* Posts by Beelzeebub

179 publicly visible posts • joined 18 Jan 2008

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Drunken BOFH wreaks $1.2m in Oz damage

Beelzeebub

Re: How much!!!!

Dear Horse,

I will fuck you for less than that!

Except I will probably fall fowl of extreme pron laws.

Reminder to self: never post late-ish on Friday night!

Us IT chaps are all shredded to pieces by this time of week.

Regards,

Beel.

Man robs convenience store with Klingon sword

Beelzeebub
Flame

Furthermore on religion

Some more observations, they:-

- Use human creduluous followers as cash cows

- allow (or have in the past allowed) slaughter of non members

- hold back the course of human development

gets coat, awaits flames

CPW's Dunstone admits 'dread' over state of the economy

Beelzeebub
Thumb Up

Re: Joe K

Hear, hear!

Forget Google rationing: Only lighting farts can save the planet

Beelzeebub
Flame

Methane sequestering

Are we missing a valuable energy generation capability here?

Collection may be difficult, granted, but how about pulling it all back out of the atmosphere, is it feasible?

My worry is as earth's population grows, our sum total of guffing combined with a lightning strike could see us all gone in a big KABOOM!

Coat no longer needed, it's warming up.

Blighty's jumpjets under threat in MoD budget wrangle?

Beelzeebub
Thumb Up

@Suspicious Git

That looks like an election manifesto to me!

Time we had one.

Roberts RDK-2 kitchen radio

Beelzeebub
Unhappy

Because

It's new technology innit? Or that's what the gen public see it as.

Still riddled with reception problems and coverage issues.

Welcome to Blighty (no longer dear old).

Closing the gap between development and operations

Beelzeebub
Flame

Architects

I thought this type of 'smoothing' was part of the architect's role.

Oh, and doing standards, n roadmaps, n strategies for ops and dev.

Brit ISPs censor Wikipedia over 'child porn' album cover

Beelzeebub
Unhappy

Ah feckit

Might as well die (c) Steely Dan:-

* Comms DB

* Photography restrictions

* Illegal images

Hands tied so much, I can't even strangle meself.

Oh well. We've all got mad cow disease and it's starting to show.

Beelzeebub
Unhappy

Oh shit

I'm abandoning t'interweb forever.

Cheers, bleeptards!

Java and Linux - an open marriage in search of success

Beelzeebub
Stop

Stop!

My brain hurts, already!

Fiddlers can play with JDK configs all they like,

The rest of us get on with installing it and running it.

Am I Apple or Windoze?

ISS drinks dispenser now taking the p*ss

Beelzeebub
Boffin

Centrifugal thrashing about

Could this be the famous 'dark matter' all the boffinry is looking for?

Scientists ponder mysterious source of cosmic rays

Beelzeebub
Alien

Obviously

It's a huge alien ship that is ready to invade earth. Using some dastardly black hole manipulation as a cloaking device so we can't see it. Also it won't suck us in, as they need something to invade and plunder.

Coat with the Independence Day DVD in the pocket.

Miscreants hijacking machines via (freshly patched) Adobe flaw

Beelzeebub
Unhappy

Oh bother!

Better read those 7 pages, then.

Jezza Clarkson cops flak for 'truckers murder strumpets' gag

Beelzeebub
Flame

Iceni et al

Horrible truth alert and probably not PC.

Most news (apart from US election, plane/train/car/bus crashes, wars, celebs, serial killers, assasinations etc. etc.) is made by charidee announcements: that's how they get free publicity goddammit!

I watched the top gear prog and didn't even notice this comment, but I sure notice news stories that are really charity announcements.

Microsoft's Azure means dark days for storage vendors

Beelzeebub

The proprietary nature of data

Would businesses want to risk handing over their sensitive data to the cloud?

Never mind the data protection implications.

I think this is why SaaS has never really taken off big time, and it should be the same for storage too.

NASA's nuclear Mars tank is go

Beelzeebub
Flame

Mars is Virgin

...unlike Earth.

Must we start polluting it from day 1, by crashing landers onto it?

Sorry, forgot about the nuclear waste.

UN urged to prep for non-fiction Deep Impact

Beelzeebub
Flame

Carbon Footpint?

Thanks Will, great link to a great video.

What is the carbon footprint of a 500KM impact that devastates the home planet in a firestorm?

If it''s happened 6 times before, how come we still have a biosphere?

What is the point at which the biosphere regeneration kicks in?

I think we need to know.

LHC downed until after Xmas - Boo

Beelzeebub
Flame

LHC projected first collision date

9/9/9

which, of course, is 6/6/6 upside down.

Israeli hamlet plans DNA database for dog poop

Beelzeebub
Flame

Cat and dog ID database

In the UK probably about the same size as the people one.

Could be a good prototyping system to find out the holes n'all.

Cat and dog identity theft? Maybe not. But good for nailing canine and feline felons.

Reg readers rage at comment icon outrage

Beelzeebub
Paris Hilton

Icon suggestions

Larry Ellison as devil, no need for a saint one.

Replace Bill icons with Steve (B).

Otherwise, cool to listen to your readers, and actually do something about it, sets a dangerous precedent methinks.

Sarah, 'cos it's her, isn't it?

Revealed: How the Beano de-menaced Dennis

Beelzeebub
Gates Horns

Who are these people?

" a tiny minority of humourless, do-gooding adults"

It is time the majority aired its view.

Northrop offer supersonic robot stealth raygun cyber-bomber

Beelzeebub
Flame

Skynet is a step closer

Don't worry about LHC, invest in very good sunglasses.

Mine's the radioactive-proof one with the cans of Spam in the inside pockets.

Larry Ellison gets huge pay rise

Beelzeebub
Flame

Can we have the Larry as devil icon now, please?

We don't need the saint one.

NASA test rocket explodes

Beelzeebub
Flame

Tata

I'd love to see 'em mashed.

Mebbe then I can get a job in the UK.

Google flicks pennies down geothermal well

Beelzeebub
Flame

Aaaargh!!

Don't send cold water down here!

I dont want hell to freeze over.

Fart-lighting youth in petrol can mishap

Beelzeebub
Flame

I'll Second That!

But if you like to, you'll end up here.

Plenty of fire for everyone!

Oh, sht, it's raining again!!

UK.gov to spend hundreds of millions on snooping silo

Beelzeebub
Flame

Euch!

I don't eat pork, oh wait, yes I do!

Show me the money!

Congestion charge means less traffic, more congestion

Beelzeebub
Flame

Reason is...

...most cars in the central zone are registered as taxis, and therefore exempt.

Fed up of cyclists coming at me from the wrong way when I'm tryng to cross the feckin road!

...OK, so I don't live in hell, but London is roughly equivalent, but then, paradoxically it's also equivalent to heaven (Sam Smith's pubs).

NASA: Mars is good habitat for Terry Pratchett dragons

Beelzeebub
Flame

The chances of anything coming from Mars is a million to one, they said.

...'nuff said.

Miles hotter than Mars here, no coat needed (still no fat boy).

Microsoft dyes hair orange to cheer SQL Server 2008 release

Beelzeebub
Flame

Fan feckin' tastic!

When will it be released on AIX, Solaris and linux then?

Come on guys, show yer mettle!

p.s. I asked them this at a conference 8 years ago (on Solaris at the time), did they listen, no!

Shame, because if they had, it could have killed the big O beast from Silicon valley!

American man too fat for execution

Beelzeebub
Flame

Send 'im down 'ere

I need a big one for the fires!

WebLogic to open gates on Oracle rationalization

Beelzeebub
Flame

Leave it to the FTSE 100

To wrangle over the ins and outs of Oracle's emerging strategy.

The rest of us can get on with it using LAMP, JBoss or .Net.

Knights Templar to Vatican: Give us back our assets

Beelzeebub
Flame

Bugger...

I NEED the Catholic Church to exist, for my continued existence!

Vaporise-proof coat needed.

Thales wins first UK ID card contract

Beelzeebub
Flame

1 Question

Which is worse?

ID cards or the poll tax?

We rioted over the latter.

Quantum porn engine foiled by strawberries and muffins

Beelzeebub
Flame

Softly softly

As previous common potaters have said, soft launch is the best, followed by viral marketing, (Google should know).

Flip. I need some more strawberries and champagne in a hurry!

No, forget that. mine's an ice cold Holsten, for obvious reasons.

Hawkwind were great.

Goodnight.

Steve Fossett may be alive, investigator claims

Beelzeebub
Paris Hilton

I haven't seen him...

... and he sure as hell isn't up there!

Paris because she appears to be sad about it.

Microsoft slams 'sensationalist' Vista analysis

Beelzeebub
Flame

Hell freezes

At least it will do before I downgrade our excellent XP infrastructure to fistula.

Generally, I support our partners on earth, so I'm not going to go linux on the desktop either.

Coat today? You must be joking.

Volcanoes fingered in oceanic mass extinction

Beelzeebub
Flame

Death is best

You get to come down here and party on indefinitely, yay!

Only trouble is, we can't turn the heating down.

Ar, me geddo a nice flame grilled burger!

And so we begin the tech sector's journey into the Heart of Darkness

Beelzeebub
Flame

Stock market

Where tasty, flavour enhancing liquids are bought and sold?

Where cows, pigs and sheep etc. are bought and sold?

Where cut and shut cars are sold for banger racing?

Where distressed inventory is sold?

Where imprisonment devices for public merriment are sold?

A: none of the above.

Real A: Where smoke and mirrors are bought and sold.

Beelzeebub
Flame

@Thomas

Couldn't have put it better.

Wonder why Sam Smith's pubs are doing so well now? Because they sell (have always sold) affordable beer. Just because it's not your trendy label £4 a bottle (half pint), doesn't mean it's crap 'cos it's also very good quality beer, just not advertised.

When people have cash, they will splash, but for what advantage?

Meh, it's still pants if I lose my job because of sheep mentality at large.

iRiver Lplayer 8GB MP3 player

Beelzeebub
Paris Hilton

Suggested el Reg measurement

Gigolo Joe Bites.

Paris, because she may not need professional services, or she might (unsuable).

Alcatel launches 'My First Handset'

Beelzeebub
Alert

Eh?

I bought my Nokia 1600 for £15 on the Strand, no contract, SIM free last year.

OK it doesn't have a camera, but who wants a 0.3 megapixel one anyway?

...burp!

IBM's eight-core Power7 chip to clock in at 4.0GHz

Beelzeebub
Flame

Ah feck it...

... an' I was worried about the large hadron coliider.

The feckin' electrons running around that baby will cause an instant black hole.

THEY MUST BE STOPPED!

Europe loves HD TVs - but not HD broadcasts

Beelzeebub
Flame

Ah feck it

Trouble is, most of us baby boomers grew up with never changing TVs that could access only 3 channels. Then Channel 4 came along, not a big change.

Then Channel 5, we can't get it on terrestrial here, and we are in the commuter dormitory belt.

Now, you can't even buy a ****ing TV for fear of standards (eh?) changing, and your lovely new piece of shiny crap being obsolete in less than 2 years!

**** Sky with their extra charges, for extra rooms when I can get normal TV around the house for no extra cost. Why should I pay for HD now, when it's about to change again soon, and keep on changing?

Give us a few years of non-morphing stuff, where we can amortise our investments and then maybe we'll play ball; else; go to buggeree!

...OK, call me a Luddite.

Shrinking Sun under the gun

Beelzeebub
Unhappy

Wannabe techie

I were a developer once, Assembly and C mainly and was the first Windoze programmer in a very well known org.

I am now an architect, meh, you don't get any thanks nowadays!

The more you know, the less you know so it seems.

//end gravitas

Sun is suitable for all requirements where it is the best fit. But then, other boxen fit most requirements (Itanic not included).

Beelzeebub
Flame

Expensive

'twas a few years ago that my 2 CPU 400MHz Xeon box outperformed a new dual CPU Sun box by a factor of 3 running SETI@Home.

I know that's probably not a fair test, and if only M$ had released SQL Server on Solaris it might have been a much different story, but then I have heard it called Slowlaris.

But at the time it led the senior IT manager to exclaim "I'm not going to buy any more of that expensive purple shit!"

US retailers start pushing $20 Ubuntu

Beelzeebub
Happy

@Roger

You can get 4 pints of Alpine lager, or 5 pints of Old Brewery Bitter and stlll have a quid plus out of a tenner in London.

Where? Any of the several Sam Smith's pubs dotted around the centre.

My favourite is Ye Olde Cheshire Cheese on Fllet Street, rebuild in 1667.

Are the ice caps melting?

Beelzeebub
Flame

Global warming?

I'm just waiting for it to **5£"**! warm up, whatever happened to 'Flaming June?'

Extra coat needed at the moment.

please note: this is no evidence of a trend upwards, downwards, sideways or backwards.

BEA gets last laugh on Oracle app server

Beelzeebub
Gates Halo

Oracle

The only good thing that Oracle makes is the database, and even that's getting questionable now.

Seems to be symptomatic of all enterprise level vendors, they lose the focus on usability and manageability. Mind you, linux hasn't got there yet either!

Flame retardant coat, obviously...

eBay Terror Ambulances of DEATH menace UK - top cops

Beelzeebub

;-) Ivan

It's called the Fletcher Memorial, home for incurable tyrants and kings, (c) Roger Waters, Pink Floyd, The Final Cut.

Funny, but that was 20+ years ago.

//Coat with the indigestion tablets in the left pocket.

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