Posts by Dr Patrick J R Harkin

NHS blames computer error for transplant fouls

So, a mismatch between two databases has caused problems

Now, if we only had a single national ID system...

Windows mobile Trojan poses as war game

Perhaps this technique could be used...

...to make FACT self-financing?

BOFH: The PFY Chronicles Part The Third

Can Simon also appear...

...as a ticking column of angry black smoke?

Patch Management: Should it even exist?

What I really want...

Is a patch system that patches blogs so they make sense.

Are you a 'supertasker'? Probably not

Allow me to be the first...

...to welcome the unmasking of our here-among-us-all-the-time supertasking overlords.

Tinfoil Condition Red! LHC 7 TeV mega-blasts today

Judging by the press...

...they should have called this the "Large Headline Collider". Why can't they just wait until after the experiment and tell us all about it in tomorrow's edition - if there is one.

N00b spooks to be pensioned off

Sho, Blofeld...

You expect me to increase page click-through by using attractive user-selectable cascading style sheets while maintaining accessability and reducing server load?

No, Mr Bond, I expect you to die!

Legless Lithuanian attacks copper with todger

Is this a new phrase for the dictionary?

Will "Bulgarian airbags" now be joined by "Lithuanian truncheon"?

Currys claims 3D TV 'first'

@Eku

I don't think the 100 quid glasses are "polarised" like the cinema glasses. They're active shutter glasses, which go opaque/clear in synchrony with the TV, which shows each eyes image alternately, unlike the cinema system where each image is show simultaneously. That's why you have to buy a transmitter as well as the glasses!

I was worried about conflicting standards for 3D TV

This is expensive kit and you don't want to be the early adopter who chooses unwisely...

But then I simply poked out one eye, and now it doesn't matter anymore.

Naomi Campbell bitchslaps NY limo driver

Any bets as to whether the next month will see...

1) Her driver buying a new car

2) Her driver buying a new house

3) Her driver hiring a hitman?

And I'm afraid Naomi is English, from London's fashionable St. Reatham's district.

Apple kicks out quack app, keeps boobs/farts

Hmmm...

Well, I suppose if it wobbles like a duck, and farts like a duck...

Secret documents: The Truth about MoD's UFO files

Soon the records will have vanished in the night...

...like an old oak table.

Sorry, couldn't work "Klaatu barada nikto" into it. (Apologies for the spelling, there's no glark accent on this keyboard)

Microsoft spits out 'browser choice' update to appease EC antitrust probe

As I drove into work this morning

my speedometer display read "You don't have to drive a Renault - other manufacturers are available."

Still not quite sure how you can use the concept of "commercial competiton" between products which are given away.

'Promiscuous slapper fruitfly sluts prevent mass extinctions'

Wow.

It's like the Big Brother house, only smaller.

Samsung promises Euro 3D TV release first

My TV is already 3D

Although the picture isn't.

Twitter phish pwned profiles push penis pills

Oh no! My Twitter account compromised!

How will I ev Oh look! A squirrel!

Feds open school spycam probe

@Wize Have they explained how...

Perhaps that's the point. Maybe he reported the laptop stolen, they turned on the camera and saw him in his own room.

Newspapers slam BBC iPhone app plans

Don't waste monry on this!

Bring back Dr Who!

Oh. They did.

BRING BACK BLAKE'S 7!

Doctor Who attempted to overthrow Thatcher

So they tried to get rid of Thatcher...

....and they got rid of Dr Who.

<Wemmbley-Hogg>Brilliant. Just brilliant.</Wemmbley-Hogg>

QLogic sues over video of chip frying egg

How long until...

I can get that nifty egg-based cooling system for my PC? Then I shall laugh at the other nerds with their old-fashioned water-based cooling systems.

Directgov kids' site apes explosive gay porn brand

Reminds me of the time...

I ran out of materials while laying a new path. I didn't need the minimum quatity my local builders yard would deliver, but I wondered if someone would have some left over from thier job, so I googled for "free hardcore".

Imagine my surprise...

Miranda Kerr backs Oz porn-surf banker

Show him the door.

In the time he wasted ogling that poor young woman, he could have lost billions on the mortgages markets.

Oh, hang on....

Could we all contribute to a subscription to some site which would keep these guys occupied during market ours?

Quantum superclock will be accurate past end of life on Earth

I really, really wish...

...that the team was late for the press conference when they announced this!

Spooks scour gambling sites in terror finance probe

Gambling sites laundering money...

Why do I have a mental picture of a tumble dryer divided into 36 red and black segments?

Avatar attracts nine Oscar nods

I can't help feeling...

...that it woul dhav ebeen better if they had used real aliens, and CGI'ed the scriptwriters.

Oz banker caught porn-surfing on live TV

Do you think the newsreader had seen?

She kept asking him if he was expecting a rise soon...

Transformers up for seven Razzies

Transformers...

...sounds so bad I almost want to rent it to see if it really can be that dreadful. It's the cinematic equivalent of rubber-necking a car crash.

Man sets mice on musophobic ex-missus

In Soviet Union...

...mouse trap you!

New inside out hover-magnet fusion reactor debuts at MIT

Physicist Bruce DePalma and his N-Machine

Can I suggest someone pop over to Dr DePalma's house and see if he get's power from the local electricity company - and enquire why...

"For now, the dipole must draw its million-amp current from external sources"

I can see why it soesn't work. I've been to Homebase, B&Q and every electrical trade supply house in town, and I can't find million amp fuses in stock anywhere.

Is it just me...

...or (especially as it starts to rotate) does it look worryingly like the things Ed Straker used to deploy SHADO interceptors to shoot down?

Defects in e-passports allow real-time tracking

This is scarcely "news"

As soon as someone said "The passport has an RFID tag", this article could have been written.

Surely if you actually want to track someone (someone who you can get within 20 inches to read their tag in the first place) it'dd be far easier to plant your own RFID tag rather than rely on them carrying their passport.

NZ police pursue cuffed and naked fugitive

So he's large, strong, naked and can dive over cliffs without harm

Is anyone else hearing the words "I need your cloze, bootz, unt motorzykle"?

Swan couple in surprise divorce

So is everything I know about swans wrong?

Can I eat them? Can I break their wings with one blow of my arm? Do they not even make those boxes of matches?

Data watchdog slaps Southampton Uni hospital

@Mike 140

"And WTF is the medical purpose of a 'retinal scan van'?"

Mostly checking for diabetic retinopathy, plus a few other things. Put the kit in a van and several hospitals/clinics can share it, rather than bringing people to the big hospital just to do something Spec Savers could do.

Crusty fireball space mango wrecks US doctor's office

From the patient record

Mr X presented to clinic for investigation of constipation. After the incident, he left without being seen, muttering "Doesn't matter anymore".

Bob the Builder slapped with CGI rendering

Oh, deary deary me...

Who done this renderin' for yer? Buncha cowboys, I reckon, see they ain't even done specular highlighin' cos it means they can save on the resource drains and I'm sure that gamma ain't safe. Tell you what I'll do, me and the lads'll stick a z-buffer under it - should hold until we can get back with a ram. And if you can pay cache...

US makes travellers go online, before getting onboard

If I want into their country...

...it doesn't seem unreasonable that I follow their procedures. I don't have a "right" to visit America, or any other country. Leaving the UK - yes, I think I have right to leave, but no one else is forced to accept me!

The online travel form which confuses me is the check-in, which you can do up to 48(?) hours before the flight.

Did you pack these bags yourself - options Yes/No. Correct answer "I haven't packed yet"

Have these bages been left unattended since you packed them? "I suppose that's a 'No'"

Could anyone have interfered with these bags without your knowledge? "How would I know?"

Scottish doc swerves charges for snooping

Medical records need to be accessible to "appropriate staff"

The fun part is "appropriate". If I fall under a bus and end up in A&E, I'd like them to have access to my records - and obviously I can't arrange that ahead of time. Other NHS services - generally, we know who's coming and can gain permission. But once you're "in the system" granularity of access is a nightmare. If you're admitted to my hospital with a chest infection, your lab results go into the general system. Can the surgeons see your results? Yes - but they usually won't be interested unless you get transferred to their care. We COULD apply tighter restrictions, but generally we don't. The rule is not "You can't" - because we know that never works! - but "You shouldn't - and we're watching." If someone access records inappropriately action should be taken - but IANAL and I don't know if DPA would work here.

However, professional behaviour is not enforced by the law, but by professional bodies. I don't know why the (Scottish equivalent of the) Crown Prosecution Service decided not to prosecute, but I suspect the GMC may still have an interest.

He hasn't necessarily got off, ahem, Scot free.

NASA finds cocaine in Space Shuttle hangar

"And I'm gonna be high as a kite by then"

I'm a Rocket Man!

Survey outs Britain as nation of tech twits

Eleven per cent couldn't name a single social-networking website.

I find that strangely reassuring!

Is it art or is it pr0n? Australia decides it's ALL filth

NSW Director of Public Prosecutions

Why is he not safe for work? Or do I need new glasses?

Google gets all Minority Report with Street View

"Pixazza hopes to do for images what Google’s AdSense did for web pages"

i.e. ruin them completely?

Swedish cops liberate jealous wife from treehouse

omg im stk in treehs! lol!

cn u rsq me?

Mobiles protect against Alzheimer's

Ah, the wonders of small sample sizes

Now, let's see it repeated. Until then - statistics is a fickle mistress...

'Peeping Tom' caught on own camera

@Lee

"**Assumedly he wanted to video women changing but until he is caught and questioned this might not be the case - he might have really been after men or children."

Or Daleks. You never know.

TJX sniffer author jailed for two years

Seven foot tall?

So he's been sent down for a long stretch?

IT consultant freed after almost three years in Baghdad

A spokesman for the kidnappers said...

I just don't understand what happened. We allowed him to scheduled his own release date, but it just kept slipping and slipping. He always had some excuse...

Brum DJ canned for cutting short Her Maj

This is BRMB we're talking about.

And at 3pm on Xmas Day, none the less.

He probably upset both listeners.