Posts by dervheid

Pregnant man to hit Oprah with ultrasound

@ Man != Male

WTF!

"Just because he's Female doesn't mean he's not a man"

YES IT DOES!

Genetically 'He' will ALWAYS BE FEMALE.

AFAIK there is NO medical procedure that will endow this person with fully functional testicles, capable of producing sperm bearing 'his' half of the chromosome pairings. SHE is bearing a child due solely to the fact that HER reproductive organs were never removed.

On a lighter note, I anticipate that higher than average therapy bills will be incurred by all parties concerned.

I'm with the genetics...

on this one.

SHE is a WOMAN.

FEMALE.

"Gender reassignment is a complex issue and no one undergoes the process lightly. Give them a break."

And going on "Oprah" makes them (Where did the 'they' come from anyhoo) liable for a 'break'

NO.

It makes them an even bigger target.

This whole thing is really weird and sick.

As previously said "Only in America".

We hope!

Storm Worms exploit April Fools

Ah, the joys...

of unbridled stupidity!

There's just no telling some people.

Teacher's head explodes due to Wi-Fi, mobe radiation

School Report...

for El Reg.

April Fools Gags - Must Try Harder!

Even She'd spot that one!

BOFH: Fun with automatic doors

Brill..

More, More.

DIY satellite TV installer shoots wife dead

@ Michael

Not so much making fun of him, but of the idiot laws, in the idiot nation, which allows pretty much any idiot to own a gun. Or several.

Or don't you get satire?

Only in...

you know where.

(walks away shaking head slowly, the subtle strains of the banjo in the background.......)

Byron review calls for computer game ratings

@ Childrens version

I note, with some glee, you list an "Executive summary"

Is this, perchance, a 'suitably' edited version, aimed at our 'decision makers' in what passes for a government?

<excerpt.>

computer games are evil.

computer games make kids evil

ban kids form computer games

</excerpt>

Or maybe people just need to be better/more sensible parents.

Not ...

predictable in the slightest.

How much was she paid to come up with this?

Where can I get a job like it?

Oh.

Got one already!

By the way, how about a link to the kiddies version of the report.

Might be handy for some of your less linguistically articulate readership

This report will make he-haw difference in the real world.

Kent bloke buried under 3,000 congestion charge receipts

All he needs to do now...

is convert his heating to run on "biomass", and keep asking TfL for reciepts. Should be able to save the planet that way!

Pork and politics energise the biofuel delusion

@ James

<sarcasm>

Dear Dickhead.

Clearly you need to return to school and pick up some basic reading skills.

The gaseous chemical referred to in the article is NOx (Nitrogen Oxide) NOT NITROGEN.

Got That. Good.

</sarcasm>

So nice to know...

I'm NOT the only sane person out here, with the ability to see through the Smoke and Mirrors.

Thank You.

Thank You.

Thank You.

Thank You.

The Guardian ditches Phorm

Hopefully...

This will be the beginning of the end for Phorm.

May it come swiftly, but painfully.

Reg Jobs gets a facelift

@ Simon

<sarcasm>

Funnily enough, I DON'T "instantly assume the world is against you, laddie."

It would just be NICE if it actually WORKED.

It does on other sites. (Given El Reg's propensity for decrying functional inadequacies elswhere...)

Perhaps you should refer to the wee icon I attached to this and the original post.

</sarcasm>

@ ReadyPeople

DUH!

MY POINT EXACTLY.

It doesn't RECOGNISE Scotland.

Yes...

but doesn't recognise 'Scotland' as a place.

Mind you, neither does half the bloody world

Or Even Half of the "UK"

Of laptops and US border searches

Yet another reason...

a huge proportion of the rest of the world hates and/or mistrusts the USA.

The forces of "law and order" in the (former) Land of the Free have completely and utterly lost the fucking plot. I am still surprised by every new story along these lines (though I shouldn't be by now!).

I truly believe that the vast majority of the American People are now so wrapped up in their own little world that they are unable to see that the 'freedoms' their forefathers fought and died for are not being eroded, but DEMOLISHED.

WAKE UP AMERICA!

Before you end up living in a society where the 'Orwellian Nightmare' is actually a freedom-filled fantasyland by comparison to your own.

PS. We Brits need to take a long hard look at what's being proposed by our "leaders" before it's too fucking late too!

Oregon man stripped by Craigslist looters

Maybe...

This ill concieved, fuckwitted idea of a site should be terminated, forthwith.

And it's operators forced to reimburse and compensate this guy.

Actions = Responsibility.

I hope he sues them into a hole in the ground.

UK CCTV numbers 'may be overstated'

@ David Ball

Sorry to hear about your misfortune.(no sarcasm, really.)

However.

Had the incident been covered by CCTV, unless you were seriously injured/assaulted and required hospitalisation, and the CCTV images were of unusually high quality, I think it's highly unlikely that it would have made any difference along the lines of "so that the police could catch those thieving scumbags".

You'd be more likely to appear on one of the multifarious 'Look how much crime is captured by CCTV' type TV programmes being used to scare the living crap out of the "sheeple", as Waylon Sothcott so wonderfully sums up the GBP.

"Indispensable investigative tool"

"Any perception on the part of the public that there is some kind of Orwellian infrastructure sitting behind society where these cameras are terribly well integrated and joined up as part of the surveillance state is entirely wrong."

But if you give us all your camera data....

FBI agents lured suspects using fake child porn hyperlinks

You clicked...

Therefor you are!

Concieved by Simpletons.

Implimented by Morons.

Enforced by Zealots.

Possibly the most flawed piece of thinking since the Third Reich.

Only in the Land of the (formerly) Free!

(expected on a Plod.gov.uk initiative anytime soon!)

FSA acts as rumours send bank shares crashing

@ Co-op Bank Fanboi

Let's get this straight. I have no problem with banks, persay.

<RANT>

However, I DO have a problem with all the Fucking Parasites trading in "commodities" that don't even exist, of worse, horse trading in money (I accept that most ACTUAL Horse Traders are probably as honest as the day is long, unlike these fuckers)

The only way they can make money is on the misfortune of someone else, and that's almost inevitably Mr J.Public, who'll be footing the bill one way or another.

That's what this is all about. It's not, as Ross postulates, "Betting", as placing a bet usually involves an element of chance. These c**ts don't give a flying fuck who or how many people lose out due to their immoral, illegal actions.

On a topical note, is it a strange coincidence of circumstances with all this shit happening around Easter. Moneylenders in the temple indeed!

</Rant>

So, El reg, where's my comment?

about these back-stabbing financial PARASITES!

As I said.

Revolution.

Wall.

Bullet.

Just enforces my opinion...

that the're <mostly> back-stabbing fucking parasites.

Revolution.

Wall.

Bullet.

Ericsson CMO says Wi-Fi hotspots' days are numbered

Hippocracy...

with a (severely) vested interest!

"Bergendahl went as far as to accuse hotel owners of artificially helping the Wi-Fi industry, "They would never admit it, but I think hotels are stopping the mobile radio signals. They see data access as a business opportunity," he said."

DUH!

(That said, I HAVE experienced strangely piss-poor mobile reception in some hotels, which goes from no signal up to full strength 3G when you step outside. Could just be the building structure, I suppose...)

Mega-mortuary creaks open its doors in Westminster

Why 102?

Peculiar number!

Sure there's a very good (plausible) reason for this?

Isn't there?

Phorm agrees to independent inspection of data pimping code

What part of...

DO NOT WANT!

FUCK OFF!

Do they NOT UNDERSTAND!!

Patent Office loses software not a patent case

Sums it all up completely...

"Man it's like they just taking the mick, trying to cut a huge amount of existing techniques from under us."

You think? (and by doing so probably infringe some piss-poor patent somewhere!)

Maybe it's time...

to invest my HEC in 'Intellectual' property, as opposed to physical property, as the arse appears about to fall out of that. Come up with some itty-bitty little process, get a patent, sit back and wait for the "infringement" cash to just roll in...

Sorry.

I was patently indulging in a little fantasy there.

Ah well,

Back to work then.

ICO to focus on reducing risk, not enforcement

Contradictions?

"We are not seeking compliance with the law as an end in itself,"

"submitted a proposal to Government in January of this year asking for a new offence to be created of recklessly or knowingly breaching data protection principles, which would be punishable by unlimited fines"

Or just more BS

Arthur C. Clarke dead at 90

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

Thanks for showing us the magic, Arthur.

Online banking payment system aims to reduce fraud

Erm...

Lets just NOT GO THERE!

@negative feedback

Thanks guys.

Just KNEW it was TGTGB.

Sounds good...

too good.

(T.G.T.B.T. alarm activated, hopefully falsely!)

Looking for the catch, hoping there isn't one.

Anything that makes it harder for someone to thieve my HEC gets my (qualified) thumbs up!

First supersonic swingwing synthi-fuel flight tomorrow

50/50 mix?

It's NOT really GTL fuel then.

Just flying on BS.

DVB-H is the official mobile-TV standard

CWOT...

IMO!

I'd not be tempted in the slightest to have a phone with TV access, just don't see it as enhancing my life in any way. I do commute, but have to drive, so NFU there; have more than adequate TV at home, so NFU there.

Oh, and I HAVE A LIFE!

Rather have a phone with more practical features, like GPS. Not vital, but a damn site handier than daytime TV!

EC tries to get on top of carousel fraud

It's all about public perception!

Those of us with a modicom of intelligence realise that this;

a) Won't deter the crims ("So the criminals that aren't going to pay the VAT anyway must now not pay within 1 month rather than not pay within 3months?")

b) The 'public' won't give a toss about any REAL problems this will cause for small-medium sized businesses ("these measures will not impose an additional administrative burden on economic operators".)

It's a bit like trawling. The smaller you make the holes in the net, the less fish escape. This is exactly what GB has spent the last decade trying to do. He just hasn't figured out that if you 'overfish', you end up with no fish left to catch!

As long as "The Masses" think they're doing something positive...

Vista SP1 on track for mid-March release?

Out Already?

I was in a branch of a well known high-street retailer @ the weekend and I'm sure I saw a "computer mag" (can't remember which one) with a "Vista SP1" CD as part of its packaging.

Brain training game aids kids' learning skills, study claims

I don't suppose...

ploughing your way through LoZ - Phantom Hourglass is going to go down to well with "the man" somehow!

HTC applies for multi-keypad sliderphone patent

I'm sorry...

but it just looks shit. As for the multi directional slider, I bet it wouldn't last 5 minutes in the real world. This just looks like patent filing for the sake of it! Maybe they're hoping someone will make something (vaguely) similar, then scream "patent infrigement!"

I could be wrong, of course!

Spooks want to go fishing in Oyster database

Enviro-plot!

It's not a security thing anymore!

It's the bloody enviro-nazis trying to make everyone so paranoid that they'll abandon their cars and either walk or cycle everywhere.

The helecopters need to be "Green" not black!

Thumb-ring accessory points to handset harmony?

Or...

You could just buy a stylus! Probably cheaper. And you'd not look like a total TIT.

US airforce looks to buy Californian garbage jet fuel

The words...

"Science" and

"Fiction"

spring to mind here.

There's a saying somewhere;

"If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is!"

Just HOW MUCH garbage IS required to produce a total of 1800BPD, whilst at the same time generating enough energy to support the plasma furnaces AND the gas liquefaction/refining process.

Darling budget fails to paint Brown government green

@ frank

So, if "energy is far to cheap", your proposal is to tax it to the fucking hilt, forcing people to use less of it (or so you think).

Reality.

Those of the general population who are at the financial bottom of society get faced with a stark choice then, particularly in winter. Starve or Freeze?

The poorest members of our society are already facing that choice with ever increasing fuel & food bills (nice two-edge sword there), so your proposal is to tax them even further? ("I also recognise that the only way to get people to change is to make so painful not to change that they have to."). Just how much 'pain' is enough, Frank?

Starvation? Hypothermia? DEATH??

Oh, by the way,your statement "The difference between you an' me is that I realise just how screwed we are and recognise the need to change.", presumes that my opinion on that is different from yours, WRONG!

We DO WASTE ENERGY. We DO need to do something about it. But taxation IS NOT the answer. Neither is trying to heat a room with two fucking candles. We need REAL WORLD solutions. I don't think "we're screwed" though, not quite. But if we go YOUR route, there'll be a shitload of people who WILL BE!

We didn't get into this overnight, we won't get out of it overnight either.

@ Frank "energy is far to cheap" the Fuckwit

Dear Frankie boy.

Can I presume from your tone that you are one of those rabid, lentil-munching, tree-hugging hippy, enviro-nazi types that would have us turn back the clock to the fucking middle ages, riding around on horseback and burning the dung for fuel. (You'd probably tax the fuck out of that too!)

FYI, our house has:

Cavity Wall Insulation.

Loft Insulation.

Is fully Double Glazed.

Your suggestion that I should now be able to , as you put it "heat a room with a couple of candles" is complete and utter SHITE!

If YOU wish to live in the aforementioned conditions, fine, no-one is going to stop YOU.

But for the rest of us, for whom modern life is a reality we have to deal with on a daily basis, kindly stop trying to inflict YOUR idea of heaven on US, who view it as possibly the ultimate in HELL.

PH, as she clearly has more brains than YOU!!

'Zero Carbon' Buildings

Meanwhile, back in the REAL world.....

US woman spends two years on boyfriend's toilet

Was going to...

do the usual "dumb american" type thing, but just couldn't bring myself to.

Nathan Barleys mourn Great Lost Quango

Yet another fine example...

of bucketloads of public (our) cash being spent (wasted) producing FUCK ALL!

(No change there then.)

Top security firm: Phorm is adware

"[This] should not be taken...

as a definitive statement or interpretation of the law, which only the courts can give."

So they'll most likely go ahead anyway, until someone takes the fuckers to court, where they'll most likely employ the usual army of expensive briefs and "experts" to defend their position.

And win.

Back to pen & paper and the scud-mags then!

Mine's the long, dirty, brown Mac (No, the OTHER kind of Mac, fuckwit!)

Chancellor props up SMBs with loans, gov work

Aye Right!

"Darling said the government was simplifying taxes for small companies"

"changes to the capital gains tax (CGT) system, which will also come into being next month, "will benefit over 80,000 businesses"."

And flying pigs will be a regular feature of the UK's skies!

Still, it'd make a change being shat on by something other than the Gov't.

Joke's on us (again)!