* Posts by Jesthar

79 posts • joined 20 Mar 2008


'I'm telling you, I haven't got an iPad!' – Sent from my iPad


Do not provoke the Keeper of the Logfiles...

User: WHY is my account on your system DEACTIVATED? I need CONSTANT access to do my Very Important Job! And look, I decided to cc in all my local senior managers so they know how inconvenienced I am by your incompetence!

Me: Here's a screenshot proving you haven't logged in for over five years, and it's been deactivated nearly as long. And yes, I DID just use Reply To All...

UK finds itself almost alone with centralized virus contact-tracing app that probably won't work well, asks for your location, may be illegal


Re: Of course, being centrally controlled

You have to look beyond the weasel words. Of course he's going to be defending the app - it's kind of his job. But it's easy to keep repeating how everyone is wrong about it whilst not actually offering any specific details or answers to concerns, whilst deflecting from the real privacy concerns with constant reference to the app not 'tracking' anyone, when the real concerns come from the uniquely-to-your-app coded data which would be sent to the central server if you pushed the button - data you then lose all control over and can be used however the recipents see fit for - well, forever.

And, technically speaking, he's not wrong when he says the app doesn't track people - the app itself (in it's current incarnation, anyway - who knows how it might evolve) isn't a tracker in the way most people would use that term (like the running/cycling route tracker apps). It's the central server that does that part, isn't it...

Anyway, I'll trust El Reg over a government minister any day when it comes to technical analysis and honesty ;)

BOFH: When was the last time someone said these exact words to you: You are the sunshine of my life?


Re: Putting the bodies under the floorboards

Speaking as a fellow cat slave, try changing their diet. You wouldn't BELIEVE the difference switching to grain free food made to the - er - odour component of solid offerings with my two.

Also, CatSan is crap ;)

Microsoft Notepad: If it ain't broke, shove it in the Store, then break it?


Re: Blink... Notepad?

Exactly - sometimes simple is extremely useful.

I don't do server stuff myself, but I still use notepad pretty much every day in my job - have yet to find a better way of stripping all formatting and hyperlinks off text in one swift move for moving between various applications, and I need to do that multiple times most days.

Fake broadband ISP support scammers accidentally cough up IP address to Deadpool in card phish gone wrong


Re: Dirty Scammers

Mum and I have an ongoing competition for how long we can keep these muppets on the phone. Currently, she's winning - and she doesn't even have a computer! :D

My favourite call was quite brief, though, and still makes me laugh! As I recall, it went roughly as follows:

Scammer: (heavy Indian accent) Ma'am this is David and I'm calling from BT, how are you today?

Me: (opting for the bright and breezy approach) Awake!

Scammer: Ma'am, the reason I am calling is that we are worried about your internet, for the past few nights it has been sending us error messages which indicate to us it is being used illegally at night, do you understand?

Me: (thoughtfully) Riiight...

Scammer: Ma'am, we're talking about your router, OK? It's been hacked, OK?

Me: (energetically) Oh, right! Hang on, I work in IT, let me check the logs!

Scammer: You're an IT professional?

Me: Yes!

Scammer: Right. I am talking to Mrs <surname>, yes?

Me: No! (Not married, and not going to correct them!)

Scammer: (confused, talking loudly to self) Then who the hell are *YOU*?

Me: (trying not to laugh) Well, that's not very polite for this time in a morning!

Scammer: (realises he said the last sentance out loud, not in his head!) >click<

BOFH: Password HELL. For you, mate, not for me


Re: "I rarely get cold calls"

I had a brilliant outcome to a scam call a couple of weeks ago...

Scammer: (heavy Indian accent) Ma'am this is David and I'm calling from BT, how are you today?

Me: (Deciding on the bright and breezy appoach) Awake!

Scammer: Ma'am, the reason I am calling is that we are worried about your internet, for the past few nights it has been sending us error messages which indicate to us it is being used illegally at night, do you understand?

Me: (thoughtfully) Riiight...

Scammer: Ma'am, we're talking about your router, OK? It's been hacked, OK?

Me: (energetically) Oh, right! Hang on, I work in IT, let me check the logs!

Scammer: You're an IT professional?

Me: Yes!

Scammer: (sounding wary) Right. I am talking to Mrs <surname>, yes?

Me: Nope! (Not married, and not going to correct them!)

Scammer: (confused, talking loudly to self) Then who the hell are *YOU*?!?

Me: (trying not to laugh) Well, that's not very polite for this time in a morning!

Scammer: (realises he said the last sentence out loud, not in his head!) >click<

Kept me laughing for days, that did! :D

Ted Nugent fined for failing to kill bear


Re: Weird laws for sure

Yup, check these out: http://voices.yahoo.com/top-20-silliest-laws-alaska-275833.html

Think my favourite has to be #3 - "It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane" - I don't think I want to know HOW they wound up with that one...!

Facebook shoves your face into creepy 'sponsored stories' in 2012


Re: missing the point I think

Being as I never respond to anything other than non-public family invites anyway (which come along once in a blue moon), and never public invites, highly unlikely I'll be featured anywhere. No comfort to other users, I know, but I did only say that *I* could live with it ;)

And if Failbook starts broadcasting private events to the world and his dog, then that's going to meet with some pretty vicious user backlash I should think...


Finally, a stupid Failbook change I can live with

Firefox + AdblockPlus = What Adverts? ;)

Highlighted stories, on the other hand - *I* want to choose what I deem to be important, thank you. And DON'T think I haven't noticed that no matter how many times I un-Highlight any 'FriendX read these news articles' posts, you still keep highlighting them.

Then again, I only have the wretched thing to get regular updates on family, or I'd get rid of it in a heartbeat...

Fake doc cuffed in concrete arse shocker


Indeed. Sounds like a potential CSI episode...

... maybe entitled "How Do You Solve A Problem Like My Rear?"

BOFH: We don't need no stinkin' upgrade


I'm looking forwards to a quintuple whammy of this next year...

...as my workplace in rapid succession:

1. Does a major upgrade of one critical document management system

2. Replaces shared drives with another, very different document management system

3. Changes from Lotus Notes to MS Outlook

4. Upgrades from XP to Win7 - AND switches many to virtual desktops (aaargh - thankfully excluded from that one!)

5. Switches from Office 2002 (yes, 2002, not 2003) to Office 10

Yup, that's going to be fun on the few thousand user scale...

BOFH: Where's my free fondleslab?

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Perhaps not a classic...

...but I giggled my way through it :D

Beer bottle shagging beetles with HUGE MEMBERS win prize


Would be fun to try in London, though ;)

I'm not sure the car flattening only being a stunt has any bearing on being awarded the prize - he was just demonstrating that running them over with an APC was a potentially practicable way of solving the problem. And isn't that what scientific research is primarily concerned with, the exploration and validation (or otherwise) of hypotheses and/or theories? ;)

BOFH: Attack of the Global Corporate Overlords


"You need *training* for that over here?"

*snerk* I salute you, sir. I am filing that one away for future use, if you don't mind - and as I'm a woman, that should confuse 'em! ;)

Classic episode, Simon - have a salue yourself, too :)

Vodafone's network knackered by thieves


First rule of geekery - ALWAYS have a backup

"I now have an entire work force with no mobile communications. Does the phrase "single point of failure" spring to mind."

Comment from a friend of mine: "At some point last night, Voda realised they should have issued O2 or Orange mobiles to their callout engineers..."

Another nice slice of irony in our (rather major) Vodaphone-only company, though - we recently opened a new major office, where it was rapidly discovered only the Vodafone network got any decent signal in most of the building, despite perfect service levels on all networks immediately outside. Accusations of network blocking were dismissed with a 'not our problem - you can always change networks' from the brass.

Now the office has been beautifully devoid of annoying ringtones all morning, and the poor little Blackberry addicted dears are showing serious signs of withdrawal symptoms...

BOFH: There's no 'I' in team, but there's a 'u' in suck


Can't believe I missed this for over a week!

But oh, what perfect timing - just this morning I received a huggy feely e-mail from H&S central about how they've been looking in to exciting ways to communicate their vision and emphasise that we're all in this together and everyone needs to be engaged.

Their grand idea? Yet another poster campaign... and the poster is bright pink with a 'zero tolerance to accidents' theme and a blank space to insert appropriate local messages and photographs to *really* encourage team engagement!

Well, I addressed the engagement part easily by logging out of the phone system. That just leaves the poster insertions to take care of...


US Army 'to issue every soldier with a smartphone'


Probably an improvement on BOWMAN, though

Or "Better Off WIth Map And Nokia", as UK troops rapidly re-branded it...

But hey, this is the military we're talking about - the brass aren't usually happy unless tech items cost twenty times more (and, more often that not, work twenty times worse) than off-the-shelf solutions would ;)

Russia wins World Cup bid in parrot-sickening travesty


Don't care much about foolball, but I am hoping for a couple of things...

1. WikiLeaks vs FIFA

2. Israel qualifying

Now THAT would be entertainment ;)

Scareware cold-callers target 1 in 4


I now almost wish...

...I'd answered that 'Out Of Area' call which was ringing on the house phone when I walked out the door this morning. Oh, well, hope the cat had her fun with them!

My Mum got one of these calls last year. On paper she might look like your perfect mark (retired, not techie etc.), but she's no dunce and I've trained her well - she played along, kept the scammer talking for as long as possible and got as much information out of them as she could (whilst taking comprehensive notes for me), before merrily informing them she didn't even own a PC so they must be spinning her a pack of lies.

From what she told me, I don't think the overseas gentleman on the other end of the phone appreciated her line by line refutation and demolition of his carefully rehearsed script... ;)

BOFH: BOFH vs Bot: Ultimate Smackdown

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Never mind the demise of the boss

"Facebook users" - classic!

Only reason my desk isn't wearing a layer of tea is because I know enough to put the beverages down before reading a new BOFH :D

Hacker unshackles Kinect from Xbox


These bytes were made for cracking

Given that the first programmable digital computer in the world (Colossus) was brought into existance for the sole purpose of cracking hardware based encryption (the Lorenz cipher), one has to wonder why Microsoft are surprised that the oldest historic computing tradition continues... ;)

BOFH: You just can't go around killing people


Oh, please, please, PLEASE can I borrow it?

I could do *SO* much good with one of those around here...

*prints pictures of certain lusers*

Loving it - particularly the Die Hard line! :D

Panasonic bags Avatar 3D BD exclusive


Exclusive rights "until 31 January 2011"

Well, now, that's only three months away. Plus maybe a little longer for alternatives to hit the shops. But it still means that the only thing required is a modicum of patience, and then you'll get to see Pandora in all it's 3D glory on whatever brand of system you choose... ;)

Plus you should also be able to get the kit for a little bit less then, too, taking three months market maturity plus the January Sales into account.

Alien for obvious reasons - besides, even they wouldn't be tempted by such an obvious sucker play ;)

BOFH: Join the club


Re: Not catalysts

"That's an experiment demonstrating oxidation. The difference in oxidation energies between the iron and aluminium means that the aluminium violently takes the oxygen from the iron oxide, hence the fierce reaction.

The magnesium is there for 2 reasons: firstly, the activation energy for the thermite is quite large, so having something easily lit that burns hot enough to ignite the reaction is a plus. Secondly, the magnesium ribbon burning down gives the teacher time to get away from the reaction before it starts"

Yes, I remember the running away and hiding bit! ;) And the plexiglass protective screens, and the goggles etc. And the headmistress wandering in halfway through with some prospective parents and getting quite a scare as the thing went up! ;)

Anyway, it's over just over half a lifetime since that demonstration, so my memory is a little fuzzy on the precise details... ;) I'm /fairly/ sure there was an unmentioned catalyst in the mix, but I can't remember what it was. And I could be wrong.

But, hey - things went boom in a suitably spectacular, ceiling damaging manner, and that's what really matters, eh? ;)

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Ahhh, fun with magnesium!

Excellent! :D It'd be ruddy difficult to keep track of for avoidance purposes, too - magnesium burns too brightly to watch directly.

How do I know this? At school we had a chemistry teacher who decided to demonstrate catalysts in action using a rather volitile experiment of creating iron from iron oxide + aluminium powder as a catalyst and a heat source - in this case, a magnesium fuse. It was so much fun, she demonstrated it twice!

Slighty bigger version of what she did here:


So, assuming the robot had aluminium panels... ;)

As for our results - well, last time I re-visited that classroom, there were still bits of iron embedded in the ceiling... ;)

Guardian super-blogger flames Reg boffinry desk


I'm gonna regret this, aren't I?

I really, really should know better than this, but here goes...

I, for one, like the fact that El Reg posts climate change articles with sceptical overtones (with a side order of tongue-in-cheek humour). It makes such a a refreshing change from the usual on-with-the-hair-shirt-and-ram-it-down-the-throat-whilst-castigating-the-unbelieving-heretics approach favoured by many other news outlets. I may or may not agree with any particular article, but at least I don't feel like I'm expected to go gird myself in sackcloth and find a nice pile of (carbon-footprint-enhancing-rainforest-destroying) ashes in which to wallow in penitance during self-flagellation once I've finished reading.

Regarding my position on climate chance, I suspect I find myself in one similar to many people - accepting as logical that the various CO2 producing activities of man affect the planet, but warily unsure as to what extent due to the general hype and what we strongly suspect is associated profiteering. Not that we'd ever admit this in person, of course (or that we're heartily sick of the phrase 'Carbon footprint' and it's associates to the point where we're starting to consider boycotting companies repeatedly labouring such points in their advertising), as we fear being mown down by the 'how can you not understand this is a CRISIS!?!' brigade - or, at least, deafened by their megaphones.

I don't expect to be fully able to understand the details of the complex science of climate change as I'm a BOFH, not a boffette. Come to that, on the evidence of even just this article and counter article, it would seem a strong probablility that no-one really does. After all, I seem to remember a time from my younger days (and I am not far into my third decade) when the boffins were worried about global cooling and whether there was a real possibility of another Ice Age if we weren't careful. What I would like to see, though, is the basic facts and figures presented in a non-biased, unhyped, non-agenda pushing way, but I strongly suspect that isn't going to happen (thanks to EITHER side, please note). Of course, if anyone knows different, links are welcome!

Anyway, I long ago decided to throw away the hair shirt and just carry on doing all the little things I can, if only to stop the greedy utility companies from getting their hands on more than the just-under-£40-a-month they currently extract from my bank balance...

Cambridge chap's todger topiary gets the chop


Time to up the ante ;)

Next stop, a full size replica of Michaelangelos 'David' - after all, that's *culture* ;)

BOFH: Robot wars

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Still laughing!

Thank you, Simon! I needed that after this week!

Oh, and am I the only one who expected the line:

“Still, they think they’ve nailed it this time...”

to be followed up with a nasty nailgun incident? Ah, well, maybe next time ;)

Oz pedestrians fall to 'Death by iPod'


Not just the player, but the headphones...

Possibly MAINLY the headphones. Back in the Walkman days, headphones were - lets face it -pretty awful, not much good at blocking out the surrounding world unless you forked out the megabucks, and in-ears models were practically non-existant.

Nowadays, a major selling point for headphones is just how well they block/cancel out the sounds of the world around you to provide you with a truly enclosed, unimpinged upon listening experience. Use those whilst out and about, and you may as well be clinically deaf, but without the associated learned survival skills.

I experienced this myself whilst driving to work a couple of years ago. I was approaching a junction where I had right of way, and a cyclist blithely lurched across the road right in front of my car. Thankfully I'd seen him coming and realised he wasn't going to see me and stop, but had I not hit the brakes in time I'd have taken out his front wheel. As he sailed past - still not seeing me or realising how close he'd just come to needing a few weeks in traction - I could see the white earphone cables trailing from under the helmet, and realised he was on another planet entirely...

Joy Division designer tackles England footie strip


Re: I was there... I always will be...

"As for commentards knocking the squad... You only have one national team. Be proud of it and support it - or (1) emigrate and stop with the whining already, (2) get out there and do better yourself."

Correction. We have plenty more than *one* national team. We have quite a lot, including more than one just for football (women's team, under 21's etc.). And many of them are doing significantly better on the international stage than the Premier League Prima Donna love in that is the England Mens Football Team.

Of course, these are teams from other sports, and as such may be unheard of amongst the ranks of those for whom Football is a matter more important than life and death. But for those who dare poke their heads aboth the terrace parapets for more than a brief moment there is a valuable lesson to be learned - many of these other teams are actually doing quite well!

Our Rugby teams in both formats are held in high regard, and our Cricket teams have also been enjoying a few good years, including Ashes success. Our athletics team has been steadily improving for quite a long time, and have even been winning some Olympic and World gold medals. Our rowers, swimmers and sailors are regularly blowing much of the opposition out of the water (metaphorically speaking ;) ), and our cycling and equestrian teams are also often at the head of their respective field. Heck, even our Winter Olympians and our gymnasts have been bringing home the medals!

About the only team that comes to mind which is performing to the same level as the England Mens Football Team is the Davis Cup Tennis Team. Nuff said, I think!

I should note that, whilst I am not a football fan and rarely watch internationals on TV, I would actually like us to do well on the international football stage, if only so we get a reprieve from "1966 and all that". But until the current lot work out how to actually play together as a unit, or they drop some of the egomaniacs and draft in some players that may not be *quite* as talented but actually understand the concept of teamwork, it ain't going to happen. Until then, and *EVEN* then, let us *please* remember that football is not the only sport... ;)

(typed with tounge firmly planted in cheek - well, mainly ;) )

TalkTalk turns StalkStalk to build malware blocker



There have already been reports of some accounts being suspended, possibly as a result of TalkTalk stalking:


Sepp Blatter dubbed 'Bellend' by SA gov website


Not the first time it's been done... ;)

And they went for the jugular in the Background section on this 2009 effort, too ;)


The 3G coverage picture that can't be published


Re: 3G Pah! 2G or any service would be good!

You don't even have to go three miles south or Reading before coverage gets next to worthless. My Orange phone only usually gets a signal upstairs in certain places, and then only a couple of bars. Which means unless I leave my phone upstairs in a certain area (defeating the object of having a mobile phone) I get all text messages in one lump when I go to bed. A successful voice call is an absolute miracle!

It also seems to have a problem with my new place of work - outside the building I get full strength signal, but inside there is no signal strength at all. And it's not even a concrete bunker, the whole place is pretty much one big window!

My 3G dongle (bought for visits to relatives who don't have internet, where it works fine) gets no signal at all, even when you get next to the M4.

And the sales staff always wonder why I'm still on ancient PAYG at around £3 a month. I would change network, but all the modern tarrifs are way more expensive!

BOFH: The PFY Chronicles Part The Third

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Oooh, excellent!

But where did installment two of the PFY Chronicles go - can't see it in the BOFH section?

I'm starting to think Simon has more lives than a cat - or even The Doctor. Hmm, the BOFH with a time machine, *THERE'S* a scary thought!

Hero corduroy overpowers US school gunman


Guns are dangerous, knives are worse...

At close range, anyway. Good article here:


Couple of choice quotes from it: "Current law enforcement rule of thumb is that an attacker with a knife can kill you before you can draw your weapon if he’s within 29 feet", "statistically, most police shootings happen in the space of 1-4 meters (about 3 to 13 feet)"

Outside of hollowpoints and other extreme ammunition, knives can also frequently inflict larger and more horriffic wounds than bullets. They're also silent, more difficult to disarm (which bit do you grab?) compared with a gun, not reliant on pointing 100% in the correct direction to inflict a wound (most gunfight bullets miss), and you can use it as many times as you like without needing to reload...

Still probably not as deadly as the doctors, though ;)

Canadian cops taser 'naked and agitated' man


Re: Nets? Tranquiliser darts?

"It's funny how zoo keepers and conservationists manage to handle polar bears, tigers and angry elephants without injuring them, but the police sometimes seem to think it both necessary and acceptable to kill out-of-control humans."

That's down to a few key points:

1. The humans have somewhere between partial and total choice and control of the darting environment. In kept environs, the animals and keepers usually know each other pretty well, too.

2. The darting usually takes place from behind some nice, sturdy bars or a nice, sturdy truck

3. If things go wrong, you have planned for this and just get out of the cage/area whilst things settle

4. The humans either know the weight of the animal to be darted from regular health checks, or have a good idea, and adjust the amount of tranquiliser given accordingly. Not enough, and the animal doesn't dgo down and get's scared/stressed/annoyed. Too much, and the animal could easily die.

None of those conditions are usually the case in police confrontations. However, if things do go badly wrong and people are in serious danger, shooting to kill is a final resort option in either situation, albeit not one that anyone EVER wants to have to take...

Adobe to Jobs: 'What the Flash do you know?'


Re: waffles

"Without flash we would not have nearly as many sites using embeded video which i consider to be some of the best part of the web. I have never had any crashes relating to flash in any of the browsers or if there was then i didn't notice. If you are having issues running a little program like flash on your setup then i think its time to switch to windows because that really poor i know support for anything not apple is rubbish but seriously saving cpu cycles by not running flash is laughable. Finaly 22" LCD has nothing to do with the speed of flash on your computer, you weak video card might do though..."

Speaking as someone who has just completed a weeks worth of UAT testing of an very advanced web-based document management system on a low powered mini-desktop running XP and IE7, I can safely say that saving CPU cycles by disabling Flash is NOT laughable. Even in Windows.

My data and refresh heavy tests were completed without the machine ever breaking into a sweat. Auto refreshing webmail and remote access to my company network were no problem. Browsing of graphic heavy websites and the occasional YouTube video caused only mild CPU fan activity.

Go to a website with flash adverts, though, and you immediately heard the whine of the fans speeding up to maximum. Minimise that window, and the spin down was equally as quick. Or, if on refesh you got a static advert or one that didn't load for some reason, again the fans spun down.

Conclusion: badly optimised and/or over fancy Flash eats CPU resources at an alarming rate. True, a graphics card mitigates this loading, but why the heck should you need a beefy graphics card to play something that's supposed to be basic web content? Especially when there are now other options out there...

Bloated Office 2010 kicks dirt in face of old computers


Not even on Office 2003 at work...

...and I work for a MAJOR utility company. Heck, we only upgraded to XP from 2k last year, and at the same time we upgraded from Office 97 to (wait for it) Office XP. No, I wasn't aware it existed before we upgrded to it, either, and I'm a certified geek. And we had to upgrade all our computers just to handle *that* - yup, we fail BIG time at IT...

I use 2003 at home, and have no desire to upgrade - I've used a few computers with Office 07 on, and didn't like it at all. Things I could use shortcuts for were OK, but anything else took twice as long and offered no tangible benefits. Ran like a concrete donkey half the time, too.

Now I guess (as some will be mentally pointing out) it might have improved with continued use, but that would involve it actually interesting me enough to WANT to re-learn how to use Office in a significantly different way to that which I have become accustomed. And you can't customise the pesky Ribbon thing, either, to fit the way YOU work, like you could the old toolbars.

Not all change is bad, granted, but as far as I'm concerned this ain't all that good...

BOFH: Made of win


Oh, this is *SO* true - thanks, Simon!

We've just replaced an old but working VERY business critical mapping system at my place of work with a newly developed, heavily customised program which doesn't work properly. takes ten times the hours and manpower to do some key tasks, cost over a million pounds and *may* be fixed (at more expense) 'some time in the future'. Whereas we *COULD* have spend under £250k for an off the shelf, configurable package (which the rest of our indutry already uses), including unlimited licenses and all the bells and whistles that would automate most of the critical stuff we do.

Naturally, the brass (who naturally have no cause to use it themselves) think it's the bees knees, and recently we got a senior management propaganda e-mail round proudly trumpeting that this pathetic excuse for a program had been nominated for an IT award. You could actually track the progress of the e-mail's opening around the office by the disbelieving laughter...

And don't get me started on our new 'this will solve all our IT problems' implementation of SAP...

Badgers, cos they know more about IT than anyone running it in our company!

Cheerleaders in danger from cheerleading


Cue lots of comments about Popes being Catholic...

... and bears relieving themselves in tree-prolific areas.

In particular:

"The study also showed that nearly 90 per cent of the most serious fall-related injuries were sustained while the cheerleaders were performing on artificial turf, grass, traditional foam floors or wood floors."

Maybe I'm just not sporty enough, being a female geek and all, but I'm struggling to come up with another common type of flooring found in areas likely to be infested with cheerleaders that isn't concrete or tarmacadam/asphalt based, which surely would be even worse...

Aside from carpeting, but then you have to factor in 'going for the burn' - and the fact it's probably laid over one of the above.

Ignoble prizes all round, methinks!

~Jes :)

BOFH: The stupidity criticality


Sounds pretty much like where I work...

...except in our case the 'working party' in question is not just the one, but several, and are not merely ignoreable 'advisors' to the respective Departments, but *in charge* of them. And the worst one of all is the one running the whole Company. The whole mission statement, vision and values stuff is so true, and they never seem to twig we just laugh at that stuff, then ignore it and get on as best we can despite their constant meddling with things they just don't understand...

...we either need a 'buy executive management a clue' fund, or a fourth floor secure conference room...

...and we also need a 'hatchet' or 'going postal' icon of some kind. Excep that post isn't really going anywhere much at te moment, is it? ;)

*is counting down the hours to freeeeedom - can you tell?*

Governator in acrostic 'f**k you' outrage



Look at the first letter of each line of Arnie's missive from the top to the bottom - what do you see? ;)

Would that more politicians had the guts to take this kind of common sense approach! Go Arnie!

~Jes :)

Mandy declares 'three strikes' war on illegal file sharers



Thank you, exactly what I wanted to express but put a heck of a lot better!

It always amuses me that the media industry don't seem to have grasped the concept that if they charge what is perceived as a FAIR price for their wares, more people will buy them. Yes, they're likely going to have to take a short term fall in revenue whilst the general public readjust their mental attitude from expecting to be ripped off to something more favourable, but by and large even in this day and age most people feel uncomfortable about breaking the law to obtain something they could acquire for a 'fair' price.

Personally I don't download; my response to the extortionate media prices these days was to simply stop buying music and DVDs until something I really want falls to a reasonable price (as in under £10 for a single CD/DVD, or between £15 - £25 for a regular box set of something, depending on the number of episodes).

Of course, by that time, the largest part of my enthusiasm for that particular item has often waned, so I save my money and just enjoy watching if/when it pops up on Freeview (paid TV is another thing I refuse to pony up for, despite it being the only decent way to view cricket these days). Which means the media companies lose again...

As for DRM - if you ship something with it, I'm NOT buying. End of. At the end of the day there is plenty else out there to entertain me, so if your 'thanks' for me giving you a wedge of my hard earned cash in exchage for your product is to say 'but we're also going to control how you watch/listen to it' then I can live without it.

At the end of the day it's simple - sell something at a reasonable price from the outset, and I (like most people, I suspect) am far more likely to buy it there and then. Otherwise you'll have to take your chance that I'm still interested when the price drops.

~Jes :)

Musos demand Guantanamo Bay playlist


Re: Track I'd least like to be tortured with?

The Teletubbies song. I don't have full perfect pitch, but I DO have perfect relative pitch, and the bloke 'singing' (and I use that term in the loosest possible sense) is ALWAYS slightly off key - aaaaargghhh!!!!

And there's only so many times thinking up humerous variants such as the TelePubbies (Drinky Winky, Tipsy, Lagered and Poled) can keep you sane...

Historian slams 'absolutely crazy' UK time zone


@GettinSadda - Japanese Time

"If a country in Europe does most of its business with Japan, should that whole country adopt Japanese time?"

When I left secondary school, the speech of the local councillor dweeb who came to speak at our leaving ceremony could basically be summarised thus:

"Congratulations on your grades! I'm sure you're all excited about going out in to the real world, it's just a shame that the British economy is going down the tubes. Personally I reckon in ten years time we'll all have to be working in the middle of the night to sychronise with Japan's working day just to survive as a country, but I'm sure you'll cope with that."

<sarcasm>Wow, we felt SO encouraged and enthisiastic after that! </sarcasm>

El Reg launches 'Skinny Fit' fashion range



Incidentally, did you know that the leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates?

According to the magnificent Dave Barry, anyway... ;)


Ralph Lauren stick insect sacked for being 'too fat'


@Andy Enderby 1

That look isn't achievable without Pelvic Reduction Surgery - or a RL photoshop 'expert', of course...

And in case anyone missed their latest one (as posted by benito darder oliver - ta!):


Just as bad, if not worse!

I just can't figure out why anyone making clothes would want to give the public the idea that they design things for impossible body shapes...

@ jake - ta, mate!

Ralph Lauren says sorry for incredible shrinking pelvis



I do have a friend who can alter clothes, might try learning myself too! The main problem is it's usually the tricky fiddly areas (like waistbands) which need altering, not really a beginner project and I can't afford to wreck too much stuff! :) Still, have to start somewhere :)

Incidentally, I think "Viv l'difference, and to hell with the fashion industry!" might find it's way into a few online signatures of mine - if there are no objections, that is! ;)


@Chris Long

I suspect it's more accurate to say i'm not a 'fashionable' size and shape - well, not in this day and age, had I been born during the days of hourglass coursets I'd have done just fine! "Childbearing hips" I believe they used to call my type of build ;)

And I do fully appreciate that mass production imposes it's own limitatiions (I'm tall for a girl, and my brother is 6'3"), but you kind of answered your own question when you said it seems to be a common problem. I don't expect the whole of the fashion industry to be geared to my tastes and body shape, but it would be nice for it to be acknowledged rather more than it is!

After all, I can't be the only narrow waisted wide hipped girl out there who diesn't fancy the idea of low slung hipsters/skirts as the solution to their clothing problems... ;)


And now for a female POV

I have that kind of figure which makes me think I was born in the wrong century - classic hourglass with about a size 8 waist over size 12 hips, approximately (at least, until they change the 'standard' measurements again to make previously size 14 woman fit into a size 10-12), with the added complication of a 32" inside leg.

Needless to say, under the current fashion regime I find clothes hunting an absolute nightmare, as do other friends who have fashion-abnormal body features such as hips, bum cheeks or reasonably sized breasts.

And it's getting worse - ten or so yeas ago I had no problem getting jeans and some form of trousers and fitted skirts, and owned at least one dress. Now I mainly have to stick to a-line skirts, a few pairs of trousers where the waist still fits well enought to allow me to wear them with a belt without looking like a sack tied round the middle with string, and the only dresses I own are two custom fitted bridesmaid dresses. I bought my first pair of jeans in a long time earlier this year, which actually fit - unlike all other pairs I tried over the last few years, which (like most of the 'fitted' skirts and trousers I've tried recently) either fitted the waist but wouldn't do up round the hips, or fitted the hips but gaped open about four inches at the back.

So, fashionistas, take note - I would gladly be spending more money on clothes - if only you'd take off your skinny-vision goggles and design something for a non straight-up-and-down body type! Oh, and I'll also carry on ignoring your overpriced glam-rags until you restrict your photoshopping to the excellent suggestions of SirTainleyBarking, and/or introduce Mycho's rating system (excellent ideas!).



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