Posts by Beelzeebub

Hundreds of UK CSC staff face chop, told to train Indian replacements

Fuck CSC

That is all, I'll get my coat

NASA chief: Earth is DOOMED if we spot a big asteroid at short notice

Who cares?

We're all gonna die anyway.

ICANN'T believe it's not Apple: Vatican wins domain-handout lottery

But then again.....

I couldn't have foreseen this f* up so I plead not guilty, your Honor f* the american spelling.

Um...

It was me, sorry

Don't touch Sony, Panasonic's junk, says credit agency

Old Kit

I had a Panasonic VCR which had picture in picture, so I could watch German TV F1 on my old analogue satellite receiver during the ITV ad breaks (mostly).

Have things really improved in the digital age?

China could penetrate US with new huge missile

Re: Made in China

Oh dear, aren't we in dear old Blighty halfway between the USa and China?

Undead galaxy cluster spews 700 zombie baby stars A YEAR

Sorry....

It's just me at work, creating new hells.

NHS IT blunder biz CSC wilts as profit bleeds, costs staunched

Haha...

.... couldn't happen to a better company :-)

Why British TV drama is crap – and why this matters to tech firms

Um...

...I think it's alll shite

Sleek new Macs violate fanbois' Retinas with display garbage

Who cares

If it's a pile of doo doo, the fanbois will pay as they always have done, not me tho

Disappearing space dust belt baffles boffins

It was me...

... well I gotta eat sometime.

CERN catches a glimpse of Higgs-like boson

mmm....

Noting at all to do with the Tevatron announcement yesterday then?

So, that vast IT disaster you may have caused? Come in, sit down

As I have said many times...

Tata to your English jobs...

Raspberry Pi IN THE SKY: Wallet-sized PC is disaster drone brain

Re: and with just a few tweaks (guns/missiles)

Drawing 10A sounds like CMOS latch-up to me. But I don't know how to solve it.

10m years ago there was less CO2 - but the Earth was warmer

Nah

It's just evidence that hell was closer to earth than it is now.

Facebook goes offline, shares stabilise at merely disastrous level

The biggest insult

inflicted on all the sad people of our planet. I hope the shares tank to 0.001 of their current value, the company will close and all those sad users will have more time on their hands to be productive.

Oh wait, that could be worse than using FB itself....

Study reveals high price of porn addiction

WTF

We should all be down the pub now, not watching porn.

I suspect that chap that went off to the loo furtively fondling his iThingy can't leave it alone even in drinking time.

IT Got me depressed

IT Got me depressed

Working for a consultancy which I cannot mention.

30 years in IT now I'm on the junkheap.

Ta for that IT.

Cameron's F-35 U-turn: BAE Systems still calls the shots at No 10

Bah

Oh zis government are mental innit?

Vee must fight to bring proper government back, to make ze right decisions to help out beloved Britain.

But it's alright ve are governed by a German Qveen anyavys:-) Party on Britain lolz!

Vote now for the WORST movie EVER

Re: Depends on your point of view

Thankyou Tom 38, I shall purcahse it from Amazon.....

Depends on your point of view

Ladies and gentlemen, I simply adore Zombie Strippers, but I'm sure most everyone else wouldn't.

Capita poises axe over 1,000 staff - jobs headed to India

As I have said before...

Tata to our English jobs.

The seven types of online commenter

They forgot another category

Comments from HELL!

Ever wondered how many limp todgers to the mile?

Llamas?

Shirley that's 1 Stig?

Alcohol DOUBLES LIFESPAN, helps resist stress

As I said......

Barclays axes 422 UK IT staff

This is what happens...

...when you employ beancounters as IT directors. Beleive me, I know.

Higgs boson hunters have god particle in their sights

Wot

I ain't creating no goddam particles.

Taxpayers to cough more for multi-billion pound failed NHS IT project

Oh No No No!!!!!

OTOH let em suck us dry, since I am the eDevil

We need IT to stop NHS flushing away cash - ex-Health Sec

You forgot one name on the list of IT troughers...

...CSC

Eurozone crisis: We're all dooomed! Here's why

Yes, but...

Isn't the BBC supposed to be non-biased, by it's charter?

If so the British public are being seriously misled by the organisation that they are forced to pay over £100 a year for.

US.gov: We aren't hiding any space aliens

God?

If he existed he would have created me for some balance.

But I don't exist and neither does he.

Vatican mulls God particle, calls for appointment of antichrist

Look

God does not exist, and neither do I pfft!

Hell has been scientifically proven not to exist, by the laws of thermodynamics.

My father had less rooms than me.

We are born, we live, we die, thanks Mr Universe.

Meh.

Apple cofounder Steve Jobs is dead at 56

Condolences to his family and all...

... perhaps he's gone to iHeaven.

Ellison: 'There'll be nothing left of IBM once I'm done'

Juno Wat

I just don't care anymore.

Boffins invent miracle pill that counteracts effects of booze

Haha, yes it was me!

Oh **** bleurgh, byeee!

Hacker defaces Irish Catholic paper: 'Gotta love false hope'

Quite so. I don't believe in me either, but I don't go around telling others they shouldn't.

US Marines not allowed to fart in Afghanistan

Biological wrongness

The average uman bean farts 13 time a day. It is considered medically unsafe to hold them in.

Usual moniker (flame) + fart = explosion.

Murdoch muscles BBC out of Formula One driving seat

Eugggh

As well as posting on El Reg, we must all complain via El Beeb's online complaints system

RUPERT MURDOCH HIT BY PIE

Well

I'd pay for Rebekah against Rupert in the boxing ring any day :-)

CERN 'gags' physicists in cosmic ray climate experiment

This Earth

Has been impacted by several large asteriods, such as the one which killed the dinosaurs, but not me. How did the Earth regenerate after the nuclear winters that these impacts caused?

I think we need to know.

Booze for wrinklies: Good or bad?

Life...

...is about enjoying ourselves, whichever way we can, without harming others.

So bollox to those physicians, they are probably all at it anyway.

Rare video: Moon flashing in front of giant's face

To defiler

Ahem, you forgot me, and you'll pay for it hehe!

CATS to be saved by BLASPHEMERS after the RAPTURE

Er, no stop!!!

I can't handle the influx down here either.

I'd better have a word with him, we used to be pals once.

Pakistani IT admin leaks bin Laden raid on Twitter

Aha!

Here he comes down here!

STONERS are DESTROYING the PLANET

All

Toke and drink all you like!

You will be welcome down here, we have infinite quantities of each!

Anti-religious campaigners smack down census Jedis

Wot!

No box for me?

Surrey nudists tossed out into the cold after lease expires

Oh do stop it everyone

We are all naked in the afterlife anyway.

And they are nice roasted.

Crematorium to heat council swimming pool

Well...

At least they are well prepared for coming down here.

But wait, I also need the heat, so no way!

Telegraph to charge for online news

Yes...

... but as the article says, is it profitable?

LOST Vulture One PARIS spaceplane FOUND!!!

Eh?

It didn't come down here, so it does not exist. pfffft!