* Posts by chris

40 publicly visible posts • joined 12 Dec 2007

Wolfram Alpha - a new kind of Fail



and all Wolfram did was display it in graphical form

no links

no definition, actually bugger all.

Which is a pity because the world grid of computers does know the universal theorem -it just isn't telling us yet.

Another 0.03% of Blighty goes wind powered


Biggest windfarm can power a village

So its all a damp squid; which any engineer already knew, but politics on green tech have no connection with reality.

Okay, chaps -stop fecking about and open a few decent sized nuke power stations; after 95% of France is run by the things and they have not been vapourised.

Google suffers international outages, slowdowns


Still quicker than NHS Mail

Despite all that -Gmail was still quicker than NHS Mail

S'all relative y'see?

Police ad urges: 'Trust no one'


and report all suspicious activities to Big Brother

It time for the kids to shop their parents again.

Oh happy days

Sky calls for access to cable network


because BT are late in catching up -turn to virgin (NTL)

Of course if BT had ever tried catching up with the Virgin cable network; sky wouldn't be whinging about this matter at all, they be a parasite on BT's back. Bastards.

Ofcom slaps Bristol radio for uncoolness


Rah Rah old bean

Personally, I prefer the current mix and find the culture of 'sick' tunes to be exactly that, ie mostly momentary projectile vomit.

Classic rock please - I'm not a old skool character, more a reformed rocker!

Thanks for asking.

Microsoft claims Firefox- and Chrome-whopping IE8 speeds


and cows go supersonic.....

Cough *Bullshyte*

Superfast-charging batteries? Whoa there, MIT


Journos spouting off thru their rectum again

Another case of Journos with no practical education misunderstanduing the brief and spouting off through their waste exits again.

Virgin Media trials longer bandwidth throttling


No details on Virgin site

I'm an L customer of Virgin

No way can I find any information on the existing throttle times and limits on the Virgin website; never mind any new ones. B' all.

So i Tried to use the feedback form.

It asked me to subit my password over an unsecured line.

Plus lots of personal identify details and just for feedback?

again- WTF??

No seriously, 'WTF.'

Thank you so much,



Appeal to register for 'hinformation'

As I can't get any info on this from the Virgin misinformation site; as a L customer, could you Register chappie tell how much throttling and what times?

Appreciate it, ta mucho etc

Because although I am not a heavy user, I'd like to know.

Damn knows they didn't inform me last time either or respond to me question.

Virgin puts 'legal P2P' plans on ice

Thumb Down

Good, customers don't need the bandwidth choke

Regular customers of virgin do not need the bandwidth choke this minority service would impact on us old sensible farts.

Good riddance.


Payback time for Ofcom on incoming call charges


Its all rather academic

This has gone on for so long, its given all opertaors the time to enhance thie rip-off contract rates to re-coup any costs before they are enforced.

The current costs are just bloody ridiculous for a private user.

Contracts have tripled in monthly rental -for the same service and free minutes

I got when I paid £12 a month. Now they want £30 -£35

[insert expletive here]

Seagate customers swamped by Barracuda drive failures

Thumb Down

One to avoid then

The lack of response to an obvious threat rules the company products out as a safe buy then, does it not?

I'll go elsewhere - you Fools !!

(@ Seagate)

AT&T Idolises promotional texting


I've worked with these people...

I've worked and played with these people, I have a deep and considerate understanding of their thought processes.

The only solution is to CUT THEIR GOOLIES OFF.

Right off

Chop chop

No more problems.


419ers take Canadian for $150,000

Thumb Down

Stupid is as stupid does

So unbelievably stupid, I'm stunned

Take a hammer to your hard drive, shrieks Which?


Don't bleat - it works

Bleat all you like fanbois

A 4 inch masonry nail through the platters works just fine.

A technique I have used for some time, simple and effective.

We are not talking government secrets hers, putting the bits into two separate bins collected at different times makes it not worth the while of the non-secret agent to bother.

NASA deploys huge clingfilm strato-pumpkin over Antarctic


Plug the ozone hole, Huzzah

Build a bigger one and plug the the ozone hole

I will take my MBE now ma'am

Seagate slashes bare drive warranties


Decisions desiscions....

Time to buy a Samsung then.................

Germany tests tadpole airship


Looks like a Tadpole? Not! It's a.....

Are we being politically correct on The Reg now?

So -this thing has a large white head and a flex-tail?

and it looks like a tadpole?

What were these chappies doing in Biology class?

It is without doubt or procrastination - a large Sperm cell.

[Shock -Horror]

Electric car seller hits brakes as UK EV sales plunge


So how come milk floats....

So how come milk floats haul so much stuff, for so long, reliably, and for so many years?

This is hardly rocket science!

Tell Santa to bring more assault rifles


So the wild west ain't dead yet then?

It'll all end in tears, blood sweat and some good 'ol boys'll get shot for sure.

Nothing new for America then?

Data Protection the DVLA Way


DVLA - becoming a sci-fi Ministry from'Brazil'

The more I read of this DVLA organisations attitude to its clients and lack of information security

the more I am reminded of the ministry of Information in the film Brazil.

Next the torture sessions and the signing of the love pact with the state

Radiation warning for low-energy lightbulbs


versus incandescent bulb burns?

Anyone stupid enough to work the same distance from an incandescent bulb may also find unwanted side-effects emerging.

1st degree burns followed by 2nd degree with prolonged exposure.

This will lead to scarring and possible deformation requiring extensive redial action consisting of a hard slap and being told not to be so damn stupid.

All the quality bulbs have an anti-UV coating, as have the tube shaped ones on your office ceiling.

The cheap facility managers that buy below market standard quality bulbs are the real culprits here and there are not enough barriers to cause cessation of their dubious activities.

MEPs vote to recognise flag, anthem, motto


The EU, too little to late

Business as usual then

US teen cuffed for sending nude phone pics


Arrest those masturbaters officer


all teenage boys should be placed on the child abuse register for masturbating and under age child.

Glad i grew up in time then.....

Catholic priests cane YouTube over blasphemous vids


Non-christians outnumber the followers

I agree - remove catholic bashing videos, I have no problem with this;

but a proviso - As a non-christian and we outnumber the followers of the jewish prophet by millions and all the mumbo-jumbo in obscure languages and 'elevated statues in society' stuff is offensive.

I would like to see all non-fact videos and images of this secretive, closed society or 'religion' removed as well.

That's only fair isn't it?

BT's Phorm small print: It's all your fault

Black Helicopters

I'll just block all BT Internet mails then

I know of no sensible people who use BT internet

so I'll just block all routes to and from it.

Problem solved

Voila !!!

Portsmouth Historic Dockyard: Further poster outrage


They don't like it up 'em

Nuff said

A third of Vista PCs downgraded to XP

Gates Horns

Dell - NHS - WinXP

The NHS has only just completed upgrading its machines to WinXP

there is no way it has the hardware or the software compatability to even contemplate using Vista for a few years to come.

It was simply a bridge too far.

Google evaporates Docs and Spreadsheets cloud


One hour down in a year?

Ye Gods you are a bunch of prissy boys.

The NHS suffers this much downtime and more a week,

give them a break -its better than your own site manages.

JHC on a bike!

Shell pulls out of Thames Estuary mega-windfarm



Any student of technology can prove in their first year that the cost and maintenence of a wind farm doesn't even cover the revenue from wind farms.

ironically this is a fraction of the amount of power produced by just one small nuclear facility. France are generating 98% of their electricity by nuclear powered stations- without fuss.

Shell has seen the light -but ironically their bullshit 'we are green' advertising is also now reducndant - which we all knew all a long. It was just a green umbrella whilst they operated in far flung spots such as the Phillipines.

US gov may forbid BAE Eurofighter sale to Saudis


Never stopped the sale of F16's though

I was there when the F16's were sold and indeed flown by Prince Bandar

(who left one on the top of a dune having ejected)

I seem to remember that they definetley had US technology in it at the time.........

one rule for the yanks, one for us

or play with their ball and they take it back

and sulk

Cow turds fuel Blighty's hydrogen filling station embrace


Use the cow to tow the car instead

May I humbly suggest an alternative?

Use the cow to tow the car instead

We have a crop surplus, we have to pay farmer NOT to grow it.

The cow exhaust is wonderful for roadside gardens or verges

The resultant plants are havens for endangered insects, which are eaten by endangered birds

which privide us with birdsong

which provides us peace and harmony

Its easy to be green

just takes a re-think.

Biometric methadone dispensers tested on UK lags


WHAT !!!??? it's a prison for chrisakes!


make them go cold turkey

and tough it out.

These are nasty villians, not the knitting circle....

Also, breaks some rocks for the rent please

(medical man - no sympathy for evil villians costing more than treating sick people to lock up)

Malodorous Europe gasses UK


Nope, its London sewage in the Thames Estuary

Ever been to the thames estuary at 5am?

It stinks of amonia as the sluice gates release the sewage into the outgoing tide. It really stinks and popular holiday beaches can be observe condoms and toilet paper floating with the tide. I've seen it and smelt it myself.

Now i live inland; a long way inland

Commodore goes titsup (again)


RIP, time to bury it

This name has been such a disaster it is no longer viable.

Time to bury it and seal with a lead lined concete barrier

No sense of humour? Avoid Bootnotes


At last some kick ass common sense

Its about time you stood up to the whinging 70's wearing knitted waistcoat It geek crowd.

If you can't have a bit of fun at the end of the day in IT, where would you be?

IT in Germany, correctomongo.

Welcome to the El Reg bumper demographic survey


When did the British speak English?

It ain't nuffin but a bag o'lies I tells you.

The Yanks may have bastardised our language, but on the whole I can understand all of them very clearly.

Howver passing through Prestion, I thought the chappie in the peteroleaum station was Scandanvian; couldn't understand a bloody word.

Don't even mention Glaswegains, Geordies and Scousers...

No, don't.


Paris Hilton cavorts naked in middle of desert


Trade Description Act

I've seen those boobs, as have most men courtesy of the interenet, they are the worlds smallest breasts ever.

Someone, who should be ashamed of themselves, has used the morph tool in photoshop to give her a substantial pair of puppies.

This advert therefore beaks the Trade Descriptions Act.

Withdraw and grovel I say.

Lily Allen to judge Orange women's fiction award


It's a luffely book, ain't it?

I can't wait

The Viz annual is going to win it; you know its just and true.