Posts by Dave in the States

Tulsa woman bludgeons man mercilessly with laptop

Lucky for him...

... he didn't become a Double Amputee.

OTHER EARTHS may be orbiting our Sun beyond Neptune

My theory is...

Dark Matter!!

It is used to explain other gravitational anomalies, so why not here?

Icelandic brewers knock up whale 'nad beer

Re: How do you smoke testicles?

Easy to smoke, just very difficult to light.

Mine's the one with the lighter in the pocket.

Pirate Bay's 10 millionth upload: Colour us shocked, a SMUT FLICK

Re: We flicked through his uploads

'Britain, aka the "land of the free"

America was once the "land of the free" also.

Today, not so much.

Qatar whips covers off giant footballing vagina

If those are the sails of a pearl fishing boat...

They neglected to put a "pink pearl" at one end of the opening.

I'll get my coat...

Google barge erection hypegasm latest - What's in the box?

Pssst, Steve! You might consider using a gmail account if you desire a reply.

Thousands rally behind teen girl cuffed, expelled in harmless 'explosion'

Common Sense...

It isn't anymore. Common, that is. Rather than use a bit of common sense and handling the situation rationally, the school official got the police involved. Just plain stupid.

Just this morning I read a story about a 5 year old who killed his 2 year old sister with a 22 caliber rifle he'd received as a GIFT! What sane person gives a small child his own firearm? The mother (I use the term loosely) , who stepped out of the room for a moment, didn't know the gun was loaded. Did I mention the gun was "stored" by leaning it against the wall in a corner?

For some reason the phrase "Going to Hell in a hand basket" comes to mind.

Pubic louse falls victim to eager Brazilian strippers

Endangered Species?

Has the Save The Crab campaign started yet?

Hero Playmonaut lost at sea as SPEARS ditches in Channel

RIP Brave Playmonaut....

I raise a pint in his honor.

However, to the best of my knowledge you folks live on an ISLAND, which infers that it is surrounded by WATER.

With all the flash kit you've added to the payload wouldn't a FLOTATION DEVICE made some sense?

Just asking.

Average sozzled Brit sinks 5,800 pints during life

I raise my glass...

"...but as Vivian Stanshall's Sir Henry Rawlinson once put it: "If I had all the money I'd spent on drink, I'd spend it on drink"."

Being a Merkin I'm not familiar with the author or the character, but Sir Henry sounds like my kind of guy.

Sikorsky, US Army claim whisper-flapcopter test success

re:X2 v Osprey

I think it's the whole making a plane fly like a helicopter in addition to making a helicopter fly like a plane thing. The transition from one to the other is no small feat.

iPad maker goes Brazilian

Looking for future 3rd world countries?

If Apple, et al, are looking for 3rd world countries for a future manufaturing site, might I suggest the USofA? By the time they exhaust a few more labor markets the US will have attained 3rd world status (if it hasn't already).

The Welcome mat is out here for job opportunities.

Microsoft says no to Kinect sex game

Just wondering...

Does the Kinect recognize ALL appendages?

Paris, 'cause she knows all the important ones.

Hasbro unleashes 'Spastic' Transformer

Spastic, Spazz, etc.

I'm a Midwest boy and being called spastic or a "spazz" was never meant as a compliment. I'm as much confused as many others to why they associate spastic with a Transformer.

Dazed and Confused (Paris appears that way as well)

Cambridge chap's todger topiary gets the chop

Sooo...

It went from a pee shooter to a pea shooter?

The one with "I brake for bushes" on the back.

Flakey scales brand Commonwealth boxers bunch of blobs

One Armed Boxer...

I take it he previously failed to "make weight" in Delhi?

Two-lane BRIDGE FOUND ON FAR SIDE OF THE MOON!

It's definitely American..

Obviously, a Bridge To Nowhere!

Coat Please!

America's top model fights off 'pervert' at Star Wars convention

re: Disorderly intoxication?

""The man was reportedly arrested for disorderly intoxication..."

What other kind of intoxication is there?"

I, for one, am a very orderly intoxicationee, um... intoxicater, err...... drunk

Naked German women evade Swedish chopper

Tit le | el tiT

I'm 59, yup I'll chance the pics. Considering they were hiking at the time, I'd guess they are pretty fit.

Paris, as I'm sure she hikes in the buff.

Bromsgrove lass slapped with Boozbo

Nice presentation!!

I'd buy her a drink (or two)!!

You mean they won't have posters of her in every police station and post office?

Vulture Central plans Brit-Yank dictionary

@bones

Router vs. Router??? We in the midwest pronounce the Black & Decker variety and the Cisco variety the same, your "rowter" I guess. How do you pronounce the Cisco variety??

Paris, 'cause I'm as confused as she appears.

German old timers torture financial adviser

Title

"As I went into my home I was jumped from the rear"

Paris, as she can give him tips on what to do in these situations.

Spanish court in favour of topless celebs

Make mine an 8 please...

4) BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES!!!

4) BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES! BOOBIES!!!

Blade Runner house yours for $15m

Genius Architect not necessarily = engineer...

There's a FLW home (the May house) in my home town (city). Way ahead of its time and wonderful to look at, but structurally not up to par. After much reinforcing and restoration it is a joy to tour the home. Many times genious' aren't bothered by the details (like structural engineering), unfortunately.

Paris, 'cause she's better looking than the other icons.

ASBO woman cuffed over raucous rumpy-pumpy

Errrm...

Shouldn't hubby also be charged as an "accessory"?

PH 'cause she makes all the noise she wants.

Strumpets strut Spain's Street View

Algorythm...

Algorythm = family planning practiced by former US Vice President

PS Don't as about the "George Bush"

iPod Touch torches tyke's trousers

Perhaps the device was really...

the new Apple iTorch?

Mines the one with the smoldering pockets.

Obese cost London fire brigade £300k

"when they have become too fat to walk"...

So the food they consume comes to them how? Either they are motivated to get it themself (Krispie Kreme comment above) or someone provides it. Shouldn't be that hard to fix the problem. Even Pooh got unstuck from Rabbit's door after not eating for a while.

When PH gets "stuck", she doesn't really mind.

Nude Apple iMac pics leaked to web

Duck/Duct/Gaffer

On the "left side of the pond" Duck and Duct tape are the same thing ('round here it's duct tape). Gaffer tape is something different. Looks like Duck/Duct but the adhesive is different so the tape comes off clean without leaving a residue.

Mine's the one with sticky stuff in the pocket.

Fake plane death businessman cuffed in Florida

Obviously wasn't a suicide attempt...

If he really intended to kill himself he wouldn't have bothered with the 'chute when he exited the plane.

BTW, a dumbass icon is needed.

Tabloid girl's jubs freeze at -130°C

Wouldn't mind touching those up myself...

'Nuff said.

(Paris for obvious reasons)

Data centers embrace The Great Outdoors

Keeps it cool, but...

How do they keep it clean? Worked in a data center at college (late 60s). Had a cooling breakdown in the computer center and ran most of the winter (in Michigan) with the windows open in the computer room (security? we don't need no stinking security!). Kept it cool, but god the innards of the beast were filthy.

Paris, cause even she knows you've got to keep it clean.

El Reg decimates English language

Not Defending GWB...

For some reason "nuclear" pronounced "nucular" is rooted in the 50's somewhere. I grew up pronouncing it incorrectly and worked to correct it. Still slip up from time to time.

Dallas man accidentally shoots self in head

@ Robert Moore

"PH because she is the perfect example of a stupid american."

Robert, that's a "Get My Coat" icon, not Paris Hilton.

We Americans aren't the only stupid ones it seems.

Drink-drive chain gang obliged to bury dead alcoholics

@Duncan Hothersall

"this approach doesn't work. The guy should be sacked" The guy is the Sherrif of one county. The DUI offenses quoted were for the whole state. At least he's taking a new approach and not just letting the offenders sit on their butts.