* Posts by lansalot

467 posts • joined 23 Mar 2007

Page:

Oracle coughs $46m for bribe claims

lansalot
WTF?

nice !

End an investigation into bribery with... a bribe ?

Corporate accountability, anyone ?

Wanted: 1 solution architect to fist bankers' asses

lansalot
Go

oooh..

Sounds like a nail-biting opportunity.... or maybe not...

Microsoft hits autistic Xboxer with cheat evidence

lansalot
Unhappy

ha!

Kids, eh ?

I bet she'd like to put that one behind her... but I'm wondering if it was the mention of autism that gained the cheater a free month on XBL. That's a reward, isn't it - and not a punishment which you kinda might think was more deserved ?

Microsoft... They didn't need to make such a (frankly worthless) gesture. Now it seems like they've done it simply coz the kid was autistic. Pull your pants up Microsoft, no need for that.... You caught him, you've got the evidence. Let the moany-mom eat her humble-pie in public. Job done, case closed.

Man charged in bizarre EXPLODING VIBRATOR plot

lansalot
Thumb Down

OK

So it took me a while...

Mock-cock ticky-tock bomb-clock shock ?

I'll get my coat.. :-(

lansalot
Unhappy

Love it..

This has so much potential for a tabloid-style pun-tastic headline.. I'm racking my brains, hope someone else is having more luck than me... :-(

lansalot
Happy

mind you..

My mate Michelle wasn't phased..

- nothing like a good bang for christmas

- the orgasms just blew me away

- i was so turned on by my new vibe i could have exploded everywhere

Thumbs-up for her then...

Kinect blamed for Red Ring of Death outbreak

lansalot
Happy

well yeah..

It was crappily built. Which is why MS admitted responsibility and upped the warranty period for RROD. Where have you been hiding ??

lansalot
WTF?

bollocks

From memory..

RROD were caused by Forza 2 (when it came out).

They were also caused by GTA IV (when it came out)

Also caused by Gears of War 2 (when it came out)

Also caused by (whatever is currently popular).

Co-incidence. Get it repaired (and yes, it's a shitty thing that happens, it happened to me) and move on. It's no more kinect's fault than it is watching Sky player, playing Red Dead Revolver, or whatever else you were doing when it struck.

Jamie Oliver website offers graphic recipe for 'Pussy'

lansalot
WTF?

booo !

I posted that link as well and it got rejected... booo !!!!

Hacker warning over internet-connected HDTVs

lansalot
Go

fwiw..

I've updated the software on my TV a few times since July. Part and parcel. Not a problem, nothing to see here, move along etc.

One would hope the base OS itself is actually verified before installation. Understandable that content isn't, of course. Still don't regard this as an issue to get me worried

lansalot
Go

hmmm

Looking at their list of afflicted applications, it matches with what I have on my Panasonic.

Sony have their own walled-gardens of course, as do other manufacturers.

The article confirms that the TV in question contains no actively listening services (quite rightly, why would it). Their whole premise appears to be based on the fact that they have redirected the TV (through local DNS redirection) to retrieve manufacturer-supplied scripts that have been doctored.

Rightly, as no authentication is performed on the source of these scripts, they are able to rewrite them as they like and do what they will with them. The TV in question accepts them as authentic and then the fun begins. So of course they can change things in these circumstances.

Frankly, if my home network has been compromised to that degree, then not getting youtube on my telly is the least of my worries.

That said, interesting article. I think it's of more use as an educational jumping-off point, give some people some ideas on how to customise or open-up the walled gardens the manufacturers have locked them into. Nice bit of fun in other words :-)

Man caught w*nking over Alan Sugar's autobiography

lansalot
Go

wrong title

Maybe he thought the book was called "Wait and see what you're gonna get" ?

He didn't shout "You're fired!" at the crucial moment did he ?

Men may be able to grow a new pancreas from their testicles

lansalot
Happy

Another line to keep in the bank...

"Oh go on, love, please!! It's good for the skin; and cures diabetes !!!"

CNN flashes gay todger over interwebs

lansalot
Happy

hmm

Looks like someone's getting turned over by an eight there alright...

Co-op cashier's breasts overcharged for fruit and veg

lansalot
Unhappy

oh...

I had the same problem with a popular sandwich topping, and some flowers....

I told them .. you don't get honey or rose to the pound...

Vulture 1 rolls out of fab bunker

lansalot
Go

hmm

Is this what you're aiming for ?

http://www.brooklynspaceprogram.org/BSP/Space_Balloon.html

Cinema iPhone pirate escapes jail in test case appeal

lansalot
FAIL

wow

That seems like a very light sentence, especially as he was obviously funding people trafficking, child-prostitution and terrorism... or have I been mis-informed ?

Distressed cock whipped out of wheelie bin

lansalot
Alert

umm

"if it's without water for 24 hours, it will die within a week"

Just out of interest, what if you rescue it at hour 36 and pump it full of lucozade - will it still die?

Which Ethernet SAN storage protocol is best?

lansalot
Happy

ah come on...

There's only one way to find out..... FIGHT !!!!!

3D films fall flat

lansalot
FAIL

also..

Saw Toy Story 3 3D at the weekend. Didn't look like a 3D original. You'd have thought that was a no- brainer, but it ruined the film. Poor show all round. 2D from now on. And who wants to wear the stupid specs at home anyway.

Gimmick.

iPhone 4 burns, hurts owner

lansalot
Grenade

omgomgomg

Class action lawsuit !! Compensation !!! Recall !!! Terrorism !! Knife crime !!!

Well, somebody had to start the hysteria-ball rolling :-).....

London hospital hosted grumble flick shoot

lansalot
Go

ouch

The NHS has really missed a trick here. Should have got in some of the action to get the money's worth !

Patients with erectile dysfunction ? "Look ! Do what he's doing !"

Couple with boring love-lifes ? "Look - do what they're doing !"

Junior gynaecologists ? "Look, that's what one looks like - once he gets his head out the way !"

Trainee hospital porters ? "Clean up on bed #7 !"

Micro-biology department ? "Study this - bet you can't tell us what she had for breakfast !"

Fake IBM playboy pleads guilty

lansalot
WTF?

WHAT ???

£360 a day, for shovelling shit !????

Pass me a shovel - I'm sooo in the wrong job...

Loud sex ASBO woman spared jail again

lansalot

worthy of a re-run ?

"Didn't the Police just ask her to come quietly?"

Again....

Burger van busted offering free takeaway porn

lansalot
Go

looking at the evidence ?

As my civic duty, I feel I must offer to lend a hand...

Don't require payment - not that tight-fisted.

Lightning bolt smites 60ft Jesus statue

lansalot
Go

damn....

but what would you put on the insurance form: Act of God, or "fillicide" ?

Maybe J has been acting up and Dad has him on his last warning or something...

" Get back there and have that second coming you promised "

" In a minute! Gonna level up on COD4 "

" Do as you're told! "

" No! You're not even my real Dad ! "

" Right, this is what you've got coming - and don't say you weren't warned, m'laddo !! "

*zap* etc etc

Ball lightning is all in the mind, say Austrian physicists

lansalot

easy to test, surely..?

Has it EVER been captured on film ?

Reg reader applauds World's Crappiest phish

lansalot
FAIL

:O

Ooh, fame at last :P

No wonder that made it through our spam filters however...... It's as clean as a baby's butt

Sky punts 'truly unlimited' 20Mb/s broadband

lansalot

awww

Pity they're not totally over-subscribed at my exchange then. Youtube before 11.30 pm? Forget it.

In the space of an hour, I'd see speeds ranging from dialup (yes, I know) to 700k/s. Evenings were a joke, webpages are fine - but forget anything apart from that.

Waste of time here, I'm afraid! And all the speedy-carrots in the world won't make me change back.

Omegle invites you to show world+Facebook your bewbs

lansalot
Joke

hey !!!

"On the very first connection, before she spoke a single word, she was treated to the riveting display of a young man with his penis exposed, masturbating"

I was MULTI-TASKING, OK ?????

Argentinian jailbreakers dress in sheep's clothing

lansalot
Thumb Up

heheh

Baaaaaa'd boys, baaaaa'd boys ! What you gonna do ?

What you gonna do when they come for ewe ?

Cash-strapped trolley dollies in nude calendar protest

lansalot
Coat

what???

15 Euro's a pop !!!

No way will I be splashing out on that !

iPad includes hyberbole generator, first reviews show

lansalot
Go

hehe

Absolutely LOVED the boingboing review, it made me feel just the right-amount of dirty !

But somehow I don't think it was mayonnaise he was wiping off the screen..

Am trying to think up some new adjectives as we speak.. but not for the iPad.

Light bulbs inspire boffins to find fast data transfer trick

lansalot

out of interest..

.. how is this so much /significantly/ different to fibre optics and lasers(?) currently in use for data transfer ?

Not dissing the effort, just curious.

Florida woman prangs car while shaving her privates

lansalot
Thumb Up

hehe

"Hang on - I'm just going into a tunnel !"

Argos buries unencrypted credit card data in email receipts

lansalot
FAIL

very dodgy

How is content filtering the issue here ?

We all know that what is in that email is PROGRAMMED to be there. It's not an accident, someone has written code to both output and purposely hide that information.

How should this be the laid at content filtering ? Surely the issue is "idiot coder at the keyboard, spitting credit card numbers out" ?

eBay scammer gets four years

lansalot
FAIL

aye right...

A testament to ebay's Fraud squad that it took them 5 years to squash one dodgy ring. How many people were scammed by this team in that time, ebay ? What's that ? Don't have the numbers ?

I'll give you a clue: it's all in the database.

Jedi chapter seeks leader after master resigns

lansalot
WTF?

bloody hell

Clearly, the farce is strong with that lot.

Losers.

Airport scanners go live today, kids included

lansalot
Unhappy

awwww

"Passengers must not be selected on the basis of personal characteristics (i.e. on a basis that may constitute discrimination such as gender, age, race or ethnic origin)"

Does that mean "she's got big bangers, get her on it!" is out as well then ? I dunno - today's Britain. No matter what your job is, someone is withdrawing the perks...

I've no plans to fly any time soon, ladies, so no need to rush in on my account.. Although in this temperature, I don't believe results would be worth getting your mates round the monitor for. Sadly.

Unless the systems have photoshop as well ?

The Loch Ness Stig gets pixellated

lansalot
Black Helicopters

actually...

I think you'll find that the reason the image was pixellated is because Nessie was almost-spottable through the bushes in the background immediately surrounding the Stig.

Stig/Nessie-spotters are therefore welcome to stay at my nearby hotel, in order to clear this mess up. Some rooms still available, book early to avoid disappointment.

Bring your own towels.

Woman sues rail line for 'exploding' toilet

lansalot
Thumb Up

jeeez...

Just a flash-in-the-pan, nothing major. Move along, move along...

Silicone implants that generate 'leccy invented for US spooks

lansalot
Alert

what ?

"the Princeton team specifies that the kit can also work in reverse"

You ain't trying that one on me ! My trousers drop for no boffin !!

Oracle sues support firm over 'massive theft'

lansalot
FAIL

foot in mouth..

....uses automated crawlers to download "hundred of thousands" Oracle's materials at a time, "causing the databases which host the Software and Support Materials to freeze...

Nice one, Oracle - you aren't admitting that your support database can't handle some automated crawlers without freezing, are you.. ?

Metalink is slow-as anyway.. Not the best of systems from the users-endpoint. IMHO.

Next from Apple: The Pocket iPad

lansalot
Jobs Halo

wow!

Wow !

This sounds like just the ticket ! I was going to buy an iPad, but knowing there's a smaller, more voicey-version just around the corner makes me determined to grit my teeth, gnaw my thumbs and tweak my earlobes until it arrives.

Is there a shipping date yet ? Where can I put down some sort of deposit on this mythical device ? And am I OK to tell all my mates I'm getting one ahead of any formal announcement ?

Ah feck it - I'm off twittering and facebooking all my friends with this tale of technological-triumphery !

(Sorry, gotta run - phone's ringing and bubblewrap needs bursting..)

Microsoft 'offered sex and drugs to distributors'

lansalot
Happy

:O

Ten and a half million shekels ?

Did you hear that ? "Ten and a half million" he offers ! Me, with a dying Grandmother ??

(Haven't they ever heard of haggling...?)

Top Gear's Stig prowls Loch Ness

lansalot
Thumb Up

a small warning however...

Earlier, I googled

"the stig" "loch ness"

and half the results that came up were pages loaded with malware.

Be very careful if you're tempted to find it that way ! Other than that, nice one Stiggy-fella !

Air France offers two-seat deal for fatties

lansalot

hang on...

If I get stuck next to some Billy-Bunter, spilling out over his seat - do I get a rebate for only having access to 50% of my cushion ?

Fair's fair ! ;-)

Singapore nightclub offers booze for boobs

lansalot
Coat

Wouldn't work in Scotland

Sadly, due to the diet, the average cup size in the North appears to be well above D. With belly to match... When's the next train South, anyone know ?

Swedish Weight Watchers bring down the house

lansalot
Go

ah come on....

Lester, you disappoint me in the sub-line...

"Far-too-fat fatties fuck far-too-flimsy floor"

For your consideration.

3D TV gets cold shower from Avatar man

lansalot
FAIL

err

Who in their right mind would want to see 3D adverts in a supermarket ? Leaving aside that it's ADVERTs for second (because we all love adverts shoved under our noses), how bewildering would it be to be actually walking around and having 3D objects leaping off the shelf at you ? Folks would be falling over left, right and centre.

Moronic. Might work when I'm sitting down and stationary (and yes, I did "ooh" and "ahh" at Avatar), but no way do I want to walk about with this stuff in my face...

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