Posts by dervheid

Darling budget fails to paint Brown government green

1m "Envirojobs"?

are those one step up from a "McJob", or one step down?

Darling talks, UK growth slows

"Female entrepreneurs will benefit from an additional £12m fund"

That should buy quite a lot of new clothes / designer handbags / Jimmy Choo's.

Oh, sorry, that should have read 'Business Suits / Briefcases / Boardroom essentials.

Home Sec: British rings to be tightened against intrusion

"39 new Special Branch post"

Does not necessariliy equate to 39 extra plods, as I presume that these 'posts' will be filled internally by suitably qualified and experienced officers.

Or is the Hom.Off. just bullshitting us?

Man webcams butt in Burnout Paradise prang rage

@ Mad Hacker

"How is a webcam different from seeing the world?"

The 'viewer' is (generally) at the mercy of the camera operator, in this case, a cretin.

"Can you encounter mooning in the real world? Yes"

Indeed. however, if you were to 'moon' a child on a city street, getting arrested for, and charged with, indecent exposure should be the result. As it should here.

@ Stone Fox

I consider myself to HAVE a well developed, mature sense of humour. For example, I find "The Office" to be one of the least humerous series I have ever had the misfortune to view.

I am, however, mildly amused by your monicker, which could possibly be an allusion to one of the following.

Stone Fox, by John Reynolds Gardiner (a story about "ten year old Willy")

Stone Fox (Chase) by Charlie McCoy (a well known blues harp tune, theme for "The Old Grey Whistle Test")

Given the content and context of the original article, coupled with your suggestion that I should get a sense of humour, the former could be construed as vauguely humerous, if rather puerile. I find the second an improbability.

If we are to presume that you intend that I should develop the same sense of 'humour' as demonstrated by the cretin in the article (and others of that ilk), where it is deemed not only acceptable for a grown man to expose his arse and genitalia to a child via a (relatively) public network, but is considered the pinnacle of amusement and hilarity, then I must refuse your generous offer, as I find my current sense of humour more than adequate.

@ bobbles 31

"1) Don't let your 12 year old on the Internet unattended."

I'm presuming, that if the kid's father saw the offending "Arsehole", he was there.

"2) The 1st option is a cure all for all your childs internet woes, howeve, if you want something more specific for Burnout Paradise turn the fecking Camera Feed Off, which is an option in the game."

Now, not being familiar with the set up, enlighten me, does "turn the fecking Camera Feed Off" turn off the outgoing camera only or both?

"Playing online is like going up to seven complete strangers out of the thousands in Trafalgar Square and asking to play twister."

No it F***ING ISN'T. If you did, you would have a degree of control over the people you pick (ie, you can usually tell what sex / age group they fit into, which you can't online), not be presented with a presumably random series of profiles. However,

"There is always going to be some bar steward that cops an unwanted grope" is actually quite incisive in the context of a paedo masquerading as your "average gamer".

"Finally, there is no substitute for parental protection"

Correct. And if this kid's parent is persuing this Arsehole along with the relevant law enforcement agencies then good on him. It should be seen as a warning to the idiot minority that this kind of behavior is NOT ACCEPTABLE.

@ Ben James

"One of my friends is partial to the odd moon when he gets taken down"

"give an idiot a camera then the odd moon is to be expected"

"People who get offended by these sort of things shouldn't play online"

NO.

Infantile Arseholes who behave like this shouldn't play online.

It's not big, and it's not clever, it's merely an indicator of your complete and utter lack of maturity.

Serves him right...

if the cops do 'bust his ass!' Clearly unfit to be behind the (virtual) wheel. If that's how he reacts to a GAME, how's he gonna react if someone cuts him up in real traffic?

(Thinks - "Falling Down")

Being cynical, I'm expecting a flush of copycat Arseholes!

Paris, coz most folks have already seen her butt.

MIT plans to roll out 'folding' car

Reminds me...

Of a row of shopping trolleys.

Will you need a £1 coin to fit in the little chain release slot.

Odds on I'd STILL get the one with the bloody wonky wheel and a mind of it's f**king own!

And I'd have to take out all the crap that the last lazy b**tard left behind.

J.A.

coz they HAVE GOT to be kidding!

Windows better off closed, says Microsoft

Typical...

Microstuffed.

If it wasn't for all the independant outfits outwith their own "Ostritch" mentality, pointing out all the (usually glaring) security (and other) holes in their products, Billy boy's company would (and should) have sunk, without trace, long ago.

Local councils dish out shoddy computer recycling advice

Like I said at the start...

Remove.

Dismantle.

PULVERISE!

(Pyromaniacs may burn/melt the remains if desired)

Goggles (not Googles) advised by the Health & safety Nazis.

The only way...

to "secure" personal information on an old PC when you get rid of it, as we should all know, is to remove the HDD and turn it into fine sand with a large hammer.

Nothing else comes close.

(Given the recent articles on data recovery from RAM, the more paranoid should employ the same approach here. The truly psychotically paranoid would probably be best pulverising all the internal components!)

Plus there's a distinct amount of satisfaction in the process.

Police raid CeBIT stands

It would have to have been in Germany!

You can almost here the cries of "N**i B*stards!"

Agree with Steve's comment.

That'd never happen at a show in the UK. Would it?

The home-made, patent-free one!

Net wag endorses Playmobil Security Check Point

Customers who viewed this item...

Also viewed: Frontal Lobotomy - a DIY Guide. by M.O.Ron.

Pentagon rattles sabre at Google's Street View

Paranoia Levels

Scale;

1.0 = Laid Back

5.0 = Everyone in the Universe is out to get me / U.S.

Minimum Level achieved by (current) US Gov. is about 3.0, "Why does nobody like U.S?"

Of course, you could have used your imagination Pete!

That'll be...

the thin end of a VERY large wedge, I suspect.

More "blanks" to follow, no doubt.

I CAN see their point, however.

The worry is, where will this all end.

Give them an inch, etc.

Paranoia level 4.5 and rising.

IT industry needs more women

Take out all the jerks...

and chances are the IT industry would collapse!

Overnight!

Besides, where else would all the jerks find a job.

Has your shifty foreign neighbour got 16 mobes?

Oh F*ck NO!

Not U.S. grade paranoia.

Not here.

Please God, NO!

(retreats to bunker, to escape the sound of Jack-boots in the streets)

Regulation Jacket Please.

Bill Gates loses richest man crown

760.6 Billion Dollars!

Possesed by 25 'individuals'! (for 'individuals' read ' greedy c*nts)

OBSCENE doesn't even begin to do it justice.

I'm off to lie down in a cool place in order to lower my (already high) blood pressure before this turns into an incoherant rant.

Look at it another way....

If you convert all that filthy lucre into nice shiny gold, at todays prices, that works out at the following approximation;

760 billion dollars

24,500 TONNES of gold. (or 24.5 MILLION 1kg ingots)

I did say APPROXIMATELY remember. (Would you miss the odd few ingots at those numbers?)

Back to the cool, dark, quiet place!

US.gov disappears European-owned Cuba websites

@ Morely Dotes

"Ah, well. Less than a year until the change of masters."

Given the state of the (Democrat) primaries, I get the feeling the following quote may (unfortunately) be appropriate.

"Meet the new Boss. Same as the old Boss"

I'm just not sure that there are enough Americans, especially in the 'undecided' category prepared to vote for either;

1) A Woman.

or

2) A Black Guy (there, I've said it)

We live in hope however. I don't have a preference for either of the above, just that the last thing the world needs is another tired old warhorse at the helm of the US, and another 4-8 years of this insanity.

Poor data handling keeps prisoners inside

@ Chris Collins

"or be hanged to make space"

Hammer. Nail. Head. (for some at least!)

Makes a change...

for the poor criminal to be on the recieving end of "poor data handling" as opposed to the rest of us. This problem would be solved by simply eliminating parole altogether, and adding time ON to sentences if they can't or won't behave whilst banged up.

Mine is the flame resistant one!

El Reg decimates English language

@ Richard Porter

Battery:

I presume you are referring to the majority of self-contained DC power sources here. If you actually look at the construction of these devices, you will find that each "battery" as we like to call them, is indeed made up of a collection of individual charged cells, connected in series to produce the desired voltage.

Aerosol:

From Greek. aero- "air" (combining form) + solution

Physical Chemistry. a system of colloidal particles dispersed in a gas; smoke or fog.

A liquid substance, as a disinfectant or deodorant, sealed in a metal container under pressure with an inert gas or other activating agent and released as a spray or foam through a push-button valve or nozzle.

Tube (colloquial Scots):

Someone who should check what he's saying before posting rant on El Reg.

Poor Pedant

Does he not realise that the English Language has ALWAYS been developing and changing.

I forsee the opening of a large, metal, food storage recepticle filled with lumbricids for both this subject and the unfortunate (rather crass) comparison by Chris Collins!

Wife rings up £11,000 downloading bill

More laughs...

in this story than the ENTIRE friends saga, I'd imagine!

The word "numpty" springs to mind. Didn't he even notice this happening. (Well, no, apparently)

Question is, did his missus get to watch those episodes eventually?

A salutory lesson in the perils of roaming-data charges (AKA highway robbery)

Microsoft cuts Vista price

Not even...

if it came free with a packet of cornflakes. (prefer branflakes myself, must be getting old!)

"It's hard to believe that millions of Windows XP users were just waiting for Vista to get a little cheaper before committing themselves."

No. Were waiting for Micro$oft to do unto Vista as Toshiba have (finally) done unto HD-DVD!

Ofcom to clamp down on 'unfair' charges

'@ Oliver Jones

Spot on mate. Contractual terms should only be able to be changed bu MUTUAL AGREEMENT.

Mind you, until OFCOM are issued with decent regulatory teeth, and are actually prepared to use them...

Joke Alert?

OFCOM, they're the joke!

Armed robbers target Oz biker shindig

Made my day!

I take it the guy who exited via the plate glass door was in a bit of a hurry!!

Dutch tax office deletes 730,000 tax returns

OOPS!...

And we thought HMRC were a bit clumsy!

Funny how it's being blamed on a "computer glitch."

"early birds probably still have a copy of their electronic tax returns."

They hope!!

Swedes demand return of heraldic lion's todger

A Cock Up...

perpetrated by, it would seem, a bit of a dick-head.

Puns over.

Back to work.

PS. Another month 'till April fools yet!

Venturi Mini in-car FM music streamer

DUH!

I didn't fink of dat one!

Now I go beat head wiv rock.

Just spotted the actual price (£80) too. Mis-read it earlier as £13 ('s not been a good day today!!). F**k that! Commitment to buy recinded.

PS. There's not really any suitable free space on my dash for ANYTHING, hence the earlier comment (DUH)

Hope my brain's back in service (well, more than today anyway) tomorrow.

Nice, but...

not going to be too much use if your 'cigarette lighter' / power socket happens to be in an out of the way place (ie, like mine, WAY down between the front seats). That aside, for the price, pretty damn good. I'd buy one, but for the aforementioned problemo!

Nintendo to introduce online play charges

@Matt & Richy

Cheers for the info guys.

Just a coincidence after all then!

N.O.I. Richy, but your (full) moniker is a bit ironic considering the subject matter.

Given Nintendo's current leanings towards the 'casual gamer' (like myself these days), I can't see a large proportion of said demographic shelling out on subscription services for occasional online play. As for the "Virtual Red Stickers", will these translate to "Real Red Stickers" on packaging so you know where you stand BEFORE YOU BUY THE GAME! More to the point, are Nintendo intending to start charging for online play on EXISTING (both Wii &DS) games?

The words "foot," "in," "themselves," "shooting," & "the" spring to mind.

Coincidence?

My Wii was flashing it's blue message indicator this morning. Didn't have time to check it out before I left for work though. I wonder...

Nah, surely not?

Blunkett gets another job

Blind Faith!

Yes. I KNOW it's a sick joke.

Just as long as it's not public money that's funding this hogwash, good luck to him! Can't see "errant teenagers" being scared by DB & HD, or a load of ex-cons.

Maybe for his next outing on TV he could try 'One Man and his Dog' herding a flock of said "errant teenagers" back onto the 'straight and narrow'.

Eye-o-Sauron™ man-tracker masts now fully online, says DHS

Raw nerve...

Mr Blackley?

Not so much...

an Iron Curtain, as a multi-spectrum, omni-fence! Yet again the "Land of the Free" surpasses it's previous paranoia level.

Scientist warns against technology addiction

No! Really!

Lots of hours on-line and/or gaming = possible techno addiction!

Would it really take that (sorry, ANY) amount of research to figure that out!

I've gotta find me a job like that!

Even you know who would've figured that one out for herself!!

Bluetooth headset boasts integrated storage

Pointless Gimmick...

pointless product.

Go away and just make it smaller, lighter, better etc.

EU wants RFID tags turned off

Somewhat...

Appropriate, perhaps?

Facebook loses a few bitches

Back to...

the trainspotting for them then?

Social Networking? It's called THE PUB! (or nightclub / winebar / local taxi rank, whatever your preference!!)

Billy?

as in NO (real/actual) MATES.

Redmond puts key Vista update on ice

Going for perfection...

I think I've found the current Microsoft mission statement, courtesey of Thomas J. Watson

"The way to succeed is to double your error rate."

SP1?

Are they sure that SP = Service Pack and not Sticking Plaster or Slightly Patched, or possibly even Stupid Phuckers.

Bill.

Give up. Bury Vista. Go back to XP until you GET IT RIGHT! COMPLETELY RIGHT!

Diners in 'suck my d**k' bill outrage

I imagine...

that they'll be telling them EXACTLY where they can shove their offer of a free meal!

Jedi to open Surrey academy

Genetic Manipulation...

@ P Saunders

This element should help to enrich the gene pool. Expect to see one of these 'Jedi' in the "Darwins" in the not too distant future (about 2 years, after they complete their 'training'!)

Whatever...

pseudo-religious, science fiction based mumbo-jumbo will people fall for next. (It was just a MOVIE! GET OVER IT!) Before you know it it'll be attracting all sorts of celebrities, swearing by it's precepts.

What?

That's happened already?

Surely not?

Well I never.

US Supremes reject challenge to warrantless wiretapping

The Land of the Free...

NOT!

But we shouldn't mock too much, cos WE'RE NEXT!!

MS showcases Red Ring of Death Xbox 360 at expo

Off to bed?

Based on the post timings, it looks like some of you guys really need to get to sleep earlier. All this late night gaming (well, I presume it's gaming, or is it just 'joystick' abuse?) is making you all grumpy!

Paris, cos she'd (probably) be able to 'cure' you of your "LIVE" addiction.

16% failure rate is nothing?

What? Come on A.C. You don't really believe that a failure rate of almost 1 in 6 is acceptable, surely? (100/16=6.25) You're beginning to sound like a FANBOY!!