* Posts by Christoph

3313 publicly visible posts • joined 24 Dec 2007

Government swiftly backpedals on vetting scheme

Christoph
FAIL

Enormous damage for zero result

"'cognitive factors', such as 'strong anti-social beliefs'" - So anyone who objects to this scheme will fail.

"chaotic or unstable lifestyle" - We only want teachers who have never done anything else but be teachers. We definitely don't want anyone with lots of experience of life.

Huge numbers of false positives, people kicked out of jobs or denied them for no reason.

And no effect whatever on what it was designed to prevent. If someone has a driving urge to attack children, removing the easy options to get at them is not going to do anything more than slow them slightly while they look for another route. Unless you keep every child locked up all the time, someone driven and determined will always be able to get to some child somewhere.

A phone in every car gains hard-won GSMA support

Christoph
FAIL

What does it cost the owner?

Presumably the car owner will be compelled to maintain a current contract on the phone? I'm sure the phone companies will be able to work out a reason why such a contract will of course have to be at a premium price.

And will the owner be charged for all the calls the phone makes automatically to relay the position of the car and everything that's said in it to GCHQ? (Once NuLab and the Daily Mail manage to point out why that is of course needed.)

New web filter laws questioned by top child abuse cop

Christoph
FAIL

ROFL!

Anonymous Coward said: "I've got nothing to hide, only the pervs and criminals have."

Christoph
Big Brother

Who watches the watchers?

Who decides what sites I am forbidden to see, and what information I am forbidden to know?

What qualifications do they have? How are they appointed? How are they dismissed?

If the list of censored sites is secret, who checks that only sites within the stated remit are blocked, rather than anyone the current government dislikes?

How do people who are wrongly blocked confirm that this is so? Who do they appeal to? What compensation will they be given for destruction of their legitimate business?

What if anything is going to stop this expanding its remit endlessly, to block anything whatever that the government or the police or the Daily Mail take a dislike to?

The government have proved repeatedly that they will bring in ridiculous laws on the flimsiest of causes.

The police have proved repeatedly that there is no limit whatever to the increased powers they will demand, and no consideration whatever of civil liberties.

The Daily Mail have proved repeatedly that it will rant about anything that sells newspapers,

This thing will grow and grow - and what politician is ever going to demand that it shrinks, only to face instant accusations of every crime possible?

Why teachers fear Callum, Chelsea, Connor and Crystal

Christoph
Boffin

No mention of the worst?

What about the most feared name? Little Bobby Tables.

NY residents sue for $100m over phone masts

Christoph

Streisand Effect

They have now made certain that everybody has heard about those boxes, which will depress the prices in Hempstead even further.

Android app puts signs where they should be

Christoph
Grenade

How up to date is the data

So you're driving along the road as it is today, and the phone which you're watching instead of the road is showing you the road markings from a year ago, before they completely redesigned the layout. What could possibly go wrong?

CRB looks to ID cards to solve accuracy woes

Christoph
Black Helicopters

@ Elmer Phud

You have several CRBs? You voluntarily spend a lot of your time with children and vulnerable adults? Well that obviously makes you suspicious then, we'd better make you have an ID card so we know you're safe.

'Dragon's Egg' hurlable weeble-cams for US digi-troopers

Christoph
Joke

Making a brit version

Which is more important, buying an existing version cheap and saving the lives of the troops, or handing more money out to chums in the defence industries?

Alternatively of course they might have thought about the chances of getting Brits to accurately throw something "about the size of a cricket ball".

US military cyber force activated

Christoph
Black Helicopters

Consequences of military bureaucracy

Now that they have these military units, those units are going to protect their own existence.

So they need a threat. They need enemies. If enemies do not exist they will have to be created. Realistic threats and attacks will have to be discovered, whether or not there actually are any.

NASA review: Forget about boots on Mars by 2030

Christoph

And then what?

Suppose they get a single manned mission to Mars, at enormous cost. What will they do next? It will be far too expensive to send more missions to do the same thing over again. It will be far too expensive to send manned missions anywhere else.

Docs wire up world's first internet-connected pacemaker

Christoph
Big Brother

Very useful

This will come in very handy for local councils. "Your blood pressure is up and your heart rate increasing. Are you lying about where you live so as to get your child into a better school?

Met amends journo photo guidance to prevent interference

Christoph
Stop

How does this help?

The policeman is now going to have to put more effort into thinking up some ludicrous excuse why he is going to stop people photographing. Which will get him annoyed and make him come down harder on his victim.

High Court shields database state from blame

Christoph
Flame

So it's official

If there is no possible comeback on them for making a mistake, there is no reason for them to bother taking any care.

So it is now official that the credit database is utterly worthless and should never be trusted.

And exactly the same for all the other government databases.

What civil servant is going to spend all his time making sure that the information he enters is accurate, when he can improve his performance figures by entering the data faster and not bothering about accuracy? If his fingers fumble, carry on and get the data in faster. If information is missing, make up something on the spot and get the data in faster. Get promoted due to better performance, over the heads of the idiots who think they have some kind of duty of care to the citizens they are 'serving'.

Marines mobilize to block Web 2.0

Christoph
Grenade

Grooming?

"Social networks have become important tools used by the US military for reaching out to potential new recruits."

Grooming kids on the net for sex is utterly illegal. Grooming kids on the net to kill people is officially approved.

Vetting database shows suspicion and spying are the new trust

Christoph
Flame

It's not news

This brand of idiocy has been know about for years - see Catch 22, where everyone has to sign a loyalty oath many times a day to be allowed to do anything. Because if they've signed the oath then obviously they must be trustworthy. But a couple of minutes later they might have become untrustworthy, so they must sign again.

Re the three times in three months thing - should I keep a record of the exact dates when the kid next door asks me for his ball back after it's come over the fence? Will I need to be checked? And what happens if the database is so corrupted that I fail? Maybe someone started a false rumour against me thirty years ago or something? Will I then be forced to move house in case that kid lets his ball go over the fence again?

Exposed activist accuses Tiscali of putting life in peril

Christoph
WTF?

"How much do you want?"

> "How much do you want?" he shouted, according to documents seen by The Register. "10,000? 20,000? 50,000? How much? Give me a figure?"

If someone did that to me I'd assume they were recording the call and were trying to get me to say something that they could use in court - ""Look, he's only doing this to try to get money out of us!"

> The company, meanwhile, demanded to know the detailed background of her involvement in national security

Perhaps they could explain what possible use they could have for such classified information, other than passing it on to her enemies?

El Reg to launch space paper plane

Christoph
Megaphone

Re Hmmm...

> http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/7230949.stm

We must not allow a Paper Plane gap!

EU backs renewal of anti-terror bank scrutiny deal

Christoph
Stop

Gentlemen's Agreement?

An agreement that lets the Yanks poke their snotty little noses into everyone's bank transfers is hardly an agreement among Gentlemen.

Apple says jailbroken iPhones endanger cell towers

Christoph
WTF?

Crashing the tower?

So anyone who can hack together some chips to talk to a cell tower can trash it?

And the answer is to tell them that it would be naughty to do this with one particular brand of phone, rather than, sort of, fixing the tower software?

That's got about as much logic to it as an SCO legal plea.

Tokyo battles monstrous murder of crows

Christoph

Why don't they do the obvious?

Problems in Tokyo? Send in Godzilla!

Too-tall terror snapper stopped by cops again

Christoph
Flame

Great news!

"Once this had been done and officers were confident that no offences had been committed the man was allowed on his way "

So we are now legally permitted to walk down the street minding our own business! As long, that is, as we have previously proved our innocence to the police.

So every jumped up arrogant little pocket hitler plod can now graciously 'allow' us on our way once we've kissed his arse enough?

"Oh dear, why don't the public like us?"

Auditors slam MoD over failure to keep track of radios

Christoph
FAIL

Bowman

So we can trace the bowmen of Agincourt but not the Bowman radios of Afghanistan.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8160081.stm

Would you leave your child alone with a cabinet minister?

Christoph
FAIL

And another thought

"Hello, is that the emergency plumber? We've had a massive pipe burst and the whole school is being flooded."

"Rightho mate, we'll send someone round in a couple of months once he's been cleared to work in a school."

Christoph
FAIL

What happens when the kids know about this?

You can now lose your job and have your life ruined simply on unsubstantiated allegations with no evidence.

The kids will very soon know about this.

So they can threaten (or just accuse) any adult who they don't like, or who is not doing whatever they order them to do.

Christoph
Flame

Gossp and Rumour

Of course once an author refuses to undergo these checks, someone will do the old "no smoke without fire" and assume that they refused to be checked because they knew they would fail.

And then they'll start rumours to that effect. Which the police will put on that author's record.

So if the author is eventually forced to be checked, they will fail because of those rumours. And the original gossip monger will say "See! It's true!"

And then quite likely someone will decide to rid the world of this terrible paedophile.

Oz cops turn to wardriving to fight Wi-Fi 'jackers

Christoph
Alert

Checking the password

Presumably the only way they can check for the default password is by using it to log on.

Are they breaking the law by doing that?

And are they *all* going to be able to resist the temptation to have a fishing expedition round the local network's files once they're logged on?

IT admin sentenced for sabotaging employer's network

Christoph
WTF?

Stupidity competition

The company didn't change the administrator password, and the ex-admin used his home computer for the attack. Were they running a competition as to who could be the stupidest?

CRB drops fees ahead of expected vetting surge

Christoph
Flame

That must be a good thing then

If it wasn't for this check then 98,000 people would have been attacking children in this country!

It must be true, the government says so.

Plod offered SIM confiscation powers by Tories

Christoph
Thumb Down

"Accused"?

This will happen to anyone simply accused? (and simultaneously guilty of being a teenager).

So the "months of complex bureaucracy" they are avoiding is presumably the time taken if they were to do silly things like providing actual evidence that any crime has been committed?

And in ten years time, the police will be whinging and wailing and moaning that young adults conscripted onto juries assume as a matter of obvious fact that any policeman giving evidence is lying in his teeth until proven otherwise.

New Zealand set to join internet blocking club

Christoph

Re taking down sites

Of course they are not taking down the illegal web sites. They have no interest whatever in doing so. The scare stories are there simply to have an excuse to censor and control the net.

Visa dings teen for $23-quadrillion restaurant charge

Christoph

Lucky for himk it was so much

If the charge had been 23 dollars too much, would they have admitted it? Or would they have assumed that the customer was lying and trying to cheat them?

If their systems are faulty then their systems are faulty, whatever the amount. If these transactions got through without being automatically blocked, any other amount could get through.

DNA database swells despite human rights ruling

Christoph
Flame

Merely a time limit?

So what's the betting that due to the latest scare story the 6 to 12 year time limit has to be extended. And extended. And extended.

But we're only keeping your details for a hundred years, then we're deleting it so you don't have a record any more!

Congressman calls for 'cyber-reprisals' against North Korea

Christoph
FAIL

@ It wasn't North Korea, @ Just block NK's access to the Internet, @ Jason Bloomberg

"if they manage to troll America into destroying North Korea, they win at life"

Maybe it's some kids that have got bored with calling in SWAT teams on random strangers and want to try SWATting a whole country?

"just block there entire country from accessing the Web"

Really bad idea. "The USA owns the Internet and can cut off anyone who annoys us" is not going to make them popular.

"Americans in a permanent state of wanting to go and kick shit out of their "ideological enemies""

A note in a New Scientist article on "The End of War" (4th July issue) says "human societies ... also behave much more aggressively toward rival groups if they are confident they can prevail".

The USA has overwhelming military force, so they don't have anything to restrain them from attacking anyone who they don't like, or who happens to have some oil, or who doesn't grovellingly support them. And it's likely to get worse when they can send in military robots. There's no dead US troops for their voters to complain about, and there's no restraint on what they shoot. Someone playing video games in a base back in the US doesn't care anything like as much that the building he's blasting may be a school rather than a military target.

Christoph
WTF?

So what's new?

So the idea is for the USA to make a totally unjustified attack on a foreign country which had nothing to do with the original attack, and to make that attack ridiculously larger than the original.

So why is this news?

Amazon may plug in-book advertising into Kindle

Christoph
Thumb Down

Prior Art

I think it was Pterry who withdrew his books from a German publisher because they were printing adverts in the middle of the text. And US paperbacks used to have advert pages bound in the middle (usually for cancer sticks). I really can't see how the idea can be patentable.

Police headcams burst into flames

Christoph
Flame

Good excuse

So where is your cop-cam record of what happened when this innocent passer-by dropped dead a few minutes after you 'gently nudged' him?

Oops, sorry your honour, my camera mysteriously went on fire.

So what about the video taken by the witness?

Yes your honour, we nicked him straight away for the crime of filming the police, and destroyed the illegal video.

PC repair techs police dangerous picture law

Christoph

"We don’t browse our clients’ computers for fun"

Then they must be the only computer repairers who don't.

If you take your computer in for repair then you should assume that they *will* browse your entire disk for porn which they can copy into their own collection. Clear the disk first. Don't forget the holiday snaps of your daughter in her bikini. Definitely zap the baby photos. In fact ideally wipe the disk and reinstall the operating system.

US city ends FaceSpaceGooHoo log-in grab

Christoph

God help the people in that town

If the burghers of Bozeman treat their potential employees like that, what do they to to their actual populace?

Control freaks like that will probably end up spying on everything the people do, putting spy cameras everywhere, logging all their telephone calls and emails, and every web site they visit, bottling up anyone who tries to protest in a mass of police, demanding lists of every person who frequents a nightclub and advance details of every performer who plays there, introducing ludicrous numbers of new laws to control every tiniest thing the people might possibly want to do ...

Thank god nothing like that could ever happen here!

Don't call me Ishmael

Christoph

Surely the best one of all ...

.... was the computer that was named after its own fictional self.

http://www.catb.org/jargon/html/K/kremvax.html

Dinosaurs actually slimmer than we thought, say boffins

Christoph

@ Robert Ramsay

Both the African and the European dinosaurs were slim. What caused all this problem was the American dinosaurs, which were massively fat and weighed twice as much as other dinosaurs.

US city demands FaceSpaceGooHoo log-ins from job seekers

Christoph

Good idea as far as it goes

"all the way down to the lifeguards and the folks that work in city hall here. So we do those types of investigations to make sure the people that we hire have the highest moral character and are a good fit for the City,"

Absolutely. You certainly wouldn't want your child's life to be saved by a lifeguard who once mentioned on his private, personal diary something that doesn't meet the high moral standards of the little old ladies of Lower Buttfuck, Hicksville, USA.

But it doesn't go far enough. They need to check what you've spent money on in case you bought something they don't approve. They need to know where all your money comes from - why, you might be a DRUG DEALER!!!

So they also need to have all your bank account and credit card details so they can log in and check all your financial transactions, and cancel any they don't approve of, and make payments from your account to their personally favoured charities if they don't think you're giving enough.

Imagine! Government to legislate against badness

Christoph
Flame

Here we go again

So the government will define an official method of measuring child poverty. And all effort will go on that official measure rather than on how well off children are. Like the hospital waiting times, where you get moved from the first queue to the second queue so that your time in the first one is under the limit - and nurses who could be helping you spend their whole day on meaningless nonsense just to get the official figure down. The same will happen to the kids - the official figure will be the only thing that matters.

Junior astronomer spots junior supernova

Christoph

@ Mike007

Details here http://deer-pond-observatorie.wetpaint.com/page/The+story+about+SN2008ha

US brain-computer interface gets live human trials

Christoph

Saves a lot of time

The Nigerians will be able to simply upload some malware to make your arm sign a cheque and post it - no need any more for all those silly emails claiming to be someone's widow.

And great for troop training too. You *will* all march in unison, whether you want to or not.

Police deny targeting kids for DNA

Christoph
Flame

@ Catkins

Interesting. So if the police are determined to give every single child in their area an arrest record to carry through their lives, and those jobs will reject anyone with an arrest record, they are going to end up desperate for people who are not disqualified.

So the people in jobs caring for vulnerable people will be selected simply as being some of the very very few who are not disqualified. Since the available pool will be so tiny this will have to be the only criterion, regardless of whether they are actually suitable or qualified for the job.

They will probably also be able to demand extortionate pay levels.

What a wonderful way to protect the vulnerable members of society.

And won't the politicians boast about what a great job they are doing.

Christoph

And the obvious result

There will presumably be more and more individual plods whinging and whining about 'the public doesn't trust us'. All we did was arrest, terrify and traumatise a totally innocent child, and now years later that grown adult doesn't trust the police.

Beatings will continue until morale improves.

Oh, and there's the little detail about: For the rest of your life you will have major problems, expense and delay if you ever want to visit the US, because you have an arrest record.

Tories, LibDems under election day cyberattack?

Christoph

Not all parties are affected

http://www.omrlp.com/ is running fine, no problems I can see.

Royal Navy warship almost fires on UFOs

Christoph
Alien

orange, ball-shaped UFOs

That would be the invaders described in John Wyndham 's "The Kraken Wakes".

You can easily tell if it's true - you'll start hearing stories about the ice caps melting and sea level rising.

BT bumps up broadband speeds

Christoph
Flame

Does this mean...

... They'll be able to Phorm out all our personal data much quicker?