Posts by Skyraker

VW's Scirocco diesel: A sheep in Wolfsburg’s clothing

Mitsubishi GTO

Brit cops nab six in Silk Road 2.0 drugs sting

How long until "Silk Road Balboa"?

Bash bug: Shellshocked yet? You will be ... when this goes WORM

Re: Oh $!#t.

I picked a bad day to quit sniffing glue.

Microsoft buys Minecraft for $2.5bn. Notch: I'm getting the block outta here

2.5bn

Fuck me sideways.... The inmates are truly running the asylum.

Hello, police, El Reg here. Are we a bunch of terrorists now?

who the fuck would want to watch it anyway?

I couldnt watch this.. ever.

Once you watch it , you cant unwatch it.

Shit like this would follow me around in my head for a fucking eternity... fuck that.

IBM boffins stuff 16 million-neuron chips into binary 'frog' brain

Frog Brain

Pretty much anyone in the City of London police.

Tech talk bloke compares girlfriend to irritating Java tool – did he deserve flames?

Re: Before the knee-jerk "PC gone mad" comments start in earnest...

Why dont you go put on a dress.

SCIENCE explains why you LOVE the smell of BACON

To quote Jim Jeffries

If you took away my bacon and beer, I'd fly a fucking plane into a building.

Facebook wants MORE EXPLICIT SHARING

Re: Sharing Absurdities

Handcream?

It could be so much worse.

You know all those resources we're about to run out of? No, we aren't

Re: Great Article.

We need all the lithium for shake n bake.

10 PRINT "Happy 50th Birthday, BASIC" : GOTO 10

Re: My first program

(Pedant mode)

It was a ;

Capita splashes £57.5m on Eye-of-Sauron car-park watchdog biz

This lot.....

... will be first against the wall when the revolution comes.

Hollywood: How do we secure high-def 4K content? Easy. Just BRAND the pirates

"Oh, I see your logic now. So when someone figures out a way to rob something (say a bank), it's perfectly OK in your sick little world for them to go ahead and commit that crime. Really? Do you actually read what you write? Are these the morals you instil in your children?"

I can't have children you sick cunt.

Hero police robot back on duty after 'unstable man' blasts it with shotgun

Tinribs

Hi my name is Barbie..

.. I love you

Vandals break into congressman's office, install Linux on PCs

As japes go....

.... splendid.

BBC gives itself a gold in 700Gbit-a-second Olympic vid sprint

Re: What?

Dirty Mugabe.

Yep, i'm happy with that.

Re: What?

It might be 1974 in my head but the French did

a) State (by the president no less) that we were rolling out the carpet for French medals

b) When they preceded to win next to fuck all point the finger at Team GB for cheating with their cycling equipment, leading to a brilliant wind up merchant (from the UK) to phone in and explain that it was because Team GB wheels were specially designed to be more 'round'. This was then taken as final proof by the French that we were indeed cheating.

http://www.france24.com/en/20120809-france-britain-uk-david-cameron-french-defeat-cycling-olympic-games

Re: What?

I suspect you are a dirty Frenchman.... nose out of joint sir?

Re: ch 4

Boyle said: "Jordan and Peter Andre are still fighting each other over custody of Harvey - eventually one of them will lose and have to keep him."

He went on to say: "I have a theory about the reason Jordan married a cage fighter - she needed a man strong enough to stop Harvey from f**king her."

Cracking joke, whats wrong with that?

NASA's $2.5bn Curiosity rover: An Apple PowerBook on wheels

Great article .......

.... would read again.

Microsoft tightens grip on OEM Windows 8 licensing

Isn't this going to be almost as easy as with Win 7?

Download BIOS image -> Flash BIOS -> snigger

HTML 5 gets forked up

What's HTML ever done for us?

heh, I'll play...

'Law and Order ?'

'Yeah, remember what the Internets used to be like Reg'

Anonymous hack hands WikiLeaks TWO MILLION Syrian emails

Peoples Liberation Front

Splitters!

AMD to plunk ARM core onto Fusion, Opteron chips

This has got....

... DRM written all over it.

You think they'd have learnt by now.

Spy under your car bonnet 'worth billions by 2016'

Speed cameras outside schools

I've never seen the logic of this. Outside a school the LAST thing I should be looking at is my speedo.

FFS Just re-read this in the voice of Paul Gadd....

Big Media drags 142,000 through UK's courts in a year

I only watch on demand

I have a virgin box that CAN receive live TV but I ONLY watch on demand TV through the box and film flex through PS3.

As I read it, I don't have to pay as I don't watch broadcast TV but have to pay because I have the ability to receive broadcasts.

Can anyone enlighten me?

New Yorker sues Apple: 'Misleading and deceptive' Siri ads

Just don't....

... ask it where you can get a 'nice hot cup of tea'.

Apple wants ebook price class action suit thrown out

Just....

Jailbreak...

NASA restores Pluto to league of planets

Pluto is a planet

No it isn't.

TalkTalk serves up website blocking to users

Pipex

Agreed, Pipex were the bollocks.

TalkTalk are total shit..... not your normal shit, that award goes to BT.

You know the dog shit that has mould on it? That's Talktalk...... White dog shit is cool, mouldy dog shit is just dog shit with mould on it.

Fuck off talktalk..... negative vote me if you want... I've been on bag all day and you haven't.

Sony mulls hacker bounty offer

Bwian

I'm Brian and so is my wife.

HABITABLE ALIEN WORLD discovered 20 light-years away!

More like this please.

"As one might expect the resulting material focused on matters of interest only to mental cripples. "

I'm still giggling... nice one!

Undead Commodore 64 comes back for Christmas

Workbench windows?

shirley you mean windows Workbench?

Unhackable PS3 finally jailbroken, video claims

I'd buy one if I could run homebrew.

I don't have a PS3 or any other console.....

.... My day to day PC is an average (albeit slightly overclocked) dual core with last years 4850... Maybe i'm too old, but since Half Life I haven't had the patience to see a game through to the end.

I do love emulators & homebrew shit though, and i'd buy a ps3 on the strength of this (coupled with home ent etc)... If the ps3 can run bedroom code then i'm sold... otherwise , nah.

Intel snaps up McAfee in $7.68bn deal

Wish i'd had a heads up on this

Shares went up 58% when this broke.

Agree with everyone else though... WTF?

Sky 3D soccer fails to score

@David England

Unless we're going to have Cam-Toe [TM] we're really not going to see much benefit.

There, fixed your post for you.

Welsh yobs clobbered by cross-dressing cage fighters

I was having a shit day...

... until I read this.

"One minute you're down, the next you're right back up again. "

Windows 7 OEM prices revealed

OEM Prices here are.

£68 Home Premium

£91 Professional

£124 Ultimate

ex VAT.

Texas cop tasers gobby granny

Tasers are a non lethal last resort

You don't fucking tase old ladies.... end of.

This shit will be commonplace here soon. My (late) old man was a (oldschool) copper, he'd think nothing of a punch up with a scrote who was up for it.. your nicked, job done. Old school coppering at it's best. Tasers should be meant as a last resort to a tooled up knobhead who presents a real life threatening danger not a member of the blue rinse brigade who is a 'bit pissed off'.

Tasing fucking hurts.. bad. It would have been less painful / torture to have brained her with his truncheon. So it's non lethal... so is fucking waterboarding and that doesn't hurt.

Fuck this copper, fuck tasers and fuck Nu Labour for allowing them over here.

(I know this was a septic moment and not here)

BT bumps up broadband speeds

Broadband Accelerator

Easy to do yourself.

Just cut the bell wire on the master socket. I went from 5.5 meg up to 7 and a bit using this little hack.

Brussels to sue UK over Phorm failures

@Dervla

BT Webwise increases your protection against online fraud and makes ads that appear on participating websites more relevant to your interests. It's completely free for BT Total Broadband customers and you don't have to download or install any software for it to work.

BT Webwise automatically adds an additional layer of protection against online fraud by checking the sites you visit against a list of suspected fraudulent and untrustworthy websites. When you attempt to visit any website on the list, you'll see a warning, so you can choose whether or not to visit it. It's another way BT is helping to protect you online.

BT Webwise also personalises the online advertising you see when browsing on participating websites by linking ads to your interests. For example, if you search for a weekend trip to Paris or visit pages related to Paris, BT Webwise would replace the standard ads that would normally appear with advertising relating to travel or hotels information. You won't see any more adverts than you normally do - they'll simply be more relevant.

Acer sued for shipping Vista-book with GB of memory

1GB Pah!

My Amiga runs in 512K.

Mind you, it's shit.

Parcelforce website cold-shoulders Linux lovers

Amiga

It works on the Amiga.

Firefox 3.1 release date hampered by cheeky monkey

Long

Stockton you cock.

Mayor Boris backs McKinnon in extradition fight

Make politics fun

Boris for P.M.

Circuit City goes titsup

DSG

I hope they're next.... wankers.

Confusion reigns ahead of comms überdatabase debate

Has anyone figured out how much....

.... data this would generate?

I'm too stupid, but can someone have a go?

Jacqui calls Vodafone man to run massive snoop database

How much Data?

Can someone who isn't half cut give us an idea of how much data would be generated in one day ?

I also hate this fucking government.... mind you , i'd shag Caroline flint.

Before Pong, there was Computer Space

This story...

..is worthless without screenshots.

Grand Theft Auto IV PC debut gets SecuROM sideshow

For fucks sake

I've bought GTA since the first incarnation (top down 2D) but this is the first time I wont.

I don't buy many but apart from GTA series, Dungeon Keeper series, EVE & TF2 I grab a torrent and am glad I didn't shell out for it. This I was about to pre-order on Steam.

Now I'll just wait a week and grab from demonoid.

Rockstar used to be cool, but then so did Kajagoogoo.