Posts by Dave Ross

BOFH: You brought nothing to the party but a six-pack of regret

Re: Just the morale boost I needed

I can think of quite a few members of the current cabinet who would be more usefully employed in that sector of the motor industry...

Move along, nothing to see here: Auditors say £100k grant to Hacker House was 'appropriate'

Appropriate...

If your government is a gang of crooks I guess!

BOFH: We must... have... beer! Only... cure... for... electromagnetic fields

I met one of these random nutters years ago while visiting a local museum.

He was absolutely certain that the CRTs the museum was using to display information had a very powerful field and he could feel it!

I must have wasted 20 minutes of my life trying to explain how little they output to him and in the end gave up.

Just before I walked away, shaking my head, I suggested he never go outside again due to the colossal amounts of radiation beaming down from the orange light in the sky...

BOFH: Oh, go on, let's flush all that legacy tech down the toilet

Man that really went...

Down the pan...

BOFH: State of a job, eh? Roll the Endless Requests for Further Information protocol

Re: Sssshhhhhhh!

You wait?

BOFH: Give me a lever long enough and a fool, I mean a fulcrum and ....

Re: I like the new boss

I hear that concrete suit linings are very "in" this season...

F-35 'incomparable' to Harrier jump jet, top test pilot tells El Reg

All this...

while asphyxiating it's pilot too!

Donald, YOU'RE FIRED: Rogue Twitter worker quits, deletes President Trump's account

That Twitter employee is a real American hero!

Chipzilla drops dinkier Optane SSD, but don't expect it in data centres

Thats if Star Citizen ever gets released...

BOFH: We're only here because they said there would be biscuits

Re: Episode 2?

or Lisa Simpson giving head...

F-35 firmware patches to be rolled out 'like iPhone updates'

I see you are trying to breath...

would you like some oxygen? Well, tough!

VW engineer sent to the clink for three years for emissions-busting code

Re: Did He Have An Option ???

You will be looking for a new job with the terrible reference from your previous employer hanging over you, good luck with that.

May the excessive force be with you: Chap cuffed after Star Trek v Star Wars row turns bloody

pointless argument

When we all know that Zardoz is teh greatest! :p

Trump's CNN tantrum could delay $85bn AT&T-Time Warner merger

that time of year

It's beginning to look a lot like...

media censorship

Four Brits cuffed in multimillion-quid Windows tech support call scam probe

Re: Never could happen!

Cruel and unusual punishment is what we all got once Trump got in...

Pioneer Kodi plug-in unplugs

Re: Non issue

And then again for another 15 ad nauseum

A-dough-be: Photoshop flinger pumps profits 50 per cent

Given a capative market..

It's hardly surprising.

You make stuff on computers creatively, there is little option but to go Adobe, after all, whats the point in using an alternative (as if there are any real alternatives) if once you have sent your files elsewhere they come back and say half of it doesn't work?

I will stick with CS6 as I can't afford the subscription fees, it does everything I want.

Ice to see you! Windows 10 fix for freezing PCs finally flung at folks

I couldn't even get the update to install, it got to 35% complete and the machine restarted each time I tried. Meh, at last I don't have problems with it freezing I guess...

Blighty will have a whopping 24 F-35B jets by 2023 – MoD minister

Of those 12..

How many will actually be able to get off the deck without suffocating the pilot or simply crashing?

Microsoft's cringey 'Hey bae <3' recruiter email translated by El Reg

Even if you already have!

UK.gov pays four fellows £35k to do nothing for three months

Re: Slightly different slant..

In the end, it wasn't the dust (tho it was pretty bad, and of course, flammable), it was the fire escapes which were probably more dangerous than the fire would have been had we had one.

A cracked window on the International Space Station? That's not good

Clearly...

...we need the crew of the Toy Box.

Microsoft did Nazi that coming: Teen girl chatbot turns into Hitler-loving sex troll in hours

So, she swears, is racist and loves Hitler, how long before Trump asks her to be his running mate?

Flying blind: F-35's radar software fails in the air

This truly gives the lie to the program I watched recently about the UK super aircraft carriers which praised the F-35 to the skies (somewhere it hasn't been very good at getting so far).

BOFH: How long does it take to complete Friday's lager-related tasks?

BOFH update...

looks like it's pint o'clock!

Doctor Who storms back in fine form with Season 9 opener The Magician's Apprentice

More ham...

than David Cameron!

Pluto revealed as KING of the Kuiper belt

Always was a planet, always will be.

UK.gov loses crucial battle in home-taping war with musicians

That would require the government to be at least superficially competent. HAH!!

$10,000 Ethernet cable promises BONKERS MP3 audio experience

Re: One born every minute

Surely without this amazing cable, some of the 0s might get stuck trying to get through, then the 1s would be backed up and who knows where that might lead!

BOFH: The current value of our IT ASSets? Minus eleventy-seven...

Re: You know inventory day is approaching ...

Minty horse, been shopping at Tesco then have we?

New iGasm: Apple to unveil not one but TWO iPhone 6 models on 9 Sept

I shall be trying not to break my jaw by yawning.

Russia sends SEX-CRAZED GECKOS to SPAAAAACE!

Given that they are geckos and they are in space having sex, you have to wonder how much control the Russians ever really had...

All those new '5G standards'? Here's the science they rely on

So, 4G is barely available outside major UK cities (and pretty scarce inside some of them) and we are already talking about 5G. Well, good luck on the rollout of that given how well the 4G rollout is going so far.

Giant pop can FOUND ON MOON

Pocari sweat, tastes as good as it sounds. :-(

Loads of mis-sold PPI, but WHO will claim? This man's paid to find out

Interestingly, my bank contacted me and asked if I wanted to make a claim. Somewhat a rhetorical question if you ask me, so several weeks later I got a nice fat deposit in my bank account :)

Space-walker nearly OPENED HELMET to avoid DROWNING

I want to see this as an option/scenario in KSP!

Google proposes eye-tracking ad-tracking

And there's the problem, we already have proof that "responsible government agency" is an oxymoron.

Google goes dark for 2 minutes, kills 40% of world's net traffic

Re: Upgrade Complete

swamp gas reflecting the light from venus...

Flash flaw potentially makes every webcam or laptop a peephole

Re: Wonder how

Be even safer, never turn your computer on!

So, who ought to be the next Doctor Who? It's up to YOU...

A Dalek, I wanna see a dalek as the Doktooorrrr!!

FBI says Apple ID heist claim is TOTALLY FALSE

Re: He said... / She said...

Oh but the 'juiciest' conclusion is so much more fun!

Hubble finds fifth moon orbiting Pluto

Always has been..

a planet, always will be.

Lesser-spotted Raspberry Pi FINALLY dished up

If you ask me...

It's all just Pi in the sky.

BOFH: Moon landings, Pong and the case of the smoking server

Didn't you know, conspiracy theorys are just a conspiracy theory!

The US government invented them purely to keep the nut jobs happy and to keep them from finding out that there really is nothing happening!

London Olympics shop in Union Jack outrage

Fail to see the problem..

..unless you also have a problem with the advertising that has been running for quite a while showing the flag in different shades of green...

BOFH: Pepper-packing bot plot

Ahhh.

DR and Quinch, love it :)

Half of UK road users support usage-based road charging

The problem..

is that the government would initially bring this in as a replacement for road tax (if we are lucky) but then a "reason" will be found to bring back road tax and at that point a lot of people will wish Guy Fawkes had succeeded...

Android on an iPhone? There's an app for that

interesting

I think I will be grabbing this as soon as a 3G version becomes available. Too often have I foloowed a tweeted link only to find that it is to something in flash and been unable to see what was interesting.

Tory 'Cash Gordon' campaign suffers Web2.0rhea bum rush

I am more than happy..

to sit back and watch the parties of liars rip each other to pieces.

(grabs popcorn)

Wooohoo, go for it guys, in the end we all loose anyway!

Is Mandy right to cut science funding?

Doesn't matter...

you are still voting for lizards.