS

Halogen, really?

"As well as being a way to greet women called Genevieve, halogen is considered to be an industrial pollutant."

Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear...

'GCHQ's surveillance data gulp is BULKY and WARRANTLESS', human rights groups moan

Say nothing...

"A GCHQ spokesperson told The Register: "We do not comment on ongoing legal proceedings.""

I'll bet.

Facebook shares flutter as firm reports user growth slowing

Hate Zuckerberg

"Facebook shares flutter as firm reports user growth slowing"

Good. And it's about fucking time.

Rise of the machines: Silicon Valley hardware store to deploy ROBOTS for customer service

I foresee trouble

This is all very well, and bound to happen, but there is nothing in place to support those who lose their jobs thanks to these kinds of innovations. Remember all the talk of extended leisure time during the early days of the computer revolution? Nothing has changed to accommodate the needs of those placed on forced leisure due to AI and robotic advances. I'm no Luddite but I see trouble ahead if we don't seriously consider ALL aspects of these changes.

'MYSTERIOUS PYRAMID STRUCTURE' found on COMET beyond Mars: Landing planned

What?

Sorry, but how the fuck is that pyramid-shaped???

One million people have bonked on London public transport

Bonkers

I bonked on London Transport and British Rail many times with various partners when I was considerably younger, long before Oyster Cards and mobile phones existed. Though we called it a bunk-up in those days. Close, I guess.

George Clooney, WikiLeaks' lawyer wife hand out burner phones to wedding guests

Gawd

Yawn, sorry...

Virgin Media blocks 'wankers' from permissible passwords

Oo-er missus...

I wonder if Scunthorpe is acceptable as a password.

You, El Reg and a doctor walk into a Monopoly Pubcrawl chinwag

So, a jew, a muslim and a giraffe entered a pub...

"You, El Reg and a doctor walk into a Monopoly Pubcrawl chinwag"

I'm Jewish. Can I be included in this joke.

Reg man looks through a Glass, darkly: Google's toy ploy or killer tech specs?

Non-optional spannerisation...

"Put the shades on and you'll look less of a spanner"

Nah, sorry. You'll still look like a complete spanner.

The Register to boldly go where no Vulture has gone before: The Weekend

Loadsa pussies

'On the internet there are certain things you can be pretty sure of. Nubile young women lusting after you probably aren't (any of those things); free stuff almost certainly isn't free, and may not even be stuff...'

I'm surprised you didn't mention cats.

Splendid news, chaps.