* Posts by Dennis

229 posts • joined 23 Mar 2007


Govt ponders proof-of-ID law for future phone purchases


Re: Presumably then…

"…you'll be required to provide your passport number when making a call from a payphone?"

What's a payphone? I thought Brutish Telecom were removing all of them. Either that or making them credit card only.


Hey kid ....

Hey kid .... wanna earn yourself £50? Just go into that shop and buy me a phone.

Or .... grandad, wanna bit more pension?

Hustler demands to know Who’s Nailin’ Paylin?


Re: Disgusting

"She's more apelike than anything"

So her grandfather really was a monkey. No wonder she wants to get rid of evolution teaching - she is an example of the missing link.

Virgin rejects $1m space sex offer


It's all in the name

You really can't expect an outfit called Virgin Galactic to allow the human docking maneuver to take place on their ship.

How the fate of the US economy rests on a Dell workstation


How the fake US economy

Now why did I read the title as "How the fake US economy ..."

Fake because these merchant bankers have been gambling using other people's money. Worse. Other people's money that they hadn't yet earned.


UK cybercrime overhaul finally comes into effect


Re: have they

"actually gotten around to properly defining unauthorised access yet?"

What is wrong with the existing definition?

The existing definition consists of two parts:

- the access is unauthorised, that is, the owner has not given permission

- you know the access is unauthorised

The knowledge of what access is unauthorised is a combination of explicit notices and commonly accepted attitudes. If necessary it is a jury that decides.

In a similar way, I don't have a notice on my car listing the people who are allowed to drive it. But, just because the door is unlocked and the key in the ignition it doesn't give you permission to drive it away. This is a commonly accepted attitude. It doesn't need a definition in the law.

McKinnon supporters plan Home Office demo


Re: Location of the crime

"The crime was committed on US soil"

The question isn't new. The law already has a way of resolving the question of the location of a crime. You can stand in one country, fire your gun and kill someone over the border in another country. Does the murder take place where you fired the gun or where the person dies?

It will depend on the definition of the crime. From the definition you can work out the location of the relevant events. I couldn't quickly find an online source, but I guess that murder occurs where the mortal wound occurs. But attempted murder where you pulled the trigger.

So the question in this instance is: does the crime take place where the commands are typed or where the victim's computer is located? Certainly the Computer Misuse Act can apply. But the victim didn't report the problem to the UK police.

Beeb to resurrect Reggie Perrin


I didn't get where I am today

It sounds like she has made up her mind. I didn't get where I am today without recognising a faits accomplis worse than death.

BOFH: Smash + grab


Re: Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...NO!

"Unless somehow the trolly rolled out into the stree..."

And don't tell me .... the lorry swerved to avoid the trolly and that other pile of metal is the new Ferrari you took delivery of this morning.

Olympic ticket scammers still going for gold


Get an early start

A quick check shows some of the domains available for four years time.





















US man cuffed for executing lawnmower

Thumb Down


"Alcohol? Where?"

Errr ....

How about:

"Keith Walendowski, 56, (pictured) had apparently had a few ales when he decided to fire up his "Lawn-Boy""


"His state of inebriation was confirmed by an unnamed female member of his household."


Re: One of God's own prototypes

Another statistic for my thesis proposing that the IQ of the US of A is constant.

HP packaging madness continues apace


Re: It'll all be down to...

"The Hi-Viz one everyone has to wear at work these days."

I want to know what you wear if you work in a factory making Hi-Viz jackets.

Who do you think you are, knitting Mr Hitler?


Mein Kampf

Is that Mein Kampf or Mein Camp?

419ers crank up the menaces


I might just spear your life

"I might just spear your life"

Can you be arrested for demanding money with patois?

Brown's aide, Mata Hari and the BlackBerry


To sack a Civil Servant’s a dreadful shame

When I was first in IT security

I was gentle, I was sane.

Then I met a Civil Servant

With lots of toys and half a brain.

Rat-tat-tat the olduns told me.

Rat-tat-tat, that’s what you do.

Double-tap between the eyes.

Get ‘em first ‘fore they get you.

“A Blackberry”, says I, “They’ll never need it”.

“A Game Boy is all they need”.

I turned to drop and log the firewall

When the Advisor appeared with requisition greed.

Rat-tat-tat the olduns told me.

Rat-tat-tat, that’s what you do.

Double-tap between the eyes.

Get ‘em first ‘fore they get you.

To sack a Civil Servant’s a dreadful shame,

‘Cos every one’s an Oxbridge son.

Take the ‘userdel’ away from admins

Issue every one a gun.

Now rat-tat-tat with your old Lee-Enfield,

Hand grenade, or blunderbuss.

With the SAS on admin duty

We’ll get ‘em first, ‘fore they get us.

Mine's the one with the Fred Wedlock song book in the pocket.

Report fingers prints as ID scheme's point of failure


Re: Iris Fallback...

"They'll just have to fit us all with RFID tags, tiz the only way to stop Terrorism."

Damn. Not another field modification. I've only just had the barcode tattooed on the back of my neck. Trouble is, I think it includes a 'best before date'.

Cyber-fraudsters strike gold at South African government


419 anyone?

I'm a clerk in a bank in South Africa and I've found an account that holds 137m Rand (out of the 199m Rand) that was stolen by a group of hackers. They have now been arrested and are unable to recover their proceeds.

I know you are a trustworthy person and I need your help to get this money out of the country. If you help me I will give you a quarter of the money (34m Rand).

Sadly I am only a humble bank clerk and cannot afford the set up the necessary accounts and secure the required paperwork to get this money out of the county. Please send me £1,450 to cover the legal fees.

Russian crackers spread nuclear panic


No connection

The spokesman for Rosatom went on to say that there was no connection to the emergency shutdown of Sizewell B.


Government orders data retention by ISPs


Re: Usage?

The telephone industry already keeps records of time, duration, location, volume and number called. The telephone firms need this for billing purposes. We can easily understand the usefullness of this usage data when trying to track criminals, identify associates or locate missing people.

How do you map this onto IP communications in a way that is both useful and affordable? An obvious minimum is time line went active, IP address assigned, duration and data volume. The trouble is, ISPs don't need all this for billing purposes. They may aggregate the data volume for capped services. But the IP address isn't needed for billing. So the first challenge was simply to get the ISPs to retain details of DHCP leases and line up/down activity. The aim is to ensure a minimum set of data is retained by all ISPs. And retained for long enough to be useful.

Other types of record will depend on what services the ISP provides. The Home Office know that they will be unsuccessful if they require large amounts of new data to be collected. For example, most mailers automatically keep logs. But these logs are recycled after a few days. The aim is to ensure that any data that is collected is retained for long enough to be useful.

Welsh Darth Vader dodges jail


Re: ten litres of wine

"22 pints? of wine?"

Not in Wales. Only 17.6 (Imperial) pints.

The ex-colonies may have a different figure.

HP in talks to buy EDS



Q: What is the name of HP's Unix system?


Thnks. I wonder what their system would have been called if Dave Packard had been the dominant partner. PH-UX ?

Mine's the one with the joke book in the pocket.

Shuttle astronauts: Aliens are definitely out there


invisible aliens

And the difference between invisible aliens and God is what?

Shell pulls out of Thames Estuary mega-windfarm


Re: not enough wind in UK for wind turbines alone

The scale of the problem is immense. If I've got the figures right the total UK energy consumption is a bit over 1% of the total solar radiation received by the UK. Allowing for conversion efficiency we may need to use 10% of the land area for energy collection.

Please check my figures.

The article says that the UK energy consumption is 2.7 * 10^15 W/year.

The land area of the UK is 2.4 * 10^11 m2.

The insolation at UK latitudes is about 8 * 10^5 W/m2/year.

Giving a total solar radiation of about 200 * 10^15 W/year.

We’re doomed. All doomed.

How many staff has HMRC caught snooping on records?


Re: treat staff like shit and what do you expect?

And do we expect the hordes surrounding the all-seeing ID Card database to be any different?

And will the checks and controls be any better?

Texas man tries to cash $360bn cheque


Re: Land of the free - and stoopid!

I keep telling you: The IQ of the USA is constant.

Mine's the one with the Mensa membership in the pocket.

McAfee 'Hacker Safe' cert sheds more cred

Thumb Down

Re: Does anybody actually believe those little tags?

A quick Google for

<script src=http://www.nihaorr1.com hackersafe

shows three sites that were victims of SQL injection yet subscribe to Hacker Safe.

Currently the Hacker Safe logo shows as a blank space. But the link is still there on the page. Is this really adequate for the customer – the hackersafe logo or a blank? If a site fails to respond surely the image should become “Warning unsafe site”.

I wonder what sort of warning McAfee provided. Certainly these sites failed to modify their code and suffered the consequences.

HSBC plugs hole that exposed site directory


Re: Sorry, where's the security problem?

(1) Access to directory listings of the web site can reveal pages that are not linked in. Perhaps the document with the turnover figures that will be released at noon. Perhaps ini files or server side include files with configuration or authorisation details.

(2) Access to directory listings shows that their system build, configuration and testing process is flawed. If they missed and obvious thing like directory listing what else did they miss.

'Extreme porn' law could criminalise millions


They need to think again

So the Act will criminalise the depiction of activity "which threatens a person’s life".

Doesn't waving a knife around threaten someone's life? They are not actually hurt. Merely the threat.

But a video of someone actually being raped seems to be okay. No threat to kill, just forceably restrained. No injury. And they are alive and human. No problem.

Web infection attacks more than 100,000 pages


@Funky Dennis

"I knew it, you're all still racist against the Paddies, aren't you?"

And I'm also prejudiced against the people of Kent who travel to the station Bat & Ball. And the residents of Robin Hood’s Bay in Yorkshire. And Davidson’s Mains area of Edinburgh. And Adam’s Green, Dorset.

Mine's the one with the gazetteer in the pocket.


Re: To all web programmers on El Reg

I'm sure we could debug the code for @Steve Roper. Whether it's the simple ~= should be =~ or the fact that the double quote character " is transformed into the bizarre string &amp&#59;quot&#59; or that the quote character ' is transformed into a hash symbol #.

This code is fundamentally flawed and is an example of how it is too easy to write a bit of code and believe you are safe. If you are going to filter the input like this then you should allow data that is known to be safe and remove or modify everything else. As we can see from this example, single quotes and double quotes are included but not back-tick. Round brackets are included but not square or curly brackets. What about at or dollar or percent or double hyphen that can have special meaning. The list goes on.

I've seen sites that try to use mechanisms like this. The CEO has to deal with complaints when Mr O'Connor can't book tickets because his name has been garbled.

@umacf24 You are correct. This is an exploit.

@Mark Flingstone - I agree completely.

Malodorous Europe gasses UK

Thumb Down

Re: It smells here...

I'm in Bracknell and it smells here in the office. I thought it was just the olfactory drift from the logjam in cubicle two down the corridor. A porcelain device full to the brim. And I don’t think it’s Brown Windsor soup.

SQL string in URL exposes sex offender data



Yes, you are right. Parameterised queries are the way to do it.

I hope your sanity checks to limiting text fields to printable characters. It's an irritation dealing with a surname with a Ctrl-C or Ctrl-Z or null or carriage return in the middle.

BOFH: Licensing model


porcelain device

I wonder .... is the use of a "porcelain device" sufficiently reliable. Just thinking about it creates nausea. But is this enough. Don't you need a Mocha topping from Exlax trigger the right results? Even better - chocolate chip muffins.

It was on the radio earlier this week, a headmaster was discouraged from nicking the chocolate digestive biscuits. Spent the afternoon in a much smaller office.

Feds to collect DNA of every person they arrest

Black Helicopters

Re: Copernican Inversion

"Wow... the USA copies the UK for a change"

I wonder who will take the credit?

I doubt if Prudence Brown has had enought time or cosy chats to get the idea across.

So, this must be a parting gift from Saint Tony and his NuLabor.

"I will not be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed or numbered!"

Miserly marks get smart to UK phishing fraudsters


Re: Anyone actually looked at HTML

I'm curious. Do you have an example of a web site that blocks image linking.

This can be easily overcome by taking a copy of the image from the bank's web site and saving it somewhere else (such as the server with the phishing login page).

Music biz proposes 'iPod tax' in return for format-shift freedom


How about ....

Why doesn't the music industry simply buy Apple and Samsung and Motorola and every other company that makes an MP3 player. Then simply close down the MP3 player production lines. No more MP3 players. Problem solved.

Schoolboy's asteroid-strike sums are wrong


Re: CO2 emissions

No, no. C02 won't do it. We need something solid.

Soot is carbon particles. We need a lot of soot in the upper atmosphere. This will knit together to form carbon fibre. And we get a global protective jacket. Problem solved.

So, lots more coal fired power stations. And burn all the forests.

Mine's the one with smoke coming out the arms.

Security gumshoes locate source of mystery web compromise


Re: Grammerer Karma

Q: Who was the leader of the Pedants' Revolt?

A: Which Tyler.

US Army cyber colonel in call to network arms


Re: The "speed of megabytes"...

"...and that is?"

This is a well known quantity. The unit of measurement is light-years per milli-furlong.

UK.gov will force paedophiles to register email addresses


Re @Dennis

"isn't having luddite in illuminated letters (LuddLite anyone?), a bit of a contradiction?"

Ah! I was thinking illiminated as in manuscript, Lindisfarne Bible, etc etc. Nice gothic hand crafted lettering with ornate decoration.

Oh well, I just have to stick to the coat made out of a hand-woven tapestry.


Even better ....

Hey Wacky Jacqui why don't you do something about terrorists?

Why don't you get all Muslims to register their e-mail addresses then you can get YouTube to block them and they won't be able to share their martyrdom videos.

While you're at it, get all the spammers and phishers and 419ers to register.

Go the whole hog. Just ban the Internet.

Mine's the one with luddite on the back in illuminated letters.

US teen cuffed for disposable camera 'Taser'


Re: In other news..

A large number of men have been charged with Indecent Exposure. As the policewoman explained: "They all have the equipment. Sooner or later they would have exposed them. We stopped them before this happened. It's really disgusting how men are allowed to go around and don't have to wear proper restraints."

I'm still wearing my flasher mac. Here, take a look.

Comcast acquires BitTorrent for $53bn


Re: Poisson d'avril!

"You had me going there for a moment, but I thought $53bn was a little steep for BitTorrent (and for Comcast!)."

Where does it say US Dollars?

This morning 53bn Zimbabwe Dollars would pay for one days parking at Heathrow T5. This afternoon it's just about enough for a skinny latte.

Mine's the one with the gold Krugerrands still in the lining.

Euro 2008 sales site in drive-by download attack


Re: Euro 2008..... what's that then?

Euro 2008..... isn't that the exchange rate?

1 Euro = 2008 (sub-prime) US Dollars.

Mine's the one with the gold Krugerands in the lining.

Ohio man cuffed for shagging picnic table


Re: Impressive...

"Four times in 90 minutes? Mighty impressive, Sir."

No. He had to keep stopping to get the splinters out.

Want to get into 10 Downing Street? Get a Lithuanian ID card


Re: Scary laws

"originally arrested under the Serious Organised Crime and Police Act which restricts political protest within a kilometre of Parliament."

"Does anyone else find it scary that it is illegal in a country that is suppose to be democratic with free speech to have such a law in place. Does that law not circumvent the purpose of a democratic society."

It really isn't much of a restriction imposed by SOCPA. You merely have to apply for permission a week in advance. Try and find a copy of Mark Thomas' My Life in Serious Organised Crime.



Apparently the ghost of Sir Winston Churchill applied to hold a demonstration (about free speech) and was given permission. Having received permission for one demonstration Mark Thomas was given a police escort through the middle of an unlawful demonstration by anarchists. He also holds the record for the most lawful demonstrations within 24 hours.

Mass lone demonstrations are held on the third Wednesday of each month.

DIY satellite TV installer shoots wife dead


Pre-emptive strike

We all know that satellite TV has more channels. This leads to bitter and violent arguments over the remote control. Perhaps this wasn’t an accident. He merely indulged a US passion for pre-emptive strikes and ensured he held onto the TV remote control.

Notorious spammer pleads guilty to tax evasion and fraud



"What the hell does anyone need 24 pairs of sunglasses for? Last time I checked this solar system only had one sun."

Ah. But perhaps Robert Soloway has 24 pairs of eyes. The lizard army gets everywhere.

BTW: I always call it 'king spam.

Brothers caged for selling pirated Adobe software


Re: In this day and age

"Also why do the police keep interfering in civil matters?"

See Section 107 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988 titled Criminal liability for making or dealing with infringing articles, &c


It becomes a criminal offence if the copyright infringement is in the "course of a business". In essence, it's a civil offence for users and a criminal offence for dealers.



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